# You will be executed. Choose the method. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 31, 2012, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-will-be-executed-choose-the-method/645635 "2012-12-31T05:29:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2013, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-will-be-executed-choose-the-method/645635/61 "2013-01-02T20:01:50Z")
> [@johnpost](#): > > a kind executioner will have a recent newspaper in the basket so you can catch up on things. a sadistic executioner will have all the front page stories continue on another page. Actually a sadistic executioner will have the person in the guillotine facing UP. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2013, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-will-be-executed-choose-the-method/645635/62 "2013-01-02T20:13:11Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Actually a sadistic executioner will have the person in the guillotine facing UP. …and lop off a limb or two before moving to the main event. ---
**Author:** ![mascaroni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dc4da7/32.png) [@mascaroni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mascaroni)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-will-be-executed-choose-the-method/645635/63 "2013-01-03T00:27:17Z")
> [@Dereknocue67](#): > > I select death from the yet to be invented multiple orgasm machine. Shame on you! Have you never watched _Barbarella_? The thread did bring back to mind the 70’s film _Double Agent 73_, which featured Chesty Morgan’s rather unusual method of killing… ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-will-be-executed-choose-the-method/645635/64 "2013-01-03T06:14:12Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > As we saw in the cartoon, “death by snoo snoo” involved the men having their pelvises shattered. It wouldn’t be fun at all. So, where did we see this cartoon? ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-will-be-executed-choose-the-method/645635/65 "2013-01-03T06:17:02Z")
I chose firing squad, but, I could be persuaded to go for the guillotine if tumbrels are thrown into the deal. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-will-be-executed-choose-the-method/645635/66 "2013-01-03T06:19:15Z")
> [@handsomeharry](#): > > So, where did we see this cartoon? [Here.](http://lmgtfy.com/?q=death+by+snoo+snoo) ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-will-be-executed-choose-the-method/645635/67 "2013-01-03T06:49:24Z")
> [@handsomeharry](#): > > Pardon my dumbness…snoo snoo would be the same as boom boom?😕 [Futurama](http://www.imdb.com/video/hulu/vi3548446745/) ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-will-be-executed-choose-the-method/645635/68 "2013-01-03T14:51:13Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > It would seem like just exhaling all the air in your lungs and then holding it would be about the same, but it’s not like that at all. When you exhale hard and hold your lungs “empty,” there’s still some air in your lungs, and the O2 in it will take some time to get depleted. During that period blood continues to flow through your lungs, and even when it doesn’t get oxygenated very well, at least it’s hanging onto the oxygen it’s still got; it’s up to your metabolism to deplete your blood of the oxygen it has in it. When you exhale and then fill your lungs completely with helium, now the O2 concentration in your lungs is immediately very low; As soon as this happens, blood passing through your lungs will be rapidly deoxygenated (i.e. O2 will move from your blood _to_ the helium/air blend in your lungs), and you’ll start sending that oxygen-free blood toward your brain. That’s why you pass out so darn quick. If your name is [Agrajag](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wowbagger#Agrajag) then you could try a variety of execution methods and reliably report and the best and the worst. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-will-be-executed-choose-the-method/645635/69 "2013-01-03T16:42:11Z")
> [@AK84](#): > > But, practically death by hanging, specifically long drop seems the only quick way to go. That was my thinking as well. Ultimately, I think I’d choose a method that I wouldn’t see coming, which pretty much eliminates all of them on the list. I suspect that the actual anticipation and dread is far worse than the very short amount of pain, etc… from a long-drop hanging, firing squad, lethal injection, etc… ---
**Author:** ![a35362](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@a35362](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/a35362)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2013, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-will-be-executed-choose-the-method/645635/70 "2013-01-04T21:46:15Z")
Lethal injection isn’t like having a pet put down. You don’t go to sleep: the drug paralyzes you so that you can’t inhale, and you suffocate. Like death by boa constrictor. Not for me. ---
