# Your Baby Beat Me Up
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-baby-beat-me-up/481490
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [January 15, 2009, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-baby-beat-me-up/481490 "2009-01-15T21:02:24Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)
#### Post date: [January 15, 2009, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-baby-beat-me-up/481490/1 "2009-01-15T21:02:24Z")
I was waiting in line at the gym to pay my monthly dues and the lady in front of me was doing the same except she had a baby with. It wasn’t a real baby it was probably about 18 months.
He was really cute so as she was fumbling, I said “I’ll hold him.”
She let me hold him, while she went through her water, her purse, her backpack, her diaper bag, etc etc to find her money.
While this was happening, I had to of course make faces at the baby and talk to him in baby talk, because well he was just so cute.
So the kid hauls off and pops me right in the eye. Right in my eye with his stupid little baby fist.
Well it really hurt, kids got a good right hook. Anyway I did my work out and two hours later as I was leaving I noticed I have a black eye
Any other people out there ever get beat up by a baby.
(and for the record, I am not mad, I guess I deserved it. After all if I was a baby and someone was making baby faces at me and talking to me in baby talk I’d hit him too)
🙂
---
### Author:  [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)
#### Post date: [January 15, 2009, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-baby-beat-me-up/481490/2 "2009-01-15T21:08:44Z")
Cool story. Let me be the first to say: Markxxx got beat up by a baby! Ha, ha.
I’ve had a few pull on my beard, and it hurts because they only grab a few hairs and they pull hard. But I’ve never gone three rounds with a baby and I have certainly never lost a fight to one.
---
### Author:  [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)
#### Post date: [January 15, 2009, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-baby-beat-me-up/481490/3 "2009-01-15T21:11:35Z")
One of the high school kids I coach was wrestling with his girlfriend’s 10 year old brother and broke his collarbone.
---
### Author:  [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)
#### Post date: [January 15, 2009, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-baby-beat-me-up/481490/4 "2009-01-15T21:14:51Z")
> [@Markxxx](#):
>
> I was waiting in line at the gym to pay my monthly dues and the lady in front of me was doing the same except she had a baby with. It wasn’t a real baby it was probably about 18 months.
Aha! one of those phony, fraudulent babies! (No, I get what you mean–I just thought it was funny the way you phrased it.)
---
### Author:  [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)
#### Post date: [January 15, 2009, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-baby-beat-me-up/481490/5 "2009-01-15T21:15:01Z")
I can’t sleep anywhere our 2.5 year-old son. The kid thrashes in his sleep and I’ve had head butts to the nose, fists to the jaw, and feet to the adam’s apple in the dark.
---
### Author:  [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)
#### Post date: [January 15, 2009, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-baby-beat-me-up/481490/6 "2009-01-15T21:21:40Z")
> [@Hampshire](#):
>
> I can’t sleep anywhere our 2.5 year-old son. The kid thrashes in his sleep and I’ve had head butts to the nose, fists to the jaw, and feet to the adam’s apple in the dark.
At first I read that as ‘adam’s nipple’.
---
### Author:  [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)
#### Post date: [January 15, 2009, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-baby-beat-me-up/481490/7 "2009-01-15T21:32:17Z")
My friend’s son, who was 5 at the time, head-butted me and fractured my nose. The thing was, I didn’t feel like I could tell her. I knew she would feel so badly.
I giggled at “stupid baby fist.” In fact, I’m still giggling which is making it difficult to pretend to work.
---
### Author:  [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)
#### Post date: [January 15, 2009, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-baby-beat-me-up/481490/8 "2009-01-15T21:33:14Z")
> [@runner pat](#):
>
> One of the high school kids I coach was wrestling with his girlfriend’s 10 year old brother and broke his collarbone.
Broke his own collarbone, or broke the 10 year old’s collarbone?
---
### Author:  [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)
#### Post date: [January 15, 2009, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-baby-beat-me-up/481490/9 "2009-01-15T21:36:21Z")
“…oh, it _is not_ the worst excuse you’ve ever heard…”
---
### Author:  [@masterofnone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/masterofnone)
#### Post date: [January 15, 2009, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-baby-beat-me-up/481490/10 "2009-01-15T21:36:58Z")
A black eye? That’s nothing - I’ve got a 3yo. If I can make it through the day without getting nutted I’m doing great.
