# Your best friend asks you to help them leave a prospective mate at the altar. Do you do it? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 11, 2011, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-friend-asks-you-to-help-them-leave-a-prospective-mate-at-the-altar-do-you-do-it/567233 "2011-01-11T17:04:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-friend-asks-you-to-help-them-leave-a-prospective-mate-at-the-altar-do-you-do-it/567233/1 "2011-01-11T17:04:14Z")
Obviously this is the day’s hypothetical/poll, only I can’t be arsed to write a long backstory–which, I am sure, breaks the heart of absolutely no one. Nonetheless, I feel constrained to set some parameters. First off, let’s assume that you’re acting as the best man, maid of honor, officiant: whatever floats your boat, but a major position of the wedding party. Second, we’ll stipulate that you like the prospective bride or groom well enough, but not nearly as much as you love your friend. Third, we’ll note that it’s the day of the wedding, that your friend has unexpectedly been reunited with the person they consider their One True Love, about whom you are netural at best; having watched too many 80s sitcoms, your friend feels constrained to jilt their bethrothed for the OTL. Last, your friend has asked you to done one of three things: to deliver the news to the jiltee; to announce to the guests that the wedding is off while they break the news to the jiltee; or to move your car out of their way, so the jackass couple can dash off. Which of those will you agree to do? Poll in a moment, but you needn’t let that impede your brilliance in the thread. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-friend-asks-you-to-help-them-leave-a-prospective-mate-at-the-altar-do-you-do-it/567233/2 "2011-01-11T17:07:41Z")
I’d probably announce it to the wedding guests and let someone closer to the jiltee break the news to him/her. I feel like I’d be doing both parties a favor if my friend is having so many issues with commitment. That’s a marriage that just isn’t going to work out well. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-friend-asks-you-to-help-them-leave-a-prospective-mate-at-the-altar-do-you-do-it/567233/3 "2011-01-11T17:08:58Z")
Any or all of them. The prospective bride or groom is clearly better off not being married to my jackass friend (perhaps soon to be ex-friend). I’d likely try to talk my buddy down - remind him of why he wanted to get married in the first place, for example. But at the end of the day, if being a jackass is what he wants, then it’s what he wants, and it’s better for the bride or groom than being married to an idiot. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-friend-asks-you-to-help-them-leave-a-prospective-mate-at-the-altar-do-you-do-it/567233/4 "2011-01-11T17:14:14Z")
Since I am neither the jiltee, nor the jiltor, I’ll do whatever it takes. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-friend-asks-you-to-help-them-leave-a-prospective-mate-at-the-altar-do-you-do-it/567233/5 "2011-01-11T17:17:00Z")
I’d do the things requested, but not for the friend. I’d do them because the people at or in the wedding deserve to know ASAP that my best friend is a jerk. ETA: And considering that my boyfriend is my best friend, I’d be even more pissed off than most of you! ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-friend-asks-you-to-help-them-leave-a-prospective-mate-at-the-altar-do-you-do-it/567233/6 "2011-01-11T17:23:51Z")
Like others, I’d do what was asked of me - better they stop the marriage now, before they are locked in. But i would be _pissed_. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-friend-asks-you-to-help-them-leave-a-prospective-mate-at-the-altar-do-you-do-it/567233/7 "2011-01-11T17:23:54Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > I’d do the things requested, but not for the friend. I’d do them because the people at or in the wedding deserve to know ASAP that my best friend is a jerk. > ETA: And considering that my boyfriend is my best friend, I’d be even more pissed off than most of you! Well, of course I mean your best friend you’re not boffing. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-friend-asks-you-to-help-them-leave-a-prospective-mate-at-the-altar-do-you-do-it/567233/8 "2011-01-11T17:26:11Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Like others, I’d do what was asked of me - better they stop the marriage now, before they are locked in. But i would be _pissed_. Seriously, why? I would absolutely refuse to deliver the news to the jiltee. I would probably refuse to move my car until my friend talked to her fiancé and took her medicine like a grown-up. I woulnd’t let the jiltee hit her, though. In other news, I should consider getting some male friends. Somebody make a note. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-friend-asks-you-to-help-them-leave-a-prospective-mate-at-the-altar-do-you-do-it/567233/9 "2011-01-11T17:36:55Z")
I would do none of the above. I would move my car only \*after \*my friend had delivered the news to the groom and the guests herself. Yes, I think that someone like this shouldn’t be married. But I also don’t think it should be \*easy \*for her - she’s about to cause a lot of pain and embarrassment to a lot of people, and I think she owes it to them (and me) to do that herself, in exchange for the lifetime of Twoo Luv she’s about to get. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-friend-asks-you-to-help-them-leave-a-prospective-mate-at-the-altar-do-you-do-it/567233/10 "2011-01-11T17:41:14Z")
I wouldn’t break the news to the jiltee, but I’d do the rest. Then I’d head off to the open bar and try to get some brides-maids hammered. ---
