# "You'll Never Take Me Alive" swears Pig in police standoff. Owner runs like a sissy **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 3, 2005, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youll-never-take-me-alive-swears-pig-in-police-standoff-owner-runs-like-a-sissy/324563 "2005-10-03T12:58:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2005, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youll-never-take-me-alive-swears-pig-in-police-standoff-owner-runs-like-a-sissy/324563/1 "2005-10-03T12:58:05Z")
As his owner flees fecklessly into the woods, to hide like the startled rabbits of nature, a 200 pound pig gets medieval on the Sheriff & his boys. > [@](#): > > “The pig, and I don’t know her name, is aggressive,” sheriff’s Sgt. Fred Plageman said. “It seems to be a domesticated pig, and on past occasions it has chased deputies around and chewed up part of a patrol car.” > [@](#): > > “The rumor is that every time we go up there, the owner runs into the woods,” said Mike McFarland, general manager of Santa Cruz County Animal Services. “To be boldly honest, we don’t really want to take custody of a 200-pound pig.” [“TOP O THE WORLD, MA!”, squeals hooligan ham.](http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20050929/ap_on_fe_st/aggressive_pig_eviction;_ylt=Ak52jW7ESGxOgL.NQYeeWHQsQE4F;_ylu=X3oDMTBiMW04NW9mBHNlYwMlJVRPUCUl) Truly, Kate is the Bacon Of Heroes. ---
**Author:** ![phall0106](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/phall0106/32/5934_2.png) [@phall0106](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phall0106)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2005, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youll-never-take-me-alive-swears-pig-in-police-standoff-owner-runs-like-a-sissy/324563/2 "2005-10-03T13:41:52Z")
Chewed up parts of a patrol car? Holy moses, that must be one mighty tough pig. I wonder what parts she was chewing? ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2005, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youll-never-take-me-alive-swears-pig-in-police-standoff-owner-runs-like-a-sissy/324563/3 "2005-10-03T13:46:06Z")
In a spider web above the door to the house, you can read “Some Bad Muther-Porker”. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2005, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youll-never-take-me-alive-swears-pig-in-police-standoff-owner-runs-like-a-sissy/324563/4 "2005-10-03T13:53:49Z")
> [@](#): > > I wonder what parts she was chewing? The jelly donut parts? ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2005, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youll-never-take-me-alive-swears-pig-in-police-standoff-owner-runs-like-a-sissy/324563/5 "2005-10-03T15:06:59Z")
Two words: Ham sandwich. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2005, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youll-never-take-me-alive-swears-pig-in-police-standoff-owner-runs-like-a-sissy/324563/6 "2005-10-03T15:28:00Z")
> [@Homebrew](#): > > Two words: > > Ham sandwich. HO-HO-HO! In Santa Cruz County, Ham makes sandwich out of you! ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2005, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youll-never-take-me-alive-swears-pig-in-police-standoff-owner-runs-like-a-sissy/324563/7 "2005-10-03T16:12:22Z")
Why not just shoot the pig with a tranquilizer dart or something? ---
**Author:** ![marque\_elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71c47a/32.png) [@marque\_elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marque_elf)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2005, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youll-never-take-me-alive-swears-pig-in-police-standoff-owner-runs-like-a-sissy/324563/8 "2005-10-03T16:17:09Z")
Knights and Lords used to hunt boars (think wild pigs) from horseback using very long spears with crossguards on them. It was not unknown for the boar when impaled to try to run up the spear to reach the one holding the spear driving the spear all the way through it’s body in the attempt. Wild boars were considered the most dangerous prey in the forest. Bears were a distant second. The wild boar differs very little genetically from the porker that you turn into bacon and sausage. I’m surprised that this doesn’t happen more often. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2005, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youll-never-take-me-alive-swears-pig-in-police-standoff-owner-runs-like-a-sissy/324563/9 "2005-10-03T16:24:44Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > Why not just shoot the pig with a tranquilizer dart or something? Does a bazooka count as “something”? 😉😃 ---
**Author:** ![Enginerd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bcef8e/32.png) [@Enginerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enginerd)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2005, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youll-never-take-me-alive-swears-pig-in-police-standoff-owner-runs-like-a-sissy/324563/10 "2005-10-03T16:39:58Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > Why not just shoot the pig with a tranquilizer dart or something? Or a gun? If it was an aggressive dog coming after the deputies, they wouldn’t hesitate to kill it. What makes a pig different? ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2005, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youll-never-take-me-alive-swears-pig-in-police-standoff-owner-runs-like-a-sissy/324563/11 "2005-10-03T17:06:17Z")
\ Mmmmm…bacon… \ ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2005, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youll-never-take-me-alive-swears-pig-in-police-standoff-owner-runs-like-a-sissy/324563/12 "2005-10-03T22:38:23Z")
I think the first step a lot of deppitys would take would be to radio instructions to start digging the fire pit. Hog roast! ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2005, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youll-never-take-me-alive-swears-pig-in-police-standoff-owner-runs-like-a-sissy/324563/13 "2005-10-05T23:58:39Z")
Update: Killer Hog is actually…warm & fuzzy? [http://www.santacruzsentinel.com/archive/2005/October/05/local/stories/07local.htm](http://www.santacruzsentinel.com/archive/2005/October/05/local/stories/07local.htm) ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youll-never-take-me-alive-swears-pig-in-police-standoff-owner-runs-like-a-sissy/324563/14 "2005-10-06T00:18:14Z")
“But scratch her with the toilet brush and she goes into a trance. She’s funny.” Sounds like a guy I used to date. ---
**Author:** ![ILovCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e99b99/32.png) [@ILovCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ILovCoffee)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youll-never-take-me-alive-swears-pig-in-police-standoff-owner-runs-like-a-sissy/324563/15 "2005-10-06T00:22:52Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > In a spider web above the door to the house, you can read “Some Bad Muther-Porker”. I LOVED THAT MOVIE!! Seriously, I laughed the Kalua up through my nose when I read the above. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2005, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/youll-never-take-me-alive-swears-pig-in-police-standoff-owner-runs-like-a-sissy/324563/16 "2005-10-08T23:35:45Z")
[Unholy Hog Living The Phat Life Now](http://www.santacruzsentinel.com/archive/2005/October/07/local/stories/07local.htm)