# You (yes, you!) can be a fantasy hero! (long) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 23, 2001, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-yes-you-can-be-a-fantasy-hero-long/69840 "2001-06-23T01:24:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![gorillaboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/dc4da7/32.png) [@gorillaboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gorillaboy)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2001, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-yes-you-can-be-a-fantasy-hero-long/69840/1 "2001-06-23T01:24:25Z")
Ok, here’s the setup…while relaxing at home one evening, you’re startled by the appearance of what appears to be a stereotypical wizard, pointy hat with stars on it and all. As it turns out, he _is_ a wizard, and manages to convince you of it (never mind how). If you call the police, he waves his wand and makes them go away. He’s come seeking your aid to try to save the world (his world, that is) from a Great Evil because you are the Chosen One. What…you don’t want to go? Too bad, you don’t have a choice. If you point out that you’re not Conan, he says that you have “other qualities” that will serve you in your quest; he won’t get any more specific. Family obligations? He says he can return you to the same time and place when his world is saved. If you say that you won’t help him once you get there, he says that he’ll be disapointed but that you’re going in any case. Note: there’s no doubt in your mind that he can, in fact, send you there. Once you’re resigned to the situation, he says that you need to gather up any equipment you wish to take with you. This equipment has a maximum weight of 50 pounds. Everything on your person counts, including clothing. He says that you should be prepared for weather from a bit below freezing to somewhat hot. And by the way…you’ll be by yourself. He has other errands to attend to, but he’s sending friends to find you. It may take them a week or two, so plan accordingly. He says he can’t give you any more information other than to say that his world is, by the standards of your world’s literature, a somewhat stereotypical fantasy world. One last thing…because of the current alignment of the stars, you only have 30 minutes to grab your stuff. The point of all this is: what do you take? If it matters, the time is 10:00 at night. ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Zero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c4cdca/32.png) [@Saint\_Zero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Zero)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2001, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-yes-you-can-be-a-fantasy-hero-long/69840/2 "2001-06-23T01:39:33Z")
1. Blue jeans 2. Jacket. 3. Sweatshirt. 4. backpack. 5. Wilderness Survival Guide. 6. First Aid Kit 7. Knives: ransack the kitchen, grab the survival knives… 8. Winding Watch. 9. Canned Food & can openers. 10. Asprin. 🙂 11. Rope. 12. Cool Hat. Can’t forget this part. That Should hold me. I would love to know if guns would work, though. If there are Faieries, they’ll be allergic to Steel/Iron. In which case I’m grabbing my 9mm and 12 gauge Remington. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2001, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-yes-you-can-be-a-fantasy-hero-long/69840/3 "2001-06-23T02:19:29Z")
gorillaboy wrote: > [@](#): > > One last thing…because of the current alignment of the stars, you only have 30 minutes to grab your stuff. The point of all this is: what do you take? My 20-sided die that always rolls a “20”. I’ll win every battle that way. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2001, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-yes-you-can-be-a-fantasy-hero-long/69840/4 "2001-06-23T02:39:47Z")
I’ll see **tracer** ’s D-20 and add my Bag of Holding. 😃 Instead of **SZ** ’s canned food, I’d take dried food like jerky and dried fruits and dehydrated veggies and a cooking pot(lightens the weight) and add a notepad and pencil and a couple of liter bottle of water. Oh, and a bottle of Alleve. If I’m saving the world in some weird damned fantasy realm, I’m gonna get at least one headache. Damned elves. ---
**Author:** ![Myrr21](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e495f1/32.png) [@Myrr21](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrr21)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2001, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-yes-you-can-be-a-fantasy-hero-long/69840/5 "2001-06-23T03:08:41Z")
I take my Bag of Holding, and put it inside my Portable Hole… …wait, wait, bad idea. Of things about my room right now: 1. knife 2. two layers clothing 3. M16 4. no M16; I don’t have that 5. Beer 6. Small pot 7. Rope. You always need rope. 8. Monstous Manual Umm, that’s about it. ---
**Author:** ![rivulus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/839c29/32.png) [@rivulus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rivulus)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2001, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-yes-you-can-be-a-fantasy-hero-long/69840/6 "2001-06-23T04:23:08Z")
Yikes! Only 30 min. OK. The only adventure I’ve ever known is in the big outdoors. And I own no magical things, so… What I have at home: 1. Clothes, etc. (if the quest requires high fashion I’m out of luck!) - wear: jeans, t-shirt, sweatshirt, shell, 2 pairs of socks, undies, hiking boots - carry: extra socks, underwear, a pair of tough shorts, 2 more t-shirts (layering) 1. backpack (dump out school books first) 2. pre-packed toiletry bag (with cute samples) 3. first aid stuff 4. Water bottle (with water) 5. “Leatherman” 6. Small pot 7. Plastic tarp 8. Oh, almost forgot the matches (quickly flung in a couple of plastic baggies to keep them dry, plus a handful more baggies) 9. Roll of TP (hey, it’s light) 10. Uh, gold jewelry to pawn (I don’t know if they use money there!) Arg, no food in the house! I need to go grocery shopping, so with 15 min left… zip to 24-hour store for: Lots of dried noodles, trail mix, power bars, drink mix, cookies, Off!, dried fruit, chocolate, small bottle of booze Running up and down the aisles like a crazed cheetah, rushing to checkout– _poof_ Zapped away by wizard. Didn’t get to pay. Oh, well. rivulus ---
