# Your best spur of the moment one-liners **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 28, 2019, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-spur-of-the-moment-one-liners/830352 "2019-02-28T22:30:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2019, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-spur-of-the-moment-one-liners/830352/41 "2019-03-02T14:15:24Z")
I have a co-worker that is a large white man - he’s 6’6 , etc - On a work trip to Barcelona - a group of us were out exploring and reading a local tourist map, looking for the zoo. The co-worker states ‘we’re looking for the giant white ape’ ([Snowflake](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snowflake_(gorilla)))- I turned and looked at him and said “found him”. ---
**Author:** ![notfrommensa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f14d63/32.png) [@notfrommensa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/notfrommensa)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2019, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-spur-of-the-moment-one-liners/830352/42 "2019-03-02T15:22:46Z")
Was once watching a golf tournament at the 19th hole at the local golf course. Announcer remarked that one of the golfers played on his High School Varsity golf team when he was in the 5th grade, I said that would be more impressive if he wasn’t 16 years old at the time. ---
**Author:** ![Sangahyando](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f14d63/32.png) [@Sangahyando](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sangahyando)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2019, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-spur-of-the-moment-one-liners/830352/43 "2019-03-02T15:46:16Z")
One by me, from earlier today. My brother was carrying out a tedious bike-maintenance task, and found to his still greater annoyance, that a particular required spanner was not functional. He remarked that our other brother is away on holiday; so no possibility of borrowing a spanner from him. There came into my mind Dr. Spooner, the learned academic who was celebrated for his speech oddity of absent-mindedly swopping initial letters around (“The Lord is a shoving leopard”, etc.). I suggested, “Perhaps you could borrow a snapper from Dr. Snooper”. My brother doesn’t usually find my wordplay attempts funny; he made no response. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2019, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-spur-of-the-moment-one-liners/830352/44 "2019-03-02T17:02:44Z")
I set this one up myself, I admit (and I may have posted this in a previous thread). We were at a minor league hockey game. We were seated right behind one of the goals. I noticed the net minder’s name on the back of his jersey: Yost. I wondered aloud whether his dad and brother were at the arena. Everyone in my group looked at me quizzically. I said, “then we’d have the father, the son, and the goalie Yost”. mmm ---
**Author:** ![K364](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/k364/32/5_2.png) [@K364](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/K364)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2019, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-spur-of-the-moment-one-liners/830352/45 "2019-03-02T17:07:10Z")
mmm - 99%. You could only get 100% if the goalie’s name was Host. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2019, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-spur-of-the-moment-one-liners/830352/46 "2019-03-02T18:01:54Z")
This one was directed at me and it rendered me speechless. It took place over 40 years ago. Out to dinner with a group of friends, one of whom was a guy whose hairline was receding far too soon. Stealing the punchline from an old joke, I commented: “You know why he’s going bald there in the middle? Because when someone asks him a tough question, he goes \ I don’t know!!!” Much laughter at the table, while this friend sat there with a semi-evil grin, toying with the stemmed maraschino cherry in his drink. Pointedly, he looked at the cherry, looked at me, and said “Trade ya!” It was even more unexpectedly hilarious because he was a low-key, gentle guy. Makes me laugh to this day just thinking about it. ---
**Author:** ![Sangahyando](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f14d63/32.png) [@Sangahyando](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sangahyando)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2019, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-spur-of-the-moment-one-liners/830352/47 "2019-03-02T19:30:07Z")
**FairyChatMom** – call me stupid, but I’m baffled by “yours immediately above”. Elucidation would be of interest – forget it, though, if that would be embarrassing for you. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2019, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-spur-of-the-moment-one-liners/830352/48 "2019-03-02T19:59:17Z")
Not embarrassing, tho maybe there’s more had-to-be-there/had-to-know-him. It was a rather subtle F-you - all in good fun, tho. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2019, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-spur-of-the-moment-one-liners/830352/49 "2019-03-02T20:07:16Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > I think it’s referencing the fact that both the Boston Red Sox (baseball) and the New England Patriots (football) did pret-ty darn good this year. Exactly. We had two teams win the top championships, and it’s even funnier if the person is wearing a Yankees shirt. ---
**Author:** ![Patx2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/73ab20/32.png) [@Patx2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patx2)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2019, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-spur-of-the-moment-one-liners/830352/50 "2019-03-02T20:54:26Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > A group leader asked the group, “What’s the difference between relaxation and laziness?” I replied, “The angle of the recliner.” I need to borrow that, I love it! ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2019, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-spur-of-the-moment-one-liners/830352/51 "2019-03-02T21:18:33Z")
We had a tv setup at work to watch the Clinton inauguration. There’s Bush solemnly watching as his rival prepares to take power. Some older lady gets up to sing the anthem. I commented, \* it ain’t over until the fat lady sings.\* The whole room erupted in laughter. That’s never happened to me before or after. My jokes usually fall flat. ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2019, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-spur-of-the-moment-one-liners/830352/52 "2019-03-02T21:31:34Z")
