# your favorite historical event that didn't really happen **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 1, 2019, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-historical-event-that-didnt-really-happen/836369 "2019-07-01T21:59:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2019, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-historical-event-that-didnt-really-happen/836369/21 "2019-07-02T03:51:28Z")
““Either this wallpaper goes or I do.” — Oscar Wilde. Okay. A couple of things here. First of all, what he actually said was, “This wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. Either it goes or I do.” Which is pretty damn funny… Unfortunately, he said this weeks before he died. Oscar Wilde’s actual last words, as far as we can tell, were part of a mumbled Catholic prayer. Oh well.” — [Famous Last Words | Thought Catalog](https://thoughtcatalog.com/oliver-miller/2012/05/famous-last-words-2/) ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2019, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-historical-event-that-didnt-really-happen/836369/22 "2019-07-02T03:57:50Z")
I question if General McAuliffe actually said “nuts”. That he responded with one word I have no doubt but having a couple kinfolk in the battle with him I have a feeling it was a different word; probably either shit or fuck. As far as those less open to speculation I would second Bunker Hill. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2019, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-historical-event-that-didnt-really-happen/836369/23 "2019-07-02T11:59:36Z")
New Jersey Muslims dancing in the streets, on 9/11. And the record-breaking crowd at Trump’s inauguration. ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2019, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-historical-event-that-didnt-really-happen/836369/24 "2019-07-02T12:20:10Z")
The beginning and end of Punic Carthage have good tales behind them. A little too good. For the founding, Queen Dido was offered as much land as she could cover with an ox hide. So cut the hide into strips and surrounded a hill with the resulting string. At the end, after being defeated, it’s said that the Romans salted the earth so nothing could grow there. Something that just wouldn’t be practical let alone affordable. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2019, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-historical-event-that-didnt-really-happen/836369/25 "2019-07-02T12:24:03Z")
> [@JKellyMap](#): > > ““Either this wallpaper goes or I do.” — Oscar Wilde. Okay. A couple of things here. First of all, what he actually said was, “This wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. Either it goes or I do.” Which is pretty damn funny… Unfortunately, he said this weeks before he died. Oscar Wilde’s actual last words, as far as we can tell, were part of a mumbled Catholic prayer. Oh well.” > > — [Famous Last Words | Thought Catalog](https://thoughtcatalog.com/oliver-miller/2012/05/famous-last-words-2/) I thought Wilde’s last words were, “I am dying as I lived; beyond my means.” He was being offered some last champagne at the time. Anyway. Um. I gotta go with the Bowling Green Massacre too. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2019, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-historical-event-that-didnt-really-happen/836369/26 "2019-07-02T12:37:26Z")
I think the Great Martian Invasion of 1938 deserves mention, despite the fact that no one believes it. > **[The War of the Worlds (1938 radio drama)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_War_of_the_Worlds_(radio_drama))** > > "The War of the Worlds" was a Halloween episode of the radio series The Mercury Theatre on the Air directed and narrated by Orson Welles as an adaptation of H. G. Wells's novel The War of the Worlds (1898). It was performed and broadcast live at 8 pm ET on October 30, 1938 over the CBS Radio Network. The episode is famous for inciting a panic by convincing some members of the listening audience that a Martian invasion was taking place, though the scale of panic is disputed, as the program had r... My wife, Pepper Mill, literally grew up in the tiny region of Grover’s Mill, NJ (now part of West Windsor Township) where the Martian Cylinder was supposed to have fallen. Her sister was instrumental in having a monument erected there – where, aside from some alleged panic, nothing took place. I know there are some folks who now claim that no one was panicked at the time, but there’s plenty of contemporary news coverage – it’s not ALL hype. And there was a study that took place not long afterwards. ---
**Author:** ![markn\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@markn\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/markn_1)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2019, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-historical-event-that-didnt-really-happen/836369/27 "2019-07-02T13:04:19Z")
Galileo muttering “it still moves” after officially recanting the Copernican theory before the Inquisition. That would have been totally badass, and totally stupid. ---
**Author:** ![Andy\_L](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c67d28/32.png) [@Andy\_L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy_L)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2019, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-historical-event-that-didnt-really-happen/836369/28 "2019-07-02T13:13:41Z")
“Sighted submarine, sunk same” ([Sighted sub, sank same - Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sighted_sub,_sank_same)) ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2019, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-historical-event-that-didnt-really-happen/836369/29 "2019-07-02T13:37:33Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > I think the Great Martian Invasion of 1938 deserves mention, despite the fact that no one believes it…I know there are some folks who now claim that no one was panicked at the time, but there’s plenty of contemporary news coverage – it’s not ALL hype. And there was a study that took place not long afterwards. A friend’s dad immediately ran away from home with his prize possessions in a rucksack, got his best friend, and they took the bus downtown to the army recruiting station. “We’re enlisting to fight the Martians, sir!” ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2019, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-historical-event-that-didnt-really-happen/836369/30 "2019-07-02T13:43:57Z")
