# You won't be raped tonight...you're fucking welcome, bitch. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 1, 2013, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wont-be-raped-tonight-youre-fucking-welcome-bitch/659845 "2013-06-01T06:05:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 14
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wont-be-raped-tonight-youre-fucking-welcome-bitch/659845/261 "2013-06-04T17:10:55Z")
> [@RobDog](#): > > Yeah, but only if after dealing with the old lady, he changes the sign from “15 items or less” to “15 items or fewer”. You win the Internet. ---
**Author:** ![Tracijo67](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@Tracijo67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracijo67)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wont-be-raped-tonight-youre-fucking-welcome-bitch/659845/262 "2013-06-04T17:38:53Z")
> [@lance\_strongarm](#): > > Are you saying that it’s never possible for a person in a bar to be a threat to another person in a bar? Because violence happens in bars, you know. > > Maybe the douche wasn’t the threat that the OP thought he was. Maybe his actions in response to the threat he saw weren’t appropriate. Those are possibilities. Sure, maybe this was just about macho posturing. > > But you can’t declare that there couldn’t have been a threat, or that the bouncer would have handled it. People are attacked in bars all the time, even ones that aren’t “deserted.” And you can’t know for sure whether the threat was real, because you weren’t there. Back in the day, sonny, when I was young and attractive (now I’m just ‘ma’am’ :D), I dealt with my fair share of knuckle-dragging mouth-breathers who refused to take ‘no’ for an answer. I had no problem at all, ever, in dealing with these very public situations. In some cases, it was extreme luck: fending off entitled frat boys while drunk, half their size, and stumbling around their house (I’m still cringing at my stupidity, 25 years later). In most cases, it was that a polite but firm “I’m not interested, thanks” did the trick. Sometimes, I had to get downright nasty to get my point across. Most guys would walk away the very moment they realized that I wasn’t interested. Why WOULD they waste their time? They just moved on to the next (interchangeable) prospect. Testosterone-fueled chumps who can’t read signals aren’t necessarily would-be rapists, and in fact, I’d venture that they seldom are. Probably the same reason why my younger self wasn’t yanked into a quiet corner or a bedroom while clearly incapacitated: Most guys aren’t interested in forcing sex on unwilling participants, and those who are do not pounce on their victims in crowded bars with bouncers and witnesses aplenty. If “barfly” was in any real danger, it would have been later that night as she left the bar, alone, and away from any would-be rescuers or witnesses. No, I wasn’t there. No, I can’t say with 100% certainty that she wasn’t in any danger of being attacked IN A BAR in front of DOZENS of witnesses. But I can say with 100% certainty that the very idea is absurd. ---
**Author:** ![lance\_strongarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/87869e/32.png) [@lance\_strongarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lance_strongarm)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wont-be-raped-tonight-youre-fucking-welcome-bitch/659845/263 "2013-06-04T17:40:50Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > Ah yes, but I did read the thread title, where he fully and completely exaggerates the significance of his deeds. You’re still doing it. You can’t know if he’s exaggerating. You weren’t there. > [@](#): > > Where the OP went wrong is how he has chosen to portray these events to others. But you can’t know if that’s unrealistic either. Look, it’s pretty obvious he said stupid, drunken things in his post, using stupid, drunken language. That’s irrelevant too. He may have been completely right about what he did and how he did it. Or not. > [@](#): > > The fact that no one can know what this guy might have done under other circumstances is exactly why he’s getting shit. Um, that doesn’t make sense to me. > [@](#): > > Oh, for fuck’s sake. You are the worst. No, I’m just honest and reasonable. Don’t like it? I don’t care. ---
**Author:** ![lance\_strongarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/87869e/32.png) [@lance\_strongarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lance_strongarm)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wont-be-raped-tonight-youre-fucking-welcome-bitch/659845/264 "2013-06-04T17:55:24Z")
> [@Tracijo67](#): > > Back in the day, sonny, when I was young and attractive (now I’m just ‘ma’am’ :D), I dealt with my fair share of knuckle-dragging mouth-breathers who refused to take ‘no’ for an answer. I had no problem at all, ever, in dealing with these very public situations. In some cases, it was extreme luck: fending off entitled frat boys while drunk, half their size, and stumbling around their house (I’m still cringing at my stupidity, 25 years later). In most cases, it was that a polite but firm “I’m not interested, thanks” did the trick. Sometimes, I had to get downright nasty to get my point across. Most guys would walk away the very moment they realized that I wasn’t interested. Why WOULD they waste their time? They just moved on to the next (interchangeable) prospect. (This story isn’t related to the OP, but it’s related to your comment. Back in my day, ma’am, I went to a few frat parties myself. We learned about rape in college, and heard a few stories, but I never heard of it happening to an acquaintance, let alone witnessed it. Many years later, a guy who had been at the same school at the same time, an alcoholic, finally went into rehab, and confessed to a girl he had raped in a fraternity many years before. She had never mentioned it to anyone. He faced rape charges for that, but he came forward. It’s freaky to think about that happening when I might have been right there, in the next room. I think about the other rapes happening around me that I never knew about. And I won’t discount them, even if I never personally know about them.) > [@](#): > > Testosterone-fueled chumps who can’t read signals aren’t necessarily would-be rapists, and in fact, I’d venture that they seldom are. Probably the same reason why my younger self wasn’t yanked into a quiet corner or a bedroom while clearly incapacitated: Most guys aren’t interested in forcing sex on unwilling participants, and those who are do not pounce on their victims in crowded bars with bouncers and witnesses aplenty.If “barfly” was in any real danger, it would have been later that night as she left the bar, alone, and away from any would-be rescuers or witnesses. Well, yeah - it’s pretty clear that there was no chance she was going to be RAPED in that bar. I’m not defending that, and Chessie was stupid to say it. But the douche could have been violent in other ways right there in that bar. That’s my point. > [@](#): > > No, I wasn’t there. No, I can’t say with 100% certainty that she wasn’t in any danger of being attacked IN A BAR in front of DOZENS of witnesses. But I can say with 100% certainty that the very idea is absurd. I think the problem here is that you’re focusing on the “rape” claim. I’m not. Nobody was in danger of being raped right there in that bar - of course not. But being punched? Maybe. That isn’t absurd - people get punched, or stabbed, or hit with a bottle, or whatever in bars in front of witnesses quite often. ---
**Author:** ![lance\_strongarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/87869e/32.png) [@lance\_strongarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lance_strongarm)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wont-be-raped-tonight-youre-fucking-welcome-bitch/659845/265 "2013-06-04T17:57:07Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > Ah yes, but I did read the thread title, where he fully and completely exaggerates the significance of his deeds. To expand on my previous response - yeah, nobody was at risk of being raped, we can say that with high confidence. His title was stupid. ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wont-be-raped-tonight-youre-fucking-welcome-bitch/659845/266 "2013-06-04T18:02:01Z")
> [@Darth\_Panda](#): > > I always thought Spencer for Hire was a male prostitute. No, that’s Fred Garvin. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wont-be-raped-tonight-youre-fucking-welcome-bitch/659845/267 "2013-06-04T18:06:33Z")
**Darth Panda** ’s been served. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wont-be-raped-tonight-youre-fucking-welcome-bitch/659845/268 "2013-06-04T18:09:37Z")
> [@lance\_strongarm](#): > > We learned about rape in college Rape 101? ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wont-be-raped-tonight-youre-fucking-welcome-bitch/659845/269 "2013-06-04T18:18:30Z")
> [@lance\_strongarm](#): > > You’re still doing it. You’re still being a douche. > [@](#): > > You can’t know if he’s exaggerating. You weren’t there. So the OP is a liar and everything he posted has been a lie. Gotcha. > [@](#): > > He may have been completely right about what he did and how he did it. Or not. You can’t know this. You weren’t there. > [@](#): > > Um, that doesn’t make sense to me. You’re stupid. It’s ok we’ll let it pass. > [@](#): > > No, I’m just honest and reasonable. Don’t like it? I don’t care. It’s ok you go ahead and keep fucking that cactus. I won’t judge. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wont-be-raped-tonight-youre-fucking-welcome-bitch/659845/270 "2013-06-04T18:22:27Z")
