# You (we)different straight guys are all the same **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 9, 2000, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-we-different-straight-guys-are-all-the-same/5811 "2000-03-09T01:24:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2000, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-we-different-straight-guys-are-all-the-same/5811/21 "2000-03-10T05:25:00Z")
Sure we get urges, and sure, we might even spend a little time fantasizing about the particular set of circumstances that might lead to an opportunity to fulfill those urges–like “what if we were stuck on a desert island?” But there is a BIG difference between an urge and an action! Urges are normal and healthy. After all, examining what makes another person seem attractive can give you clues as to what you can do to improve your own relationship. (Unfortunately, the object of my latest urge was wearing a Long Island Railroad conductor’s uniform. In fact, the specific naughty thought I had was “Ooooh. He could punch my ticket anytime!” I fail to see how I can work this into my normal bedroom routine.) But, I agree with Lexicon. If you really want to have sex with other people, you need to re-evaluate your relationship. Either fix it or end it. And Doctordec–if 80% of your married men are “unfulfilled,” think about their wives! Sheesh. You think that your guys are any great Romeos? I’ll bet not. Give 'em some good advice–fulfilling sex takes more than 3 minutes. ---
**Author:** ![Poto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ab992/32.png) [@Poto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poto)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2000, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-we-different-straight-guys-are-all-the-same/5811/22 "2000-03-10T11:58:00Z")
Old Bill is a good case of the OP. I think he actually does love Hillary but his dick has a mind of its own. ---
**Author:** ![Doctordec](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cdc98d/32.png) [@Doctordec](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctordec)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2000, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-we-different-straight-guys-are-all-the-same/5811/23 "2000-03-10T14:08:00Z")
I’m sticking with 80%. Probably true for women, too. I’d say men are generally unfulfilled in the frequency and women with quality. * * * “Everybody smokes in hell” ---
**Author:** ![el\_eureka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e99b99/32.png) [@el\_eureka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/el_eureka)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2000, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-we-different-straight-guys-are-all-the-same/5811/24 "2000-03-13T09:26:00Z")
Temptation is everywhere and “fuck” is the key word here assuming we are in love relationships. Can you resist temptation? Most ppl I know can’t. For what its worth, and it really isnt worth much in this cynical nonbelieving world, but I am a 27yr. old guy who has resisted temptation thus far. Got morals? ---
**Author:** ![Disputin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/58956e/32.png) [@Disputin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Disputin)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2000, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-we-different-straight-guys-are-all-the-same/5811/25 "2000-03-13T17:50:00Z")
> [@](#): > > If you really want to have sex with other people, you need to re-evaluate your relationship. Either fix it or end it. Yup. There is no shame in ending an unhappy or unhealthy relationship and looking for something more fulfilling in your life. Just try to have a little class, show some respect, but _always_ honor your own needs or you’ll never be able to honor someone else’s. No, I’m not tempted in the least. My SO is everything I need and more… (I’m _entirely_ too lucky!) * * * **Disputin** _Flagrantly ignorant statements cheerfully crammed right back down your neck._ ---
**Author:** ![Poto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ab992/32.png) [@Poto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poto)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2000, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-we-different-straight-guys-are-all-the-same/5811/26 "2000-03-16T04:13:00Z")
Dan S defends his theory further this week in printed editions. However, I can’t find it on line. Eventually, in a week or two, it will appear here: [http://www.thestranger.com/authors/dansavage.html](http://www.thestranger.com/authors/dansavage.html) ---
**Author:** ![Poto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ab992/32.png) [@Poto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poto)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2000, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-we-different-straight-guys-are-all-the-same/5811/27 "2000-03-16T04:16:00Z")
It’s there. See above, Boys Will Be boys: Humans are primates, and since the male human’s balls fall somewhere between chimps’ and gorillas’ on the body-mass scale, scientists concluded that “sperm competition” is a “feature of the human mating system.” Do yourself a favor and don’t read the lobster lesbian urban legend.Too late for me.Exit, vomiting. ---
**Author:** ![Popillia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ee59a6/32.png) [@Popillia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Popillia)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2000, 9:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-we-different-straight-guys-are-all-the-same/5811/28 "2000-03-16T09:59:00Z")
Since most relationships take shape on a level of sexual interest first. This is really only natural when you consider that we are fundamentally sexual beings driven by an instinct to engage in sexual relationships with each other in order to keep the world populated. Since we are also civilized beings who tend to follow certain standards in society, we generally don’t indiscriminately engage in sexual relationships with just anyone. And like DoctorDec mentioned earlier, it takes more than a few years of civilization to change years of evolution. ---
**Author:** ![Popillia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ee59a6/32.png) [@Popillia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Popillia)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2000, 11:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-we-different-straight-guys-are-all-the-same/5811/29 "2000-03-16T11:18:00Z")
and Sunbear, you are absolutely right about the lesbian lobster story!!! yack!! ---
**Author:** ![Poto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ab992/32.png) [@Poto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poto)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2000, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-we-different-straight-guys-are-all-the-same/5811/30 "2000-03-16T12:01:00Z")
Well, we are civilized enough that marriages usually last at least until the kids are almost done with high school. Then the woman “has emotionally grown” and is into new ideas, while the man still somewhere in the back of his brain wants to “fuck other women”. End of marriage. ---