**Author:** ![Grapefruit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/73ab20/32.png) [@Grapefruit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grapefruit)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-friend-asks-you-to-help-them-leave-a-prospective-mate-at-the-altar-do-you-do-it/567233/11 "2011-01-11T17:49:02Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > I would do none of the above. I would move my car only \*after \*my friend had delivered the news to the groom and the guests herself. Why isn’t there an option for this in the poll? It’s what I would do too. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-friend-asks-you-to-help-them-leave-a-prospective-mate-at-the-altar-do-you-do-it/567233/12 "2011-01-11T17:51:56Z")
I wouldn’t do any of it. Appearing to have aided and abetted the jackasses would seriously reduce my chances of getting the jiltee into the sack for some angry revenge sex. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-friend-asks-you-to-help-them-leave-a-prospective-mate-at-the-altar-do-you-do-it/567233/13 "2011-01-11T17:55:08Z")
I’d do all of it. I’d be delighted. That would be hilarious. I hate weddings anyway, it would be a dream come true to be able to wreck one. ---
**Author:** ![moejoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@moejoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moejoe)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-friend-asks-you-to-help-them-leave-a-prospective-mate-at-the-altar-do-you-do-it/567233/14 "2011-01-11T17:59:05Z")
Not hypothetical for me, I was the maid of honor and the groom to be took me aside and said he needed me to go into the church and convince the bride to be that they should cancel the wedding. No. Absolutely no. That was 25 years ago and they’re still happily married. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-friend-asks-you-to-help-them-leave-a-prospective-mate-at-the-altar-do-you-do-it/567233/15 "2011-01-11T17:59:27Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I woulnd’t let the jiltee hit her, though You voted in your poll that you would. I’m actually kind of surprised at the number of people who think that physical violence would be an appropriate response to getting dumped. If a woman dumps a guy he should be able to backhand her across the face? seriously, people think that? ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-friend-asks-you-to-help-them-leave-a-prospective-mate-at-the-altar-do-you-do-it/567233/16 "2011-01-11T18:01:34Z")
I’d stand in the back of the chapel, singing _And here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson Jesus loves you more than you will know (Wo, wo, wo)_ Then I start yelling Elaine, Elaine, ELAINE!!! Elaine turns around and screams “Ben!” They run and embrace. A brawl breaks out. That wasn’t an option, but that’s my choice. (thanks to Simon and Garfunkel) ---
**Author:** ![Chopper9760](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cdc98d/32.png) [@Chopper9760](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chopper9760)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-friend-asks-you-to-help-them-leave-a-prospective-mate-at-the-altar-do-you-do-it/567233/17 "2011-01-11T18:05:19Z")
How timely, I am the maid of honor for my best friend and this had better not happen come August. I would try to talk her down/talk some sense into her. I’m perhaps personalizing the back story too much but if I’m the best friend & maid of honor, then she and I have discussed her exes, her one true love, and the groom. We’ve already chewed the fat about these dudes and you can bet my stamp of approval is on the groom if I’ve agreed to be the maid of honor. Therefore, I couldn’t in good conscience let her go running off with some douche from her past when I think she should be marrying the groom. That said, if I couldn’t talk her down, I would do all that she asked. She’s my friend and I love her even if she’s being retarded _shrug_ sometimes you just have to back your friend’s play. ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-friend-asks-you-to-help-them-leave-a-prospective-mate-at-the-altar-do-you-do-it/567233/18 "2011-01-11T18:12:25Z")
We’re talking about my best friend, so if he says it’s time to bail I get the car and come to a screeching stop in front of the place, he hops in through the passenger window (In this scenario I’m driving the General Lee) and we’re gone in a blue cloud of smoking tires, fishtailing out into traffic like a bank robber and we don’t stop until we make Tijuana. Everyone else will figure out what happened soon enough. Seriously, it’s my best friend. I’m loyal to him like nearly no other and he’s a grown ass man, if he wants to go, I’m with him all the way. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-friend-asks-you-to-help-them-leave-a-prospective-mate-at-the-altar-do-you-do-it/567233/19 "2011-01-11T18:13:23Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > You voted in your poll that you would. > > I’m actually kind of surprised at the number of people who think that physical violence would be an appropriate response to getting dumped. If a woman dumps a guy he should be able to backhand her across the face? seriously, people think that? Could we **please** not do this? ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-friend-asks-you-to-help-them-leave-a-prospective-mate-at-the-altar-do-you-do-it/567233/20 "2011-01-11T18:14:18Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > You voted in your poll that you would. I know I did. Then I thought about it and realized I was wrong. Like all of us (Dopers & humans) I am fallible, and thus make mistakes, but it doesn’t bother me to admit it. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-friend-asks-you-to-help-them-leave-a-prospective-mate-at-the-altar-do-you-do-it/567233.md?page=2)