# Your favorite movie reviews **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** movies\ **Created:** [July 13, 2022, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-movie-reviews/967895 "2022-07-13T18:24:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-movie-reviews/967895/21 "2022-07-14T17:34:50Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > Not a movie… … but a review of an album. That I immediately had to buy (was not disappointed), but the review is intriguing on its own. I can’t find the original (Andreas Trolf reviewed for a skateboard magazine in the 90s), but I saved the text of it: _The Flying Club Cup_, an LP by **Beirut** _I’ll level with you: I’m afraid of dying. I guess that’s not really newsworthy, because I suppose we’re all afraid. But why? Why are we so scared? Is it because we don’t know what will happen? Is it the same reason we’re afraid of dark basements and murky lake depths? Just because we simply do not know what is down there, what is in that muck, what happens when our eyes close that one last time? It’s just mute fear of unknowns, and when you parse that inarticulable fear into its most basic components you get what? Nothing. That’s right—we’re all afraid of a big bunch of nothing._ _I will do this:_ _Put on a Beirut album and close my eyes. I will wander through labyrinthine and shadowy streets, into Parisian cafes and Turkish opium dens. I will accuse a man of cheating at backgammon and we will fight to the death with long curving knives. If I die, I die. But if not, I will grab a chorus girl by her waist and yell for the band to play louder and faster. And we will dance like the night will never end._ _Beirut is lovely. Accordion, violin, mandolin, and a blue haze of smoke._ ---
**Author:** ![Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/q.q.switcheroo/32/5713_2.png) [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.Q.Switcheroo)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-movie-reviews/967895/22 "2022-07-14T17:41:10Z")
[Roger Ebert on _I Still Know What You Did Last Summer_](https://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/i-still-know-what-you-did-last-summer-1998) > It contains no characters of any interest, no dialogue worth hearing, no originality of conception, no ambition other than to pocket the dollars of anyone unlucky enough to go to a movie named “I Still Know What You Did Last Summer.” When a movie begins, I imagine an empty room in my mind that is about to be filled. This movie left the room furnished only with dust and a few dead flies. [A. O. Scott on _The Cat in the Hat_](https://www.nytimes.com/2003/11/21/movies/film-review-my-a-cat-can-be-mean-on-a-very-big-screen.html) > I am tempted to say that this Cat should be tied up in a sack and drowned, but I wouldn’t want to condone cruelty to animals, even metaphorically. Cruelty to classic works of children’s literature is bad enough. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-movie-reviews/967895/23 "2022-07-14T17:59:31Z")
The New York Times, years ago, used to have a TV page and had mini-reviews of the movies being shown on the indie channels. My favorite was for “Land of the Pharaohs” - It sphinx. ---
**Author:** ![JohnnyEcks](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnnyecks/32/18197_2.png) [@JohnnyEcks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnnyEcks)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-movie-reviews/967895/24 "2022-07-14T18:02:02Z")
I loved this blurb for Sylvester Stallone’s Cobra: Crime is the disease, he is the cure. Sometimes the cure is worse than the disease. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-movie-reviews/967895/25 "2022-07-14T18:09:57Z")
My favorite review was of a Robert Ludlum book (not a movie) that appeared in the Wall Street Journal in the late 1980s. I don’t recall which novel, or who reviewed it, but it was hilarious. (Might have been by Walter Monheit). The reviewer went through and counted the number of exclamation points on every page, then listed the top three totals. Then he said “They look like this:” and put in an unbroken row of twenty seven exclamation points (or however many there were). There was a lot more to it, all fantastically funny. ---
**Author:** ![Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/q.q.switcheroo/32/5713_2.png) [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.Q.Switcheroo)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-movie-reviews/967895/26 "2022-07-14T18:26:51Z")
Dan Kois’s [review](https://web.archive.org/web/20150202230736/http://www.villagevoice.com/2010-05-04/film/is-babies-a-good-movie-of-course-not/) of the 2010 documentary _Babies_ is amusing enough, but I still wish the Village Voice had published his [original version](https://www.villagevoice.com/2010/04/27/babies/). ---
**Author:** ![Bonum\_Legatum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bonum_legatum/32/6183_2.png) [@Bonum\_Legatum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bonum_Legatum)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-movie-reviews/967895/27 "2022-07-14T18:36:53Z")
Since this has been opened up to other media… Famous humorist Robert Benchley also reviewed plays. He was at at the play _The Squall_ when one actress delivered the immortal line “Me Nubi. Nubi good girl. Nubi stay.” Benchley stood up and muttered “Me Benchley. Benchley bad boy. Benchley go.” Benchley (and others) also had a running feud with the play _Abie’s Wild Irish Rose_. > **[The Smart Set Sneered, but the Play Won the Day](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/05/11/theater/abies-irish-rose-broadway.html)** > > One hundred years ago this month, the interfaith marriage comedy “Abie’s Irish Rose” kicked off a five-year Broadway run — critics be damned. ---
**Author:** ![XOldiesJock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/ec9cab/32.png) [@XOldiesJock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XOldiesJock)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-movie-reviews/967895/28 "2022-07-14T18:37:06Z")
> [@De\_La\_Rue](#): > > \*_Speaking of TV listings, there’s this classic summary: “Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first person she meets and then teams up with three strangers to kill again."_ I’ve seen that in a shorter, slightly more snarky version: _Girl visits foreign country; commits murder with assistance of three accomplices._ Either way, it’s a great synopsis of The Wizard of Oz. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-movie-reviews/967895/29 "2022-07-14T18:42:55Z")
