# Your childfree lifestyle. What's it like? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 1, 2003, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279 "2003-05-01T02:14:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/41 "2003-05-01T06:06:23Z")
So? People who are born rich and didn’t have to work _do_ have it free and easy. Does it rub you the wrong way because you resent them? ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/42 "2003-05-01T06:12:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bill H. \* > \*\*There’s nothing “wrong” with either choice. But when I read posts where people say “I live free and easy, no cares, no effort, I don’t gotta share, everything is mine”, I gotta say that general attitude just rubs me the wrong way. > > It reminds me of something someone might say who was born rich and didn’t have to work. \*\* I don’t recall anybody saying they live free and easy, or have no cares, or don’t have to share. Frankly, no one’s life is completely easy and carefree, but on the whole our lives _are_ easier and less worriesome than they’d be if we had kids. We’re aware of and enjoy the fact that we don’t have to make the sacrifices that parents do. We like our quiet and our reduced financial obligations. So sue us. ---
**Author:** ![j\_kat\_251](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/71c47a/32.png) [@j\_kat\_251](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j_kat_251)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/43 "2003-05-01T06:14:09Z")
Wah, I wish other people shared my troubles! Like having asshole kids! And no money for myself! Jealous! Whiny! Boo hoo! Go write a blues song or something. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/44 "2003-05-01T06:22:50Z")
Wah, I wish other people shared my obvious disregard for human life! Whiny! Boo hoo! ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/45 "2003-05-01T06:26:23Z")
I shat in this thread. That’s no excuse for others to do so. Pit here we come (as soon as I get time) ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/46 "2003-05-01T06:33:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lobsang \* > \*\*Wah, I wish other people shared my obvious disregard for human life! Whiny! Boo hoo! \*\* 'Scuse me? How exactly do you get from “I don’t enjoy having kids around” or even from “I don’t want to make the sacrifices parents have to make” to not caring about human life? To suggest that not wanting to saddle yourself with the difficulties of having kids (the very same difficulties parents often bitch about, I might add) means we don’t care about human life or other people is just ridiculous. It’s a lot of other stuff, too, but this isn’t the Pit. The post about parents whining might have been a little over the top, but we all have to listen to our friends with kids gripe about the trials and tribulations of having kids, and how they wish they could do the stuff we get to do on the spur of the moment. Then they turn around and nag us about how we ought to have kids. The obvious inference is, of course, that misery loves company. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/47 "2003-05-01T06:38:48Z")
That was directed at **j\_kat\_251** It was meant to be as ignorant as what he/she said. It was not directed at people who do not want children. It was directed at the few that disrespect them, who call them lawn apes and asshole kids. I have no kids so have no asshole kids. ---
**Author:** ![Bill\_H](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a5b964/32.png) [@Bill\_H](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bill_H)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/48 "2003-05-01T06:52:15Z")
**pepperlandgirl** wrote > [@](#): > > So? People who are born rich and didn’t have to work do have it free and easy. Does it rub you the wrong way because you resent them? No. it rubs me the wrong way because I believe there’s more to life then fun. I’m in the fortunate position of not having to work, but I do. I work because I believe it creates something outside myself, something that lives beyond my own life, something that may enrich the lives of others. And that’s how I view my parenting. I hope the world in 50 years is a better place because I was a decent parent. ---
**Author:** ![Bill\_H](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a5b964/32.png) [@Bill\_H](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bill_H)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/49 "2003-05-01T07:09:48Z")
**CrazyCatLady** wrote > [@](#): > > I don’t recall anybody saying they live free and easy, or have no cares, or don’t have to share. Actually, most said exactly that. Please reread, starting with the OP. **Scarlett67** ’s was typical: > [@](#): > > We have peace and quiet in our home. (…) We can come and go at our whim, whether out to dinner or on a two-week vacation. (…) The toys around the house are for US. (…) I am having a ball without kids keeping me from doing whatever the hell I want to. **CrazyCatLady** continued > [@](#): > > (…) on the whole our lives are easier and less worriesome than they’d be if we had kids. We’re aware of and enjoy the fact that we don’t have to make the sacrifices that parents do. We like our quiet and our reduced financial obligations. And that’s my point. If posters were saying “I don’t have time for kids, they get in the way of my building world peace!” I’d think “well, that’s admirable.” But instead when you say “I enjoy not making sacrifices” and “I enjoy quiet and having more money to spend on myself”, well in my mind that’s not a very admirable stance. It’s not bad, just not admirable. All of this said, I don’t think there’s anything “noble” about being a parent in itself. And I don’t think there’s anything bad about not having kids. And I completely concur that it’s better to not be a parent then to be a bad one. > [@](#): > > So sue us. I guess I just don’t feel strongly enough about the issue. Your comment does seem to be typical of childless couples though. Maybe it’s because you’ve been picked on, I dunno. But I would hardly get snippy with you just because your choice isn’t right for me. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/50 "2003-05-01T07:14:29Z")
Oddly enough, **Bill** , that’s exactly how a lot of us childfree folks feel about our various endeavors. Because we’re not changing diapers and refereeing fights over who’s touching whom and acting as taxi service to and from activities, we’ve got time to do volunteer work, lend a hand to the old folks down the street whose kids never check on them, and generally help make this world a better place for all of us to live _right now_, not in fifty years. Incidentally, it also make the world a better place for _your_ kids to grow up. Then, when we’re done for the day, we come home to our quiet, restful homes and play with our expensive toys. ---
**Author:** ![Bill\_H](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a5b964/32.png) [@Bill\_H](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bill_H)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/51 "2003-05-01T07:23:44Z")
**CrazyCatLady** wrote > [@](#): > > Because we’re not changing diapers and refereeing fights over who’s touching whom and acting as taxi service to and from activities, we’ve got time to do volunteer work, lend a hand to the old folks down the street whose kids never check on them, and generally help make this world a better place for all of us to live right now, not in fifty years. Incidentally, it also make the world a better place for your kids to grow up. Excellent. But note you’re the first to mention that value, and even then, only because you were pushed to. The first words from every childless poster (including yours) till your post were “I like being childless because there’s more money, time and toys for Me.” By the way, was what you said true, or just hypothetical? Do you actually spend more time volunteering then parents you know? And was that the reason you chose to not have kids? ---
**Author:** ![Essured](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Essured](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Essured)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/52 "2003-05-01T07:36:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Phouchg \* > \*\*This is a corollary to the “Your gay lifestyle” thread. I am getting married in June, and my future bride and I are going to be childfree. As a nice refreshing break from the comments that we will have “empty, selfish” lives without little snot-nosed yard apes running around (or children, for that matter) - married, childfree dopers: share your typical day not having to deal with children at home. Are me and my future bride doomed to a “miserable hollow existance” (as a lady at church called it)? > > Phouchg > Lovable Rogue \*\* Hi **Phouchg.** Congrats on the upcoming marriage. 🙂 I have dealt with those sorts of comments, too. They can get to you and cause you to either get so angry that you overreact, or they can make you doubt yourself. Try not to do either. [aside]I personally don’t think the term “yard ape” is the right thing to say. It dehumanises children and causes other people to see only the insulting term, and not the rest of your words. Keep that sort of language for the rant boards is my advice 😉 They _can_ frequently be snot-nosed, however. [/aside] OK… the childfree life… Firstly, there really is no such thing as a childfree lifestyle, as we’re all different. Secondly, whether or not you end up with an “empty, selfish” life or a “miserable, hollow existence” is largely up to you. Many childfree people live happy fulfilled lives, as do many parents. I have also come across my share of miserable, selfish people who are childfree AND parents. Having or not having kids doesn’t appear to correlate in the slightest with having an enjoyable life. Having an enjoyable life is up to you. You need to do what is right for you. If that means having children, then prepare yourself and go for it. If it means being childfree, then you need to go ahead and make sure you do that, too. Parenting is not for everyone, for a variety of reasons. There are ‘good’ and ‘bad’ reasons for not having kids (IMO), just as there are ‘good’ and ‘bad’ reasons for having kids. As long as you know yourself and be true to that, you will probably lead a reasonable hapy life. But there are no guarantees. As far as the “selfish” argument goes, it is total garbage, but I won’t discuss it in this thread to avoid further hijacking. GD or the Pit would be appropriate if anyone truly has a burning desire to go over that old ground again. On to me 🙂 I don’t have a typical day, unfortunately. I’m currently a uni student by correspondence, so most days include some study. Today for example, I had an easy day, as I was up late, very sick this morning. Tomorrow I’m going off for a long weekend of camping on the beach. Monday I have a gyn appointment to arrange sterilisation. 🙂 Sorry… I just don’t have a ‘typical’ day. What I do have is a life I love. I also have a friend with two children who has a life she loves. We’re all different, and we all want different things out of life. Trust yourself. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 7:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/53 "2003-05-01T07:40:06Z")
No, I don’t have kids simply because the little buggers get on my nerves after about 15 minutes. See my first post on my quiet time and alone time requirements. Besides, if we had kids (which I don’t find fulfilling on any level), I couldn’t spend as much time and money on helping animals (which very much fulfills me). I don’t personally know any parents who do _any_ volunteer work, although I’m sure that’s a statistical anomaly due to small sample size. And I freely admit that I do enjoy being the time and money we have to indulge our hobbies. It’s nice, and it’s something that my friends with kids wish they had. ---