> [@bup](#): > > **Darth Panda** ’s been served. No, that was Marques Houston. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wont-be-raped-tonight-youre-fucking-welcome-bitch/659845/271 "2013-06-04T18:23:22Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > …snip… > Success! Marine and I put ourselves in harm’s way, and all three women will get home safely tonight. The bar staff is happy, Marine and I are happy, and the friend is at least happy to get out of there without a fight. FWIW, you did the right thing. They will just have to deal with it. Sometimes, good goes unnoticed, unrewarded and unappreciated. But deep inside, where it count, you know you did the right thing. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wont-be-raped-tonight-youre-fucking-welcome-bitch/659845/272 "2013-06-04T18:44:23Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > FWIW, you did the right thing. They will just have to deal with it. > > Sometimes, good goes unnoticed, unrewarded and unappreciated. But deep inside, where it count, you know you did the right thing. If posturing, peacocking, and going full drama-king before demanding extra credit for overreaching is the right thing, yep, that’s what he did. If Barfly were concerned for her safety, she could have asked the staff for help or an escort out. If she were uncomfortable with the attention, she could have told the guy to fuck off, claimed to be taken/married/involved. She didn’t ask for help, so she owes the blustering OP thanks for escalating a situation that might have petered out on its own. Marine got some because he played it cool. **CS** got flack for dishing out flack. ---
**Author:** ![lance\_strongarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/87869e/32.png) [@lance\_strongarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lance_strongarm)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wont-be-raped-tonight-youre-fucking-welcome-bitch/659845/273 "2013-06-04T19:16:57Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > You’re still being a douche. No I’m not. > [@](#): > > So the OP is a liar and everything he posted has been a lie. Gotcha. Nope, didn’t say that. > [@](#): > > You can’t know this. You weren’t there. Now you’re being a douche. > [@](#): > > You’re stupid. It’s ok we’ll let it pass. I think you’re proving the point that people can be assholes, even when they (presumably) aren’t drunk in bars. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wont-be-raped-tonight-youre-fucking-welcome-bitch/659845/274 "2013-06-04T19:26:00Z")
> [@lance\_strongarm](#): > > I think you’re proving the point that people can be assholes, even when they (presumably) aren’t drunk in bars. Presumptuous of you, huh? Why would you assume someone isn’t sitting in a bar, drunk, typing on their iPad? ---
**Author:** ![lance\_strongarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/87869e/32.png) [@lance\_strongarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lance_strongarm)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wont-be-raped-tonight-youre-fucking-welcome-bitch/659845/275 "2013-06-04T19:26:20Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > If Barfly were concerned for her safety, she could have asked the staff for help or an escort out. Or he could wait quietly until he was sure, in a restrained way. Calling the staff over would probably escalate things. He should do nothing except be prepared, and for the most part, that’s what he did. > [@](#): > > If she were uncomfortable with the attention, she could have told the guy to fuck off, claimed to be taken/married/involved. She didn’t ask for help, so she owes the blustering OP thanks for escalating a situation that might have petered out on its own. I don’t think he was worried about the unwanted attention. I think he was worried that violence would break out. She wouldn’t be asking for help at that point, she’d be getting hit. I’m not saying it was a possibility, but I think that’s what he saw coming. > [@](#): > > Marine got some because he played it cool. **CS** got flack for dishing out flack. That’s true. Good observation. That’s the point where he screwed up, and Marine handle it correctly from beginning to end. Marine was just as prepared for a fight if it broke out. Marine didn’t call the staff over either. ---
**Author:** ![lance\_strongarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/87869e/32.png) [@lance\_strongarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lance_strongarm)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wont-be-raped-tonight-youre-fucking-welcome-bitch/659845/276 "2013-06-04T19:27:26Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Presumptuous of you, huh? Why would you assume someone isn’t sitting in a bar, drunk, typing on their iPad? Because I was afraid that the other comment that I wrote, and then erased, would violate forum guidelines. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wont-be-raped-tonight-youre-fucking-welcome-bitch/659845/277 "2013-06-04T19:34:41Z")
> [@lance\_strongarm](#): > > Or he could wait quietly until he was sure, in a restrained way. Calling the staff over would probably escalate things. He should do nothing except be prepared, and for the most part, that’s what he did. People who wish to continue having fun in a bar discreetly consult with the staff about a problem. They don’t raise their hand Horshack style and yell for an intervention. You know, visiting the bartender under the pretense of ordering and mentioning a problem quietly. It’s possible to request help without looking like a second-grade tattletale. > [@lance\_strongarm](#): > > I don’t think he was worried about the unwanted attention. I think he was worried that violence would break out. She wouldn’t be asking for help at that point, she’d be getting hit. I’m not saying it was a possibility, but I think that’s what he saw coming. > That’s true. Good observation. That’s the point where he screwed up, and Marine handle it correctly from beginning to end. Marine was just as prepared for a fight if it broke out. Marine didn’t call the staff over either. For the purpose of this discussion, her nickname is “Barfly”. She’s probably got some experience dealing with unwanted attention. She didn’t ask for help. She didn’t ask him to make a scene or escalate things. And yeah, she apparently went home with the cool breeze who didn’t make a scene. ---
**Author:** ![PlainJain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5daacb/32.png) [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wont-be-raped-tonight-youre-fucking-welcome-bitch/659845/278 "2013-06-04T19:50:30Z")
> [@RaftPeople](#): > > “We approached the express lane and I knew immediately there was going to be trouble. With 15 items already on the belt and 3 more in her basket, this little old lady was giving the finger to the entire “15 Items or Less” system, and she knew it. I asked my buddy the Marine to watch my back, I was diving into this head first and it wasn’t going to be pretty…” Please provide a link to your blog, I’d like to subscribe. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wont-be-raped-tonight-youre-fucking-welcome-bitch/659845/279 "2013-06-04T22:22:13Z")
> [@panaccione](#): > > Chessic Sense, after re-evaluating the situation and getting feedback, do you think there’s anything you should have done differently or do you think you did the best you could? Absolutely not do anything differently. Here’s why. You guys can’t even agree on what happened, let alone what went wrong. The only thing uniting the masses is that they want to give me shit, except for **Martin Hyde** , **septimus** , **Chef Troy** , and **lance**. Here, lemme show you: > [@WisdomofLife](#): > > If OP’s story is true, OP has serious issues with his wife and they need to have marriage counseling. Hope the best of luck to them in resolving their problems. See there? Somehow **WisdomofLife** missed the memo that my wife agreed with me rather quickly. Hell, if they even come back to this thread, I bet they won’t even be able to tell you why my wife was upset in the first place. I stated this several times, but the poster still went on and Interneted all over the place with their ridiculous “You and your spouse don’t agree all the time? Divorce!” > [@](#): > > Personally, I think he could have handled it better based on his account, but I don’t think he did anything really wrong…Where the OP went wrong is how he has chosen to portray these events to others. That’s what we’re giving him shit for. And here we have **Giraffe** claiming that I’m catching shit for my portrayal of events, not “anything [I did] really wrong.” So it’s actually my writing here that’s the problem, not my behavior on the scene. > [@Giraffe](#): > > he risked bodily injury/death to keep someone who couldn’t be more violent away from his companions. > > The fact that no one can know what this guy might have done under other circumstances is exactly why he’s getting shit. And yet here, he knows full well my “couldn’t be more violent” was in response to his claim that maybe I misread the situation the guy wasn’t being violent after all. He knows it meant there was a 100% chance this guy was getting violent, not, say, 50% chance, and that the statement had nothing to do with his level of violence. But that doesn’t stop him from his sidetrack. Sure, he said in the same post that I didn’t do anything wrong, but yet somehow he thinks I can’t be quite sure what this guy’s intentions were. Curious logic, no? > [@Tracijo67](#): > > What bothered me about the thread title and