# Your burlesque fantasy...if you have one...
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-burlesque-fantasy-if-you-have-one/264299
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [September 13, 2004, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-burlesque-fantasy-if-you-have-one/264299 "2004-09-13T19:53:29Z")
**Posts on this page:** 16
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)
#### Post date: [September 13, 2004, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-burlesque-fantasy-if-you-have-one/264299/1 "2004-09-13T19:53:29Z")
My friend is putting together a burlesque show and has asked me to do a skit of some sort. I’ve been a professional stripper, so I’m pretty well qualified to do burlesque. I’m looking to do something that’s sexy, but classy. I’ve seen all the typical strip club schtick, and I’d like to do something different. Breasts may or may not be shown, but I’d like to come up with a really creative dance.
Guys, and gals, what would you like to see if you went to a burlesque show?
I saw the Suicide Girls Burlesque a few months back, and other than the hula hoop chic, I was unimpressed. It was a glorified strip show, minus the boobs. 😃
Anyway, I’m thinking something punk rock or really unusual, possibly involving body paints.
Any ideas?
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### Author:  [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)
#### Post date: [September 13, 2004, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-burlesque-fantasy-if-you-have-one/264299/2 "2004-09-13T21:49:44Z")
The classic burlesque of fruit and feather costume is always good. But here is an idea from my personal collection of fettishes.
Appear behind a table clothed with an apron and with food making items (an oven would be great if you can get a small one on the stage. Off stage have a gruff mans voice shouting “Is my dinner ready” or some such. Start preparing a dinner on ocasions picking up phalic vegitables pairs of melons etc and playing with them sensually. Ever so often wipe your brow and complain theatrically of the heat in the kitchen then remove an item of clothing from under the apron. Carry on ocasionally showing more and more glimpses of flesh until only the apron (and a G string if necessary) are left and the dinner is made then take the food off stage showing your exposed back and ass completely for the first and only time.
Can’t think of the song to use in this, but surely there is a song about cooking or kitchen, or dinner for my man or some such.
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### Author:  [@tremorviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tremorviolet)
#### Post date: [September 13, 2004, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-burlesque-fantasy-if-you-have-one/264299/3 "2004-09-13T22:22:37Z")
It’s kinda cheesy but I’ve always thought the ballon thing was really cool. You know, where the girl comes out looking like a bunch of grapes and pops the ballons one by one. Not totally sure how it would work in real life though; would you wind up with a whole bunch of little scraps of ballon hanging off your costume?
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### Author:  [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)
#### Post date: [September 13, 2004, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-burlesque-fantasy-if-you-have-one/264299/4 "2004-09-13T23:00:18Z")
I’d love to see some kind of retro-fetish burlesque scene, something Bettie Page-inspired, or kinda like what Dita Von Teese does now. I have no idea what you look like (although I’m kinda wishing I do!), but those fishnet stockings with the seams down the backs, super-high heels, long gloves, corsets, bustiers, garter belts, and leather strappy things are amazingly sexy and sort of timeless.
On a related note, something Gothy would be hot, perhaps a sexy vampire, or something involving hot candle wax, or a dominatrix-style routine. I don’t know if you would consider getting a guy or another girl to join you for a light-hearted “femdom session” on stage, though. All that kind of stuff makes me melt.
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### Author:  [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)
#### Post date: [September 13, 2004, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-burlesque-fantasy-if-you-have-one/264299/5 "2004-09-13T23:30:29Z")
How big of a burlesque show are we talking about? If we’re talking about a multiple-act thing, it seems like a cheeky emcee is in order.
A local company put on _Cabaret_ a while back, and while I didn’t get to see it, I got the impression that there was almost a “fetishes on parade” undercurrent, with the (woman) emcee playing things up as a domme. Any audience members who had the misfortune of showing any interest in the performances were singled out by the emcee and teased mercilessly. I’m sure that some folks had a lot of explaining to do after the show. 😉
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### Author:  [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)
#### Post date: [September 14, 2004, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-burlesque-fantasy-if-you-have-one/264299/6 "2004-09-14T02:45:40Z")
I once saw a stripper do a show under a blacklight using flourescent paint (actually as I recall it was Pert shampoo).
