# You weird fanwanks. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 1, 2017, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-weird-fanwanks/790292 "2017-07-01T17:21:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2017, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-weird-fanwanks/790292/21 "2017-07-02T00:15:53Z")
An idea that’s been bouncing around for a while: [The Borg are farming the Federation](https://www.reddit.com/r/DaystromInstitute/comments/1u94gt/theory_on_the_borg_they_farm_the_galaxys_creative/). That is, the reason why they keep sending attacks that the Federation can\* just barely \*fight off instead of sending a dozen or hundred Cubes is that they are deliberately prodding the Federation to develop new ideas and technology that the Borg can assimilate for themselves. Another Trek one: The Federation is “save scumming”. The reason why it has so many close calls, lucky breaks and narrow escapes from destruction is whenever they suffer a large enough disaster Section 31 or a similar secret organization uses time travel to change history so they survive. They do so subtly, from behind the scenes so it looks like events just worked out that way. ---
**Author:** ![E-DUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/e-dub/32/403_2.png) [@E-DUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-DUB)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2017, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-weird-fanwanks/790292/22 "2017-07-02T00:24:15Z")
The Superboy-caused accident that made Lex Luthor lose his hair boosted his IQ from high-end genius to mega-super genius. It also turned him evil. Seriously what would the odds be that the world’s greatest super-hero and the world’s preeminent evil scientist went to high school together. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2017, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-weird-fanwanks/790292/23 "2017-07-02T00:58:34Z")
> [@Dale\_Sams](#): > > Pulp Fiction. God shot Marvin cause Marvin ‘didn’t even have an opinion.’ > > He wanted to convert Vincent the disbeliever, and he made Jules the believer his missionary. But God has no time for fence straddlers. I’ve often thought that _Pulp Fiction_ is, at least in part, a morality tale. Jules heeds the miracle he witnessed and, presumably, goes on to live a long life. Vincent, the disbeliever, dies. Marvin is the Doubting Thomas. And also dies. ---
**Author:** ![Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slow_moving_vehicle/32/291_2.png) [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2017, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-weird-fanwanks/790292/24 "2017-07-02T04:09:07Z")
My weird fanwanks? Juliana Margulies in a hot tub full of jello, wrapped in Saran Wrap and carrying a rubber… Oh. That’s not the kind of fanwank you’re talking about, is it? ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2017, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-weird-fanwanks/790292/25 "2017-07-02T05:11:26Z")
Les’see… —The “Arnie” T-800 Model 101’s appearance is based off of…Alan “Dutch” Schaefer. The man not only had an appropriate build for the chassis of a combat Terminator, but there would likely have been extensive physical examination data (including blood/tissue samples), along with photographs and audio records, after his debriefing (and possibly decontamination) following the incident with the Predator and it’s mini-nuke. All of which would have been locked away in the deep, dark recesses of the US government’s records…where Skynet would have been able to get at them in the years after Judgement Day, and when it was researching ways to upgrade from crude, rubber-skinned Terminators to full on human-passing cyborgs. —The in-universe reason Mutants and the X-Men aren’t in the Marvel Cinematic Universe? They _used_ to be—but something akin to the comics’ “Avengers Disassembled” and “House of M” storyline happened, and a half-crazed Scarlet Witch magically banished them from the universe. ---
**Author:** ![ExTank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@ExTank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ExTank)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2017, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-weird-fanwanks/790292/26 "2017-07-02T06:55:29Z")
Skynet/Judgement Day is inevitable; it’s part-and-parcel of our computer system’s architecture since the transistor was first invented. Each iteration of Skynet (Terminator, T2, etc) is more powerful/capable than the last, because the actions of the Connors only delays Skynet in each timeline-shift, and thus, when Skynet finally “gains consciousness” it’s a more advanced system than in the previous timeline. The Koensayr Y-Wing is not the slow, lumbering death-trap the Star Wars EU has made it out to be. The impetus behind this seems to be how quickly the Imperials caught up to Gold Flight on the first Death Star Trench Run, as compared to Red Flight and Luke’s Flight. This assumes that the Y-Wings were going “full-throttle,” when as multi-role attack fighters, they were probably flying at “optimal speed” for their (very difficult) target profile. Luckily, Luke had The Force. ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2017, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-weird-fanwanks/790292/27 "2017-07-02T07:33:35Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > I’ll go first: > > The folks on Game of Thrones are basically stupid. They have thousands of years of recorded history, yet, the are still riding around on horses and fighting with swords. > > I still watch though. 🙂 What do you think people on your planet will do when the petroleum runs out? ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2017, 9:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-weird-fanwanks/790292/28 "2017-07-02T09:21:52Z")
