# Your favorite short jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 30, 2009, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473 "2009-06-30T14:28:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![This\_Just\_In\_2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@This\_Just\_In\_2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/This_Just_In_2)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/1 "2009-06-30T14:28:49Z")
What are the best & shortest jokes/play on words/puns etc. you know? Example: Boycott shampoo, demand real poo! ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/2 "2009-06-30T14:31:26Z")
A chicken and an egg were laying in bed. The chicken takes a drag on a cigarette and says “Well, I guess that answers that question!”. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/3 "2009-06-30T14:41:43Z")
A woman walks into a doctor’s office with a banana in one ear and grapes up her nose. The doctor tells her “You’re not eating right.” ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_T](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Gary\_T](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_T)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/4 "2009-06-30T14:47:06Z")
There are three kinds of people in the world: those who can count, and those who cannot. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/5 "2009-06-30T14:47:58Z")
What’s brown and sticky? A stick. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/6 "2009-06-30T14:51:16Z")
What’s got two legs and bleeds a lot? Half a dog. ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/7 "2009-06-30T15:01:03Z")
> [@Gary\_T](#): > > There are three kinds of people in the world: those who can count, and those who cannot. There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary notation, and those who don’t. ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/8 "2009-06-30T15:05:15Z")
Q: How Long is a Chinaman? A: Yes, he is. ---
**Author:** ![grimpixie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecb155/32.png) [@grimpixie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grimpixie)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/9 "2009-06-30T15:10:12Z")
What’s brown and sounds like a bell? Dung!! ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/10 "2009-06-30T15:13:56Z")
I know a little Italian. His name is Giovanni, and he’s about this big. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/11 "2009-06-30T15:14:38Z")
Wait, these are supposed to be short jokes. What are you, like 4’9" without the heels? ---
**Author:** ![StaudtCJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/90ced4/32.png) [@StaudtCJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StaudtCJ)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/12 "2009-06-30T15:16:05Z")
“Ah. just like Mom used to make.” “Really?” “No. My mother could burn takeout.” ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/13 "2009-06-30T15:16:16Z")
I didn’t always want to be a [insert your job here]. I wanted to be a gold prospector, but that didn’t pan out. * * * JOKE TELLER: A good friend of mine got hurt at work, and now he has a weak back. STRAIGHT MAN: Oh no! When did that happen? JOKE TELLER: About a week back. * * * JOKE TELLER: Where are you from? UNSUSPECTING RUBE: [inserts where they’re from] JOKE TELLER: I’m sorry? UNSUSPECTING RUBE: [repeats where they’re from] JOKE TELLER: I heard you, I’m just sorry. ---
**Author:** ![filling\_pages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b9bd4f/32.png) [@filling\_pages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filling_pages)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/14 "2009-06-30T15:30:05Z")
What’s red and bad for your teeth? (A brick.) ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/15 "2009-06-30T15:34:46Z")
Where do you get virgin wool? Ugly sheep. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/16 "2009-06-30T16:21:01Z")
What’s green, has six legs, and kills you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table! ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/17 "2009-06-30T16:27:10Z")
What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill? “Here come the elephants.” What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming over the hill? “Here come the grapes.” (She was color blind.) What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill wearing sunglasses? Nothing. He didn’t recognize them. ---
**Author:** ![Rayne\_Man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/df705f/32.png) [@Rayne\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rayne_Man)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/18 "2009-06-30T16:34:06Z")
Not realy a joke, but a very short poem by Roger McGough called “Neighbourhood Watch”. It goes like this:- “Our Neighbourhood Watch has been stolen.” ---
**Author:** ![cwthree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@cwthree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cwthree)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/19 "2009-06-30T16:35:51Z")
> [@Giles](#): > > There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary notation, and those who don’t. There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary notation, those who don’t, and those who didn’t see a ternary joke coming. ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2009, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/20 "2009-06-30T16:37:24Z")
What’s brown and sits on a piano bench? Beethoven’s first movement. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473.md?page=2)