# Your favorite short jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 30, 2009, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473 "2009-06-30T14:28:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Captain\_C](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Captain\_C](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_C)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2009, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/41 "2009-07-01T00:25:07Z")
A girl walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a Double Entendre, so he gave it to her. ---
**Author:** ![Gukumatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/74df32/32.png) [@Gukumatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gukumatz)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2009, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/42 "2009-07-01T06:02:12Z")
Dwarf shortage. ---
**Author:** ![Rayne\_Man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/df705f/32.png) [@Rayne\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rayne_Man)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2009, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/43 "2009-07-01T06:20:21Z")
Never buy a stupid dwarf. It’s not big and it’s not clever. ---
**Author:** ![Meyer6](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cc9497/32.png) [@Meyer6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meyer6)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2009, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/44 "2009-07-01T06:58:48Z")
What’s a foot long and slippery? A slipper. How do you make a kleenex dance? You put a little boogie in it! ---
**Author:** ![Rico](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rico/32/3582_2.png) [@Rico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rico)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2009, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/45 "2009-07-01T07:01:53Z")
\ Two moderators walk into a thread. One sees a joke thread and says “This belongs in MPSIMS.” The other doesn’t. Best I could come up with at 1:00 in the morning. Moved IMHO \> MPSIMS \ ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2009, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/46 "2009-07-01T08:23:51Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > Two eggs frying in a skillet. One says “hot in here, isn’t it?” The other says “fuck me, a talking egg!” This is my ultimate favorite, except with muffins in an oven. “HOLY CRAP A TALKING MUFFIN!” ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2009, 9:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/47 "2009-07-01T09:15:59Z")
A horse goes into a bar. The bartender asks, “Why the long face?” ---
**Author:** ![ashman165](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e8cbc/32.png) [@ashman165](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ashman165)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2009, 9:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/48 "2009-07-01T09:54:30Z")
> [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](#): > > A horse goes into a bar. The bartender asks, “Why the long face?” I thought that’s what the bartender asked John Kerry after this defeat . . . ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2009, 10:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/49 "2009-07-01T10:28:26Z")
> [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](#): > > A horse goes into a bar. The bartender asks, “Why the long face?” A bear goes into a bar. "I’ll have a beer please." Barman asks: “why the huge pause?” Elephant goes into a bar. “\ I’ll have a \ beer please. \” Barman asks: “why the big sighs?” ---
**Author:** ![JFLuvly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ac91a4/32.png) [@JFLuvly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JFLuvly)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2009, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/50 "2009-07-01T12:08:29Z")
a hamburger goes into a bar and orders a beer the bartender says… sorry we don’t serve food here ---
**Author:** ![Shrinking\_Violet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@Shrinking\_Violet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shrinking_Violet)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2009, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/51 "2009-07-01T12:28:40Z")
(1970s UK gay politician joke) “Scott of the Arseantic” ---
**Author:** ![gonzomax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e8c25b/32.png) [@gonzomax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzomax)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2009, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/52 "2009-07-01T15:12:33Z")
Duck goes into a drugstore and orders a Chap stick. Clerk says cash or charge Duck says" neither just put it on my bill" ---
**Author:** ![gonzomax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e8c25b/32.png) [@gonzomax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzomax)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2009, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/53 "2009-07-01T15:15:31Z")
In honor of Americas 200 th birthday a guy cut the feet off 444 buffalo. It was the 1776 Bison toe nails ---
**Author:** ![SiXSwordS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@SiXSwordS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SiXSwordS)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2009, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/54 "2009-07-01T15:29:10Z")
Setting: the unbelievably distant past A black man goes into an upscale restaurant. The Maitre D’ says: “I’m sorry, we don’t serve Negroes.” The man responds: “That’s ok, I don’t eat the mother†@#%ers neither!” ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2009, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/55 "2009-07-01T17:27:57Z")
One atom says to another, “I’ve lost an electron!” “Are you sure?” “Yes, I’m positive.” ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2009, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/56 "2009-07-01T17:51:53Z")
What’s red and crawls up your leg? A homesick abortion. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2009, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/57 "2009-07-01T19:19:35Z")
> [@KRC](#): > > What’s red and crawls up your leg? > > A homesick abortion. I’ll be using this one in the future. my joke: What kind of bee makes milk? A boo-bee. ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2009, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/58 "2009-07-01T19:38:41Z")
Roses are red violets are blue, I’m a Schizophrenic … and so am I. ---
**Author:** ![johnspartan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a183cd/32.png) [@johnspartan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnspartan)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2009, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/59 "2009-07-01T19:42:16Z")
Two guys are sitting in a bar, one turns to the other and says “Aliens announce they’re going to blow up the world in two mintues, what do you do?” “Boy, I would screw anything that moves. How about you” “Well, apparently I’d sit perfectly still.” ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2009, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/60 "2009-07-01T22:42:28Z")
Teacher to young student: Why are you looking out the window, Johnny? Johnny: I’m watchin’ da boids. T: They’re not ‘boids’; they’re ‘birds’. J: Well, dey choips like boids. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473.md?page=4)