# Your childfree lifestyle. What's it like? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 1, 2003, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279 "2003-05-01T02:14:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/61 "2003-05-01T08:02:13Z")
> [@](#): > > (“mini me”? Oh please) Ok so I tried to use humour to express what I mean. Sue me. What I meant by that was the inbuilt connection you have with your child because it’s _your_ child. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/62 "2003-05-01T08:11:15Z")
OK, now I have read all of the responses and I wish I hadn’t. **Lobsang** , you said over a page ago that you were going to leave and start a Pit thread. You’ve posted like ten times here since then. Please start the Pit thread and quit shitting all over this one. Sheesh. Haj ---
**Author:** ![MrVisible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@MrVisible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrVisible)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/63 "2003-05-01T08:16:27Z")
I had a post composed, but **hajario** is right; this hijack has gone too far. Start a thread if you care to, **Lobsang**. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 8:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/64 "2003-05-01T08:17:31Z")
OK, now I have read all of the responses and I wish I hadn’t. **Lobsang** , you said over a page ago that you were going to leave and start a Pit thread. You’ve posted like ten times here since then. Please start the Pit thread and quit shitting all over this one. Sheesh. Haj ---
**Author:** ![Bill\_H](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a5b964/32.png) [@Bill\_H](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bill_H)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 8:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/65 "2003-05-01T08:17:48Z")
**Goo** wrote > [@](#): > > Bill H, the word you’re looking for is “childfree” not “childless”. Apart from those who are still on the fence about having children, the majority of posters to this thread have been childfree, not childless. There is a big difference. If you say there’s a “big difference”, and the reference is to you and others like you, then by all means “childfree” it is. And you’re right on the money. Children work for some people and not for others. Viva la difference and all that. I don’t believe people are selfish for not having children, and I would NEVER imply to a friend without children that they should start if it wasn’t what they wanted. ---
**Author:** ![Jervoise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d2c977/32.png) [@Jervoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jervoise)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/66 "2003-05-01T08:20:46Z")
I’m still in my 20s, but I look forward to continuing my childfree existence. This thread gives me a good idea of what to look forward to. Thanks guys. (OTOH, it’s also giving me an idea of the SHIT I’ll have to put up with. I’m not sure what was so confusing about the OP that people feel inclined to ask childfree couples to justify their lifestyles, as if every parent consciously makes a moral choice for sake of humanity to pop out a kid, and childfree people must likewise justify their reproductive choice.) ---
**Author:** ![Essured](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Essured](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Essured)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 8:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/67 "2003-05-01T08:22:16Z")
Thanks **Bill.** 😃 I was expecting an argument, so it was a lovely surprise to get such a thoughtful and respectful reply. Maybe I shouldn’t always expect the worse, but my experiences have shaped my expectations. IOW, you’re a rarity 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 9:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/68 "2003-05-01T09:33:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hajario \* > \*\*OK, now I have read all of the responses and I wish I hadn’t. > > **Lobsang** , you said over a page ago that you were going to leave and start a Pit thread. You’ve posted like ten times here since then. Please start the Pit thread and quit shitting all over this one. Sheesh. > > Haj \*\* I did say “when I get time”. someone started one before I had the time. I had work to do. I apologised in that thread. PLease see it. It is quite obivious, it has my name in it. ---
**Author:** ![Audrey\_Levins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Audrey\_Levins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Audrey_Levins)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 10:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/69 "2003-05-01T10:13:20Z")
Mr. Levins and I do not have children, and we have no current plans for them; the very idea at this point in our lives scares the daylights out of us. We love our “selfish” lifestyle just the way it is. My dogs are my babies, and sometimes _they_ drive me nuts. And every once in awhile, when I get the primal urge to give birth to something, I ponder the next eighteen years of my life, and everything I’d put on hold or put away, perhaps forever, and within .08 seconds, the urge has magically vanished. (My niece and nephews also have this effect. Love 'em, but sure as hell don’t want 'em!) I get to be irresponsible if I choose; I can buy something frivolous with the rent money; I can sit at a coffee shop with Mr. Levins for hours on end and never even glancing at my watch–oh wait, I don’t even own a watch! I can go out with my best friend and wile away a whole day, and not worry that I’m neglecting anyone…I can eat what I want, when I want it, and if what I want means spending too much money on take-out or restaurant food, so what? This is nobody’s money but ours. I can stay up til four in the morning, finishing a delicious novel. Or we can spend our entire day in bed; nobody’s waiting for us to get up. Nobody depends on us for their livelihood. Nobody’s life is in our hands but ours. We can do anything, anytime, for any reason, at a moment’s notice. And if this is selfish, who cares? Nobody’s standing in line waiting for our precious genes. