# Your child - planned? \[edited title\] **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 2, 2011, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-child-planned-edited-title/580527 "2011-05-02T23:51:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-child-planned-edited-title/580527/41 "2011-05-03T15:34:54Z")
My brother and I were unplanned - my parents were told my mother couldn’t have children, so they adopted two daughters in the early-60’s. My brother (surprise!) was born in 1965, whereupon the doctor proclaimed that it would never happen again. Apparently my parents believed him because I’m typing these words today. ---
**Author:** ![Alias](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a88e4f/32.png) [@Alias](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alias)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-child-planned-edited-title/580527/42 "2011-05-03T16:56:32Z")
One child, not planned, but not unwelcome.🙂 ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-child-planned-edited-title/580527/43 "2011-05-03T17:00:04Z")
> [@Little\_Bird](#): > > Currently 16 weeks in on a very planned pregnancy. I am 16 weeks too! When are you due? ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-child-planned-edited-title/580527/44 "2011-05-03T17:12:29Z")
Both children unplanned. Both should have been a terrible idea at the time but turned out wonderfully. The irony of course is that I was a risk taker during my teenage years and somehow managed to have fairly constant unprotected sex without getting pregnant only to end up pregnant a few months after beginning to protect against it. I became pregnant with my son during a period of great sadness and stress and I suspect that I may have thrown up a birth control pill. I was a little paranoid after that and despite resuming the pill, breast feeding and using condoms I became pregnant and a lot more paranoid. Shortly after her birth I had a tubal and avoided sex for almost two years just in case. I love them both dearly but I wasn’t taking any chances on three. ---
**Author:** ![Amara\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/7993a0/32.png) [@Amara\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amara_1)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-child-planned-edited-title/580527/45 "2011-05-03T17:20:02Z")
Two children with both planned. This is using the definition that we wanted children, purposefully stopped using birth control and were in a good place to have them. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-child-planned-edited-title/580527/46 "2011-05-03T17:40:52Z")
All seven of my kids were planned. Kidding. You know I don’t have kids…yet. Little bro and I were both planned, as was the first of the three babies my mother lost (she lost the first after falling down the stairs :(). The other two that were lost were to be oops! babies, but were probably victims of medication mom had been taking before she knew she was pregnant and miscarried early. The sad part is that my parents would have welcomed all three - as evidenced by my memories of happy “you’re going to have another brother or a sister” speeches - and were devastated to learn that their unplanned for surprises weren’t meant to be after all. ---
**Author:** ![Gus\_Gusterson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85f322/32.png) [@Gus\_Gusterson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gus_Gusterson)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-child-planned-edited-title/580527/47 "2011-05-03T17:48:05Z")
Two children, both planned, inasmuch as “Let’s have sex and if we make a baby that’s OK” is a plan. ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-child-planned-edited-title/580527/48 "2011-05-03T17:48:23Z")
No kids. That definitely was _not_ planned. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-child-planned-edited-title/580527/49 "2011-05-03T18:05:53Z")
One child, adopted, so definitely and exhaustively planned. ---
**Author:** ![Neeps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a183cd/32.png) [@Neeps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neeps)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-child-planned-edited-title/580527/50 "2011-05-03T18:39:52Z")
> [@Girl\_From\_Mars](#): > > I only had my first beta yesterday, so haven’t had time come to terms yet - you know, never count your chickens… But thanks, perhaps it’s time I started getting excited! Since I held off getting exited about my first until, oh, about his first birthday, I swore that for the second, I would start getting excited as soon as the second line appeared. I think you’ve earned a little flutter of excitement 😃 ---
**Author:** ![YaraMateo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/58f4c7/32.png) [@YaraMateo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YaraMateo)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-child-planned-edited-title/580527/51 "2011-05-03T19:07:02Z")
> [@Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](#): > > [ul] > [li]First one definitely planned (though I quit my job three days before we found out - I could have planned **that** part better . It all worked out really well, though.)[/li][li]Second one semi-planned (we’d felt that 2.5 years between kids was about right, so we weren’t **not** trying, and we just happened to get pregnant when Kid #1 was around 18 months)[/li][li]Third one, my wife planned (bio-clock ticking frantically, my wife wanted to try for a boy after having two girls; she kinda-sorta forgot to tell me she was trying, not that it was a big deal)[/li][li]Fourth one is due in two days - wife and I are constantly exhausted, we don’t have enough baby clothes since we can’t find time to go shopping, our other kids are at each others’ throats constantly, our house is already too small, we can’t agree on a name, and did I mention that we’re **exhausted**? Definitely unplanned.[/li][/ul] Sorry you’re feeling that way lately. Maybe some of this will change when the new arrival comes. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-child-planned-edited-title/580527/52 "2011-05-03T19:12:49Z")
