# Your favorite dumb joke **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 12, 2004, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776 "2004-07-12T21:09:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/21 "2004-07-13T06:42:33Z")
> [@Harborwolf](#): > > A woman walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a double entendre. . . so he gave her one. 😉 Dumb joke? That’s one of my favorites! Although to nitpick: I always heard it “so he gave it to her.” So the judge says to Mickey, “You can’t divorce Minnie just because you say she’s acting crazy.” And Mickey says, “I didn’t say she was acting crazy; I said she was fucking Goofy!” ---
**Author:** ![Atticus\_Finch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ec9cab/32.png) [@Atticus\_Finch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atticus_Finch)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/22 "2004-07-13T06:56:37Z")
A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe. The girraffe sits down on the floor while he has a drink. The man goes to walk out, and the barman says, “Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ around here!” The man replies, “It’s not a lion, it’s a giraffe.” ---
**Author:** ![Trillionaire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aeb1de/32.png) [@Trillionaire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trillionaire)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 10:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/23 "2004-07-13T10:37:58Z")
What do you call a fish with three eyes? A fiiish ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/24 "2004-07-13T11:37:55Z")
What’s the best time to go to the dentist? Two-thirty. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/25 "2004-07-13T14:03:28Z")
What’s blackandwhiteandblackandwhiteandblackandwhiteandblackandwhite all over? A nun falling down stairs. What’s blackandwhiteandblackandblue all over? Same nun the day after she fell down the stairs. And one more for the road (I looooooove this joke): Whats blackandwhiteandgreenandwhiteandblack and smells terrible? Two skunks fighting over a pickle. Thank You Dopers! I’ll be here all week. ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/26 "2004-07-13T14:03:56Z")
> [@SolGrundy](#): > > A woman walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a double entendre. . . so he gave her one. > > Dumb joke? That’s one of my favorites! Although to nitpick: I always heard it “so he gave it to her.” [Wild West accent ON] Well around here, stranger, we kinda reckon that ‘gave her one’ means summat else, see? [Wild West accent ON] How do you get two tigers in a car? One in the front, one in the back. How do you get two elephants in a car? You can’t - it’s full of tigers! How do you get two whales in a car? Down the M4. 😕 :smack: 😃 ---
**Author:** ![TwoTrouts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a9adbd/32.png) [@TwoTrouts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwoTrouts)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/27 "2004-07-13T14:37:57Z")
What did the fish say when he swam into a concrete wall? “Dam!” One hydrogen atom says to another , “I’ve lost an electron!” “Are you sure?” “I’m positive!” ---
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/28 "2004-07-13T15:21:33Z")
Ok you have to say this one out loud… Knock Knock. Who’s there? I’m full up. I’m full up who? \ ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/29 "2004-07-13T15:54:44Z")
Why does the Marxist only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/30 "2004-07-13T16:23:53Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > What’s blackandwhiteandblackandwhiteandblackandwhiteandblackandwhite all over? > > What’s blackandwhiteandblackandblue all over? What’s black and white and can’t through a revolving door? A nun with a spear through her head! ---
**Author:** ![nitroglycerine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c5a1d2/32.png) [@nitroglycerine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nitroglycerine)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/31 "2004-07-13T16:35:34Z")
Why did the belt get arrested? It was holding up the pants. ---
**Author:** ![tanstaafl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba8739/32.png) [@tanstaafl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanstaafl)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/32 "2004-07-13T17:02:35Z")
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a grape? elephant grape sin(theta) ---
**Author:** ![NutMagnet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ea5d25/32.png) [@NutMagnet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NutMagnet)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/33 "2004-07-13T17:07:05Z")
A woman walks into a bar with a duck under her arm. The bartender says, “Hey! Where’d you get the pig?” The woman says, “It’s a DUCK, not a pig!” The bartender says, “I was talkin’ to the DUCK.” ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/34 "2004-07-13T18:31:42Z")
> [@tanstaafl](#): > > What do you get when you cross an elephant with a grape? Q. What do you get if you cross a mosquito with a mountain goat? A. You can’t. The mosquito is a vector and the goat is a scaler! ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/35 "2004-07-13T18:52:03Z")
Where are an elephant’s sex organs? In his feet–if he steps on you, you’re _fucked_. And since I don’t think this one’s been done yet … What’s black and white and red all over? A nun in a blender. And for the ladies … What do you call a three-foot man with a ten-inch tongue who can breathe through his ears? _Perfect_. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/36 "2004-07-13T19:24:54Z")
Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him. What do you do when you break a toe? Call a toe truck. How do you get down off an elephant? You don’t, you get down off a duck. What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t return when you throw it? A stick. What’s the difference between a dead lawyer in the road and a dead skunk in the road? There are skidmarks in front of the skunk. ---
**Author:** ![Mal\_Adroit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@Mal\_Adroit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mal_Adroit)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/37 "2004-07-13T19:41:10Z")
A guy goes to a doctor and says, “Doc, I don’t know what to do. Every night I dream I’m either a wigwam or a teepee. I’m a wigwam, I’m a teepee. I’m a wigwam, I’m a teepee. Can you tell me what’s wrong with me?” The doctor says, “Yeah. You’re too tense.” ---
**Author:** ![FlippyFly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e95f7d/32.png) [@FlippyFly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlippyFly)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/38 "2004-07-13T19:51:31Z")
this one is a little longer, but it’s good and dumb. A traveling chess team is returning to the hotel after a day long chess tournament. They congregate in the hotel lobby and discuss the events of the day, moves they made, games they won. The hotel clerk approaches the captain of the team and says “I’m sorry, but you are going to have to return to your rooms.” the captain replys “I don’t understand, what is the problem?” to which the clerk responds "well sir, it seems some of our guests just don’t want to listen to _chess nuts boasting in an open foyer_ ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/39 "2004-07-13T20:20:26Z")
The eighties version of the nun joke: What’s black and white and red all over? A nun in Guatemala. Another 80’s joke: Why did the village idiot wear condoms on his ears? So he wouldn’t catch hearing aids. ---
**Author:** ![Enginerd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bcef8e/32.png) [@Enginerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enginerd)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776/40 "2004-07-13T20:28:45Z")
How do you sell a duck to a deaf man? Caution: this is a stupid, and I _do_ mean stupid, joke. scream at the top of your lungs DO YOU WANT TO BUY A DUCK? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-dumb-joke/254776.md?page=3)