# Your best insult/comeback/catch all phrase? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 7, 2007, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790 "2007-08-07T20:45:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![scareyfaerie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scareyfaerie/32/3135_2.png) [@scareyfaerie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scareyfaerie)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/41 "2007-08-08T14:20:56Z")
“I hope you don’t kiss your mother with that mouth”. “Do your parents know you’re out unsupervised?” ---
**Author:** ![Slypork](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc29f/32.png) [@Slypork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slypork)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/42 "2007-08-08T14:29:28Z")
DILLIGAF = Do I Look Like I Give A Fuck. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/43 "2007-08-08T14:33:11Z")
[QUOTE=BlinkingDuck] I think the best insult of all times comes from Southern women… “Well, Bless your heart!” said with gusto when they are insulted. [/QUOTE] Insults from Southern women could be a fantastic thread all on its own. And the best part is that they’re done with such sweetness, you’re never…quite…sure… My grandmother (Georgian) used to say, “Well, aren’t you just the \*cleverest \*little thing?” as either an insult or a compliment. In EXACTLY the same tone of voice, with the same toss of her hair. ---
**Author:** ![Ellef](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8dc957/32.png) [@Ellef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellef)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/44 "2007-08-08T14:45:21Z")
“Oh, the _hallmark_ of the cretin!” ---
**Author:** ![rhythmonly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ee59a6/32.png) [@rhythmonly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhythmonly)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/45 "2007-08-08T14:52:12Z")
“Your Mother have any kids that lived?” “Fuck you. In the neck, with the zipper up.” “I’ve jacked off better kids into the wood box than you turned out to be.” “You (insert physical act here) like I fuck. Kinda slow, and all over.” “If I sent you out to fuck up, you’d fuck up on the way out.” ---
**Author:** ![NailBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecae2f/32.png) [@NailBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NailBunny)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/46 "2007-08-08T15:17:02Z")
My favourites, all stolen from other sources: “Yeah, well, that’s just like, your opinion, man.” “Shut up, that’s why!” “I certainly hope someone stabs him in the eye!” All used frequently. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/47 "2007-08-08T15:41:50Z")
[QUOTE=Jayn\_Newell] One from my husband, when someone starts telling a story with a ridiculous phrase–“…and then the spaceship landed.” Apparently he once got chewed out for it, because the person thought he was giving away the next part of the story :eek: [/QUOTE] Reminds me of one our family uses when someone shares a mundane and pointless story, which as you may imagine, happens all the time. “……and then I found ten dollars!” Sort of like you’re helping the story have some meaning. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![BlinkingDuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eada6e/32.png) [@BlinkingDuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlinkingDuck)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/48 "2007-08-08T16:12:47Z")
> [@](#): > > by whynot > Insults from Southern women could be a fantastic thread all on its own. And the best part is that they’re done with such sweetness, you’re never…quite…sure… The bless your heart was used on me when I lived in Georgia for a couple of years. Since I was a Yankee, it took me time to figure it out…that I had been a bit rude…and that she had countered that rudeness with class and poise. It was a great comeback on her part. I’ve never heard the cleverest thing remark…but it sounds Southern and works. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/49 "2007-08-08T16:23:15Z")
“I would have gotten all that stuff done, but my clone isn’t back from the lab yet.” ---
**Author:** ![Dob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Dob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dob)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/50 "2007-08-08T16:55:31Z")
Lots of good ones in here, but for some reason this one just tickled me the most > [@](#): > > “If I sent you out to fuck up, you’d fuck up on the way out.” I hope it is not copyrighted, because I plan on using that one from time to time! ---
**Author:** ![Walloon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/fbc32d/32.png) [@Walloon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walloon)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/51 "2007-08-08T17:58:44Z")
[QUOTE=BlinkingDuck] I think the best insult of all times comes from Southern women… “Well, Bless your heart!” said with gusto when they are insulted. [/QUOTE] How is that an insult? ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/52 "2007-08-08T18:10:30Z")
[QUOTE=Walloon] How is that an insult? [/QUOTE] Context. It’s all in the context. Guess maybe you need an older female relative from Georgia to get it! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/53 "2007-08-08T18:14:51Z")
[QUOTE=George Kaplin] “Shh…listen. If you really concentrate, you can actually _hear_ my skin crawling.” [/QUOTE] Consider that yoinked. ---
**Author:** ![Nutty\_Bunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d07c76/32.png) [@Nutty\_Bunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nutty_Bunny)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/54 "2007-08-08T18:31:34Z")
Used when someone is attempting and failing to do something: “You have to be smarter than the [thing being tinkered with]” Used when someone is proud of accomplishing something mundane: “Here’s your cookie” or “What do you want…a cookie?” Some favorites, used by my dad: “You’re about as handy as tits on a boar hog” “You’d fuck up Jello” My favorite that I’ve read on this board: “He couldn’t find his own ass with 2 hands and a _Guide to Finding Your Own Ass_” ---
**Author:** ![Litoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Litoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Litoris)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/55 "2007-08-08T19:09:48Z")
[QUOTE=Walloon] How is that an insult? [/QUOTE] Uhm, yeh. Funny thing about Southern women – everything they say can be either insult or compliment, depending upon the context. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/56 "2007-08-08T20:21:33Z")
The ones I use commonly may not be brilliant, but they’re handy and memorable: - Ugly as a mud fence. - Dumb as a sack of hammers. - Dumb as a box of rocks. - Dumb as a stump. - Ugly as a hat full of assholes. And to point out that someone’s being hypocritical, I use something I swiped off the internet years back. “RING RING. click. ‘Hello, Kettle? This is Pot. You’re black.’ click.” ---
**Author:** ![Nutty\_Bunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d07c76/32.png) [@Nutty\_Bunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nutty_Bunny)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/57 "2007-08-08T20:25:25Z")
[QUOTE=Max Torque] - Dumb as a sack of hammers. - Dumb as a box of rocks. [/QUOTE] These remind me of another of my go-to insults, “Dumb as a box of hair”. I know I’ve got more of these, my dad trained me well. I’ll have to remember more of them. ---
**Author:** ![Slop\_Shop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3e96dc/32.png) [@Slop\_Shop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slop_Shop)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/58 "2007-08-08T20:48:35Z")
“I fucked your mom last night” usually does the trick ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/59 "2007-08-08T20:49:24Z")
“I’d love to tell you what I think of you, but I don’t use that kind of language. My mother raised a lady, and I’m sure yours tried.” Of course only good for use on another woman, and best said in a surgary sweet Southern accent. Why, yes, I am Southern, why do you ask? Bless your heart! ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2007, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-insult-comeback-catch-all-phrase/414790/60 "2007-08-08T21:06:18Z")
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