# Your Bulwer-Lytton entries **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 25, 2021, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-bulwer-lytton-entries/945012 "2021-06-25T18:39:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2021, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-bulwer-lytton-entries/945012/1 "2021-06-25T18:39:57Z")
I’m guessing that more than a few Dopers have tried their hands at [the Bulwer-Lytton contest](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bulwer-Lytton_Fiction_Contest). The only downside is that after you create a wonderfully terrible sentence, it disappears forever unless you actually win. So let’s put some entries here, where we can all admire them in their awful glory. I only entered once - this was my sentence: _A giant of a man, Albert was emotionally outsized as well, for just as his fingers extending from his palm could tenderly caress even an unusually large, wriggly kitten, so could the lines of love extending from his heart like aortas wrap themselves around and give a comforting hug to even an acting-out and off-putting child._ What are some of yours? (Okay, this is weird. Discourse is telling me my topic is similar to “Mommy, Mommy! Guess what I learned at career day! Big boobies can make you big money!”) ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2021, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-bulwer-lytton-entries/945012/2 "2021-06-25T18:59:00Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > I’m guessing that more than a few Dopers have tried their hands at [the Bulwer-Lytton contest](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bulwer-Lytton_Fiction_Contest). > [@"Best of the Worst?"](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-worst/445261): > > OK, so under user names, I’ve seen “moderator,” “charter member,” “member,” and “guest,” but today I saw one that I’ve never seen before: “Best of the Worst,” under [Boyo Jim’s](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=9683939&postcount=4) name. What is this new designation, “Best of the Worst???” confused @Boyo_Jim won the 2007 contest and was awarded a custom title of “Best Of The Worst” by the staff here. ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2021, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-bulwer-lytton-entries/945012/3 "2021-06-25T20:08:17Z")
I’ve been trying to find his winning sentence; does anyone know what it was? ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2021, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-bulwer-lytton-entries/945012/4 "2021-06-25T20:13:49Z")
> [@kayT](#): > > I’ve been trying to find his winning sentence; does anyone know what it was? - [https://web.archive.org/web/20071016063739/http://www.sjsu.edu/depts/english/2007.htm](https://web.archive.org/web/20071016063739/http://www.sjsu.edu/depts/english/2007.htm) > Gerald began–but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten percent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for them “permanently” meant the next ten minutes or so until buried by searing lava or suffocated by choking ash–to pee. ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2021, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-bulwer-lytton-entries/945012/5 "2021-06-26T12:31:19Z")
Thank you! I can see why it won. Nothing like a little pee-us interruptus. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2021, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-bulwer-lytton-entries/945012/6 "2021-06-26T13:23:21Z")
His urologist must be quite impressed. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2021, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-bulwer-lytton-entries/945012/7 "2021-06-26T13:47:07Z")
This reminds me of an event that happened in Raleigh many moons ago. I’m not sure the nature of the event, but Harlan Ellison was putting on a demonstration of writing a story based on a random opening sentence. The article had a picture of one of the officials reading his entry as Harlan sat at a table behind him. The official came up with a rambling Bulwer-Lytton pile-on sentence that elicited groans from the audience. Ellison’s face expressed utter anguish in that photo. He told the official, “This is a career, not a death sentence!” ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2021, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-bulwer-lytton-entries/945012/8 "2021-06-28T18:46:03Z")
Back when for reasons I could still use a proper keyboard I’d submit my whole posting history for an award. ---
**Author:** ![Uniqueorn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/uniqueorn/32/2807_2.png) [@Uniqueorn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uniqueorn)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2021, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-bulwer-lytton-entries/945012/9 "2021-06-28T18:54:30Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > Gerald began–but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten percent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for them “permanently” meant the next ten minutes or so until buried by searing lava or suffocated by choking ash–to pee. This is just the literal English translation of a perfectly fine German sentence. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2021, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-bulwer-lytton-entries/945012/10 "2021-06-28T19:04:41Z")
> [@Uniqueorn](#): > > a perfectly fine German sentence …consisting, in German, of six very long words. ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2021, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-bulwer-lytton-entries/945012/11 "2021-06-28T20:46:52Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > @Boyo_Jim won the 2007 contest and was awarded a custom title of “Best Of The Worst” by the staff here. Damned shame that he’s been gone from the boards for ~3 years now. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2021, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-bulwer-lytton-entries/945012/12 "2021-06-28T21:23:16Z")
My (obviously non-winning) entries a few years back: “Meddling in the past can’t possibly have any effect on the present!” Bob → Josephine → MXliphin3 said as he → she → it entered → left → flew up to his office → her cave → it’s nest." “This is a moment I will remember for the rest of my life!” he said excitedly, as the Texas-sized meteor quickly approached Earth." “I shall strike my opponent down with my invincible Space Sword!” said the Space Barbarian, right before the space bullet fired from the space Colt .45 created a space in the middle of his forehead." ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2021, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-bulwer-lytton-entries/945012/13 "2021-06-28T21:40:14Z")
Well, I got a chuckle out of them! ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2021, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-bulwer-lytton-entries/945012/14 "2021-06-29T01:08:52Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > I’m guessing that more than a few Dopers have tried their hands at [the Bulwer-Lytton contest](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bulwer-Lytton_Fiction_Contest) More than one of us have won a category, actually. I once won Adventure. “Leopold looked up at the arrow piercing the skin of the dirigible with a sort of wondrous dismay – the wheezy shriek was just the sort of sound he always imagined a baby moose being beaten with a pair of accordions might make.” ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2021, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-bulwer-lytton-entries/945012/15 "2021-06-29T01:27:22Z")
And I was the runner-up to **elfkin477** ’s winner in the Adventure category that year: > [@](#): > > “Die, commie pigs!” grunted Sergeant “Rocky” Steele through his cigar stub as he machine-gunned the North Korean farm animals.