# You wake up tomorrow to any amazing and true headline you want, what is it? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 13, 2020, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476 "2020-09-13T04:15:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2020, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/1 "2020-09-13T04:15:18Z")
Add in a benevolent genie who will grant you this wish, no strings or gotchas, and the thread title pretty much sums it up. But I will add the rule that it cannot be that Trump is dead or anything wishing severe harm on him. I’m not sure if that’s illegal or against the rules, but I’ll add that rule just in case. Plus, it makes the question a little more interesting to answer - be creative, guys! As for me, I guess the headline I’d like to see would be something like “Trump unzips pants and pisses on Fox News correspondent.” Something that shows even supporters that the man has lost his mind - they could even spin it with “he was an awesome president, sadly Lewy Body Dementia is taking its toll on a wise hero.” Fine by me as long as every last voter sees he is insane. What do YOU ask the genie? ---
**Author:** ![Tatterdemalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/43a26b/32.png) [@Tatterdemalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tatterdemalion)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2020, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/2 "2020-09-13T04:25:15Z")
Mitch McConnell caught in bed with Lindsey Graham, live boy and dead girl - video at 11. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2020, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/3 "2020-09-13T04:26:57Z")
> [@Tatterdemalion](#): > > Mitch McConnell caught in bed with Lindsey Graham, live boy and dead girl - video at 11. - Video by Mike Pence. Mine: Hilary Wins. ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2020, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/4 "2020-09-13T04:40:57Z")
GEORGIA MAN AWAKENS AFTER FIVE YEARS IN COMA Man describes terrifying ordeal in phone call with President Clinton: “Oh, I had the most awful, nightmarish hallucinations–something called ‘Brexit’, and Donald Trump actually won the election, and then there was a global pandemic.” ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2020, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/5 "2020-09-13T04:43:00Z")
**"Trump and Pence Abruptly Resign; Replaced on GOP Ticket by Sasse and Haley"** ---
**Author:** ![ParallelLines](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/parallellines/32/3575_2.png) [@ParallelLines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParallelLines)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2020, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/6 "2020-09-13T05:25:33Z")
De-Grinchification of Donald Trump! You heard it here first true believers! After a near-death-experience caused by choking on a cheeseburger while patting himself on the back, Don ‘the Con’ Trump realized that he had much karma to correct. He has submitted his extensive blackmail files on both himself and his cronies, including Moscow Mitch, Half-Assed Hannity, Grotesque Grahmn and his childen and in-laws. After setting aside a small trust fund for his youngest child, he has turned over all legal assets to the ACLU and has resigned effective immediately, as well as turning himself in for incarceration for the many crimes he has confessed to and provided evidence for. Due to the treasonous crimes by Pence as revealed in what we now call the ‘Trump Dossier’, Pence has stepped down as well as he concentrates on preparing for his defense in Federal Court. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2020, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/7 "2020-09-13T06:57:57Z")
Entire GOP Falls Dead, Cause Unknown ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2020, 7:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/8 "2020-09-13T07:18:37Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > Entire GOP Falls Dead, Cause Unknown . . . If we wish one man (Trump) drops dead, that’s against OP’s rules. If we wish the entire GOP dead, that’s a statistic. ---
**Author:** ![OttoDaFe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ottodafe/32/356_2.png) [@OttoDaFe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OttoDaFe)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2020, 7:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/9 "2020-09-13T07:18:42Z")
Proven Cure Found for Crohn’s Disease. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2020, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/10 "2020-09-13T07:21:56Z")
Mostly, I missed that sentence in the OP… 🤦🏻‍♂️ ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2020, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/11 "2020-09-13T07:53:58Z")
Entire population of Iran converts to [Invisible Pink Unicorn](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Invisible_Pink_Unicorn). ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2020, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/12 "2020-09-13T08:12:17Z")
Saudi Arabia converts to [Pastafarianism](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flying_Spaghetti_Monster). Middle East experts fear war. ---
**Author:** ![PlaceboTarget](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/placebotarget/32/1073_2.png) [@PlaceboTarget](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlaceboTarget)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2020, 8:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/13 "2020-09-13T08:32:33Z")
Seriously speaking, I would love to wake up and see the news that an effective COVID vaccine has been discovered and the pandemic is over. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2020, 8:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/14 "2020-09-13T08:56:11Z")
"Bezos gives 10 percent of wealth to Grrr. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2020, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/15 "2020-09-13T11:37:22Z")
Headline: Cure for all cancer found. Subheadline: and it only costs a buck. ---
**Author:** ![Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmer_j.fudd/32/1211_2.png) [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elmer_J.Fudd)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2020, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/16 "2020-09-13T11:39:49Z")
**“All Evil People Shrink to Two Feet Tall!”** What could go wrong? ---
**Author:** ![Smapti](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smapti/32/17938_2.png) [@Smapti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smapti)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2020, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/17 "2020-09-13T11:42:50Z")
“RAPTURE OCCURS: All Protestant Evangelicals Instantaneously Vanish from Earth” ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2020, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/18 "2020-09-13T12:03:28Z")
**JESUS AND MOHAMMED RETURN** Describe what believers are wrong about. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2020, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/19 "2020-09-13T12:03:29Z")
**Rupert Murdoch Contracts Covid-19, At Death’s Door; Murdoch Family Infects NewsCorp Execs** ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2020, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/20 "2020-09-13T12:11:03Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > **JESUS AND MOHAMMED RETURN** In Salt Lake City! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476.md?page=2)