> [@foolsguinea](#): > > What do you think people on your planet will do when the petroleum runs out? …cash in big with my [Sasol](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sasol) stock? ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2017, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-weird-fanwanks/790292/29 "2017-07-02T11:05:20Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > I’ll go first: > > The folks on Game of Thrones are basically stupid. They have thousands of years of recorded history, yet, the are still riding around on horses and fighting with swords. > > I still watch though. 🙂 You’re not American are you? Such a young country! 😉 You see over here in England we have a couple of thousand years of recorded history. And lots of it featured men on horseback fighting with swords… Some highlights: 55BC Julius Caesar invades England for the first time 122 Hadrian’s Wall is built (uncannily forseeing President Tr\*mp :eek:) 597 Kings School, Canterbury founded 731 The Venerable Bede completes his ‘Ecclesiastical History of the English People’ 880-890 Alfred the Great issues a Law Code 1066 Tower of London built 1086 The Domesday Book published (massive survey of England for tax purposes) 1096 First Crusade (featuring men on horseback fighting with swords) 1135 Civil War in England (just like Game of Thrones!) 1167 Oxford University 1215 Magna Carta signed (Barons restrict King’s power) I could go on, but you get the idea. Actually I must mention one more: 1415 Battle of Agincourt (English Longbowmen slaughter French Nobles who were on horseback fighting with swords) ---
**Author:** ![Santelia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Santelia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Santelia)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2017, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-weird-fanwanks/790292/30 "2017-07-02T13:24:07Z")
[http://en.uesp.net/wiki/Oblivion:Divining\_the\_Elder\_Scolls](http://en.uesp.net/wiki/Oblivion:Divining_the_Elder_Scolls) > [@](#): > > …of night. The Elder Scolls [sic] themselves can pierce the veil. They offer a view of the flux of Time itself. **The prophet who reads the scroll sees one version of what might be. Another prophet might have a different vision with equal veracity**. The price for insight is the reader’s sight. He is struck blind and… The “Elder Scrolls” are the games themselves. I disregard all evidence that this is not the case ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2017, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-weird-fanwanks/790292/31 "2017-07-02T14:36:38Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > I believe it’s incorrect to say that the Roadrunner’s nemesis was Wile E. Coyote. The Coyote (mute, tried to catch the Roadrunner), Wile E. Coyote (speaks, tried to catch Bugs Bunny), and Ralph Wolf (punched a time clock before trying to steal sheep from Sam Sheepdog) are three different characters that just look alike because they were portrayed by the same actor. He had great range, was a gifted physical comedian, did his own stunts, and never got the respect he deserved. Sure, he was a great actor. But there are a lot of great actors who are genuine wolves. Why does Hollywood keep casting coyotes in wolf roles? ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2017, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-weird-fanwanks/790292/32 "2017-07-02T14:44:32Z")
Not mine, but still valid: Han mentions the Kessel Run and parsecs to see if Ben and Luke had any idea what he meant. When they didn’t appear to, he decided to charge the rubes enough to pay off his debt without knowing that they were being overcharged. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2017, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-weird-fanwanks/790292/33 "2017-07-02T14:53:31Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > A proper fan-wank thread includes explanations for why dumb things happen. > > Just complaining about stupidity in our entertainment isn’t fan-wanking. > > (Like the old Marvel No-Prize. Some editors gave them just for pointing out blunders, but others required the reader to suggest why it wasn’t “really” a blunder at all.) At that, consider SPIDER-MAN 2: Alfred Molina shows the fragile little inhibitor chip keeping his robot arms’ AI from running amuck. And, in his attempt to build a clean energy source for the world, Something Goes Wrong: the chip is skewered by a slim piece of metal, and he becomes the puppet of the robot arms. Who could’ve seen that coming? Anyone. _Anyone_ could’ve. It’s obvious and stupid and needs a fanwank. And mine is, that delicate little chip was _designed_ to get broken: signals go through it, from his brain to the arms and vice versa; so, if Something Goes Wrong and it shatters with a merry little tinkling sound – well, _that’s the whole idea_: if no signals go through it, then the arms will just loosely dangle. It works by breaking. So the _somewhat less foreseeable_ outcome is that it’ll be severed by a slim bit of metal that can conduct electrical signals – which, I freely grant, still makes this a bad plan; but at least it’s not an _insanely bad plan,_ is my point. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2017, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-weird-fanwanks/790292/34 "2017-07-02T15:40:30Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > Sure, he was a great actor. But there are a lot of great actors who are genuine wolves. Why does Hollywood keep casting coyotes in wolf roles? You have to remember that the studio system was firmly in place at the time. In fact, Warner Brothers tried to get the guy who played the Big Bad Wolf for Disney to pair with Sam Sheepdog. Walt refused to lend him out, so they went with someone they already had under contract. I really think the Wolf-and-Sheepdog films are some of his finest work as an actor. He’s totally convincing as a wolf, but the change to his appearance is very subtle; just some nose makeup and contact lenses. the rest is all in his performance. ---