Speaking of plays, there was apparently a play called **Bang!** , for which the entire review (I don’t recall where) was **Ouch!** ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-movie-reviews/967895/30 "2022-07-14T18:56:50Z")
Moderating > [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > Note: This thread may not be for me. Yeah, probably not. This is not a thread about what makes a good or useful review, but about what makes an entertaining or memorable review. It’s more about the art form of reviews than about the service of reviews. Let’s try to stick to the topic. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-movie-reviews/967895/31 "2022-07-14T19:04:54Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > The New York Times, years ago, used to have a TV page and had mini-reviews of the movies being shown on the indie channels. > My favorite was for “Land of the Pharaohs” - It sphinx. I think I remember those snarky brief synopses of movies, though I can’t remember any examples. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-movie-reviews/967895/32 "2022-07-14T19:24:32Z")
From the late Agony Booth site, the opening statement of their “DS9: Profit and Lace” snark recap: > _Summary:_ Ugh. > Okay, okay. It totally would have been awesome to just leave it at that, but I can’t have my readers left totally in the dark. So here’s the real summary… ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-movie-reviews/967895/33 "2022-07-14T19:38:39Z")
I really loved Roger Ebert as a critic. Honest and forthright, free of pretension, and in my view invariably spot-on in his observations. **[Here is part of his review of _My Dog Skip_](https://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/my-dog-skip-2000)**, a movie I can’t watch without getting teary-eyed – it’s not so much about a dog as it is about the stages of life: > A movie like this falls outside ordinary critical language. Is it good or bad? Is there too much melodrama? I don’t have any idea. It triggered too many thoughts of my own for me to have much attention left over for footnotes. I realize, for example, that the movie doesn’t deal in any substantial way with the racial situation in Mississippi in 1942, and I know that Willie’s dad undergoes a rather miraculous transformation, and that Dink seems less like a neighbor than like a symbol of lost innocence. I know those things, but they don’t seem relevant to the actual experience of this movie. If there was ever a day or even a minute when your dog was not your best but your only friend, you’ll see what I mean. ---
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-movie-reviews/967895/34 "2022-07-14T19:46:43Z")
> [@Ponch8](#): > > _Isn’t It Romantic?_ (1948 film) > > “No.” - Leonard Maltin I thought he or another reviewer similarly reviewed “What’s the Worst That Can Happen?” by writing: This. ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-movie-reviews/967895/35 "2022-07-14T20:19:27Z")
**“The Legend Of The Lone Ranger”** 1981 I can’t remember who the reviewer was that summarized: “Uh Oh, Silver!” ---
**Author:** ![anny\_m](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@anny\_m](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anny_m)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-movie-reviews/967895/36 "2022-07-14T21:41:22Z")
How about a review of a review: > I am sitting in the smallest room of my house. I have your review before me. In a moment it shall be behind me. > – Max Reger ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-movie-reviews/967895/37 "2022-07-14T22:26:51Z")
> [@Kent\_Clark](#): > > Probably apocryphal, but supposedly a trade publication (the only medium that would waste ink on a film like this) gave a one-line review to the 1957 drive-in horror flick [From Hell It Came](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0050414/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1). > > AND TO HELL IT CAN GO From the movie’s [wikipedia page](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/From_Hell_It_Came): > Author and movie critic [Leonard Maltin](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leonard_Maltin) awarded the film one-and-a-half out of four stars, writing that, “As walking-tree movies go, this is at the top of the list.” Whenever I quote this, someone objects that _Lord of the Rings_ is far better. I must point out that Maltin’s review was written long before _Lord of the Rings_ was filmed. ---
**Author:** ![Jeff\_Lichtman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeff_lichtman/32/1531_2.png) [@Jeff\_Lichtman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeff_Lichtman)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-movie-reviews/967895/38 "2022-07-14T22:42:19Z")
TV Guide capsule review of Razorback (1984): _Arguably the best film ever made about a giant man-eating hog._ ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-movie-reviews/967895/39 "2022-07-14T22:52:54Z")
I cannot paste, but look up Eberts review of the Brown Bunny. ---
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2022, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-movie-reviews/967895/40 "2022-07-14T23:00:47Z")
Do you mean his original thoughts or his review of the re-edited and fixed movie? > **[The Brown Bunny movie review & film summary (2004) | Roger Ebert](https://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/the-brown-bunny-2004)** > > In May of 2003 I walked out of the press screening of Vincent Gallo's "The Brown Bunny" at the Cannes Film Festival and was asked by a camera crew what I thought of the film. I said I thought it was the worst film in the history of the festival. That... [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-movie-reviews/967895.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-movie-reviews/967895.md?page=3)