**Author:** ![Grestarian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grestarian/32/3227_2.png) [@Grestarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grestarian)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2013, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-will-be-executed-choose-the-method/645635/71 "2013-01-04T21:48:34Z")
Hmmmm…all of the above? Just for a creative mix of the options listed… Inject me with an overdose of whatever and force me to inhale mustard gas. Then wrap a wire (high E guitar string?) around my neck and attach it with a firm 30-foot rope tied to the floor. A general can yell “PULL!” and then you can throw me out of the 43rd storey window. His troops can use me as a skeet target as I fall. At the end of my very long drop, the wire tied to the rope will constrict around my neck and slice through it, much like a garrote – unless the wire gets hung up on one of my vertebrae instead of sliding between them. In that case, my head will just rip off the spine and spinal cord. Either way the severed parts will continue falling. Oh, and put a pool of water on the ground down there, just to catch the body and include something like a drowning effect, and maybe attach a 3-phase current to the rim so that, once my body makes a splash the circuit will travel to it and start the frying. Hmm…I dunno about the keel-hauling, but perhaps someone might push an elephant out the window after me. Maybe the other end of that 30-foot rope should be tied to a boat with an elephant on the deck. Make sure the underside of that boat hits me and make sure the ASPCA is on duty somewhere else. But now I’ve left out the guillotine…:smack: –G! Y’say you’ll be all right come tomorrow But Tomorrow Might not be here for you! …Collins & Van Zant (Lynrd Skynrd) …_That Smell_ …Street Survivors ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2013, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-will-be-executed-choose-the-method/645635/72 "2013-01-05T01:43:07Z")
> [@Dereknocue67](#): > > I select death from the yet to be invented multiple orgasm machine. Hmm, death by Skinner Box. I like it. ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2013, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-will-be-executed-choose-the-method/645635/73 "2013-01-05T03:59:45Z")
Barry Kramer, the publisher of [CREEM magazine](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Creem) died of an overdose of nitrous oxide. Seems like a not at all terrible way to go, if my experience at my dentist is any indication. ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2013, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-will-be-executed-choose-the-method/645635/74 "2013-01-05T06:25:34Z")
I’m the one who voted for keelhauling, btw. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2013, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-will-be-executed-choose-the-method/645635/75 "2013-01-05T14:48:19Z")
Carbon monoxide poisoning. Preferably while I’m snuggled in bed. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2013, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-will-be-executed-choose-the-method/645635/76 "2013-01-05T17:11:15Z")
> [@Mr.Excellent](#): > > Firing squad for me - but only if I were given command of the squad. There’s a fine tradition of disgraced generals giving the order themselves. “Shoot straight, you bastards! Don’t make a mess of it!” ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2013, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-will-be-executed-choose-the-method/645635/77 "2013-01-05T17:47:07Z")
Firing squad. I want then to look me in the eyes. ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2013, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-will-be-executed-choose-the-method/645635/78 "2013-01-05T20:14:34Z")
> [@johnpost](#): > > a kind executioner will have a recent newspaper in the basket so you can catch up on things. a sadistic executioner will have all the front page stories continue on another page. No, I want my head held up for all to see. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2013, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-will-be-executed-choose-the-method/645635/79 "2013-01-05T23:54:11Z")
I don’t want to be executed at all. But I chose “firing squad” because I want to look right in the eye of those who would kill me. No blindfold. I figure no matter how I go it’s going to hurt like hell, so what the heck. And if I remember to I’ll quote _Breaker Morant_ "Shoot straight you bastards! Dont’ make a mess of it! :smack:You know, I should have read the rest of the thread before posting. Now it looks like I’m copying. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2013, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-will-be-executed-choose-the-method/645635/80 "2013-01-05T23:56:40Z")
I’d choose firing squad…but I’d really, really prefer it if they would aim at my head, please. A high-velocity rifle round will disrupt (destroy) brain tissue faster than the speed of nerve signals propagating within the brain. Essentially, “I’m dead before I know it.” If they shoot me almost anywhere else, I’ll have a nasty experience of feeling it happen, which I really would rather avoid. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-will-be-executed-choose-the-method/645635.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-will-be-executed-choose-the-method/645635.md?page=5)