# You'd read his grocery list? Really? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 2, 2003, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youd-read-his-grocery-list-really/205075 "2003-10-02T06:17:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youd-read-his-grocery-list-really/205075/1 "2003-10-02T06:17:49Z")
grocery list I’m on several book discussion lists and every six weeks or so someone will rave about an author using the term “I’d read anything s/he wrote, even a grocery list,” or some such tripe. Whereupon I humbly submit a couple of my own grocery lists to see how they stack up against the likes of Elizabeth George and Stephen King. Here’s one of my favorites: [ul] [li]duct tape[/li][li]utility knife w/single-edge razor blades[/li][li]flashlight[/li][li]D battery (or2??)[/li][li]rubber gloves[/li][li]disposable rain poncho[/li][li]some kind of mask[/li][li]drop cloth (at least 3mil) or tarp[/li][li]pruning shears[/li][li]pruning shears[/li][li]spider poison (lots!)[/li][li]6ft of small gauge chain[/li][li]hacksaw blades[/li][/ul] Okay, it was a home improvement project. In retrospect it sounds kind of sinister. IIRC the guy at Ace was pretty blase. Sees that kinda thing all the time. Now if it had been this one: [ul][li]Black candles[/li][li]Incense[/li][li]Toothpicks[/ul][/li] …? Much more mundane: [ul]o.j. cranberry juice cat food light bulb baby wipes diapers Pedialyte perideum immodium Advil applesauce apple juice cigarettes bubble bath/oil [/ul] Calgon–take me away! This was a more exciting week: [ul]Need–leather jacket, suitcase, sunglasses Find–fishnet stockings Pickup–boots, Scotch [/ul] All right. . . nobody is going to pay for my grocery lists. _sob_ they are not even paying for my well-crafted and hilarious novels (their loss! unlike these lists). I need a more exciting life. Or a more vivid imagination. Maybe a to-do list? My ideal to-do list at the moment: Pick up– [ul]wetsuit, goggles, mask, airline tickets[/ul] The more realistic if not actual shopping list for a break of similar duration to the above: [ul]6-pack of Pepsi hot chocolate Kahlua 6 crossword puzzle books 6 mystery novels vitamins [/ul](don’t need food, there’s a Thai restaurant right around the corner) Yeah, eat your heart out Stephen King, I mean that literally . . . ---
**Author:** ![Odinoneeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/97f17d/32.png) [@Odinoneeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odinoneeye)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youd-read-his-grocery-list-really/205075/2 "2003-10-02T06:47:45Z")
Although I didn’t make a shopping list for this, I once picked up at a store… Toilet paper Ketchup Life’s most important necessities. (Actually at the time I worked at a grocery so I usually just got things as I needed them or as they were on sale as opposed to doing big shopping) ---
**Author:** ![dwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dwyr/32/363_2.png) [@dwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwyr)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 7:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youd-read-his-grocery-list-really/205075/3 "2003-10-02T07:18:53Z")
Hmm… let’s look at my current list. pretzels half & half sugar cubes fluorescent lightstick buttermilk ketchup kosher salt cornmeal? toothpaste chains Nope. Nothing exciting about that. ---
**Author:** ![Trob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Trob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trob)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youd-read-his-grocery-list-really/205075/4 "2003-10-02T12:50:44Z")
One time in the drugstore I was at the corner of an isle. In one sweep of the eyes I saw: Condoms Light Bulbs Motor Oil I should have, just for the looks. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youd-read-his-grocery-list-really/205075/5 "2003-10-02T13:20:30Z")
I don’t believe in grocery lists. Instead I just push my cart methodically up and down each isle, and grab what I need when I see it. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youd-read-his-grocery-list-really/205075/6 "2003-10-02T13:29:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Odinoneeye \* > \*\*Although I didn’t make a shopping list for this, I once picked up at a store… > > Toilet paper > Ketchup > > Life’s most important necessities. > > \*\* You know, you could combine the two for one nifty practical joke… ---
