# Your favorite dumb joke **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 12, 2004, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776 "2004-07-12T21:09:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2004, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/1 "2004-07-12T21:09:53Z")
I know you. You’re a sophisticated Doper, the veteran of a thousand “Watcha Readin’?” and “The Allegory of the Sniper in _Deus Ex_” threads. You like to think you only laugh at highbrow, sophisticated stuff, like MST3K and Weebl and Bob. Of course you aren’t. You laugh at stupid, stupid jokes, just like the rest of us. Allow me to demonstrate: What sound does an aerodynamic spring make? Boeing! Two guys walked into a bar. The second one really should have ducked. What’s the sound of two atoms colliding? Planck! Why did the math major go to the rave? He really loves _e_. Why did Zeno cross the road? Because space is [quantum](http://everything2.com/index.pl?node_id=609572). How many Dopers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Lessee, would the ‘screwing’ make it an MPSIMS thing, or would the technical aspects make it more GQ terroitory, or should I Pit the old bulb for burning out? (Oh, please add your own.) ---
**Author:** ![Kitchen\_Wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f08c70/32.png) [@Kitchen\_Wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kitchen_Wench)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2004, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/2 "2004-07-12T21:16:59Z")
Hey, did you hear about the plastic surgeon who hung himself? ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2004, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/3 "2004-07-12T21:32:18Z")
- Knock, knock! - Who goest there? - It is I, the Interrupting Bovine. - The Interrupt- - Moo. ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Tonya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/4491bb/32.png) [@Queen\_Tonya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Tonya)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2004, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/4 "2004-07-12T22:28:35Z")
My all time favorite, just too stupid for words so ya can’t help but laugh joke: What do you call four people in a Yugo? A Wego. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![bughunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@bughunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bughunter)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2004, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/5 "2004-07-12T22:44:21Z")
- A priest, a rabbi and a lawyer walk into a bar. The bartender says “what is this, some kind of joke?” - Two ropes walk into a bar and order a beer. The bartender points to a sign that says “No Ropes Served.” So they go outside, tie themselves into a knot, and fray out their ends. They walk back into the bar and sit down. The bartender looks at them and says “aren’t you two ropes?” To which they reply, “No, we’re a-frayed knot.” ---
**Author:** ![Tikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5daacb/32.png) [@Tikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tikki)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2004, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/6 "2004-07-12T22:52:38Z")
Why was the little bird so happy? He had just made a big deposit on a new car. ---
**Author:** ![Slacker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@Slacker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slacker)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2004, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/7 "2004-07-12T22:55:45Z")
Hear about the guy running around naked in the church? They caught him by the organ. ---
**Author:** ![jnglmassiv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f07891/32.png) [@jnglmassiv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jnglmassiv)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2004, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/8 "2004-07-12T23:15:26Z")
Why _didn’t_ the chicken cross the road? He was chicken. ---
**Author:** ![Backwater\_Under\_Duck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ba8739/32.png) [@Backwater\_Under\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Backwater_Under_Duck)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2004, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/9 "2004-07-12T23:19:14Z")
Why did the Hollywood chicken cross the road? To see his friend Gregory, peck. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2004, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/10 "2004-07-12T23:41:06Z")
Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? He didn’t have the guts. ---
**Author:** ![Harborwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Harborwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harborwolf)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/11 "2004-07-13T00:12:28Z")
A woman walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a double entendre. . . so he gave her one. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/12 "2004-07-13T00:26:27Z")
Did ya here about the dyslexic cop who got fired on New Years night? He was giving everybody IUDs. ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/13 "2004-07-13T01:39:50Z")
What’s brown and sticky? A Stick! ---
**Author:** ![Survey1215](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecb155/32.png) [@Survey1215](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Survey1215)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/14 "2004-07-13T01:47:37Z")
my grandmother told me this years ago. Two nuns were riding bikes down a cobblestone street. The first looked at the second and said ‘I’ve never come this way before.’ ---
**Author:** ![Rdshooze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e9a140/32.png) [@Rdshooze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rdshooze)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/15 "2004-07-13T02:54:29Z")
What does a dyslexic, agnostic insomniac do? He lies awake at night, wondering if there really is a Dog. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/16 "2004-07-13T03:29:53Z")
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. A rubber ball, a piece of string, and Antwerp, Belgium walk into a bar… Hahaha. Sorry, I forgot the punchline, but jesus… Antwerp. I slay myself. ---
**Author:** ![richardb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/96bed5/32.png) [@richardb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/richardb)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/17 "2004-07-13T03:44:43Z")
(You did say favorite DUMB joke…) > [@](#): > > What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? > > A **CAN’T** opener!!! (Proper over-emphasis on the word “can’t” a requirement when repeating this gem) ---
**Author:** ![Mariemarie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/58f4c7/32.png) [@Mariemarie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mariemarie)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/18 "2004-07-13T04:14:31Z")
Why did Tigger put his head in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh! ---
**Author:** ![Chanteuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de053/32.png) [@Chanteuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chanteuse)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/19 "2004-07-13T05:41:04Z")
What does a 500 pound canary say? [deep voice]“Here, kitty, kitty, kitty!”[/deep voice] Or **"CHIRP!!"** ---
**Author:** ![RealTronic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9dc877/32.png) [@RealTronic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealTronic)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/20 "2004-07-13T05:55:12Z")
A horse walks into a bar… The bartender says “Why the long face?” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776.md?page=2)