# Your favorite short jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 30, 2009, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473 "2009-06-30T14:28:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2015, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/121 "2015-06-09T14:37:29Z")
When a mosquito hits a car’s windshield, what’s the last thing that goes through its mind? Its ass! ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2015, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/122 "2015-06-09T17:32:24Z")
(Supposedly true story) Woman seated next to Calvin Coolidge at a dinner: “I made a bet today that I could get more than two words out of you.” Calvin Coolidge: “You lose.” ---
**Author:** ![california\_jobcase](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@california\_jobcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/california_jobcase)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2015, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/123 "2015-06-10T01:43:50Z")
A termite enters a tavern and asks “Is the bar tender here?” ---
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2015, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/124 "2015-06-10T02:13:40Z")
> [@voguevixen](#): > > Know any jokes about sodium? > > Na. > [@Malacandra](#): > > How about potassium, then? > > K. Any about [laughing gas](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nitrous_oxide)? **NO!** ---
**Author:** ![mind\_the\_gap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ea666f/32.png) [@mind\_the\_gap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mind_the_gap)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2015, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/125 "2015-06-10T04:29:46Z")
There are two kinds of people…Those who can interpolate from incomplete information and ---
**Author:** ![Noel\_Prosequi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b19c9b/32.png) [@Noel\_Prosequi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noel_Prosequi)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2015, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/126 "2015-06-10T06:46:26Z")
Nerdiest joke I know: Q:What does the middle initial in Benoit B Mandelbrot’s name stand for? A: Benoit B Mandelbrot ---
**Author:** ![trapezoidal\_jellyfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6f9a4e/32.png) [@trapezoidal\_jellyfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/trapezoidal_jellyfish)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2015, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/127 "2015-06-11T03:41:20Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Wait, these are supposed to be short jokes. > > What are you, like 4’9" without the heels? I’m only 5 feet, so I get a lot of short jokes, but I usually don’t think they’re funny. I guess they just go over my head. > [@Dinsdale](#): > > What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? > A carrot! > > Two guys walk into a bar - you’d think the second one would’ve ducked. > > Did you hear about the butcher who backed into the sausage grinder? > He got a little behind in his work. > > What do you call a fly with no wings? > A walk. > > What do you call a cow with no legs? > Ground beef. > > What do you call a dog with no legs? > Doesn’t matter what you call it, it isn’t going to come. > > What do you call a fly with no wings? > A walk. > > What is the difference between a dog and a well-dressed man? > A well-dressed man wears a 3-piece suit. The dog just pants. > > What happened when the red ship ran into the blue ship? > Both crews were marooned. > > Yeah, I’m a hit at the kids’ table! What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fssshhh What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea (no eye deer) What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea. What did zero say to eight? Nice belt What’s the difference between a coyote and a flea? One howls on the prairie, and one prowls on the hairy ---
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/128 "2015-06-12T16:46:00Z")
> [@trapezoidal\_jellyfish](#): > > What do you call a fish with no eyes? > Fssshhh After one of the earlier posts I just knew this one was coming. > [@](#): > > What’s the difference between a coyote and a flea? > One howls on the prairie, and one prowls on the hairy What’s the difference between an escape artist and a striptease artist? One has a cunning stunt, and the other… ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2015, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473/129 "2015-09-14T14:29:53Z")
Why can’t atheists solve exponential equations? They don’t believe in higher powers. * * * There’s a fine line between the numerator and the denominator. * * * Why do the Lannisters have such big beds? They need two twins to make a king. * * * I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised. * * * Old people poke me at weddings and tell me “your next” So I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. * * * What do you call a sexist masseuse? A massagynist. * * * Did you hear about the blind circumciser? He got the sack. * * * I like my bread the way I like my women… French and covered with butter. * * * I just invented a new word: plagiarism. * * * I saw some snails fighting in my driveway. They were really slugging it out. * * * Not Wally, Not Wally, Not Wally, Not Wally, Not Wally,Not Wally… from the _Where’s Wally Audiobook_ * * * Wife: “How would you describe me?” Husband: “ABCDEFGHIJK.” Wife: “What does that mean?” Husband: “Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot.” Wife: “Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?” Husband: “I’m just kidding!” * * * Why do Americans spell “colour” without the U? Because they freed the U. * * * What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? Their last big hit was the Wall. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-short-jokes/501473.md?page=6)