# Young Chinese are 'too fat and masturbate too much to pass army fitness tests' **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 24, 2017, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/young-chinese-are-too-fat-and-masturbate-too-much-to-pass-army-fitness-tests/794563 "2017-08-24T15:59:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![mixdenny](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mixdenny/32/2962_2.png) [@mixdenny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mixdenny)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2017, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/young-chinese-are-too-fat-and-masturbate-too-much-to-pass-army-fitness-tests/794563/21 "2017-08-25T01:32:17Z")
How do they even detect this? Is it part of the cough test? Do they X-ray every recruit? Dennis ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2017, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/young-chinese-are-too-fat-and-masturbate-too-much-to-pass-army-fitness-tests/794563/22 "2017-08-25T01:44:56Z")
They measure the hair on their palms. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2017, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/young-chinese-are-too-fat-and-masturbate-too-much-to-pass-army-fitness-tests/794563/23 "2017-08-25T03:22:02Z")
Maybe they’re not so different from us after all. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2017, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/young-chinese-are-too-fat-and-masturbate-too-much-to-pass-army-fitness-tests/794563/24 "2017-08-25T04:12:33Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > Is this the new “don’t do it – you’ll go blind!” ? > > According to websites I checked, the cause of Enlarge Testicular Veins ( = _Varicocele_) is unknown: This is a useful diagnostic test in any country that closely monitors individual internet usage. _Googling_ “cause of enlarged testicular veins” is a reliable indicator of excessive masturbation, even if enlarged testicular veins are not. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2017, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/young-chinese-are-too-fat-and-masturbate-too-much-to-pass-army-fitness-tests/794563/25 "2017-08-25T06:01:07Z")
> [@UncleRojelio](#): > > How much is “too much”? > > Asking for a friend. > > Need answer fast. Traditional answer is the same as defining ‘sexual compulsive’: anybody who does it more often than me. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2017, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/young-chinese-are-too-fat-and-masturbate-too-much-to-pass-army-fitness-tests/794563/26 "2017-08-25T07:07:34Z")
> [@UncleRojelio](#): > > How much is “too much”? > > Asking for a friend. > > Need answer fast. Are you typing with one hand? Then it’s too much. ---
**Author:** ![yendis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ed8c4c/32.png) [@yendis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yendis)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2017, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/young-chinese-are-too-fat-and-masturbate-too-much-to-pass-army-fitness-tests/794563/27 "2017-08-25T07:25:45Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > Could be worse - if they were accepted into the army, they’d learn to masturbate in formation. Left-right, left-right … And perform a 21 cum salute :smack: \* \*he got in the way 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Grim\_Render](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a87d85/32.png) [@Grim\_Render](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grim_Render)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2017, 7:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/young-chinese-are-too-fat-and-masturbate-too-much-to-pass-army-fitness-tests/794563/28 "2017-08-25T07:47:24Z")
How is excessive time spent on strategy and shoot’em up computer games a negative for a 21st century armed force? ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2017, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/young-chinese-are-too-fat-and-masturbate-too-much-to-pass-army-fitness-tests/794563/29 "2017-08-25T08:23:31Z")
> [@Grim\_Render](#): > > How is excessive time spent on strategy and shoot’em up computer games a negative for a 21st century armed force? FPS games bear pretty much zero reality to the real-world handling of firearms. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2017, 9:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/young-chinese-are-too-fat-and-masturbate-too-much-to-pass-army-fitness-tests/794563/30 "2017-08-25T09:41:29Z")
> [@Martini\_Enfield](#): > > FPS games bear pretty much zero reality to the real-world handling of firearms. I think the point was more that modern warfare involves such things as remote piloting of a drone, or sitting behind a screen in an Aegis destroyer. ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2017, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/young-chinese-are-too-fat-and-masturbate-too-much-to-pass-army-fitness-tests/794563/31 "2017-08-25T11:17:56Z")
Depends what you’re doing. Playing _Call of Duty_ for hours every day isn’t going to make you a better shooter in real life. ---