If it isn’t true it should’a been (the grandson sure was nerdy enough)… the first clock in Navarre is in Olite; it was built by Carlos III. Well, by a French clockmaker paid by the king, of course. But according to legend, one of the king’s conditions for the contract was that he’d be allowed to poke around the workshop and even do a bit of work on the clock, and that while he was “apprenticing” around the workshop he’d be “Carlos” and not “your majesty”. It appeals both to my own nerdiness and to the local culture where “the customer is not always right and never awed by experts; the customer wants to know what the heck the experts are doing and wants to be told when the stuff he’s doing or asking for is just fucking stupid.” ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2019, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-historical-event-that-didnt-really-happen/836369/31 "2019-07-02T13:48:31Z")
Lady Godiva’s ride probably did not happen, but I wish it had. I think it’s a really great story of caring and compassion. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2019, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-historical-event-that-didnt-really-happen/836369/32 "2019-07-02T13:50:03Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > George Washington and the cherry tree: never happened. Of course not, he was too busy chucking silver dollars across the river. ---
**Author:** ![Treppenwitz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treppenwitz/32/3445_2.png) [@Treppenwitz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Treppenwitz)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2019, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-historical-event-that-didnt-really-happen/836369/33 "2019-07-02T13:50:09Z")
[Margaret Thatcher invented Mr Whippy/Soft Serve ice cream](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soft_serve#History). The nice thing about this myth is that it is repeated by both pro- and anti- camps. According to Pro, it shows that she was (as well as her other fine qualities) an outstanding scientist; for the Anti camp: “by “inventing” soft serve ice cream, Thatcher “added air, lowered quality and raised profits”, used as a metaphor for her policies later as prime minister.” It’s a shame I’m only allowed one. Otherwise I would have suggested the [Angels of Mons](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angels_of_Mons) as well. Of course God was on Our Side. It’s a great story. > [@](#): > > The stories published then often attribute their sources to anonymous British officers. The latest and most detailed examination of the Mons story by David Clarke suggests these men may have been part of a covert attempt by military intelligence to spread morale-boosting propaganda and disinformation. j ---
**Author:** ![Isosleepy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/isosleepy/32/479_2.png) [@Isosleepy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isosleepy)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2019, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-historical-event-that-didnt-really-happen/836369/34 "2019-07-02T14:15:29Z")
“Et tu, Brute?” Invented by Shakespeare (who in turn was a guy from Avon who wrote plays, and not a nom de plume for deVere or some other “real” author of the plays) ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2019, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-historical-event-that-didnt-really-happen/836369/35 "2019-07-02T14:29:50Z")
I also came in to mention the Bowling Green Massacre. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2019, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-historical-event-that-didnt-really-happen/836369/36 "2019-07-02T14:33:36Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > Of course not, he was too busy chucking silver dollars across the river. Which is a mile wide near Mount Vernon… His teeth weren’t wooden either. There is a whole catalog worth of “things not true about Washington.” ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2019, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-historical-event-that-didnt-really-happen/836369/37 "2019-07-02T15:35:44Z")
My current favorite is [George Washington’s teeth being made of wood](https://www.mountvernon.org/library/digitalhistory/digital-encyclopedia/article/wooden-teeth-myth/). My dad recently brought this up, kinda out of nowhere, and I did the whole “ACTUALLY…” thing on him and he got really mad. Like, it really mattered to him that his 1957 history book be correct and that he hadn’t been “lied to” his whole life. I didn’t even mention that many of the teeth in the dentures were from slaves. That woulda just put me in the “LIBERAL LIAR!” doghouse for the day. It’s ok to learn the whole truth, man. It should be a sense of relief, not anger. ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2019, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-historical-event-that-didnt-really-happen/836369/38 "2019-07-02T15:45:15Z")
I’m surprised that I’m the first to mention the resurrection of Christ. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2019, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-historical-event-that-didnt-really-happen/836369/39 "2019-07-02T15:52:57Z")
The Exodus and the Egyptian Captivity of the Jews. There is no archaeological or historical evidence to indicate that the Jews were ever captive in Egypt or spent time wandering in the Sinai. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2019, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-historical-event-that-didnt-really-happen/836369/40 "2019-07-02T15:54:48Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > Which is a mile wide near Mount Vernon… His teeth weren’t wooden either. There is a whole catalog worth of “things not true about Washington.” Most due to Parson Weems although its debated if he made them all up or if some were folk tales of the day. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-historical-event-that-didnt-really-happen/836369.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-historical-event-that-didnt-really-happen/836369.md?page=3)