# You too can be immortal! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 25, 2000, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-too-can-be-immortal/16435 "2000-04-25T07:28:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Sylence](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b19c9b/32.png) [@Sylence](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sylence)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2000, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-too-can-be-immortal/16435/1 "2000-04-25T07:28:00Z")
At first I thought [this guy](http://www.alexchiu.com/) was pulling a scam. But I must admit, the pictures of famous scientists convinced me! I’m sold! – Sylence * * * You need Degas to make De Van Gogh. ---
**Author:** ![Profane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47774/32.png) [@Profane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Profane)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2000, 7:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-too-can-be-immortal/16435/2 "2000-04-25T07:41:00Z")
I’m speechless. Why is there only a 90 day guarantee, though? * * * Life Before Death. Why wait? ---
**Author:** ![mega\_the\_roo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3da27b/32.png) [@mega\_the\_roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mega_the_roo)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2000, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-too-can-be-immortal/16435/3 "2000-04-25T07:43:00Z")
So, if you don’t live forever within ninety days, you get your money back? Bahahaaha. * * * “Organs gross me out. That’s _organs_, not orgasms.” -the wallster ---
**Author:** ![GaWd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f08c70/32.png) [@GaWd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaWd)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2000, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-too-can-be-immortal/16435/4 "2000-04-25T11:01:00Z")
Wow, this guy’s really smoking rock… I was getting a good chuckle out of the testimonials until I saw this… > [@](#): > > I was holding her foot and slipping the brace over her toes. I started noticing her legs… how smooth they were and how beautiful she still was, even without the rings. I hadn’t felt anything like it in years, Al. She sort of smiled at me, wondering what had come over me and without any words, I grabbed her and started kissing her deeply. She was shaking the whole time… and as my manroot began to get stimulated, I was shocked because it just kept going! Al, you wouldn’t believe it… my shriveled weenie had slowly shrunk over the years. I hadn’t had a sex drive since I was about 45. It was terrible, but Al, with those rings, I swear ol’ winkey was at least 3 inches longer than he usually was! Anyway, we had one of the most wonderful nights of our lives. Unfortunately, after 7 hours of passionate love making, Marge died in extacy. She just shuddered in my arms and then died. I couldn’t figure out what had happened at first, but then I knew. I just cried… I cried for my loss and the loss she had without your rings! Then I absolutely, positively had to stop reading in fear of wetting myself out of hysterical laughter! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2000, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-too-can-be-immortal/16435/5 "2000-04-25T11:09:00Z")
Another testimonial: > [@](#): > > I had trouble urinating and it sometimes burned when it came out. Now I can hardly stop it! Disclaimer: the Immortality Rings may cause incontinence 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cabbage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@Cabbage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cabbage)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2000, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-too-can-be-immortal/16435/6 "2000-04-25T11:19:00Z")
I’m torn between the **Immortality Ring** for $19.50 and the **Immortality Foot Brace** for $105. Hmmm… Pay $19.50 and live forever, or… Pay $105 and live forever. Someone should email him and ask him what you get for the extra $85.50. * * * …ebius sig. This is a moebius sig. This is a mo… (sig line courtesy of WallyM7) ---
**Author:** ![Sylence](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b19c9b/32.png) [@Sylence](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sylence)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2000, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-too-can-be-immortal/16435/7 "2000-04-26T07:32:00Z")
Anyone read the teleportation page? > [@](#): > > First, what is a teleportation machine, in my head, consist of? Gooooood question. – Sylence * * * You need Degas to make De Van Gogh. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2000, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-too-can-be-immortal/16435/8 "2000-04-26T07:58:00Z")
Or you could just use the helpful diagrams on the site to make your own rings. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2000, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-too-can-be-immortal/16435/9 "2000-04-26T11:46:00Z")
Holy fucking Christ! I hope this guy ain’t allowed to breed. Sylence, I hope you added this to the list of Weird Earls over in ATMB. > [@](#): > > We teleport an object from the first part to the second part. Uh-huh, and just how in hell does the “second part” get to where it belongs? ---
**Author:** ![WallyM7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5e925/32.png) [@WallyM7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WallyM7)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2000, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-too-can-be-immortal/16435/10 "2000-04-26T11:57:00Z")
Go ahead and scoff, fools. They laughed at Von Deniken and Velikovsky, too. ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2000, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-too-can-be-immortal/16435/11 "2000-04-26T14:56:00Z")
This is really scary. No, I’m not joking. This is really, really frightening. The internet is not always a “good thing”… ---
**Author:** ![WallyM7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5e925/32.png) [@WallyM7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WallyM7)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2000, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-too-can-be-immortal/16435/12 "2000-04-26T16:16:00Z")
Missy, I don’t think there’s any cause for concern. These types of weirdos have always been around. The people that bother with this crap are already stocked up with crystals, charms, and auras. One more Fruit Loop in the bowl, that’s all. ---