---
### Author:  [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)
#### Post date: [January 15, 2009, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-baby-beat-me-up/481490/11 "2009-01-15T21:50:30Z")
Never had a problem with fists. I’ve learned to watch those heads, though. As others have said, they can fling them back and take out your nose.
I’d say that at least with a black eye you get a little sympathy, but from some of these responses, I’m not sure you’ve gotten that. You have my sympathy, anyway. Babies just don’t know their own impact.
---
### Author:  [@jali](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jali)
#### Post date: [January 15, 2009, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-baby-beat-me-up/481490/12 "2009-01-15T21:51:56Z")
Ah. I see you played with little Stewie.
---
### Author:  [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)
#### Post date: [January 15, 2009, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-baby-beat-me-up/481490/13 "2009-01-15T22:05:47Z")
> [@Yllaria](#):
>
> Never had a problem with fists. I’ve learned to watch those heads, though. As others have said, they can fling them back and take out your nose.
>
> I’d say that at least with a black eye you get a little sympathy, but from some of these responses, I’m not sure you’ve gotten that. You have my sympathy, anyway. Babies just don’t know their own impact.
Now see I don’t have kids so I never would’ve thought of their heads. I’m sure you know how babies just love to fling their hands, but usually I can put out my pinkie and the love to grab onto it and squeeze.
From now on I’ll have to be more aware of these bruiser babies
🙂
---
### Author:  [@Miss\_Woodhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Woodhouse)
#### Post date: [January 15, 2009, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-baby-beat-me-up/481490/14 "2009-01-15T22:29:53Z")
I only get beat up by my own offspring. They do manage to leave some lovely bruises, though, the sweethearts.
---
### Author:  [@El\_DeLuxo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_DeLuxo)
#### Post date: [January 15, 2009, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-baby-beat-me-up/481490/15 "2009-01-15T23:28:32Z")
Well, what did you _expect_ to have happen, actually _handling_ a thing like that? Freakin’ babies are **vicious**! Why, man, you’re just lucky it didn’t shit and piss all over you while it was at it!
---
### Author:  [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)
#### Post date: [January 15, 2009, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-baby-beat-me-up/481490/16 "2009-01-15T23:56:13Z")
> [@DLuxN8R-13](#):
>
> Well, what did you _expect_ to have happen, actually _handling_ a thing like that? Freakin’ babies are **vicious**! Why, man, you’re just lucky it didn’t shit and piss all over you while it was at it!
Babies are only those things when you CAN’T hand them back.
When you can say “Here you go mommy,” babies are ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE
---
### Author:  [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)
#### Post date: [January 15, 2009, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-baby-beat-me-up/481490/17 "2009-01-15T23:57:44Z")
I was once napping on a friend’s couch, and his 5-year-old stepdaughter came in and sat on my face. And she was naked. And not very clean.
---
### Author:  [@beanpod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beanpod)
#### Post date: [January 15, 2009, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-baby-beat-me-up/481490/18 "2009-01-15T23:59:33Z")
The little heathens always grab my glasses and try to tear off my nose and gouge my eyes out with them.
ETA: Oh yeah! Once, when my brother was about a year old, my mom was trying to put him to bed and he was throwing a fit. She sat down in a chair, and he was flailing around like a fish and screeching–and stuck his finger in her eye. Scratched her cornea pretty badly. The doctor had to either clip it or fold it back into place (eeeek either way!), she got an infection, and she couldn’t really see normally again for weeks.
---
### Author:  [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)
#### Post date: [January 16, 2009, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-baby-beat-me-up/481490/19 "2009-01-16T00:02:30Z")
My SIL’s baby nephew once reared back and hit her in the mouth so hard it uncrossed her slightly crossed front teeth.
Braces: $3000
Baby Head Butt: $0
---
### Author:  [@schnuckiputzi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/schnuckiputzi)
#### Post date: [January 16, 2009, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-baby-beat-me-up/481490/20 "2009-01-16T00:11:37Z")
I’ve been head-butted, and jaw-mangled, when they want picked up and jump up as you lean down. My oldest grabbed one of my earrings and ripped halfway through my earlobe before I could pull her fingers out of my earring. ouch.:rolleyes:
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-baby-beat-me-up/481490.md?page=2)