the subsequent post was the confabulated five-alarm shrieking about RAPE! > [@Tracijo67](#): > > If “barfly” was in any real danger, it would have been later that night as she left the bar, alone… No, I can’t say with 100% certainty that she wasn’t in any danger of being attacked IN A BAR in front of DOZENS of witnesses. But I can say with 100% certainty that the very idea is absurd. > [@lance\_strongarm](#): > > Well, yeah - it’s pretty clear that there was no chance she was going to be RAPED in that bar. I’m not defending that, and Chessie was stupid to say it. And here, **Tracijo67** and **lance** will perhaps be surprised if they reread the thread and find…I said no such thing! I never said she’d be raped IN THE BAR; that was you guys throwing that in there. I said she might get raped later, just as **Tracijo67** herself suggests. I said she might be _assaulted_ in the bar. In fact, if you’ll recall, that was my entire reason for refusing to leave in the first place. > [@](#): > > But the douche could have been violent in other ways right there in that bar…But being punched? Maybe. That isn’t absurd - people get punched, or stabbed, or hit with a bottle, or whatever in bars in front of witnesses quite often. Or groped or pinched or fondled or kissed or licked or bit or, heck, even verbally harassed…or, of course, raped later in the alley he was so adamant about being joined in. > [@Troppus](#): > > If posturing, peacocking, and going full drama-king before demanding extra credit for overreaching is the right thing, yep, that’s what he did. Whoa, whoa, whoa…didn’t **Giraffe** tell us earlier that I was getting shit for my portrayal of events, not what I did? Looks like I’m catching shit for how I acted, not what I posted here. Hey, **Giraffe** , what gives? > [@](#): > > If Barfly were concerned for her safety, she could have asked the staff for help or an escort out. If she were uncomfortable with the attention, she could have told the guy to fuck off, claimed to be taken/married/involved. She didn’t ask for help, so she owes the blustering OP thanks for escalating a situation that might have petered out on its own. Oh, ho! It’s not my peacocking afterall, is it? It’s that the ladies had it covered! They coulda handled it, **Troppus** is sure, even though we knew at the time and afterward that she did, in fact, need help and I didn’t, in fact, read it wrong. But it’s probably just the way I’d “chosen to portray these events to others,” right? I thought that’s the talking point we were going with. > [@lance\_strongarm](#): > > > [@Troppus](#): > > > > Marine got some because he played it cool. **CS** got flack for dishing out flack. > > That’s true. Good observation. That’s the point where he screwed up, and Marine handle it correctly from beginning to end. Marine was just as prepared for a fight if it broke out. Marine didn’t call the staff over either. And look here, **panaccione**. Now **Troppus** is confused about who did what. Marine did exactly what I did, just in reverse order. He talked to the friend, I dealt with the douche, then we switched. Then it was over. And _then_, we _both_ got flak, simultaneously, in the form of sexist insults. He was no happier with the post-game treatment than I was. So I’m not sure where you’re getting this fantasy that we’re separate entities in this matter, either in the argument or what followed after. So you tell me, **panaccione** , what exactly am I supposed to take away from this “feedback”? It’s like a shotgun blast of criticism in this thread. Y’all can’t even figure out what happened that night, let alone agree on what went wrong and where and why. So when you all come to a consensus, let me know. I’ll take it under advisement. Until then, I’m just going to keep laughing at you all as you flop around, trying to find something concrete and truthful to latch onto. And at the novellas. Hey, I got an idea for page 7! How about one’a you guys claim I started it? No one’s made that factual error in at least 150 posts…c’mon, it’ll be fun! All aboard!! ---
**Author:** ![Cubsfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Cubsfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cubsfan)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wont-be-raped-tonight-youre-fucking-welcome-bitch/659845/280 "2013-06-04T22:51:27Z")
The only part of this story that is whack is that you called him “Chief”. [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/RkBiQOYgNVk/hqdefault.jpg "Dane Cook - The Chicken Sangwhich") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RkBiQOYgNVk) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wont-be-raped-tonight-youre-fucking-welcome-bitch/659845.md?page=13) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-wont-be-raped-tonight-youre-fucking-welcome-bitch/659845.md?page=15)