I looked it up and here’s a screenshot from the 1993 inauguration. It was a huge deal because I live in Arkansas. One of our own was being sworn in as President. The defeated look on Bush’s face as that lady sings still cracks me up. [https://cdn.newsday.com/polopoly\_fs/1.12962790.1485036162!/httpImage/image.jpg\_gen/derivatives/display\_960/image.jpg](https://cdn.newsday.com/polopoly_fs/1.12962790.1485036162!/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/display_960/image.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Tierce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ea5d25/32.png) [@Tierce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tierce)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2019, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-spur-of-the-moment-one-liners/830352/53 "2019-03-02T23:32:54Z")
A few years ago, leaving work with a co-worker, I look up at the night sky and see the Moon and Jupiter a few degrees apart. Me: That’s a nice conjunction. Co-worker: That’s the Moon and Jupiter. Me (innocently): Which one’s Jupiter? Co-worker: [begins to point, then slowly clenches a fist] ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2019, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-spur-of-the-moment-one-liners/830352/54 "2019-03-03T01:22:57Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > This one was directed at me and it rendered me speechless. It took place over 40 years ago. > > Out to dinner with a group of friends, one of whom was a guy whose hairline was receding far too soon. Stealing the punchline from an old joke, I commented: “You know why he’s going bald there in the middle? Because when someone asks him a tough question, he goes \ I don’t know!!!” > > Much laughter at the table, while this friend sat there with a semi-evil grin, toying with the stemmed maraschino cherry in his drink. Pointedly, he looked at the cherry, looked at me, and said “Trade ya!” It was even more unexpectedly hilarious because he was a low-key, gentle guy. Makes me laugh to this day just thinking about it. Sorry, but I am totally lost with this one (even with the semi-explanation). mmm ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2019, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-spur-of-the-moment-one-liners/830352/55 "2019-03-03T05:43:55Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > Sorry, but I am totally lost with this one (even with the semi-explanation). > mmm AAUI, he is asking for her cherry. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2019, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-spur-of-the-moment-one-liners/830352/56 "2019-03-03T12:20:08Z")
> [@eschereal](#): > > AAUI, he is asking for her cherry. He is asking for a trade, though. Still confused. What is being offered for her cherry? mmm ---
**Author:** ![DorkVader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/73ab20/32.png) [@DorkVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DorkVader)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2019, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-spur-of-the-moment-one-liners/830352/57 "2019-03-03T13:22:37Z")
He was propositioning FCM Sorta like if you and I were having a quick bite at a hotdog stand together and I looked at you lasciviously and said, “MMMM, ya know what goes good on weiners? Mustard!” ---
**Author:** ![DorkVader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/73ab20/32.png) [@DorkVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DorkVader)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2019, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-spur-of-the-moment-one-liners/830352/58 "2019-03-03T13:30:20Z")
Too late for the edit window, His maraschino for her “cherry” You whooshing us MMM? ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2019, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-spur-of-the-moment-one-liners/830352/59 "2019-03-03T14:33:24Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > My last name is somewhat unusual. I once met a guy who thought he vaguely remembered having heard of a famous ancestor of mine. I replied, “No, I’m the first of a distinguished line.” My brother Ed liked to say he was the last of his kind. So this one time, he says it, I look at his baby son and grin “not any more!” He went all kinds of colors… it’s as if the whole “being a father” thing hit him in phases, and this happened to be one of them. > [@simster](#): > > I have a co-worker that is a large white man - he’s 6’6 , etc - > > On a work trip to Barcelona - a group of us were out exploring and reading a local tourist map, looking for the zoo. The co-worker states ‘we’re looking for the giant white ape’ ([Snowflake](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snowflake_(gorilla)))- I turned and looked at him and said “found him”. I hope your coworker wasn’t as hairy 😃 ---
**Author:** ![markn\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@markn\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/markn_1)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2019, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-spur-of-the-moment-one-liners/830352/60 "2019-03-03T14:41:44Z")
A friend of mine and I are both big fans of the Grateful Dead. Before 1995 when Jerry Garcia died, I had seen around a hundred shows, and my friend had seen close to 200. Recently we were at a concert where Phil Lesh, the bass player for the Dead, was playing with a new band. The band walked out on stage and my friend turned to me and said that he recognized the lead guitar player but didn’t know the keyboard player or the drummer. I said “What about the bass player? Do you know him?” He actually turned to look at the stage. There was general hilarity from the Deadheads around us who overheard it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-spur-of-the-moment-one-liners/830352.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-best-spur-of-the-moment-one-liners/830352.md?page=4)