# Your favorite short jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 30, 2009, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473 "2009-06-30T14:28:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2011, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/101 "2011-12-23T21:43:12Z")
A man submitted ten puns to a newspaper contest, hoping one would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. Did you hear about the king who lived in a grass castle and got crushed when his spare throne fell through the attic? Well you know what they say, those who live in grass houses shouldn’t stow thrones! Did you hear about the painter who tried to save money by adding water to his paint when he was helping renovate the old church? Evidently a lightning bolt came down from the sky and a booming voice yelled, “Repaint, and thin no more!” ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2011, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/102 "2011-12-24T01:03:40Z")
What happened to the girl who backed into a fan? Disaster! And this, so help me, I heard in Scotland: What has four wheels and flies? A corporation dustbin. ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2011, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/103 "2011-12-24T01:18:55Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > Did you hear about the king who lived in a grass castle and got crushed when his spare throne fell through the attic? Well you know what they say, those who live in grass houses shouldn’t stow thrones! This reminds of the man who was throwing stones at the birds on the beach. He wanted to leave no tern unstoned. Later he was lying face down on the beach with his bathing suit off. He wanted to leave no stern untoned. ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2011, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/104 "2011-12-24T01:35:08Z")
> [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](#): > > A horse goes into a bar. The bartender asks, “Why the long face?” The bartender is also a horse. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2011, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/105 "2011-12-25T02:01:50Z")
> [@mack](#): > > Bobby: Teacher! Teacher! We were running through the corn field and Johnny fell and got a piece of corn stuck up his ass! > Teacher: You mean rectum. > Bobby: Rectum? Damn near killed him! So THAT’s how the rest of the joke goes! ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2011, 8:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/106 "2011-12-25T08:40:08Z")
> [@voguevixen](#): > > Know any jokes about sodium? > > Na. How about potassium, then? K. ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2011, 9:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/107 "2011-12-25T09:00:15Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > How about potassium, then? > > K. I’m a pharmacy tech, so LOLOL! ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2011, 10:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/108 "2011-12-25T10:05:58Z")
> [@Hari\_Seldon](#): > > This reminds of the man who was throwing stones at the birds on the beach. He wanted to leave no tern unstoned. > > Later he was lying face down on the beach with his bathing suit off. He wanted to leave no stern untoned. Ken Kesey, author of One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest, was in the habit of throwing Acid parties at his home in the hills. At the entrance to his driveway was a sign saying “No Left Turn Unstoned” ([allegedly TRUE story](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/La_Honda,_California#Cultural_history)!) ---
**Author:** ![whitetho](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whitetho/32/1059_2.png) [@whitetho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whitetho)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2011, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/109 "2011-12-25T14:43:36Z")
Corpse #1: Corpse #2: Corpse #1: ---
**Author:** ![MacCat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/maccat/32/216_2.png) [@MacCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacCat)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2011, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/110 "2011-12-25T16:11:24Z")
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my Grandpa, not screaming in pain and terror like the passengers in his car… ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2011, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/111 "2011-12-27T07:39:56Z")
Just saw this one on Tumblr: The past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2011, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/112 "2011-12-27T09:32:53Z")
> [@voguevixen](#): > > Just saw this one on Tumblr: > > The past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense. Then the subjunctive walked in, turned around and walked out again. Wrong mood. ---
**Author:** ![DonW12](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a698b9/32.png) [@DonW12](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DonW12)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2015, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/113 "2015-06-08T21:32:15Z")
A buzzard enters a jetliner with a dead raccoon under each wing. The flight attendant says. “Sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.” ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2015, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/114 "2015-06-08T22:02:49Z")
A man walks into bar. He says ouch. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Stainless\_Steel\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_stainless_steel_rat/32/5727_2.png) [@The\_Stainless\_Steel\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Stainless_Steel_Rat)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2015, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/115 "2015-06-08T22:43:41Z")
Hear about the new JR Tolkein movie starring Bruce Willis? Called “Old Hobbits Die Hard” ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2015, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/116 "2015-06-09T00:09:08Z")
have you seen Stevie wonder’s new house? Neither has he! ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2015, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/117 "2015-06-09T01:20:08Z")
Nothing is better than sex. A ham sandwich is better than nothing. Therefore, a ham sandwich is better than sex. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2015, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/118 "2015-06-09T01:34:44Z")
They’re remaking Free Willy. The new version will be called Catch Willy and Make Him Do Tricks. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2015, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/119 "2015-06-09T03:25:16Z")
What do you call a guy with a rabbit up his ass? Warren. ---
**Author:** ![chacoguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/50afbb/32.png) [@chacoguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chacoguy)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2015, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/120 "2015-06-09T03:58:53Z")
What’s the difference between a grade school and an ISIS training camp? Beats me, I just fly the drone. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473.md?page=7)