**Author:** ![Andy\_L](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c67d28/32.png) [@Andy\_L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy_L)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2017, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-weird-fanwanks/790292/35 "2017-07-02T15:50:16Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > You have to remember that the studio system was firmly in place at the time. In fact, Warner Brothers tried to get the guy who played the Big Bad Wolf for Disney to pair with Sam Sheepdog. Walt refused to lend him out, so they went with someone they already had under contract. It’s this kind of thing that led Steven Matuchek to leave Hollywood and go into engineering; he was under contract to Metro-Goldwyn-Merlin as I recall, but it was just as hard to get them to release an actor to other studios. ---
**Author:** ![igor\_frankensteen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/839c29/32.png) [@igor\_frankensteen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/igor_frankensteen)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2017, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-weird-fanwanks/790292/36 "2017-07-02T15:59:29Z")
> [@glee](#): > > You’re not American are you? Such a young country! 😉 > > You see over here in England we have a couple of thousand years of recorded history. And lots of it featured men on horseback fighting with swords… > > Some highlights: > > 55BC Julius Caesar invades England for the first time > 122 Hadrian’s Wall is built (uncannily forseeing President Tr\*mp :eek:) > 597 Kings School, Canterbury founded > 731 The Venerable Bede completes his ‘Ecclesiastical History of the English People’ > 880-890 Alfred the Great issues a Law Code > 1066 Tower of London built > 1086 The Domesday Book published (massive survey of England for tax purposes) > 1096 First Crusade (featuring men on horseback fighting with swords) > 1135 Civil War in England (just like Game of Thrones!) > 1167 Oxford University > 1215 Magna Carta signed (Barons restrict King’s power) > > I could go on, but you get the idea. > Actually I must mention one more: > > 1415 Battle of Agincourt (English Longbowmen slaughter French Nobles who were on horseback fighting with swords) Well done. That’s true the world over, more or less. Also, the APPEARANCE of very rapid progress in some places and times, has been misleading as well. One of the myths of American Ascendancy, is that it was the result of how intrinsically wonderful our version of capitalism is. But actually, from 1600 or so, until the first half of the twentieth century, we were catching up to where Europe had been for quite some time. And we accomplished a lot of it, not by Americans thinking up stuff, but by stealing the people and the technology of the rest of the world, just as China is doing now. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2017, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-weird-fanwanks/790292/37 "2017-07-02T17:57:34Z")
> [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](#): > > . . . So the _somewhat less foreseeable_ outcome is that it’ll be severed by a slim bit of metal that can conduct electrical signals – which, I freely grant, still makes this a bad plan; but at least it’s not an _insanely bad plan,_ is my point. That’s elegant! That’s my idea of a god-tier fanwank! **Superdude** ’s Star Wars one is also (naturally!) Super! ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2017, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-weird-fanwanks/790292/38 "2017-07-02T18:15:08Z")
In Pixar’s _Ratatouille_, rats haven’t always been intelligent. In fact, they’ve only been around since the early 1980s, when escaped rats from a secret government lab in America got into the wild and started interbreeding with regular rats. By the early 21st century, these “smart rats” had displaced normal rat populations world wide, (including France) but, being smart, had successfully hidden their existence from most humans. The name of the “secret” government lab the original smart rats escaped from? National Institute of Mental Health. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2017, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-weird-fanwanks/790292/39 "2017-07-02T18:16:54Z")
> [@Andy\_L](#): > > The Helliconia series by Brian Aldiss [Helliconia - Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helliconia) ? That’s the one. Quite an interesting concept. ---
**Author:** ![Trancephalic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trancephalic/32/380_2.png) [@Trancephalic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trancephalic)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2017, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-weird-fanwanks/790292/40 "2017-07-02T18:22:06Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > In Pixar’s _Ratatouille_, rats haven’t always been intelligent. In fact, they’ve only been around since the early 1980s, when escaped rats from a secret government lab in America got into the wild and started interbreeding with regular rats. By the early 21st century, these “smart rats” had displaced normal rat populations world wide, (including France) but, being smart, had successfully hidden their existence from most humans. > > The name of the “secret” government lab the original smart rats escaped from? National Institute of Mental Health. And NOVA Laboratories is a subsidiary of Buy n Large. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-weird-fanwanks/790292.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-weird-fanwanks/790292.md?page=3)