# YOUR COCK SO BIG IT SCARES PEOPLE! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 30, 2001, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-cock-so-big-it-scares-people/84609 "2001-09-30T07:11:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![RedFury](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ec9cab/32.png) [@RedFury](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedFury)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2001, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-cock-so-big-it-scares-people/84609/21 "2001-09-30T16:57:52Z")
Ouch! Hey, just because I’m no tripod… Red \<-----scampers away thoroughly embarrased after providing what is way TMI :o ---
**Author:** ![hansel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6bbea6/32.png) [@hansel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hansel)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2001, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-cock-so-big-it-scares-people/84609/22 "2001-09-30T17:09:10Z")
But I like being called “The Angry Inch”! ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2001, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-cock-so-big-it-scares-people/84609/23 "2001-09-30T18:30:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by deepbluesea \* > These people are really emphasizing that these are REAL inches. Is there already some method out there to add FAKE inches to the packages of people who have them? Yes, actually there IS method to add “fake inches” to a penis. It’s like a strap-on dildo with a hole in the guy-end for his dick and an outer shell of dick-like appearance that makes his schlong wider and, yes, longer. You might say it’s specially textured for _her_ pleasure, to paraphrase the Trojan condom box. Or possibly textured for the other his pleasure, because for the life of me, given the way men whine about lack of sensation from a freakin’ condom, I can’t imagine this improves things for the guy wearing the Amazing Penis-Extending Dildo. But the guys who would buy and wear such a thing obviously care deeply about their partner’s pleasure (or else are wearing it in a porno video because their natural equipment doesn’t measure up). So, it’s on the order of either another fun sex toy, or a “toupee” for the penis for those appearing on film. ---
**Author:** ![warmgun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecccb3/32.png) [@warmgun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/warmgun)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2001, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-cock-so-big-it-scares-people/84609/24 "2001-09-30T18:54:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ruffian \* > \*\*My dick is so big, it has its own dick. And even my dick’s dick is bigger than _your_ dick. > > My dick is so big, popcorn now comes in four sizes: small, medium, large, and my dick. > \*\* For the record “good ole Drew Carey” stole those. A frind of mine, John Randle, and myself penned 90% of those in his book. They were published on my website (now defunked) a couple of years before his book. We also sold T-shirts with those on them. ---
**Author:** ![red\_dragon60](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@red\_dragon60](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/red_dragon60)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2001, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-cock-so-big-it-scares-people/84609/25 "2001-10-01T00:08:18Z")
Warmgun, do you remember any of the other ones you wrote? They were pretty funny. ---
**Author:** ![Lazarus7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/67e7ee/32.png) [@Lazarus7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lazarus7)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2001, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-cock-so-big-it-scares-people/84609/26 "2001-10-01T04:07:10Z")
wow … I got this email to !\>… and I thought it was directed specifically at me ! I mean, how many times have I wanted to whip it out and send the people running in abject terror? More than I can imagine!! ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2001, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-cock-so-big-it-scares-people/84609/27 "2001-10-01T04:12:26Z")
I wanna get a _Urotsukodoji_ cock… a mile long, and shoots laser beams. ---
**Author:** ![Sassy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@Sassy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sassy)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2001, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-cock-so-big-it-scares-people/84609/28 "2001-10-01T04:36:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Weirddave \* > **"Hi, I’m Dave"…“Aieeeeeeee!” What kind of life is that?** This is the line I keep coming back to… and smiling 😃 ---
**Author:** ![sailor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@sailor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sailor)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2001, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-cock-so-big-it-scares-people/84609/29 "2001-10-01T05:31:58Z")
\>\> Of course, I’m a girl and have no dick. Not to worry, you can borrow mine any time you want so long as you promise to return it when you’re done 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2001, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-cock-so-big-it-scares-people/84609/30 "2001-10-01T06:32:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scylla \* > \*\*Oh sure, you can make her cry, but I can have sex without waking her up! \*\* I tell her that’s why they call me the “Doctor of Love”… …because… …it’ll only take a second and you won’t feel a thing… …maybe a little prick… \>\>So, is there a number I call? A web site where I can sign up for some of that stuff? Cartooniverse, any left over? ---
**Author:** ![deepbluesea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ba9def/32.png) [@deepbluesea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/deepbluesea)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2001, 9:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-cock-so-big-it-scares-people/84609/31 "2001-10-01T09:21:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Broomstick \* > \*\*Yes, actually there IS method to add “fake inches” to a penis. It’s like a strap-on dildo with a hole in the guy-end for his dick and an outer shell of dick-like appearance that makes his schlong wider and, yes, longer. You might say it’s specially textured for _her_ pleasure, to paraphrase the Trojan condom box. Or possibly textured for the other his pleasure, because for the life of me, given the way men whine about lack of sensation from a freakin’ condom, I can’t imagine this improves things for the guy wearing the Amazing Penis-Extending Dildo. But the guys who would buy and wear such a thing obviously care deeply about their partner’s pleasure (or else are wearing it in a porno video because their natural equipment doesn’t measure up). > > So, it’s on the order of either another fun sex toy, or a “toupee” for the penis for those appearing on film. \*\* Many thanks, Broomstick (hee hee - what a great name for this thread), for proving once again that there’s no question so silly that some SDMB member (ha! _member_!) won’t know the answer. Basically what you’re saying is that there are people out there who want to buy a big prosthetic penis and wear it on their real penis? I have to say that if I was one of their partners I would take it more as a gesture of caring deeply (ha!) about my amusement. But I’m sure there are those who are really touched (har!) by this sensitive gesture (HAR!). To each her own. And, apparently, to each his own, plus a couple of spares. