# You wake up tomorrow to any amazing and true headline you want, what is it? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 13, 2020, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476 "2020-09-13T04:15:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2020, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/21 "2020-09-13T14:04:40Z")
**Warp Drive Perfected** **Border Collie Steals Spacecraft** **"So Long, Suckers"** ---
**Author:** ![Crane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crane/32/3495_2.png) [@Crane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crane)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2020, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/22 "2020-09-13T14:33:15Z")
Trump Hotel Tunnel Discovered by Capitol Bldg Firefighters ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2020, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/23 "2020-09-13T14:41:26Z")
_ **Mothership Returns to Take Trump Back to His Home Planet** _ ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2020, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/24 "2020-09-13T15:10:10Z")
^ He ain’t going with me! ---
**Author:** ![Die\_Capacitrix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/die_capacitrix/32/9_2.png) [@Die\_Capacitrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Die_Capacitrix)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2020, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/25 "2020-09-13T16:15:06Z")
Can’t decide between World Peace, Universal Healthcare for Everybody, Successful Quick Fix for Climate Change or Cure for All Cancers. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2020, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/26 "2020-09-13T16:21:06Z")
Trump, Pence, McConnell Resign: Discovered To Have Colluded To Prevent Release Of Cheap Effective Treatment for Covid-19 Subhead: Works on All Contagious Diseases and Cancers Second Subhead: Also Cures/Prevents Bigotry In Anyone Who Takes It ETA: damn, I forgot to get anything environmental in there, didn’t I? – oh well, what I did get in there would free us up to work on that. Second edit: I do like Panache45’s suggestion. ---
**Author:** ![k9bfriender](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/k9bfriender/32/3283_2.png) [@k9bfriender](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/k9bfriender)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2020, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/27 "2020-09-13T17:27:03Z")
“Trump awakes from brain surgery after having tumor removed.” “Where am I, what have I done?” His first words upon waking. “I am so sorry for the mess I’ve made. I will work diligently to spend my last few months in office to repair our country’s reputation, and the damage I have done to it. I will be voting for Biden this November, and I hope that all of you will as well.” (You said wishing harm or death, how about mental health?) ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2020, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/28 "2020-09-13T17:34:23Z")
**Left Hand of Dorkness Granted Infinite Wishes: Genie Embarrassed at Loophole** ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2020, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/29 "2020-09-13T17:37:51Z")
West Coast Rainstorm Extinguishes All Fires. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2020, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/30 "2020-09-13T18:07:05Z")
**Extraterrestrials arrive on Earth: “We Come In Peace”.** And then, all the rubbish ceases to matter. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2020, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/31 "2020-09-13T20:34:56Z")
Stunning Tech Breakthrough: Fusion Power Is Here! ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2020, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/32 "2020-09-13T21:17:45Z")
MITCH McCONNELL AND LINDSEY GRAHAM ENDORSE BIDEN Saying, “Trump is unfit to be president” ---
**Author:** ![Si\_Amigo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/si_amigo/32/2877_2.png) [@Si\_Amigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Si_Amigo)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2020, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/33 "2020-09-13T21:46:04Z")
Welcome To Our New Alien Overlords! ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2020, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/34 "2020-09-13T22:01:47Z")
“Benevolent Extraterrestrials’ Cosmic Rays Wipe Out Covid-19; Unforeseen Side Effect Turns Trump Into Giant Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, Takes Lead In Polls” Not to worry, a Roberts-led Supreme Court majority eventually declares Stay-Puft Trump ineligible and Biden coasts to victory. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2020, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/35 "2020-09-13T22:13:06Z")
**Trump removed by 25 amendment** Judged unfit to be POTUS. This gets around your condition, he is unfit, it is for his good and the good of the nation. It does not wish harm on him or anyone. ---
**Author:** ![BippityBoppityBoo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bippityboppityboo/32/5745_2.png) [@BippityBoppityBoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BippityBoppityBoo)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2020, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/36 "2020-09-14T01:24:15Z")
Universal Basic Income. US. ---
**Author:** ![ASL\_v2.0](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asl_v2.0/32/3525_2.png) [@ASL\_v2.0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ASL_v2.0)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2020, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/37 "2020-09-14T01:29:59Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > **Left Hand of Dorkness** Granted Infinite Wishes: Genie Embarrassed at Loophole Winner. ---
**Author:** ![DorkVader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/73ab20/32.png) [@DorkVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DorkVader)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2020, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/38 "2020-09-14T01:30:55Z")
All of these national or world news headlines are great, but I’d be happy with a local headline: **Legislature passes “Add The Words”, Governor signs** or **Attorney General won’t defend Anti-Trans law in court, previous version of law struck down on constitutional grounds, won’t waste taxpayer dollars** ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2020, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/39 "2020-09-14T01:50:33Z")
I’d want something like “(@jz78817), Previously Dead, Now Alive & Fine”. 😢 ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2020, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/40 "2020-09-14T01:58:29Z")
Aww, I’m so sorry for your loss. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476.md?page=3)