**Author:** ![darian00](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dfb087/32.png) [@darian00](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/darian00)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2001, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-yes-you-can-be-a-fantasy-hero-long/69840/7 "2001-06-23T04:50:39Z")
hmm…decisions, decisions… 1:.Mossberg 12-gauge shotgun and shells 2:.Ka-Bar (I LOVE that knife) 3:.Straight bladed katana sword that I can wear on my back (and weighs about 3 pounds) 4:.Field surgical kit (YES I do own one) 5:.Large canteen full of water 6:.Jerky, trail mix, various dehydrated fruits 7:.Lighter 8:.Matches 9:.Clothes including what I’m wearing-cargo pants (3), a-shirts (3), t-shirts (3), skivvies (4), socks (4), army-issue do-rags (7), overcoat 10:.Wool Blanket 11:.Backpack to carry all this stuff in 12:.Cool hat 13:.4 bottles of aspirin 14:.Bottle of Jack Daniel’s 15:.Condoms (hey, you never know) That should just about do it. ---
**Author:** ![Weird\_AL\_Einstein](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c67d28/32.png) [@Weird\_AL\_Einstein](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weird_AL_Einstein)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2001, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-yes-you-can-be-a-fantasy-hero-long/69840/8 "2001-06-23T04:51:55Z")
My towel, of course. What else do I need 😃 ---
**Author:** ![eunoia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eunoia/32/97_2.png) [@eunoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eunoia)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2001, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-yes-you-can-be-a-fantasy-hero-long/69840/9 "2001-06-23T18:06:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Myrr21 \* > \*\* > 5) Beer > 6) Small pot > \*\* 1. Beer weighs too much, but I’d bring a bunch of pot, figuring that if I’m the Chosen One, this world needs some serious mellowing out. 2. Chips and cookies for the treaty signing. 3. Hi Opal! 4. Also, as mentioned earlier, a cool hat. ---
**Author:** ![MrVisible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@MrVisible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrVisible)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2001, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-yes-you-can-be-a-fantasy-hero-long/69840/10 "2001-06-23T19:29:47Z")
Okay… Towel Backpack (Swedish army issue, 1947) Belt pouch (just ‘cause I won’t feel silly wearing it there) Call Matt; have him bring over his compound hunting bow. And aluminum shaft, razor-tipped arrows. Call Mom; bum her .22 automatic. (I’d rather have a lot of shots than a few with stopping power. Nothing distracts like a bullet wound…) 500 rounds .22 ammunition. Blanket Knife Flashlight, extra batteries. Matches, lighters Small sturdy camera 50’ sturdy nylon rope. Yes, I do have some. Don’t ask. Boy Scout Manual: best I can do. Roman short sword. Sturdy, swift, deadly. Blue jeans 2 t-shirts Leather jacket (AC 9) Hiking boots Socks, 3 pairs Underwear, 3 pairs Isopropyl alcohol (Firestarter, disinfectant) Roll of TP Tylenol 2 quart bottles of gasoline, siphoned from my car. Tube of 2-part, 1-minute epoxy Small cooking pan Ramen! The steaks, corn and potatoes for tonight’s dinner, wrapped tight in the blanket with a couple of cold sodas. May as well live well… Duct tape Sling When do we leave? ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2001, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-yes-you-can-be-a-fantasy-hero-long/69840/11 "2001-06-23T19:34:39Z")
Now, guys. You should know that guns, cameras, flashlights and maybe not even your lighters are going to work in a traditional fantasy setting. Haven’t you people ever played _Amber_? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![MrVisible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@MrVisible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrVisible)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2001, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-yes-you-can-be-a-fantasy-hero-long/69840/12 "2001-06-23T19:45:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by **Arden Ranger** > Now, guys. You should know that guns, cameras, flashlights and maybe not even your lighters are going to work in a traditional fantasy setting. > > Haven’t you people ever played Amber? \*\*\* Which is why I brought the bow, the sling, and the matches. The camera, guns and flashlights are a “just in case it does work, I’d be an idiot not to” provision. Oh… add some jeweler’s rouge to my list. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2001, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-yes-you-can-be-a-fantasy-hero-long/69840/13 "2001-06-23T20:50:01Z")