**Author:** ![Poto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ab992/32.png) [@Poto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poto)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2000, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-we-different-straight-guys-are-all-the-same/5811/31 "2000-03-16T23:31:00Z")
I’m not completely buying Dan’s uncited science on testicle size, so I’ve sent a question to Cecil on this topic. ---
**Author:** ![Poto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ab992/32.png) [@Poto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poto)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2000, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-we-different-straight-guys-are-all-the-same/5811/32 "2000-03-30T03:43:00Z")
But, back to the original topic, Dan presents more “proof” [http://www.thestranger.com/2000-03-23/savage.html](http://www.thestranger.com/2000-03-23/savage.html) He may have stacked the evidence… ---
**Author:** ![quadell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/b9bd4f/32.png) [@quadell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quadell)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2000, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-we-different-straight-guys-are-all-the-same/5811/33 "2000-03-30T16:36:00Z")
Dan Savage also said, to paraphrase, “Most straight women expect their men to be faithful, which is not unreasonable. But they also expect their men to act like it comes naturally, which _is_ unreasonable.” So let’s make an A-B-C-D example. Lets say Alice and Bill are married, and Bill **never** has a single passing desire to sleep with another woman. So he remains faithful. And Cindy and Dan are married, and Dan has desires and temptations quite regularly. But he never cheats on Cindy. Who loves who more? Dan’s sacrificing something he desires for Cindy, showing his love. Bill’s just faithful because he has no other interests. Cindy can feel confident that Dan won’t cheat, since he’s been tempted, and has proven himself several times. Alice has no way of knowing Bill won’t stray the first time he finds someone he has his first extra-marrital attraction to. I’m sure most married men _want_ to sleep with other women, in the same way that a dieter might _want_ a piece of chocolate cake. He wants the cake, but he doesn’t eat it. Why? Because he doesn’t really _want_ it, not down deep, not when you take all the other factors into consideration. Your Quadell ---
**Author:** ![Delta-9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3be4f8/32.png) [@Delta-9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Delta-9)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2000, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-we-different-straight-guys-are-all-the-same/5811/34 "2000-03-31T06:34:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Sealemon88: > **I can look at someone and think “Oh, she’s cute/hot/sexy”, but not be really attracted to her.** Huh? If I think someone’s cute/hot/sexy, I’m attracted to her, sorry. * * * Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines. [Delta-9 Home Page](http://www.delta9studio.com) ---
**Author:** ![cleosia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@cleosia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cleosia)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2000, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-we-different-straight-guys-are-all-the-same/5811/35 "2000-03-30T19:25:00Z")
quadell: > [@](#): > > I’m sure most married men want to sleep with other women, in the same way that a dieter might want a piece of chocolate cake. And I’m sure there are more than a few married men who want to sleep with other men. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2000, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-we-different-straight-guys-are-all-the-same/5811/36 "2000-03-30T19:55:00Z")
Delta-9: What I meant was I wouldn’t be seriously tempted to do anything. I’d look at her, go “Yup, she’s a cutie”, then move on. For me, it takes much more than physical looks to get me turned on. * * * You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing. ---
**Author:** ![Poto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ab992/32.png) [@Poto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poto)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2000, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-we-different-straight-guys-are-all-the-same/5811/37 "2000-03-30T23:31:00Z")
Cake, huh? If you have that cake, does that mean your diet is ruined forever?Marriage is slightly different. One problem here is that men won’t give their true opinion as easily with a board name. But if we could post anonymously, the posts would be truly honest… ---
**Author:** ![Huemr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/eada6e/32.png) [@Huemr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Huemr)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2000, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-we-different-straight-guys-are-all-the-same/5811/38 "2000-03-31T00:23:00Z")
\One problem here is that men won’t give their true opinion as easily with a board name. But if we could post anonymously, the posts would be truly honest…\ I thought that’s why you had a board name, so you could post anonymously. ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2000, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-we-different-straight-guys-are-all-the-same/5811/39 "2000-03-31T16:57:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Green Bean: > \*\*…there is a BIG difference between an urge and an action! \*\* for more entertaining discussion on this concept, please feel free to visit my thread, [Ask Bi Guy.](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/001515.html) I’d love to have you! (and don’t read anything into that remark, due to the above concept.) 😃 * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef ---
**Author:** ![Poto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ab992/32.png) [@Poto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poto)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2000, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-we-different-straight-guys-are-all-the-same/5811/40 "2000-03-31T23:05:00Z")
Huemr:That’s why I have SECOND board name, who can say anything he wants. He can even get kicked off the board. My main name is actually pretty much me, not an act. I might meet some of these people some day, IRL. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-we-different-straight-guys-are-all-the-same/5811.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-we-different-straight-guys-are-all-the-same/5811.md?page=3)