**Author:** ![Shalmanese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shalmanese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shalmanese)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2017, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/young-chinese-are-too-fat-and-masturbate-too-much-to-pass-army-fitness-tests/794563/32 "2017-08-25T11:55:14Z")
> [@Jophiel](#): > > This feels like one of those articles that, a couple weeks later, has a “You remember that article? Turns out it wasn’t true” follow-up. [http://eng.chinamil.com.cn/view/2017-08/23/content\_7727877.htm](http://eng.chinamil.com.cn/view/2017-08/23/content_7727877.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2017, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/young-chinese-are-too-fat-and-masturbate-too-much-to-pass-army-fitness-tests/794563/33 "2017-08-25T12:21:56Z")
> [@74westy](#): > > Thanks. Now every time I close my eyes I see thousands and thousands of fat, young Chinese guys masturbating. So join the Chinese army. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2017, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/young-chinese-are-too-fat-and-masturbate-too-much-to-pass-army-fitness-tests/794563/34 "2017-08-25T12:45:27Z")
> [@Shalmanese](#): > > [http://eng.chinamil.com.cn/view/2017-08/23/content\_7727877.htm](http://eng.chinamil.com.cn/view/2017-08/23/content_7727877.htm) Quoted from the cite: > [@](#): > > The Chinese military has dismissed speculation that unhealthy applicants are entering the armed forces, and has reassured the public about the quality of new recruits. Well of course, but what else do you _expect_ them to say? To confirm that their recruits are Fat Wankers? They have to put the best possible face on their situation. They can’t admit that they have an Official Chinese Army Masturbation Drill. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2017, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/young-chinese-are-too-fat-and-masturbate-too-much-to-pass-army-fitness-tests/794563/35 "2017-08-25T14:56:18Z")
Before we went to China to adopt, we watched a few programs about the effects of the one-child policy. One unexpected side effect: families, which used to be huge, now only had one baby to lavish attention on. The kids, mostly boys, were getting very spoiled, and got very fat. They said that, in China, they referred to them as, “little emperors”. Weight loss programs for pre-teens were booming, as they sold things like exercise plans, weight loss powders, and acupuncture. That was in the late 2000s to early 2010s, so, the kids would be around the right age to be joining the army right about now. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2017, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/young-chinese-are-too-fat-and-masturbate-too-much-to-pass-army-fitness-tests/794563/36 "2017-08-25T15:18:57Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > They can’t admit that they have an Official Chinese Army Masturbation Drill. “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” (about the Enlarged Testicular Veins) would be a perfect phrase for the classic idiomatic four-character [cheng yu](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chengyu). ---
**Author:** ![somepumpkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@somepumpkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/somepumpkin)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2017, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/young-chinese-are-too-fat-and-masturbate-too-much-to-pass-army-fitness-tests/794563/37 "2017-08-25T15:33:11Z")
Quite informative and good to know. I had no idea that one could masturbate too much. And that’s including any definition of _too much_. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2017, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/young-chinese-are-too-fat-and-masturbate-too-much-to-pass-army-fitness-tests/794563/38 "2017-08-25T16:22:14Z")
Of course, the Chinese definition of “fat” may not be the same as ours. A recruit who’s not 10 pounds underweight is probably called tubby. But the army is saying these kids are spending too much time playing with their first person shooter? Well I guess they shouldn’t have disseminated that manual on the Five-Finger-Exploding-In-Your-Palm technique. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2017, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/young-chinese-are-too-fat-and-masturbate-too-much-to-pass-army-fitness-tests/794563/39 "2017-08-25T16:37:26Z")
That’s the thing about Chinese masturbation: an hour later, you’re horny again. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2017, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/young-chinese-are-too-fat-and-masturbate-too-much-to-pass-army-fitness-tests/794563/40 "2017-08-25T17:13:52Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > Of course, the Chinese definition of “fat” may not be the same as ours. A recruit who’s not 10 pounds underweight is probably called tubby. I’ve seen quite a few Chinese families that had a beach ball of a little (or not so little) boy and one or more normal-sized girls. Never a fat girl, but when those boys are fat they’re round. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/young-chinese-are-too-fat-and-masturbate-too-much-to-pass-army-fitness-tests/794563.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/young-chinese-are-too-fat-and-masturbate-too-much-to-pass-army-fitness-tests/794563.md?page=3)