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 10:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/70 "2003-05-01T10:33:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lobsang \* > \*\*I did say “when I get time”. someone started one before I had the time. I had work to do. I apologised in that thread. PLease see it. It is quite obivious, it has my name in it. \*\* Pit thread started: 7:55am Your last post in this thread: 9:02 am My response: 9:11 am Nice try though. Haj ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/71 "2003-05-01T12:39:37Z")
[moderator underoos on]Where the hell did some of you get the idea that this was Great Debates? Read the OP and kindly stick to the point, or take it elsewhere.:([/moderator underoos on] ---
**Author:** ![slice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dec6dc/32.png) [@slice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slice)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/72 "2003-05-01T13:03:11Z")
Here’s a fun thing that we like to do: Step 1: Invite nieces and nephews over. Step 2: Have generally good time with nieces and nephews. Step 3: Give nieces and nephews sugar. Step 4: Send nieces and nephews home. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/73 "2003-05-01T13:11:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hajario \* > \*\*Pit thread started: 7:55am > Your last post in this thread: 9:02 am > My response: 9:11 am > > Nice try though. > > Haj \*\* I meant to add that your apology was posted at 9:23 am, twelve minutes after I posted. Haj ---
**Author:** ![Kiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Kiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiger)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/74 "2003-05-01T13:16:07Z")
Who exactly am I being selfish to by not having kids? I’ve seen this argument time and time again and for the life of me I can’t figure out who is waiting in line for my egg to get together with Mr. Kiger’s swimmers. Did they take a number? But getting back to the OP… I like the way my life is now and quite frankly, I don’t think I have a maternal instinct in my body. I like doing what I want, when I want and can’t understand why that is a problem for some people. My grandmother started in on me the day of my wedding with the “now it’s time to have a baby” talk. Good Og woman! We haven’t even cut the cake yet! Anyway, we both work weird hours and sometimes on weekends. When I get home I just want to sit back and survey my little 1/4 acre kingdom. We walk the dog, ride the horse, grill some burgers, have some beers and don’t worry much about the future. I’m in a rut and I love it. ---
**Author:** ![Gr8Kat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gr8kat/32/18668_2.png) [@Gr8Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gr8Kat)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/75 "2003-05-01T14:14:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Phouchg \* > \*\*This is a corollary to the “Your gay lifestyle” thread. I am getting married in June, and my future bride and I are going to be childfree. As a nice refreshing break from the comments that we will have “empty, selfish” lives without little snot-nosed yard apes running around (or children, for that matter) - married, childfree dopers: share your typical day not having to deal with children at home. Are me and my future bride doomed to a “miserable hollow existance” (as a lady at church called it)? > > Phouchg > Lovable Rogue \*\* I’ve chosen not to pass on my genes because I have a genetic disease that I would not wish upon my worst enemy, let alone my children. This makes me sad. My dad had this disease, too; he didn’t mean to pass it on to my sister and me, but, well, let’s say information wasn’t as available 30 years ago as it is now. I don’t regret being born, though, and I’m glad we were there to help my mom when my dad’s health deteriorated, and to comfort her when he passed away. The thing that causes me the most pain about not having children is knowing that my husband won’t have that kind of help and support when my own health deteriorates. However, having said that, I do appreciate my childfree lifestyle. I do love children, especially other people’s, because I can send them home when they start getting cranky and disagreeable! Between holding down a job and maintaining a household, it can be hard enough to find time to dedicate to your spouse without having to consider other people, too. We can bond while watching ultra-violent anime without worrying about damaging any impressionable younguns. Plus Joel complains about having to play fetch with the dogs, I can’t imagine what he’d say if he had to help someone with their homework or attend a parent-teacher conference :rolleyes: 😛 [sub]“Yard apes” is offensive? Is it more offensive than “rug rats”? At least apes are primates![/sub] ---
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/76 "2003-05-01T14:42:58Z")
[OT] **Gr8Kat** , I, for one, want to tell you that I admire you for making such a noble decision. That must have been hard, and I’m sorry about your difficulties.[/OT] Another benefit to being childfree: we save about 30% of our gross income for retirement. If the doctor doesn’t have a problem with it, I’m about to make my childfree lifestyle permanent. Consultation is tomorrow. Should I suddenly be stricken by a desire to raise children, there are plenty of children who desperately need a home. ---