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### Author:  [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)
#### Post date: [September 14, 2004, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-burlesque-fantasy-if-you-have-one/264299/7 "2004-09-14T04:46:39Z")
Well, one thing I think would be cool, if maybe a bit heavy on effects, would be an act based on the credits sequence of one of the early Bond films. You know, miniskirts, boots, pistols, half-dressed girls silhouetted by leaping flames, Shirley Bassey crooning ‘Goldfinger’, Carly Simon telling us how Nobody Does it Better, that sort of thing.
Or a takeoff of the ‘Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend’ bit originally done by Marilyn Monroe. Hey, it worked for Madonna (Material Girl).
And photos. Don’t forget photos of how the whole deal turned out.
Er, maybe I shouldn’t be replying to this thread so enthusiatically.
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### Author:  [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)
#### Post date: [September 14, 2004, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-burlesque-fantasy-if-you-have-one/264299/8 "2004-09-14T12:58:09Z")
Aww, yet another thing in life I have no context for.
_sigh_
I mean, I know what burlesque **is** , but…
Definitely let us know how it turns out.
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### Author:  [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)
#### Post date: [September 14, 2004, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-burlesque-fantasy-if-you-have-one/264299/9 "2004-09-14T13:43:41Z")
Why don’t you use latex body paints to surprise your audience? So when you whip off your bra, it reveals a painted-on bra underneath? Or get a merkin and use
Something I saw at DragonCon that was kinda funny/sexy was a gal wearing a Star Wars storm trooper helmet and a lacy little negligee underneath. I also saw her (or maybe someone else) who was wearing Storm Trooper gear from the waist up and a thong and heel from the waist down. Nice. J fact if you’re looking for costume inspiration, check out some of the costumes at [Dragon Con](http://www.dragoncon.com). There are links to fan photo pages that have some pretty seriously sexy stuff on them.
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### Author:  [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)
#### Post date: [September 14, 2004, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-burlesque-fantasy-if-you-have-one/264299/10 "2004-09-14T14:45:05Z")
1. If I can help you with your rehearsals, please let me know. 🙂
2. How **you** doin’? 😃
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### Author:  [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)
#### Post date: [September 14, 2004, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-burlesque-fantasy-if-you-have-one/264299/11 "2004-09-14T21:25:30Z")
> [@Bippy the Beardless](#):
>
> The classic burlesque of fruit and feather costume is always good. But here is an idea from my personal collection of fettishes.
> Appear behind a table clothed with an apron and with food making items (an oven would be great if you can get a small one on the stage. Off stage have a gruff mans voice shouting “Is my dinner ready” or some such.
>
> Start preparing a dinner on ocasions picking up phalic vegitables pairs of melons etc and playing with them sensually. Ever so often wipe your brow and complain theatrically of the heat in the kitchen then remove an item of clothing from under the apron.
>
> Carry on ocasionally showing more and more glimpses of flesh until only the apron (and a G string if necessary) are left and the dinner is made then take the food off stage showing your exposed back and ass completely for the first and only time.
> Can’t think of the song to use in this, but surely there is a song about cooking or kitchen, or dinner for my man or some such.
This is brilliant. What song?? I could definitely do something like this.
I had considered doing a dance to the song, “What condition my condition is in…” with a sexy nurse outfit, fishnets, heels, etc. I thought it would be fun to get my bf to sit there and be my “patient.” It would basically be a lap dance, but much more choreographed and less nekkid.
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### Author:  [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)
#### Post date: [September 15, 2004, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-burlesque-fantasy-if-you-have-one/264299/12 "2004-09-15T00:19:40Z")
> [@Indygrrl](#):
>
> This is brilliant. What song?? I could definitely do something like this.
Darned but though I am sure the song I was specifically thinking about exists (it was an old variety show style song, I can’t think of it or google it.