Okay, let’s see here, 30 minutes ain’t much time and I ain’t got a lotta stuff handy, but here goes: 1. Duffel bag 2. One set of warm weather clothes 3. One set of cold weather clothes 4. Knife 5. All the canned food in the house (not much, but it’ll have to do) 6. Towel 7. Survival books (2) 8. Improvised weapons book 9. Matches 10. Smokes (If I’ve got time I’ll run to the store for a carton) 11. Camera 12. Flashlight 13. Candle (in case flashlights don’t work) 14. Hatchet 15. Sun Tzu’s **The Art of War** 16. Assorted tools (you never know when these might come in handy either for their intended use or as weapons) 17. Superglue (good for sealing up cuts and amazing the locals) 18. And, of course, Duct tape ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2001, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-yes-you-can-be-a-fantasy-hero-long/69840/14 "2001-06-24T00:38:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Arden Ranger \* > \*\*Now, guys. You should know that guns, cameras, flashlights and maybe not even your lighters are going to work in a traditional fantasy setting. > > Haven’t you people ever played _Amber_? 😉 \*\* Yup, but I don’t _have_ jeweler’s rouge! In any case, I gotta disagree. The “It works here but it don’t work there” gimmick was (AFAIK) a fairly late invention for fantasy (DeCamp and Pratt’s “The Incomplete Enchanter” is the earliest source I can think of circa 1943). Heck, in Oz, the Wizard regularly chatted with the outside world with a radios! Fenris (Besides, think of the fun if your goodies _do_ work!: “Look Bwana! Much magic! I make Fire-from-box!”) ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2001, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-yes-you-can-be-a-fantasy-hero-long/69840/15 "2001-06-24T03:24:04Z")
“I see you have Boom-Boom-Sticks.” ---
**Author:** ![celestina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/258eb7/32.png) [@celestina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/celestina)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2001, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-yes-you-can-be-a-fantasy-hero-long/69840/16 "2001-06-24T05:02:39Z")
Uh-uh. See. If some dude in some pointy hat comes walkin’ up in my house trying to sell me some song and dance number about how I’m the Chosen One and I’ve got 30 minutes to pack up my shit and get, I’d just have to tell him a thing or two. First, if he’s such a powerful wizard who can send me hither and thither and control the time when I return to my world, then he sure as hell can set me up with all the equipment I need on his world and the means I need to carry it when I get there. If I’m the Chosen One and I’m going to stick my neck out to save his world, then that’s the least he can do. In addition to this, I also would request from him. 1. Transportation roomy enough to carry me and my equipment because I a’int walkin’ nowhere. 2. A map and a guide familiar with the route I must travel and patient enough to teach me how to survive on his world since I don’t know a thing about camping/survival. If he doesn’t see fit to accommodate me, then too bad. I’m going to wait out the thirty minutes sipping Scotch and chillin’. If after 30 minutes I don’t get sent, then I guess I wasn’t the Chosen One after all, and I’d tell him to get out of my house. If after 30 minutes, I do get sent to his world unprepared and get killed and eaten by some monster a few minutes after I arrive, it’ll be all his fault, and his world’s going to be doomed anyway. So the ball would be in Mr. Wizard’s court then. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![rivulus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/839c29/32.png) [@rivulus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rivulus)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2001, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-yes-you-can-be-a-fantasy-hero-long/69840/17 "2001-06-24T05:41:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by celestina \* > First, if he’s such a powerful wizard who can send me hither and thither and control the time when I return to my world, then he sure as hell can set me up with all the equipment I need on his world and the means I need to carry it when I get there. Doh! Why didn’t I think of that? Here I am running around for 30 min trying to get stuff together for Gullible’s Travels. rivulus ---
**Author:** ![Mnementh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/898d66/32.png) [@Mnementh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mnementh)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2001, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-yes-you-can-be-a-fantasy-hero-long/69840/18 "2001-06-24T16:19:10Z")
oooh. Adventure! I’m in! You couldn’t STOP me from going! 1. Broadsword. oh yeah. 2. Pocketknife, probably the Dragon Claw 3. sparkin’ stick. The ones that produce amazingly hot sparks when you run the knife along them. 4. Flashlight. Just in case. 5. My camoflage field pants. They’re indestructible (almost armour-like), very warm, and cool lookin’. 6. Tank top to wear, acrylic shirt for when it gets cold. 7. Underwear and socks as I’m wearing. And my bandana, and boots. 8. Towel 9. Duct tape 10. Thick, warm, waterproof poncho 11. Disinfectant of some kind 12. Backpack in which to carry it all 13. hunting bow and arrows 14. Vodka 15. small pan Food? Books? Guns? You wusses. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2001, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-yes-you-can-be-a-fantasy-hero-long/69840/19 "2001-06-24T18:29:46Z")
I hasten to remind y’all that the OP specifically imposed a **50 pound limit** on the weight of equipment you can bring with you. You guys bringing in a case of shotgun shells and 50 feet of rope will probably go over the weight limit right there. ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2001, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-yes-you-can-be-a-fantasy-hero-long/69840/20 "2001-06-25T13:19:49Z")
Weird Al covered it. As if you really need anything besides a towel. 🙂 Besides, if you’re a generic fantasy hero, chances are you’ll find a magical sword that lights on fire whenever something dramatic is happening and you’ll have some pretty studly sidekicks to help you out. Unless your universe is being run by Robert Asprin or Terry Pratchett of course. 😃 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-yes-you-can-be-a-fantasy-hero-long/69840.md?page=2)