# Your favorite ultra-simple/vulgar jokes (profanity warning) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 10, 2003, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049 "2003-02-10T05:59:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/21 "2003-02-11T14:16:17Z")
How did the shepard find his sheep in the tall grass? Very satisfying. ---
**Author:** ![roadrunner70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19b73/32.png) [@roadrunner70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roadrunner70)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/22 "2003-02-11T14:27:01Z")
Q. What’s 18" long, and makes women scream? Crib death ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/23 "2003-02-11T14:33:49Z")
What’s pink and wrinkled and hangs out grandad’s pants? Grandma. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/24 "2003-02-11T16:13:19Z")
What’s the difference between a vitamin and a hormone? You can’t make a vita_min_… ---
**Author:** ![3waygeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/e95f7d/32.png) [@3waygeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3waygeek)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/25 "2003-02-11T17:14:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Knowed Out \* > \*\*What’s the difference between a vitamin and a hormone? > > You can’t make a vita_min_… \*\* Or: If you can make a hormone, you don’t need any vitamins… ---
**Author:** ![Myron\_Van\_Horowitzski](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@Myron\_Van\_Horowitzski](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myron_Van_Horowitzski)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/26 "2003-02-11T17:38:27Z")
Oh, NOW you got me started. **Q: What is red and green and goes 500 miles an hour?** A: A frog in a blender **Q: What’s black, white and red and turns over and over?** A: A wounded nun rolling down a hill. **Q: What’s the difference between an epileptic cornhusker and a hooker with dysentery?** A: One shucks between fits and the other… **Q: What’s the difference between a bad marksman and a constipated owl?** A: One shoots and shoots and never hits… **Q: What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?** A: A piece of ass that will bring tears to your eyes. P.S…Ah, **sqube** … Huh? ---
**Author:** ![MilTan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@MilTan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MilTan)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/27 "2003-02-11T18:00:02Z")
What’s black and white and has trouble going through revolving doors? A nun with a spear through her head. heheh. I kill me. ---
**Author:** ![jellen92](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/6bbea6/32.png) [@jellen92](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jellen92)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/28 "2003-02-11T18:17:46Z")
Q. Why does miss piggy douche with honey and vinegar? A. Kermit likes sweet -n- sour pork. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/29 "2003-02-11T18:46:12Z")
What’s green and smells like pork? Kermit’s middle finger. ---
**Author:** ![MSU\_1978](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac8455/32.png) [@MSU\_1978](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MSU_1978)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/30 "2003-02-11T20:05:32Z")
What’s brown and drips from the attic? The diarrhea of Anne Frank. ---
**Author:** ![Loneraven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c0e974/32.png) [@Loneraven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loneraven)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/31 "2003-02-11T20:16:13Z")
How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to change the bulb, and the other to hold the penis… sorry, _ladder._ ---
**Author:** ![glass\_onion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@glass\_onion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glass_onion)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/32 "2003-02-11T21:01:58Z")
Whats funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown suit ---
**Author:** ![glass\_onion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@glass\_onion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glass_onion)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/33 "2003-02-11T21:03:30Z")
Whats Blue and doesn’t fit? A dead epileptic ---
**Author:** ![Shootout](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Shootout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shootout)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/34 "2003-02-11T21:32:45Z")
How do you get a baby into a bowl? Use a blender. How do you get the baby out? Nacho chips. ---
**Author:** ![greck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ab992/32.png) [@greck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/greck)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/35 "2003-02-11T21:39:15Z")
how do you get your dog to stop humping your leg? pick him up and jerk him off till he’s satisfied ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/36 "2003-02-11T21:57:36Z")
Q. What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog? A. It’s true! We do taste like chicken! A bear and a rabbit were walking through the woods. They met on the path so the bear stopped to ask the rabbit, “Excuse me. Does shit stick to your fur?” The rabbit replied, “No.” So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit! Q. Why do farmers fuck sheep at the edge of a cliff? A. So the sheep will push back! **Casey1505** stole my favorite sick joke. ---
**Author:** ![soulmurk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b782af/32.png) [@soulmurk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulmurk)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/37 "2003-02-11T22:24:51Z")
In line with the thread title and at the behest of a non-registered friend: Q. What do you say to a woman with two black eyes? A. Nothing, you already told her twice. Q. Why do women have short feet? A. So they can stand closer to the stove. Q. Why do women get pregnant? A. Because it hurts and they deserve it. _ducks and runs_ ---
**Author:** ![Earl\_of\_Sandwhich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/91b2a8/32.png) [@Earl\_of\_Sandwhich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_of_Sandwhich)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/38 "2003-02-11T23:00:38Z")
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. ---
**Author:** ![greck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ab992/32.png) [@greck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/greck)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/39 "2003-02-11T23:00:45Z")
see dogzilla’s post first the same bear and the same rabbit find a leprechaun who grants them each two wishes the bear says “I’ll go first,” " I want to be the most attractive bear in all the forest" leprechaun makes it so, turns to the rabbit “what’s your first wish?” rabbit says “I want a motorcycle” leprechaun (with a quizzical look) makes it so, “your second wish mr. bear?” Bear says “I want the forest rid of all other male bears so I will have no competition for female bears” “Done” says the leprechaun “your final wish rabbit?” Rabbit hops on the motorcycle, kicks it started says: “I want the bear to be gay” and speeds away. ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049/40 "2003-02-12T00:32:17Z")
Has anyone heard of the Tempura House? It’s a shelter for lightly battered women [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favorite-ultra-simple-vulgar-jokes-profanity-warning/154049.md?page=3)