**Author:** ![manx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/65b543/32.png) [@manx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manx)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youd-read-his-grocery-list-really/205075/7 "2003-10-02T13:32:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by friedo \* > \*\*I don’t believe in grocery lists. Instead I just push my cart methodically up and down each isle, and grab what I need when I see it. \*\* I live by that philosophy. There’s a supermarket right next to the shop where I work, so I go there once Ive finished work, wander around, talking to myself about possible meal combinations. If by meal combinations you mean ‘cornflakes AND tinned peaches’ or ‘sausages AND tomato sauce’. Which I do. Awfully time-consuming. It took me over an hour to select twelve items of food today. meh ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youd-read-his-grocery-list-really/205075/8 "2003-10-02T13:58:22Z")
We call **friedo** ’s technique “aisling,” as in “I’m not going to make a list; let’s just go aisling.” We usually done when we need EVERYTHING. In college, we only did it when we were feeling rich, as opposed to having a calculator in hand to add up the meager total we could spend. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youd-read-his-grocery-list-really/205075/9 "2003-10-02T16:21:50Z")
We have the staples, naturally, that we need each week, milk, apples, cheese, cereal, chips, etc. Ivylad shops at Sam’s, so it’s very rare that we need the toilet paper and paper towels and the dog food. ---
**Author:** ![bittersweet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c57346/32.png) [@bittersweet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bittersweet)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youd-read-his-grocery-list-really/205075/10 "2003-10-02T16:27:38Z")
My sister and I used to add random things to our parents’ shopping list like: - No-Pest Strips - Fish Glue - Bullet Molds - Rat Traps _sigh_ Those were the days. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youd-read-his-grocery-list-really/205075/11 "2003-10-02T18:45:28Z")
Hmmm, let’s see. I went to Gander Mountain today during my lunch hour: 4 boxes (25) - 12 gauge shotshells - Winchester, 2-3/4", 1-1/8 oz, #7-1/2 shot 4 boxes (25) - 12 gauge shotshells - Winchester, 2-3/4", 1-1/8 oz, #8 shot 10 boxes (50) - .22LR cartridges - Federal Lighting And a .22 spinner target set That should scare the hell out of Rosie O’Donnel at least. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youd-read-his-grocery-list-really/205075/12 "2003-10-02T19:07:29Z")
Shhh… be vewwy vewwy quiet! I’m huntin’ wesbians! hahahahaha! ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youd-read-his-grocery-list-really/205075/13 "2003-10-02T22:51:47Z")
[Homer Simpson] A bottle of Old Harper’s porno magazines large box of condoms panty shields illegal fireworks disposable enemas (2) [/HS] ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youd-read-his-grocery-list-really/205075/14 "2003-10-03T00:34:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by friedo \* > \*\*I don’t believe in grocery lists. Instead I just push my cart methodically up and down each isle, and grab what I need when I see it. \*\* This is how my girlfriend and I shop. We work well in tandem. Unfortunately, this means I rely on her to remember what we already have and what we need. So when I go shopping by myself, I screw it up. _Eyes the eight bottles of barbeque sauce_ ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youd-read-his-grocery-list-really/205075/15 "2003-10-03T03:11:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dantheman \* > \*\*Shhh… be vewwy vewwy quiet! I’m huntin’ wesbians! > > hahahahaha! \*\* Okay, now _I’m_ scared. ---
