# Your favorite short jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 30, 2009, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473 "2009-06-30T14:28:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2009, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/61 "2009-07-01T22:55:28Z")
How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, but how do they get _in_ there? ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2009, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/62 "2009-07-02T03:09:22Z")
Two trucks carrying thesauruses crashed. The bystanders were shocked, horrified, astounded, taken aback… ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2009, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/63 "2009-07-02T04:58:54Z")
Dyslexics Untie! ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2009, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/64 "2009-07-02T07:50:21Z")
A 3-legged dog walks into an old west saloon, slides up to the bar and announces “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.” Did you hear about the Buddhist who went to the dentist, and refused to take Novocain? He wanted to transcend dental medication. Q. How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? A. Three. One to screw in the lightbulb, one to complain about the violation of the socket, and one to secretly wish she was the socket. They say the Irish gave the Scots the bagpipe a thousand years ago, and the Scots never caught on. There is no knowledge that is not power. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. Study hard. Be Evil. I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it. My parents just came back from a planet where the dominant life form had no bilateral symmetry, and all I got was this stupid F-Shirt. If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp,because maybe youll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy. “Motion-tracking turrets!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!” God shouldn’t have told Adam and Eve not to eat the fruit from the tree of knowledge. He should have told them not to eat talking snakes. English does not borrow from other languages. English follows other languages into dark alleys, knocks them over, and rifles through their pockets for loose grammar. Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life. ---
**Author:** ![UncaStuart](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/uncastuart/32/404_2.png) [@UncaStuart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncaStuart)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2009, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/65 "2009-07-02T15:16:56Z")
Bad accident outside my house: a Mustang hit a Thunderbird so hard there’s nothing left but horseshit and feathers. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2009, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/66 "2009-07-02T17:01:44Z")
My uncle’s allergic to cotton. He’s got some pills for it, but he can’t get 'em out of the bottle… ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2009, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/67 "2009-07-03T02:46:52Z")
A cat will always land on its feet, and a slice of buttered toast will always land butter side down. However, a cat with buttered toast attached to it will hover in the air in a state of quantum indecision. A guy says, “I hate Jews,” and I said, “Why?” He goes, “Because they killed my God.” They believe that. If I believed that the Jews killed my God, I’d worship the Jews, 'cause shit, there’s some badasses on that team, man. My last henchman failed me terribly. We all ate well that night. Filet minion. ---
**Author:** ![Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uosdwis_R.Dewoh)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2009, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/68 "2009-07-03T04:22:57Z")
The juice maker got fired from the juice factory. He couldn’t concentrate. ---
**Author:** ![adventures.in.solitude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee59a6/32.png) [@adventures.in.solitude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/adventures.in.solitude)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2009, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/69 "2009-07-03T05:50:48Z")
> [@Hampshire](#): > > Not really jokes but short funny phrases I have seen on t-shirts: > > FREE TIBET! (with the purchase of another tibet of equal or greater value) > > WWJD (for a klondike bar)? > > South Korea’s got Seoul > > Triple Nerd Score > > Camping is In-tents This first made me think of the website [www.tshirthell.com](http://www.tshirthell.com) which features the ‘WWJD for the klondike bar’ shirt. I don’t condone all of the shirts on this site… many are rather crude… but I won’t deny that I have giggled at some. (I had stumbled upon this website years ago… and I don’t remember the shirts being THAT ludicrous… but now revisiting I am gasping at some. Perhaps I have matured… ::thinks for a minute::… nah…!) ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2009, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/70 "2009-07-03T06:45:19Z")
Be nice to me, cos, like my grandad died in a Nazi concetration camp Oh my God, that’s horrible! Yeah, it was awful. He fell out of the guard tower. ---
**Author:** ![Amber\_in\_Treasury](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc79bd/32.png) [@Amber\_in\_Treasury](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amber_in_Treasury)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2009, 9:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/71 "2009-07-03T09:00:53Z")
What do you call a clam that’s all fruity inside? Tom Cruise. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2009, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/72 "2009-07-03T12:58:49Z")
A man says to the guy behind the counter: “Is this a cheese shop?” “No” “Well that’s completely fucked this joke, then.” ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2009, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/73 "2009-07-03T15:16:38Z")
“How do you know when your best friend is a fag?” “When his dick tastes like shit!” ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2009, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/74 "2009-07-03T17:08:03Z")
A psychic midget escapes from jail. He was a small medium at large! ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2009, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/75 "2009-07-03T19:44:34Z")
How do you tell the difference between a rectal thermometer and an oral thermometer? The taste. * * * How do we know that Adam and Eve were the first communists? Because who else would run around naked in the woods with only one apple to eat between them and still think they were in paradise? * * * Game show host to contestant: “What did Eve say when she took off Adam’s fig leaf?” Contestant (scratching her head) “Wow, that’s a hard one.” Game show host: “Correct! You just won a million dollars!” ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon2.0](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@Sealemon2.0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon2.0)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2009, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/76 "2009-07-03T22:09:10Z")
Knock knock. ``` Who's there? ``` Interrupting Cow. ``` Interrupt--- ``` MOOOOOOOOOO How do you kill a unique rabbit? Unique up to it. How do you kill a tame unique rabbit? The tame way. Unique up to it. At the checkout line a man is paying for his dozen hotdogs, his loaf of bread, his case of beer and his Ramen Noodles. The checkout girl looks at him shyly and says “You must be single.” The man chuckles and says “Why do you say that?” “Because you’re fucking ugly.” ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@Mister\_Owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Owl)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2009, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/77 "2009-07-03T22:24:19Z")
Q: What has one arm, four legs and wags its tail? A: A happy pit bull. ---
**Author:** ![Birdmonster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/71e660/32.png) [@Birdmonster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Birdmonster)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2009, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/78 "2009-07-03T23:29:13Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > Did you hear about the butcher who backed into the sausage grinder? > He got a little behind in his work. Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into the lens grinder? He made a spectacle of himself. ---
**Author:** ![SiXSwordS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@SiXSwordS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SiXSwordS)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2009, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/79 "2009-07-03T23:52:13Z")
Why do Eskimos wash their clothes in Tide? Too damn cold out tide. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Kobayashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4af34b/32.png) [@Mr.Kobayashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Kobayashi)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2009, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/80 "2009-07-04T01:55:55Z")
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