# You vs. a medieval knight **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 28, 2014, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-vs-a-medieval-knight/699804 "2014-09-28T21:18:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2014, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-vs-a-medieval-knight/699804/81 "2014-09-30T00:37:35Z")
I’d go with some flavour of axe, two-handed since I’m all spindly. I know how to work a Dane axe… in theory… but mostly, they’re the most effing metal of weapons, period. That being said, if you think I’m tangling with some professional medieval psycho _by choice_, you’ve got another thing coming. I put all my XP in Applied Cravenness. Oh, and I know how to say “please don’t hit me, I can help you” in Latin, Greek, Arabic and Old French. Which should cover most bases :). [QUOTE=doorhinge] I voted for “flanged mace”, assuming it was a 12" to 24" hard wood handle, 10" to 20" chain, and a heavy iron, spiked ball (morning star) on the end. [/QUOTE] Nope, a flanged mace is [one piece](http://www.kultofathena.com/images%5C416608100_1_l.jpg). So is a morning star/morgenstern BTW - same general weapon type as the flanged, except instead of small “blades” around the head there were spikes/nails all over. What you’re thinking of is a flail. Those were ungodly hard to use :o (but hard to defend against, too) ---
**Author:** ![doorhinge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a5b964/32.png) [@doorhinge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doorhinge)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2014, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-vs-a-medieval-knight/699804/82 "2014-09-30T00:45:09Z")
> [@Balance](#): > > You’re thinking of a flail, which was the next option up. > > The flanged mace is basically a club with metal fins or ridges around the head. The flanges make it much more effective at bashing in armor, and they don’t do skulls any favors, either. I want one of these - [http://www.extremely-sharp.com/highlands-1-ball-flail-mace.html](http://www.extremely-sharp.com/highlands-1-ball-flail-mace.html) Badda bing, badda boom, and I still have time to meet Maid Marian for lunch. ---
**Author:** ![Maserschmidt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/maserschmidt/32/18829_2.png) [@Maserschmidt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maserschmidt)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2014, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-vs-a-medieval-knight/699804/83 "2014-09-30T01:10:30Z")
Easy, a falchion sword - longish and pointy without being too heavy. ---
**Author:** ![Lasciel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e79b87/32.png) [@Lasciel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lasciel)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2014, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-vs-a-medieval-knight/699804/84 "2014-09-30T01:12:49Z")
Shortbow for me, please. I’ll start by running for cover, then turn and fire when he comes in blind. I can’t be sure that I’ll have enough time to wind the crossbow, and there is no way in hell I could draw a longbow. Shortbow from about 10 feet ought to do it nicely, then I turn and run again. He either gives up chasing me, or I end up somewhere I can commandeer a bludgeony thing to continue beating on him without ruining my bow, which is the only useful thing I know I have at this point. ---
**Author:** ![Sleel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/73ab20/32.png) [@Sleel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleel)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2014, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-vs-a-medieval-knight/699804/85 "2014-09-30T02:11:27Z")
It really is worth keeping in mind that knights were trained fighters. They spent most of their time training for mounted warfare, but they all learned infantry combat and archery along with related skills. And for those postulating “well, he might be fat and out of shape for a knight,” you should consider him to be the equivalent of a modern athlete. Just because he plays in the minor leagues instead of on one of the major league teams doesn’t mean you’re going to strike him out when pitching. Sure, there were skill levels, but the lowest skilled knight would have been intimately familiar with up-close physical violence in a way that only a relatively small number of modern people are. I gave myself pretty crappy odds against a knight because I know how skilled he’s likely to be. Like I said, I’ve done martial arts for a loooooong time. I know weapons nearly as well as unarmed combat. I do CrossFit workouts and add on other work to address weak points with as much frequency as I can possibly fit in. By most stats, I’m in the top 5% of my age group (though pretty middling as an athlete). And I still gave only slightly better than even odds on not dying in the fight. I’m pretty much guaranteed to get fucked up. I may fuck him up worse first, because I _might_ know some tricks he doesn’t. He would almost certainly be stronger than me, but I’m far stronger than the average modern couch potato, so he’s probably only marginally stronger than me. And yet, I don’t underestimate the situation because I know how tough historical fighters were. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Kobayashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4af34b/32.png) [@Mr.Kobayashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Kobayashi)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2014, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-vs-a-medieval-knight/699804/86 "2014-09-30T02:14:40Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > Teutons in the snow? That’ll [end well](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_the_Ice)… Well that was against Alexander Nevsky, who was an all round badass in his own right. > [@Si\_Amigo](#): > > I think that I could rig up a flamethrower using medieval technology. Should get pretty hot in that armor pretty fast. [You sure could](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/2f/Hand-siphon_for_Greek_fire%2C_medieval_illumination_%28detail%29.jpg/747px-Hand-siphon_for_Greek_fire%2C_medieval_illumination_%28detail%29.jpg), Greek Fire. Typically used against [ships](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/f/f7/Greekfire-madridskylitzes1.jpg/800px-Greekfire-madridskylitzes1.jpg), though. The chances of becoming a human Roman candle would be uncomfortably high for me. ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2014, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-vs-a-medieval-knight/699804/87 "2014-09-30T02:32:21Z")