**Author:** ![I.M.Kierkegaard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ea5d25/32.png) [@I.M.Kierkegaard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I.M.Kierkegaard)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2000, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-too-can-be-immortal/16435/13 "2000-04-26T18:05:00Z")
Wow. I want to believe this whole site is just a joke… but it really looks like this guy thinks he’s serious. Maybe I should just get my checkbook out right away! Did you see the “disclaimer”: “All written and oral statements are my true beliefs. There are at this moment not yet medical claims. I am basically writing this disclaimer to protect myself from the FDA. The devices are for research and experimentation of the buyers. Not to be carried out as treatment on someone else’s body.” As for what you get for the extra money that it costs to get the foot braces: “Q: Are the rings strong enough to stop me from aging? Or should I also wear your foot braces plus the Neodymium rings? A: The regular rings are strong enough in most cases. But if you are old (40 and up), we recommend you to use the foot braces for a more noticeable effect since it takes a longer time for your body to re-nourish back to it’s 20’s or 30’s. The foot braces are also great for anxious folks who just can’t wait to become physically younger. In any case, the foot braces and the neodymium rings are much stronger and sure does repair the body much faster.” … I mean, ‘duh’… Oh… and two more of my favorite “questions and answers” on the site: “Q. If I have cancer or HIV (AIDS), will I live longer if I use your device? A. Maybe. I am not sure. But I think that it certainly can help at least a little. You should try it.” “Q. For centuries, many geniuses tried to live longer or maybe tried to live eternally like god. All failed. Why did you invent it? A. I don’t know. I am not those geniuses who failed. I invented what I have invented. And I found out, based by testimonies, that it works! Maybe I am just lucky or something.” No Alex… WE are the lucky ones. Lucky we found your site in time to stop our decrepit bodies from aging further… Let’s just say I’ll proudly be wearing my rings by the time I go to bed this weekend… * * * –I am Soren Kierkegaard.– “People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.” ---
**Author:** ![DoctorJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctorj/32/2904_2.png) [@DoctorJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoctorJ)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2000, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-too-can-be-immortal/16435/14 "2000-04-26T18:16:00Z")
I think we should organize a scam to get his free rings. If you put his banner on your site and get 40 click-throughs, you get a free pair of immortality rings. Knowing nothing about CGI, it seems that if 41 of us could put the banner up and each of us clicks through the other 40, we can all be on the road to immortality! I don’t really want the rings–I just think this guy deserves to be scammed. Dr. J * * * “Seriously, baby, I can prescribe anything I want!” -Dr. Nick Riviera ---
**Author:** ![Odieman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a87d85/32.png) [@Odieman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odieman)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2000, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-too-can-be-immortal/16435/15 "2000-04-26T18:16:00Z")
> [@](#): > > See the pictures above? Just like Earth. We can’t go underground because the ground is hard and dense. Earth is a dense planet because it has more kinetic energy due to its fast rotation. There are planets that do not have a solid ground, like Jupiter and Venus. They are considered as loose planets. They are much larger than Earth, but they are not necessarily heavier than Earth. You can dive into the center of a loose planet as similar to how germs can attack loose cells. > So if you wear my Immortality Device, your cells will densen, and bacterias will have a harder time conquering your body. I guess we will slowly turn to stone and live forever??? Geeze, before the Internet guys like this would wander around the park muttering to themselves. Are we really better off??? Did you check out the bbs. P.S. how does anyone find this stuff. Keith ---
**Author:** ![Odieman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a87d85/32.png) [@Odieman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odieman)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2000, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-too-can-be-immortal/16435/16 "2000-04-26T18:19:00Z")
God it’s infectious. I’m writing like him now. Help me please!!! Keith ---
**Author:** ![JRdaPalePimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7ab992/32.png) [@JRdaPalePimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRdaPalePimp)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2000, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-too-can-be-immortal/16435/17 "2000-04-26T18:28:00Z")
He was on the Daily Show on Comedy Central. He seemed real slow. ---
**Author:** ![I.M.Kierkegaard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ea5d25/32.png) [@I.M.Kierkegaard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I.M.Kierkegaard)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2000, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-too-can-be-immortal/16435/18 "2000-04-26T18:31:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by DoctorJ: > \*\*I think we should organize a scam to get his free rings. If you put his banner on your site and get 40 click-throughs, you get a free pair of immortality rings. Knowing nothing about CGI, it seems that if 41 of us could put the banner up and each of us clicks through the other 40, we can all be on the road to immortality! > \*\* I’m game… except I’d need to get a P.O. Box to have them sent to… not sure I want to give a mailing address to somebody who “truly believes” he has invented a ring that will make you immortal. * * * –I am Soren Kierkegaard.– “People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.” ---
**Author:** ![DoctorJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctorj/32/2904_2.png) [@DoctorJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoctorJ)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2000, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-too-can-be-immortal/16435/19 "2000-04-26T18:37:00Z")
OK…please ignore the rest of the site, since it’s very much under construction (most of the links don’t even work). But you will find the banner at the top, blinking annoyingly. [http://members.iglou.com/piercy/](http://members.iglou.com/piercy/) Don’t everyone go at once, lest I be accused of “spamming”. As a member of the medical profession, I consider it my duty to examine his claims and judge the veracity of his device for myself. \ Dr. J * * * “Seriously, baby, I can prescribe anything I want!” -Dr. Nick Riviera ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2000, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-too-can-be-immortal/16435/20 "2000-04-26T18:47:00Z")
I have some bandwidth I’d be willing to spare for a ring. What a god-dammed nutcase. From his page on “The Super Race” > [@](#): > > People who say that everyone is equal are very irresponsible. If you > think that a normal healthy man is 100% equal to a handicapped > person, or 100% equal to a starving-to-death child in Nigeria, why > don’t you jump off a cliff and become handicapped then? My father the war veteran would be interested in that. I wonder how many pissed off disability activists it takes to crash a site… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-too-can-be-immortal/16435.md?page=2)