**Author:** ![lachesis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@lachesis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lachesis)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/77 "2003-05-01T16:30:27Z")
tomorrow is our 16th wedding anniversary. i had decided long before i ever had a spouse picked out that i did not want to have children. my family’s genetic legacy is nothing to covet. dysfunctional behavior seems to be a strong thread through several generations. my basic thoughts on my own formative years could be summed up as “Why the hell would i want to inflict _that_ on some other poor, unsuspecting kid?” and for whomever was ballsy enough to ask the childfree poster “Well, what if your mother had felt that way?”… me, i’d have been bloody well tickled pink! can’t remember the number of times how i thought that _i’d_ never asked to be born! so i recognized my disinclination to be a parent many moons ago. my husband did not have a hard time accepting this decision, which i made known to him BEFORE the vows were exchanged thankyouverymuch. my mother never particularly questioned our decision. his mom moaned for a little while, but got over it. i’ve tried to remake myself into a reasonably functional, useful human being. i don’t regard my life as empty. i have my husband, my cats and horses, my job, and my hobbies. for me, it’s much easier to love animals than many humans i’ve seen. but i don’t inflict myself on them (people, that is), so everything should be cool. i have a pretty irrefutable saying that i’d drop on people who’d get invasive enough to ask us about not having kids: “Motherhood is a calling. Not everyone is called.” lachesis ---
**Author:** ![sj2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@sj2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sj2)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/78 "2003-05-01T16:34:01Z")
So, it is 9:30 in the morning…here’s what I’ve done so far. My husband got up early to get ready for the waiter job he had to take as the company we work for is tanking and we haven’t been paid in 6 months. I rolled out of bed a short while later, patted my two dogs on the head and gave a little extra love to the Shar Pei puppy we rescued a few days before (poor thing was living in a car!..some dogs just really shouldn’t have children…) Wanted a cigarette, badly, didn’t. Day 6 of not smoking. Wrestled with the dogs. Put food in all bowls. A touch of olive oil for the wrinkled one. Came in to check mail. Watched husband straighten tie, get into car and go to work. My plan for Today: I look for more jobs, get over excited for my interview on Monday. Go cash my unemployment check. Look straight ahead while passing my favorite restaurant. Come home, do some work for my failing company. Straigten up the house. Watch the 35 lb rescue pup tackle my 100lb dog. Watch my lizzards (Eddie Lizzard and Inaguanadevida) snatch some crickets. Howl as rescue Pei tries to catch my gerbils by running out of the room (surely they must be on the other side of this wall!) Husband comes home from first shift at the restaurant. Play with dogs. Watch Family Guy taped on Adult Swim last night (yeah!). Have a little food. Husband gets ready for soccer game. I prepare for my friend and her roomate to come and check out the pup I rescued in hopes they fall in love. Have some beers. Not have a cigarette. Wipe all eye boogers out of dogs, give rescue-pup (Cloe aka Winnie Winkles) a nice brushing. Watch Practice re-run. Swear. Eat lots of snacks since I am 6 days smoke free. Think of my mother who announced that she and my father are coming here for 3 weeks this fall. Know that this will be a disaster (she is one of those people who should not have had children). Have the feeling this will be the last time that I see her. Worry about the future. Know everything is going to be OK. Thank god that I don’t have to worry about anyone else but myself and my husband. It would kill me to have to explain to my child why we are living this way and cannot give them what they want. Oh yeah, and beer bongs, wild sex and other irresponsible behavior! (Kidding, of course). ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/79 "2003-05-01T16:45:41Z")
I have no kids, and probably won’t. I love my nephews and enjoy spending time with them, but I’ve never really seen myself as the father type. It doesn’t bother me, it’s just the way it is. Maybe it is “selfish” to not want to have kids, but so what? Why is it always so bad to be selfish? Nobody should feel obligated to procreate, or have to live according to somebody elses standards. I’m not robbing anybody of an experience and, quite honestly, I do enjoy having quiet time and having more money to spend on myself. I don’t mean to say that, if I did become a parent I wouldn’t be happy. I’m sure I would, but I’m also happy _not_ being one, and I see no reason to change that status quo. ---
**Author:** ![shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shrew)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279/80 "2003-05-01T17:07:24Z")
7:05 Got out of bed. 8:30 Greeted my students. 9:10 - 3:25 Cared for and taught approximately **210** students who were birthed by other people than myself. 3:30 Came home and changed clothes. Went to post office. Browsed in newsagents’. Went to market. 4:15 Came home and made homemade bruschetta and a caesar salad. 5:00 Got online and am still on at 6:00. Tonight I’ll mark papers and read a book of my own choosing. I may go for a walk. When in Georgia, my Saturday schedule is as follows: 10:00 AM Get up. Channel surf or websurf. 12:00 PM Shower. 1:00 Have a chai at my local coffee shop. Read or mark papers. 4:00 Maybe go to a movie. 7:00 Dinner with friends. I won’t comment on the problems within this thread except to say I obviously think it’s each person’s own decision as to whether or not to have children. Selfishness is not a factor. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-childfree-lifestyle-whats-it-like/172279.md?page=5)