> [@YaraMateo](#): > > It depends on how you define planned. If planned means the couple wanted a child and was in a good place for them, many of my friends and coworkers fit planned child/children. However, if you’re taking planned to mean every time prior to impregnantion, it was the goal of their love making, then I don’t know anyone personally who fits this who didn’t have some type of fertile problem. Even then, that’s only one couple I know personally. Yes, planning to such a degree sort of indicates, well either fertility conception problems/issues or possibly control issues. What would be the category of allowing nature to take its coarse and fully accepting and feeling blessed if a child is given to the couple? ---
**Author:** ![YaraMateo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/58f4c7/32.png) [@YaraMateo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YaraMateo)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-child-planned-edited-title/580527/53 "2011-05-03T19:13:11Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > I am currently pregnant with an unplanned child. I am having a c-section in part because I am having them tie my tubes while they are in there. My husband is perfectly happy only having one kid and I am _not_ doing this again so it is really the best option. No more surprise babies for us! If I ever spawn, the idea of only having one is very appealing to me also. ---
**Author:** ![YaraMateo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/58f4c7/32.png) [@YaraMateo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YaraMateo)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-child-planned-edited-title/580527/54 "2011-05-03T19:16:18Z")
> [@Max\_Torque](#): > > Went through fertility treatments, to no avail. We were given a less than 1% chance of conceiving naturally. Started the adoption process. Surprise pregnancy 9 months after the fertility treatments failed. > > So, I’d call that “unplanned.” Hoped for, but totally unexpected. That’s so awesome. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![YaraMateo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/58f4c7/32.png) [@YaraMateo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YaraMateo)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-child-planned-edited-title/580527/55 "2011-05-03T19:20:36Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > My brother and I were unplanned - my parents were told my mother couldn’t have children, so they adopted two daughters in the early-60’s. My brother (surprise!) was born in 1965, whereupon the doctor proclaimed that it would never happen again. > > Apparently my parents believed him because I’m typing these words today. That’s amazing. I think it’s cool they adopted girls and got biological boys. The reverse would have been cool, too. ---
**Author:** ![YaraMateo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/58f4c7/32.png) [@YaraMateo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YaraMateo)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-child-planned-edited-title/580527/56 "2011-05-03T19:28:10Z")
> [@kanicbird](#): > > Yes, planning to such a degree sort of indicates, well either fertility conception problems/issues or possibly control issues. > > What would be the category of allowing nature to take its coarse and fully accepting and feeling blessed if a child is given to the couple? I assume that’s planned, too. I basically mean like as long as you weren’t actively trying to avoid it. Using condoms and stuff like that. This is The Dope. You know (!) everyone is going to define what planned means to them. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-child-planned-edited-title/580527/57 "2011-05-03T19:42:28Z")
I don’t have kids but everyone I know does so I’ll throw you some data: - Brother planned - Me planned (we are exactly 2 years apart) - Brother’s 2 kids, planned - My 3 best friends with kids under 3, planned - My cousin’s 6-month old, planned in a sense that they would take a baby any time they could manage to make a baby. It just took like 5 years to make said baby. Then he spent his first 6 months in foster care because neither parent was legally fit to be a parent. - My youngest cousin’s 5-year-old, unplanned - My other cousin’s kid’s 3 kids, unplanned Just so happens that the 4 unplanned kids here were born to very young, un-educated and un-married women. All the others were kids born when the parents were in their mid-to-late 20s. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-child-planned-edited-title/580527/58 "2011-05-03T20:33:47Z")
> [@YaraMateo](#): > > That’s so awesome. 🙂 I don’t want to hijack the thread, so I’ll note that the thread I started back when this all happened is [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=387858), and say no more. ---
**Author:** ![Jelly\_Roll](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Jelly\_Roll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jelly_Roll)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-child-planned-edited-title/580527/59 "2011-05-03T20:47:39Z")
1 child, very planned (IVF). ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Tonya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/4491bb/32.png) [@Queen\_Tonya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Tonya)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-child-planned-edited-title/580527/60 "2011-05-03T20:58:00Z")
Two pregnancies, both unplanned, one live birth. And a much better understanding of birth control. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-child-planned-edited-title/580527.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-child-planned-edited-title/580527.md?page=4)