**Author:** ![MrVisible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@MrVisible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrVisible)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/54 "2003-05-01T07:46:18Z")
It’s amusing to see parents get all defensive about deciding to foist their progeny on a world that isn’t really crying out for more human beings, as if being a parent was some holy quest that only they can fulfill. There’s really no rational reason for a couple to have kids, in my opinion. Unless you’re Einstein or SuperParent, the idea that somehow your kid will make the world any better in 50 years than having one less person draining its resources is pretty arrogant. Sure, there’s a minimum reproductive rate necessary to maintain the human race, but we’re well above that rate now. I can’t help think of the Renaissance, and its cause, the Black Plague; with a third of the population no longer around, there were resources enough to make the world over in a whole new image. Imagine what would happen if more prospective parents decided not to pass on their DNA these days. I think that with our current technology, we’d be able to work wonders. But instead, driven by primitive urges that they can’t explain, all those billions of people driven to breed do so, and with alarming frequency. And then they have the gall to call those of us who’d rather not have kids selfish. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 7:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/55 "2003-05-01T07:47:57Z")
I also really enjoy being able to pick up extra shifts at work for folks who get sick or have family emergencies or what have you. I love my work, and I enjoy being able to help people out. I couldn’t take extra shifts with a couple hours’ notice if I had a kid to contend with. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/56 "2003-05-01T07:52:01Z")
I haven’t read the responses to the OP but… We’re pushing 40, been married for just over 10 years and we love it. It is the best post marriage decision that we made. We’ve been all over the world on amazing vacations. We get to do what we want when we want and we do take advantage of it. All of our extra money goes to buy stuff for us: toys, dinner out, the aforementioned vacations, etc. Every once in a while one of us will say, “we don’t have kids” and then the both of us will break out into a happy dance. Another major bennie is that we have to deal with my parents intrusiveness way less than my siblings with children. When we got married, we both assumed that we’d have children in “a couple years.” Every year that “couple years” would reset back to zero. We finally realized that we simply didn’t want 'em. Mrs. H was a bit concerned that she would regret it later until two things happened. First she became acquainted with an amazing 98 year old woman who had been married and never had kids. She told Mrs. H that she never, ever regretted it. What sealed the deal was the week that Mrs. H spent with her niece and nephew. I’ll never forget that phone conversation. “We went here, ate there, saw these things. Oh yeah, we’re not having kids by the way.” Haj ---
**Author:** ![yola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/48db29/32.png) [@yola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yola)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/57 "2003-05-01T07:53:55Z")
Glad my kid is 26 with a life and mind of her own and I’m child-free. I don’t know what kind of parent I’d be today. I coach little league softball and formed a neighborhood farm team. Might be my age, but I’m glad when they all go home to their own houses. My daughter doesn’t want to have kids either and I respect her decision. She does babysit her best friends baby, just out of the goodness of her heart. Gives her friend a break and Little Yola the baby fix. I get to be surrogate grandma out of the deal. I always believed being a mother or father is universal. Meaning, you don’t have to go having them to enjoy and teach them. There’s enough to make the world go around. ---
**Author:** ![Kayeby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9de0a6/32.png) [@Kayeby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kayeby)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/58 "2003-05-01T07:56:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by sj2 \* > \*\*now go get some stretch marks and cracked nipples." By the way, to my lactating friend: I did not need to see your cracked and bloodied nipple. \*\* If I didn’t want kids before, I _certainly_ don’t want them now! :eek: I have my own selfish and non-selfish reasons for not wanting to be a parent. But IMO some people should take a pretty hard look at their own reasons for wanting to have children (“mini me”? Oh please) before pointing the selfish stick. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 7:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/59 "2003-05-01T07:57:27Z")
Parents are arrogant for having hopes for their children?? If I were one I’d find that, and a large part of this thread hurtful and offensive. I am lost for words about some of the anti-human opinions expressed here. Talking about it as if it is a disease. ---
**Author:** ![Essured](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Essured](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Essured)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 8:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/60 "2003-05-01T08:01:27Z")
**Bill H,** the word you’re looking for is “childfree” not “childless”. Apart from those who are still on the fence about having children, the majority of posters to this thread have been childfree, not childless. There is a big difference. **Yola** the word you’re looking for is “empty nester”. Quite a different thing to being childfree. You sound like you’ve led a happy life, having your child. Good on you 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279.md?page=4)