# Your favorite ultra-simple/vulgar jokes (profanity warning) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 10, 2003, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049 "2003-02-10T05:59:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Lucki\_Chaarms](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9de0a6/32.png) [@Lucki\_Chaarms](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucki_Chaarms)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/1 "2003-02-10T05:59:18Z")
Everyone has em, right? The real short, to the point, and funny as hell little old jokes? Mine: An old bull and a young bull are standing on top of a hill above a grazing field. The young bull gets excited and starts tugging at the older bull. “Hey!!” he says, “How 'bout run down there and fuck us a cow??” The old bull looks up and says, “How 'bout we _walk_ down there and fuck 'em all.” An oldie but a goodie, no? I heard that one from my director who was talking to me about the relationship of Friar Laurence to Romeo in _Romeo and Juliet_. That makes me like it even more. LC ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/2 "2003-02-10T06:05:36Z")
What do you do if you come across a sexy girl in the Jungle? Wipe it off and say sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Griffin-Kentzel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_griffin-kentzel/32/14787_2.png) [@Larry\_Griffin-Kentzel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Griffin-Kentzel)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/3 "2003-02-10T13:20:24Z")
“What’s your favorite …?” threads belong in **IMHO**. (With apologies to **TVeblen** and **Czarcasm**.) * * * **Cajun Man** ~ SDMB Moderator ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/4 "2003-02-10T22:13:14Z")
Two old farmers sitting on the porch: Y’know, Lester, between the two of us, we’ve heard every sheep-humpin’ joke them city fellers cared to tell. That’s true, Clem. It sure is true. Even after all that, y’know what really honks me off? Geese! ---
**Author:** ![Sqube](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@Sqube](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sqube)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/5 "2003-02-10T22:15:43Z")
Uhh… this is outrageous, and I’m not really sure if it’s funny, but when my friend told me I had to laugh. So here goes… Knock Knock. Who’s There? **FAG!!!** ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/6 "2003-02-10T22:38:35Z")
Q: Why did Liberace play the piano? A: Because he sucked at the organ. ---
**Author:** ![samclem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9a28c/32.png) [@samclem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samclem)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/7 "2003-02-11T01:32:35Z")
Q: Why did MIckey quit dating Minnie? A: Because she was _fuckin’_ Goofy! ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/8 "2003-02-11T02:13:48Z")
No, no, no. I hear it like this: Mickey Mouse denies reports that he left Minnie because of a mental disorder. [Mickey Mouse voice] “I didn’t say she was nuts. I said she was fuckin Goofy.” [/Mickey Mouse voice] See, the pun is clearer, plus you get to say “fuckin’” in a funny voice. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![auntnut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f6c823/32.png) [@auntnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntnut)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/9 "2003-02-11T02:21:04Z")
Whats green and hangs from trees? Elephant snot. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Hand](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mr.Hand](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Hand)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/10 "2003-02-11T02:22:55Z")
What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? Wiped his ass and moved on. ---
**Author:** ![DreadCthulhu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DreadCthulhu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DreadCthulhu)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/11 "2003-02-11T03:54:04Z")
Whats the difference between a truck full of sand and a truck full of babies? You can’t unload the sand with a pitchfork. ---
**Author:** ![Rich\_Mann](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@Rich\_Mann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rich_Mann)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/12 "2003-02-11T04:18:05Z")
In a bar. Guy: Would you do me for a million bucks? Gal: (Thinks) Yeah, sure. Guy: OK, how much for a BJ? Gal: Do you think I’m a whore? Guy: We’ve already etablished that. Now were negotiating price! ---
**Author:** ![TVGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/82dd89/32.png) [@TVGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVGuy)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/13 "2003-02-11T04:37:42Z")
I’ve got a rooster and you’ve got a donkey. Your donkey bites my rooster’s feet off, what do we have? \*Two feet of my cock in your ass! \* ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/14 "2003-02-11T06:02:04Z")
What’s the hardest part about eating a vegetable? The Wheelchair ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/15 "2003-02-11T06:16:00Z")
Q. Why did the kid fall off the bicycle? A. Because someone threw a fridge at him. ---
**Author:** ![Ferrous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Ferrous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferrous)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/16 "2003-02-11T06:22:45Z")
Q: What’s brown and sticky? A: A stick. ---
**Author:** ![sciguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e68b1a/32.png) [@sciguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sciguy)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/17 "2003-02-11T06:41:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DreadCthulhu \* > \*\*Whats the difference between a truck full of sand and a truck full of babies? > > You can’t unload the sand with a pitchfork. \*\* I heard that originally with _dead_ babies, which would lead to the following series: What’s more disgusting than a truck full of dead babies? There’s a live one at the bottom. What’s more disgusting than that? He’s eating his way out. What’s more disgusting than _that_? He goes back for seconds. Could there be anything more disgusting than **that**? He leaves with a doggy bag. More classic baby jokes: What’s pink, then blue, then black? A baby playing in a plastic bag. What’s pink and red and goes really fast? A baby in a blender. What’s pink and red and gets shorter and shorter? A baby combing his hair with a potato peeler. ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/18 "2003-02-11T08:26:03Z")
I love baby jokes: What harder than getting ten babies into a bucket? Getting one baby into ten buckets. ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 8:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/19 "2003-02-11T08:46:53Z")
Why do you shag a sheep when it’s lying on it’s back? So you can kiss it. ---
**Author:** ![August](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d26b3c/32.png) [@August](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 10:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/20 "2003-02-11T10:42:51Z")
Why is sperm white and piss yellow? So men can tell if they are coming or going. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049.md?page=2)