# Your best insult/comeback/catch all phrase? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 7, 2007, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790 "2007-08-07T20:45:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2007, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/21 "2007-08-07T23:18:40Z")
I can waste my own time, I don’t need you to waste it for me. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2007, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/22 "2007-08-07T23:22:51Z")
From a daughter-in-law **kcxhkxxk**. . . you’re breaking up. . . **kcxhkxxk** ---
**Author:** ![Gengis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/df705f/32.png) [@Gengis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gengis)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2007, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/23 "2007-08-07T23:50:18Z")
When a person says something particularly stupid or dense: Oh! Aren’t you pretty! ---
**Author:** ![TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/51bf81/32.png) [@TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/24 "2007-08-08T00:32:46Z")
“Get AIDS” goes a long way. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/25 "2007-08-08T01:15:00Z")
With my students, when they’re bugging me or whining about something I’ve just told them to do, I raise an eyebrow, look over the top of my glasses and ask, “what part of cruel, evil, mean, and vicious did you not understand?” After a couple of weeks of that, the other students would step in and say, “dude, vicious, remember?” And then, two of them made me a theme song. “She’s cruel, she’s mean, she’s vi-vi-vi-vi-vicious.” Why, yes, I do love being a teacher. Why do you ask? ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/26 "2007-08-08T01:37:01Z")
“Good for you, Sunshine.” “Oh Gee Darn” Smile and say “Feel better now?” Being happy in the face of assholes is it’s own reward. It’s absolutely killer in the Customer Service field. There’s a certain thrill in saying “Have a Nice Day” to someone you’d like to see catch fire and die, because you just know it’s going to piss them off…and you look good in the process. ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/27 "2007-08-08T02:07:32Z")
Not one of mine, but I’ve used it before: “I’m sure whatever is wrong with you has a long, Latin sounding name.” ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/28 "2007-08-08T02:23:40Z")
[QUOTE=Yllaria] From a daughter-in-law **kcxhkxxk**. . . you’re breaking up. . . **kcxhkxxk** [/QUOTE] That’s either a misquote or a knockoff of when you call the SO to break it off. It’s \ ***chkchckhckc**** we’re **breaking up _** chkkhckhckh**_ My favorite is: You should probably let that bother you for a while. ---
**Author:** ![Shamozzle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shamozzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shamozzle)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/29 "2007-08-08T06:26:44Z")
I like: “It seems that you are under the impression that I give a fuck.” and “A lack of planning on your part doesn’t constitute an emergency on mine.” ---
**Author:** ![missred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missred/32/14096_2.png) [@missred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missred)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/30 "2007-08-08T06:43:36Z")
My dad’s favorite: “If I wanted any shit out of you, I’d take your head off and dip it out.” ---
**Author:** ![Dottygumdrop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Dottygumdrop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dottygumdrop)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/31 "2007-08-08T06:51:59Z")
“Here’s 50 cents. Call someone who cares!” (Well, it worked well before cellphones!) ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/32 "2007-08-08T06:56:56Z")
One of my more popular with others was to a homophobic (and uniquely unattractive) jerk who seemed to think that as a gay man I was interested in anything male and made some “don’t be tryin’ to feel me up” comment. “Sorry for the misunderstanding dear; you’re not the kind of asshole I like to fuck.” When asked by an arrogant bastard of a professor to stand and tell the class the last line of Anne Frank’s diary “because I’m sure he knows it… he knows everything else” I stood and said “Gotta run, someone’s at the door”. Some of the class laughed, some didn’t get it, some were offended, and the professor tried to have me expelled. I thought it was good for no notice, though. (And the line he was thinking of, “In spite of everything I still think people are good at heart”, was not the last line, which I did point out; he wasn’t happy to be corrected either.) ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/33 "2007-08-08T07:27:45Z")
[QUOTE=VCO3] “Get AIDS” goes a long way. [/QUOTE] No it doesn’t. I’d engage in a battle of wits on the subject but I don’t fight with an unarmed man. ---
**Author:** ![Walloon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/fbc32d/32.png) [@Walloon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walloon)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/34 "2007-08-08T07:56:30Z")
The journalist [H. L. Mencken](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/H.L._Mencken) had a one-size-fits-all reply to critics who wrote him: “You may be right.” ---
**Author:** ![Dragonblink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Dragonblink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragonblink)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 9:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/35 "2007-08-08T09:03:40Z")
My response to “Fuck you” is generally: (looking COMPLETELY unimpressed) “You have neither the looks, nor the money.” ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/36 "2007-08-08T11:39:56Z")
Two of mine: “I’m going to treat that contempt with the remark it deserves.” “I’m not worried about what you intend to do; I am worried about what you’re actually going to do.” ---
**Author:** ![BlinkingDuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eada6e/32.png) [@BlinkingDuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlinkingDuck)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/37 "2007-08-08T14:03:17Z")
I think the best insult of all times comes from Southern women… “Well, Bless your heart!” said with gusto when they are insulted. ---
**Author:** ![George\_Kaplin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3e96dc/32.png) [@George\_Kaplin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/George_Kaplin)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/38 "2007-08-08T14:16:44Z")
Here are a few I’ve picked up and quite like: “You grew up around _a lot_ of lead paint, didn’t you?” “I’ve _eaten_ things smarter than you” “Couldn’t you buy a clue on eBay or something?” When a friend suggests doing something you really don’t want to do, like hitting a dive bar or something “Shh…listen. If you really concentrate, you can actually _hear_ my skin crawling.” ---
**Author:** ![rucciface](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ba9def/32.png) [@rucciface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rucciface)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/39 "2007-08-08T14:18:55Z")
“Your mama.” “Well, duh!” Yeah, that’s about it… ---
**Author:** ![Jayn\_Newell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jayn\_Newell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jayn_Newell)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/40 "2007-08-08T14:20:54Z")
“Were you ever dropped as a child?” One from my husband, when someone starts telling a story with a ridiculous phrase–"…and then the spaceship landed." Apparently he once got chewed out for it, because the person thought he was giving away the next part of the story :eek: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790.md?page=3)