I’ve been trained in Italian and English rapier, smallsword, cavalry sabre, and have had a tiny bit of longsword and sidesword. I’d pick longsword and try my best. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2014, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-vs-a-medieval-knight/699804/88 "2014-09-30T02:40:07Z")
A soft, office-working drone like myself doesn’t have much of a chance no matter what, and I’ve never fought with any kind of weapon in my entire life, but I’m thinking my best bet would be sabre. Sharp, pointy and relatively light. Held low with the blade facing up. When he approaches, I’ll give my best banshee wail, slash upward, starting with the nuts, and hope for the best. ---
**Author:** ![Lobohan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobohan/32/79_2.png) [@Lobohan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobohan)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2014, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-vs-a-medieval-knight/699804/89 "2014-09-30T03:12:44Z")
I’m pretty big and strong for a guy from the middle ages, so I’ll take a chance on beating him to death with a falchion. It’s probably the closest to the _darn dao_ that I trained on in Kung Fu class a million years ago. I’m probably gonna die, for a sexual encounter with a woman who’s pubic hair probably looks and smells like a homeless guy’s beard. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2014, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-vs-a-medieval-knight/699804/90 "2014-09-30T03:31:22Z")
I was a decent archer in high school, but that was decades ago. Assuming that I don’t just pee my pants (that is, if I put them back on), I’d go with either the short bow or crossbow, and let him close in to a few yards. ---
**Author:** ![stui\_magpie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stui_magpie/32/11010_2.png) [@stui\_magpie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stui_magpie)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2014, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-vs-a-medieval-knight/699804/91 "2014-09-30T04:02:50Z")
I’ll go the double axe. Yeah he needs to get close enough to let me use it, but with no armour, I can sit off and let him come to me. Any swipe will if not remove a limb inflict enough damage that I can keep backing off and slashing until he’s pizza topping. ---
**Author:** ![usedtobe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ec9cab/32.png) [@usedtobe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/usedtobe)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2014, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-vs-a-medieval-knight/699804/92 "2014-09-30T04:22:20Z")
All you people (esp. the ones selecting long pole arms) really imagine this dude, who has been training (if not in combat) against these exact weapons since age 7, will be so kind as to walk into the blade you’re swinging wildly? The longer the weapon, the longer the time between passes - he waits just outside its range until the head passes, then steps in and pulls the handle from your puny 21st century grasp. it takes him maybe 2 seconds to reverse the weapon and demonstrate its proper use - by splitting you into little bitty pieces. If he has not yet seen me, I’ll take the crossbow and wait until we make eye contact (my timing, not his). The crossbow is compact, easily enough concealed so I can fire from a concealed position. No way in hell am I delivering my weapon to him on a stick. Of course, before heading back, find out what local plants are toxic, and leave a bottle of wine where he’ll find it. ---
**Author:** ![A\_Typical\_Moper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e68b1a/32.png) [@A\_Typical\_Moper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A_Typical_Moper)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2014, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-vs-a-medieval-knight/699804/93 "2014-09-30T04:28:13Z")
Ooh, that’s a hard one. I will have to consult my D&D group about this. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2014, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-vs-a-medieval-knight/699804/94 "2014-09-30T04:48:34Z")
> [@usedtobe](#): > > All you people (esp. the ones selecting long pole arms) really imagine this dude, who has been training (if not in combat) against these exact weapons since age 7, will be so kind as to walk into the blade you’re swinging wildly? > The longer the weapon, the longer the time between passes That’s why I picked the shortspear: I figure it’s one of the few with a weapon speed that beats “unarmed,” requiring neither wild swings nor long times between passes; it’s basically just a knife with a long enough lightweight handle for two-handed use. (I’m actually kind of amazed to see I’m the lone vote for it as we approach a hundred cast.) ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2014, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-vs-a-medieval-knight/699804/95 "2014-09-30T12:08:38Z")
> [@usedtobe](#): > > All you people (esp. the ones selecting long pole arms) really imagine this dude, who has been training (if not in combat) against these exact weapons since age 7, will be so kind as to walk into the blade you’re swinging wildly? Who’s “swinging wildly”? I’ve used a bated poleaxe against other people looking to “chop” my head off with longswords, broadswords, axes and maces. SCA and HEMA weapons may not be the real thing, but they’re pretty good training weapons. Wild swings aren’t in it. ---
