# You wake up tomorrow to any amazing and true headline you want, what is it? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 13, 2020, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476 "2020-09-13T04:15:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2020, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/41 "2020-09-14T21:15:45Z")
Oredigger77 wins Powerball in $85mm drawing as sole winner. ---
**Author:** ![Shawn1767](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Shawn1767](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shawn1767)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2020, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/42 "2020-09-15T00:25:59Z")
This Time it IS Aliens: Proof of Life Detected Outside Our Solar System ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2020, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/43 "2020-09-15T00:38:33Z")
President Trump Declares War On The Bering Sea. ---
**Author:** ![Mallard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Mallard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mallard)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2020, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/44 "2020-09-15T20:58:14Z")
> [@PlaceboTarget](#): > > Seriously speaking, I would love to wake up and see the news that an effective COVID vaccine has been discovered and the pandemic is over. And your share of the 7+billion doses of the vaccine are in a drug store near you, free of charge and everyone should be inoculated by the end of September, 2020. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2020, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/45 "2020-09-16T01:54:48Z")
“Proven Cure for Covid! 1500mg Vitamin C+100mg Zinc!” “Major/Minor Conflicts Cease - All Factions Vow to Resolve Issues by Rock-Paper-Scissors” “Previously Unrecyclable Plastic Easily Converted into Cheap Clean Fuel Source” (I’m also ok with an “amarinth Wins Powerball” headline.) ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2020, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/46 "2020-09-16T04:05:38Z")
Russian pee pee tapes found and broadcast. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2020, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/47 "2020-09-16T04:31:13Z")
Well, if the only rule is that the genie won’t allow us to wish for harm/death of Trump, I think I’d like tomorrow’s headline to be “Prince William and Duchess of Cambridge Kate Middleton welcomed a son, Prince George, earlier today” ---
**Author:** ![Asuka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dec6dc/32.png) [@Asuka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asuka)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2020, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/48 "2020-09-16T06:37:25Z")
“Straight Dope Message Board users come to tentative agreement to look into the fact that human slavery in European African Colonies might have in fact been bad” ---
**Author:** ![jayrey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/47e85d/32.png) [@jayrey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayrey)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2020, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/49 "2020-09-16T18:12:33Z")
In a staggering miracle, the fires ravaging the American West are all out and everything that was destroyed has come back – trees, buildings, wildlife, people, livestock. The whole episode turned out to be a very bad dream. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2020, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/50 "2020-09-16T18:37:21Z")
“Cape Town man mysteriously acquires every power Superman has ever exhibited in comics or film, at the greatest strength depicted. Promises to be a benevolent God-King. Magic and Kryptonite still fictional.” ---
**Author:** ![BippityBoppityBoo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bippityboppityboo/32/5745_2.png) [@BippityBoppityBoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BippityBoppityBoo)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2020, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/51 "2020-09-16T18:42:27Z")
Ziva and DiNozzo have rejoined NCIS. ---
**Author:** ![Akaj](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/akaj/32/145_2.png) [@Akaj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Akaj)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2020, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/52 "2020-09-16T19:44:46Z")
**Comey admits taking $50 million to re-open 2016 Hillary investigation** “Trump fired me when I demanded he pay up,” says former FBI head. ---
**Author:** ![Dark\_Sponge](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dark_sponge/32/121_2.png) [@Dark\_Sponge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dark_Sponge)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2020, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/53 "2020-09-16T20:50:53Z")
Man granted unlimited wishes, Genie claims he was tricked. ---
**Author:** ![Dag\_Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@Dag\_Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dag_Otto)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2020, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/54 "2020-09-17T03:13:31Z")
Cafe society edition: Amy Winehouse announces 2021 tour schedule. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2020, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/55 "2020-09-17T04:16:14Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > **Left Hand of Dorkness** Granted Infinite Wishes: Genie Embarrassed at Loophole > [@Dark\_Sponge](#): > > Man granted unlimited wishes, Genie claims he was tricked. Same story, different newspapers. ---
**Author:** ![Iggy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iggy/32/3364_2.png) [@Iggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iggy)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2020, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/56 "2020-09-17T07:53:18Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > Stunning Tech Breakthrough: Fusion Power Is Here ^^ That is probably my favorite general benefit-of-all-mankind headline. For purely selfish reasons I want: USCIS Announces Dependents of Visa Beneficiaries will not Age Out Due to COVID-19 Processing Delays Translating for those not in the know: If you apply for a visa for your fiance/spouse, their unmarried dependents under the age of 21 get a visa as well so long as that visa is approved prior to the child turning 21. With processing delays it is looking like **Iggyette** may age out, missing the deadline by a couple weeks at present pace of processing. This could delay her visa by YEARS. ---
**Author:** ![Brayne\_Ded](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Brayne\_Ded](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brayne_Ded)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2020, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/57 "2020-09-17T14:47:51Z")
“New vaccine found that cures all viral ailments, cancer and congenital stupidity. New antibiotic found that cures everything, including male pattern baldness, haemorrhoids and congenital stupidity. . Both readily available and dirt cheap.” ---
**Author:** ![Brayne\_Ded](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Brayne\_Ded](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brayne_Ded)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2020, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476/58 "2020-09-17T14:48:55Z")
“New beer found.that really does make you better looking and more intelligent.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wake-up-tomorrow-to-any-amazing-and-true-headline-you-want-what-is-it/920476.md?page=2)