**Author:** ![LorieSmurf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a587f6/32.png) [@LorieSmurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LorieSmurf)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youd-read-his-grocery-list-really/205075/16 "2003-10-03T06:32:54Z")
What i got this morning: bread Cheese-Its body lotion ice cream toothpaste mouthwash beer eggs dried plums (formerly known as prunes) zip freezer bags Just a hodgepodge of stuff I was running out of. And probably tomorrow I"ll think of stuff I forgot to get. And then I’ll go back. I always do that. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 10:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youd-read-his-grocery-list-really/205075/17 "2003-10-03T10:58:51Z")
We hermits really _should_ use lists, but I don’t. I wish I was more together. I invariably realize when I get home that I forgot something. ---
**Author:** ![NutMagnet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ea5d25/32.png) [@NutMagnet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NutMagnet)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youd-read-his-grocery-list-really/205075/18 "2003-10-03T12:48:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cicada2003 \* > > [ul] > [li]duct tape[/li][li]utility knife w/single-edge razor blades[/li][li]flashlight[/li][li]D battery (or2??)[/li][li]rubber gloves[/li][li]disposable rain poncho[/li][li]some kind of mask[/li][li]drop cloth (at least 3mil) or tarp[/li][li]pruning shears[/li][li]pruning shears[/li][li]spider poison (lots!)[/li][li]6ft of small gauge chain[/li][li]hacksaw blades[/li][/ul] This one lacks depth. The plot here is kind of ill-defined and would sell poorly . You must define your target audience! > [@](#): > > Now if it had been this one: > > [ul][li]Black candles[/li][li]Incense[/li][li]Toothpicks[/ul][/li] Much better! Clear direction. Forthright and concise. (Toothpicks! OMG , you rascal). > [@](#): > > [ul]o.j. > cranberry juice > cat food > light bulb > baby wipes > diapers > Pedialyte > perideum > immodium > Advil > applesauce > apple juice > cigarettes > bubble bath/oil > [/ul] > > Calgon–take me away! The Danielle Steele crowd would eat this up!. Needs a little work. Where’s the produce?! > [@](#): > > This was a more exciting week: > > [ul]Need–leather jacket, suitcase, sunglasses > Find–fishnet stockings > Pickup–boots, Scotch > [/ul] > > All right. . . nobody is going to pay for my grocery lists. _sob_ … Okayyyyy. Now we’re onto something. Keep at this. It shows real promise! > [@](#): > > My ideal to-do list at the moment: > > Pick up– > [ul]wetsuit, > goggles, > mask, > airline tickets[/ul] Major dead end here. This has been done to death. Move on. > [@](#): > > [ul]6-pack of Pepsi > hot chocolate > Kahlua > 6 crossword puzzle books > 6 mystery novels > vitamins > [/ul] OK. A little off-beat, but you could be onto something here. I sense an ambivalence in general to your writing that would tend to lead the reader astray. (“Pepsi, hot chocolate, Kahlua.” If you don’t make up your mind, how can you expect the reader to latch on? See what I mean? Also avoid cliches like the plague! “apple juice cigarettes bubble bath/oil” It’s just too predictable. Other than that, I see real potential. Keep at it and remember: just write write write! ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youd-read-his-grocery-list-really/205075/19 "2003-10-04T05:31:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NutMagnet \* > **The Danielle Steele crowd would eat this up!.** Cover blurb! Thanks! ---
**Author:** ![TJdude825](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dec6dc/32.png) [@TJdude825](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TJdude825)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2003, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youd-read-his-grocery-list-really/205075/20 "2003-10-06T06:47:15Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by NutMagnet_ > **Much better! Clear direction. Forthright and concise. (Toothpicks! OMG , you rascal).** I daresay it’s been a while since anyone said “OMG” on the SDMB (except maybe in that “talk like a 12-yr-old AOL user” thread) [quote] _Originally posted by Cicada2003_\*\*[ul][li]**[…]**[/li][li]drop cloth (at least 3mil) or tarp[/li][li]pruning shears[/li][li]pruning shears[/li][li]spider poison (lots!)[/li][li]**[…]**[/ul]\*\*[/li][/quote] Wouldn’t want to forget those pruning shears, would we now? Wouldn’t want to forget those pruning shears, would we now? :dubious: [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youd-read-his-grocery-list-really/205075.md?page=2)