**Author:** ![AnthonyElite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@AnthonyElite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnthonyElite)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2014, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-vs-a-medieval-knight/699804/96 "2014-09-30T12:59:22Z")
> [@thelurkinghorror](#): > > I originally missed the “un **armored** ” part, but I’ll keep my answer. I’ll bring a Warhammer… 40k [yeeeaaaah](http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/puts-on-sunglasses-yeeeeaaahhh)! Space Marine to the rescue. > I was thinking less mjolnir (more of a short handled maul it looks) and more [like](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_hammer#mediaviewer/File:War_hammer2.jpg) [this](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_hammer#mediaviewer/File:OHM_-_Streithammer.jpg). Shouldn’t be more than a few pounds, a google suggests. > > I assume that [this is a flanged mace](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mace_%28club%29#mediaviewer/File:Maza_de_armas.jpg). For most people, a flail (or nunchaku) would be the single worst idea. > > The advantage of things like axes and falchions is that they are easier/cheaper for untrained soldiers/peasant armies to use, no? Consider my ignorance fought - I was thinking of a heavier maul or battle axe. I’d still be quite worried of him grabbing it. > [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](#): > > That’s why I picked the shortspear: I figure it’s one of the few with a weapon speed that beats “unarmed,” requiring neither wild swings nor long times between passes; it’s basically just a knife with a long enough lightweight handle for two-handed use. (I’m actually kind of amazed to see I’m the lone vote for it as we approach a hundred cast.) I’ve got to go with falchion but I could see the shortspear being a close second. You raise a good point in agility being the important in surviving this fight. I’d be worried that he would grab upshaft of the spear head but at least you have fast manuverability to slice his hands when he tries. And puncture wounds are going to bleed very fast. I could see being quick enough to surprise him with a stab to the face. > [@MrDibble](#): > > Who’s “swinging wildly”? I’ve used a bated poleaxe against other people looking to “chop” my head off with longswords, broadswords, axes and maces. SCA and HEMA weapons may not be the real thing, but they’re pretty good training weapons. Wild swings aren’t in it. I won’t say it couldn’t be done, especially with training with the weapon, but it would be damned difficult and probably not your best option. You don’t swing wildly but the 10th swing won’t be nearly as good as the first few and the knight probably has the agility to dodge those blows. He isn’t armored so why use something designed to deal with an armored opponent? ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2014, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-vs-a-medieval-knight/699804/97 "2014-09-30T14:33:29Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > Who’s “swinging wildly”? I’ve used a bated poleaxe against other people looking to “chop” my head off with longswords, broadswords, axes and maces. SCA and HEMA weapons may not be the real thing, but they’re pretty good training weapons. Wild swings aren’t in it. SCA is pretend for fun and the “dead” get together with the living afterward to pat each other on the ass over how awesome they are. It compares to you going against a trained medieval warrior who really wants you dead about like Wii Fit Boxing compares to getting in the ring with a young, angry Mike Tyson. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2014, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-vs-a-medieval-knight/699804/98 "2014-09-30T14:40:01Z")
A spear. Peasants have been using spears since time immemorial, so you don’t need a lot of training - stick pointy end into target. Plus you have some range. But running away sounds like the best option. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2014, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-vs-a-medieval-knight/699804/99 "2014-09-30T14:52:49Z")
> [@AnthonyElite](#): > > He isn’t armored so why use something designed to deal with an armored opponent? Yeah, if I was to answer seriously, I’d say a mace or other blunt weapon. Really, someone posted a picture of a club with a spike coming out of the top and that would probably be about perfect for me. I could thrust with that as well as I could with a dagger or sword sword or swing it without worrying about how to properly swing a club (vs swinging a sword). And it’s short enough that I wouldn’t have him stepping inside the effective range of a spear or other pole arm. If he gets close, I can still choke up on it a little and use it to stab. I’m guessing that it’s lighter than a flanged mace or hammer made for crushing armor and more like swing a short baseball bat. It’s not the “best” weapon but it looks to be the most idiot-proof for someone who has never had to fight with a melee weapon before. Sure I might get disarmed or something but I wasn’t going to do much better with a bec de corbin. Edit: Actually the weapon described is about 5’ long. I’d want something shorter as I envisioned, a baseball bat with a spike jutting from the top for stabbing. ---
**Author:** ![Furious\_Marmot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/dfb087/32.png) [@Furious\_Marmot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Furious_Marmot)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2014, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-vs-a-medieval-knight/699804/100 "2014-09-30T15:25:41Z")
Being an office-dwelling 21st century scientist, I would lose a hand-to-hand fight with pretty much any professional fighter throughout history. He would just pluck the weapon from my hand and kill me with it. The crossbow is the only one I have a chance with, but between lack of familiarity, long loading time, and the possibility of a miss, it’s still a pretty small chance. Maybe I could go unarmed, let him pummel the crap out of me while I play dead, and hope he loses interest. Like a grizzly bear. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-vs-a-medieval-knight/699804.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-vs-a-medieval-knight/699804.md?page=6)