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Corrado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a88e4f/32.png) [@John\_Corrado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Corrado)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2001, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-cock-so-big-it-scares-people/84609/32 "2001-10-01T13:44:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by deepbluesea \* > Basically what you’re saying is that there are people out there who want to buy a big prosthetic penis and wear it on their real penis? [singing] Everyone wants a prosthetic penis on their real penis Someone in this town Is trying to burn the playhouse down… [/singing] ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2001, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-cock-so-big-it-scares-people/84609/33 "2001-10-01T14:13:11Z")
I thought this thread was about Coldfire? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![djf750](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ea666f/32.png) [@djf750](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/djf750)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2001, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-cock-so-big-it-scares-people/84609/34 "2001-10-01T15:08:21Z")
what does a guy with a ten inch dick have for breakfast? well this morning i had eggs…toast…coffee… i wish ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2001, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-cock-so-big-it-scares-people/84609/35 "2001-10-01T15:53:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by djf750 \* > \*\*what does a guy with a ten inch dick have for breakfast? > > Well this morning i had eggs…toast…coffee… > > i wish \*\* You wish you had eggs, toast and coffee for breakfast? ---
**Author:** ![racinchikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@racinchikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racinchikki)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2001, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-cock-so-big-it-scares-people/84609/36 "2001-10-01T16:47:50Z")
I just got an email titled “Sexually frustrated? Overweight? Losing hair? Insomnia? Viagra can help!” I didn’t know it was a cure-all. ---
**Author:** ![VarlosZ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d78d45/32.png) [@VarlosZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VarlosZ)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2001, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-cock-so-big-it-scares-people/84609/37 "2001-10-01T17:03:36Z")
**Scylla** : > [@](#): > > Oh sure, you can make her cry, but I can have sex without waking her up! Hey maybe that’s what Jimi Hendrix was actualy talking about when he sang: “I make love to you in your sleep, and Lord knows you feel no pain.” I mean, there a few ways of looking at that line (the girl is in a drug-induced stupor, Jimi’s being a little shady, his girlfriend is just a heavy sleeper, etc.) but I like this one the best. About a year ago I personally received two emails, a week apart from each other, that both had a subject line reading: > [@](#): > > YOUR DICK TEARING GIRLS HOLES APART!!! The email itself read: “Want a Cock So Big That It Will Choke Your Girlfriend? Click Here To Find Out How!!!” At the time, I remember thinking . . . well, in the first place I thought it was sort of hilarious so I saved the emails. On a more serious note, I remember thinking that whoever (whomever?) came up with that was either really sick or just had a really good bead on his target audience. Or both. ---
**Author:** ![Syzygy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Syzygy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syzygy)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2001, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-cock-so-big-it-scares-people/84609/38 "2001-10-01T17:58:21Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by deepbluesea:_ > **Basically what you’re saying is that there are people out there who want to buy a big prosthetic penis and wear it on their real penis?** [King Missile] I woke up this morning with a bad hangover and my penis was missing again. This happens all the time: it’s detachable. This comes in handy a lot of the time: I can leave it home when I think it’s going to get me in trouble, or I can rent it out when I don’t need it. But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, and the next morning I can’t for the life of me remember what I did with it. [/King Missile] I can’t wait for Sy Sperling to start the Dick Club for Men. “I’m not only the president, but \ I’m also a client.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![warmgun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecccb3/32.png) [@warmgun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/warmgun)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2001, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-cock-so-big-it-scares-people/84609/39 "2001-10-01T22:09:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by red\_dragon60 \* > \*\*Warmgun, do you remember any of the other ones you wrote? They were pretty funny. \*\* It’s been a while, but I’ll try. Obviously he stole the best ones. And I didn’t buy the book so if some of these are repeats, sorry. (I do have them written down somewhere, Maybe one day when I get to my files…) MDISD…There is now a Quadralateral Commission. MDISD…The tip has an event horizon. MDISD…It kicked _me_ in the balls. MDISD…I once found a Russian harpoon in it. MDISD…It cut Lorraina Bobbit’s dick off. MDISD…it knocked out Mike Tyson. MDISD…it plays Vegas. _To full houses!_ MDISD…When I was sent overseas, it stayed home. MDISD…That was it in 'Dune". MDISD…it creates its own weather pattern. MDISD…It dates Cindy Crawford. MDISD…It’s fallen and I can’t get up. MDISD…It fixed the Hubble, _while I was asleep._ MDISD…It has an opposable thumb. MDISD…it won’t return my calls MDISD…it only answers to ‘Sir’. (or ‘Mr.President’) MDISD…I’m scared of lumberjacks. MDISD…My cum runs in relays. MDISD…It’s on the NYSE MDISD…you don’t know who it knows… MDISD…It’s not afraid of Virginia Wolf. MDISD…It’s bigger than US steel. MDISD…When I’m getting hard, the tip is red-shifted. MDISD…Once I dropped it and it registered 7.0 on the Richter scale. MDISD…It made a buddy movie _by itself_ MDISD…it has lungs. MDISD…it has it’s own moon. MDISD…Lamda, Lamda, Lamda ---
**Author:** ![warmgun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecccb3/32.png) [@warmgun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/warmgun)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2001, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-cock-so-big-it-scares-people/84609/40 "2001-10-01T22:18:31Z")
Now don’t I feel like the asshole. I previewed _ **3** _ times! MDIS **B** … (hides face in shame…) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-cock-so-big-it-scares-people/84609.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-cock-so-big-it-scares-people/84609.md?page=3)