# Your favorite short jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 30, 2009, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473 "2009-06-30T14:28:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Electric\_Warrior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Electric\_Warrior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electric_Warrior)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2009, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/81 "2009-07-04T02:33:39Z")
Yesterday a truck driver ran into me in the street. -Oh, that’s awful! Are you all right? Yeah, he wasn’t driving a truck at the time. ---
**Author:** ![Bacon\_Salt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/65b543/32.png) [@Bacon\_Salt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bacon_Salt)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2009, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/82 "2009-07-04T04:30:10Z")
What did the fish say when he bumped into the wall? Damn. ---
**Author:** ![AdinWilliam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9f8e36/32.png) [@AdinWilliam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AdinWilliam)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 9:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/83 "2011-12-22T09:11:15Z")
Man: Where were you born ? Boy: London Man: Which part? Boy: What do you mean by which part? Whole body born in London … ---
**Author:** ![pdunderhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4bbf92/32.png) [@pdunderhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pdunderhill)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/84 "2011-12-22T14:47:28Z")
Did you hear the one about the agnostic, dyslexic insomniac who would lie awake at night wondering whether Dog existed? Peter ---
**Author:** ![grimpixie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecb155/32.png) [@grimpixie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grimpixie)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/85 "2011-12-22T16:39:07Z")
What did the zombie eat after its teeth were pulled out? The dentist. ---
**Author:** ![Furious\_Marmot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/dfb087/32.png) [@Furious\_Marmot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Furious_Marmot)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/86 "2011-12-22T16:54:23Z")
Did you hear about the kid who got run over by a steamroller? His parents weren’t home, so they just slid him under the door. ---
**Author:** ![cjepson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9adbd/32.png) [@cjepson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cjepson)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/87 "2011-12-22T17:01:49Z")
Q.: What’s the difference between parsley and pussy? A.: Nobody eats parsley. Some favorites from Rodney Dangerfield: Two dumb guys go bear hunting. They see a sign that says “Bear Left.” So they go home. Guy goes to a psychiatrist. Psychiatrist tells him “You’re crazy.” Guy says, “Mind if I get a second opinion?” Psychiatrist says, “OK, you’re ugly, too.” I don’t get no respect… Last week I saw my kid and the mailman going to a father and son dinner. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Il_Palazzo)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/88 "2011-12-22T17:04:43Z")
A priest, a rabbi and a nun walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Is this some kind of joke?” ---
**Author:** ![Nancarrow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c37758/32.png) [@Nancarrow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nancarrow)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/89 "2011-12-22T18:02:08Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > Britain’s ultimate one-liner comedian - [Jimmy Carr](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74ai4q6dcOM) As that link now says something deeply unfunny about copyright, I presume [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vPDbAJB6JY) is what it used to have. ---
**Author:** ![bartleby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bartleby/32/10491_2.png) [@bartleby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bartleby)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/90 "2011-12-22T18:07:40Z")
What has 4 legs and says AAAAAAAAAAA? - A sheep with no lips. What is red and smells like blue paint? -Red Paint. -Two fish are sitting in a tank. One turns to the other and says “Hey, you know how to drive this thing?” ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/91 "2011-12-22T18:56:23Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Q. How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? > > A. Three. One to screw in the lightbulb, one to complain about the violation of the socket, and one to secretly wish she was the socket. Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? A: THAT’S NOT FUNNY! Q: What’s white and twelve inches long? A: Nothing. Did you hear on the news about that guy who was in that horrible accident? He got the whole left side of his body cut off! But don’t worry, he’s all right now. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/92 "2011-12-22T19:10:06Z")
My favorite short joke, which I have never had the guts to actually use, is when people look up at me and say, “Oh, my goodness! You must play basketball!”. The ideal response (which, again, I have never used) would be to look down and say, “Oh, you must be a jockey!” ---
**Author:** ![MikeF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@MikeF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MikeF)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/93 "2011-12-22T19:26:26Z")
A dyslexic walks into a bra… ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Il_Palazzo)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/94 "2011-12-22T19:30:32Z")
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a pig with no legs? Ground pork. What do you call a dog with no legs? Anything you want; he still won’t come. Why did the fly fly? Because the spider spied 'er. Who’s bigger, Mrs. Bigger or Mrs. Bigger’s baby? Mrs. Bigger’s baby is a little Bigger. ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/95 "2011-12-22T19:52:58Z")
A ship carrying red paint collided with a ship carrying blue paint. All the sailors were marooned. Another accident: A truck full of thesauruses tipped over. The bystanders were surprised, shocked, astonished… ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2011, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/96 "2011-12-23T08:02:09Z")
Know any jokes about sodium? Na. ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2011, 8:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/97 "2011-12-23T08:59:09Z")
> [@HeyHomie](#): > > I didn’t always want to be a [insert your job here]. I wanted to be a gold prospector, but that didn’t pan out. > > * * * > > JOKE TELLER: A good friend of mine got hurt at work, and now he has a weak back. > STRAIGHT MAN: Oh no! When did that happen? > JOKE TELLER: About a week back. > > * * * > > JOKE TELLER: Where are you from? > UNSUSPECTING RUBE: [inserts where they’re from] > JOKE TELLER: I’m sorry? > UNSUSPECTING RUBE: [repeats where they’re from] > JOKE TELLER: I heard you, I’m just sorry. Back in the olden days, when white men would cork up their faces (use soot scraped from the inside of coal-burning stoves) to do Black Face in Vaudeville (my maternal grandfather did) this would be Joke Teller=Mr. Interlocator. The minstrils who answered in chorus=the Greek chorus of Euphid…ily (I can’t spell this) ancient fame. There’s nothing new under the sun. ---
**Author:** ![mack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mack)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2011, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/98 "2011-12-23T15:29:22Z")
Bobby: Teacher! Teacher! We were running through the corn field and Johnny fell and got a piece of corn stuck up his ass! Teacher: You mean rectum. Bobby: Rectum? Damn near killed him! Mickey Mouse’s lawyer: Mickey, you can’t divorce Minnie just because you think she’s crazy. Mickey: I didn’t say I think she’s crazy. I said I think she’s fucking Goofy! ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2011, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/99 "2011-12-23T17:05:32Z")
Two Irishmen walk out of a bar. ---
**Author:** ![FlyByNight512](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/82dd89/32.png) [@FlyByNight512](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyByNight512)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2011, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/100 "2011-12-23T21:20:15Z")
Two peanuts were walking down a dark alleyway. One was a salted. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473.md?page=6)