Try these from google searches that have suitable lyrics
[http://www.hugelyrics.com/lyrics/111022/Cadillac\_Moon/In\_The\_Kichen\_With\_Rosie](http://www.hugelyrics.com/lyrics/111022/Cadillac_Moon/In_The_Kichen_With_Rosie)
or Nina Simone [http://www.boscarol.com/nina/html/where/mybabyjustcaresf.html](http://www.boscarol.com/nina/html/where/mybabyjustcaresf.html)
But I think it is important that it is music you like, so maybe you will have much better ideas going with a less appropriate song but from an artist you particularly like.
So for my love of Queen, I might think Killer Queen is perfect, just make sure there was a pretty cabinet on stage from which I could get the Moet and Chandon (sp?), see what I mean?
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### Author:  [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)
#### Post date: [September 15, 2004, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-burlesque-fantasy-if-you-have-one/264299/13 "2004-09-15T15:42:13Z")
Just a thought or two more.
If the audience can be interacted with, whipping cream is always a good sensuous act.
Start whipping cream with a hand whisk and an over full bowl, splashing yourself and front row audience. Pick out a man who is enjoying himself too much.
Feign that you’r wrists are getting sore, and go to the man and ask him to whip the cream for you “you look big and strong, can you help with the whipping?” Go back to stage (you should still have at least bra and panties on at this point so you don’t reveal all going back to the stage). After a short period (Maybe peel a banana in the act) go back to the victim. If the cream is still runny, use the whisk to show this to the audience and say “Maybe your not as much of a man as I thought you were”, If the cream is thickened by his beating show audience and say “My what strong wrists you have” then in this case return to the stage showing a hand gesture for male masturbation (insinuating that is how he has got such strong wrists).
I’m not sure if it is better to remove stoking and garter belt during the performance, or to leave them on throughout. Stokings, garter belt, Apron and high heel shoes are very sexy all together (IMHO).
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### Author:  [@kidchameleon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidchameleon)
#### Post date: [September 15, 2004, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-burlesque-fantasy-if-you-have-one/264299/14 "2004-09-15T16:18:25Z")
> [@Indygrrl](#):
>
> This is brilliant. What song?? I could definitely do something like this.
Well, Weird Al has two classics involving food: _Eat It_ and _Girls Just Wanna Have Lunch_
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### Author:  [@mbacko1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbacko1)
#### Post date: [September 15, 2004, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-burlesque-fantasy-if-you-have-one/264299/15 "2004-09-15T20:00:01Z")
> [@Bippy the Beardless](#):
>
> Just a thought or two more.
> If the audience can be interacted with, whipping cream is always a good sensuous act.
> Start whipping cream with a hand whisk and an over full bowl, splashing yourself and front row audience. Pick out a man who is enjoying himself too much.
> Feign that you’r wrists are getting sore, and go to the man and ask him to whip the cream for you “you look big and strong, can you help with the whipping?” Go back to stage (you should still have at least bra and panties on at this point so you don’t reveal all going back to the stage). After a short period (Maybe peel a banana in the act) go back to the victim. If the cream is still runny, use the whisk to show this to the audience and say “Maybe your not as much of a man as I thought you were”, If the cream is thickened by his beating show audience and say “My what strong wrists you have” then in this case return to the stage showing a hand gesture for male masturbation (insinuating that is how he has got such strong wrists).
> I’m not sure if it is better to remove stoking and garter belt during the performance, or to leave them on throughout. Stokings, garter belt, Apron and high heel shoes are very sexy all together (IMHO).
She could do this routine to “Whip It” by Devo. OK, my imagination needs to go back to work… on work…
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### Author:  [@bughunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bughunter)
#### Post date: [September 15, 2004, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-burlesque-fantasy-if-you-have-one/264299/16 "2004-09-15T21:42:29Z")
I’d suggest something a bit racier like AC/DC’s _Shook Me All Night Long_ or even ZZ Top’s _Got Me Under Pressure_. Or perhaps Crystal Method’s _Trip Like I Do_.
Of course, you could abandon all pretenses and use Jackyl’s _She Loves My Cock_. But then, I suppose that tune’s become a stripper cliche.