# Your favourite jokes! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 21, 2004, 10:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-jokes/241196 "2004-04-21T10:01:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![fishbicycle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2004, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-jokes/241196/41 "2004-04-21T23:38:37Z")
> [@Tusculan](#): > > hey **fishbicycle** , weren’t you the one who told the ‘Tankity-tankity-tank’ joke? Good one, I still remember it fondly. Yes, that was me - and thanks! - but I must give credit where it is due. I heard David Brenner tell that joke to Johnny Carson back in the '80s. I thought it was so funny, I wrote it down while it was still fresh, and have remembered it since. Great story. I wonder where Brenner heard it? ---
**Author:** ![Alan\_Smithee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/2acd7d/32.png) [@Alan\_Smithee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alan_Smithee)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2004, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-jokes/241196/42 "2004-04-22T01:08:37Z")
> [@TwistofFate](#): > > the idea isn’t to tell your favourite joke. it’s go give a brief description of the joke. > > you don’t reveal the punchline, just enough for people to wonder about it. > > here’s another one. > > I like the one about the bartender who won’t serve the crab. Yes, and it’s _freaking me out_! Come on, **eventually** you’ll let us all tell the whole joke, right? . . . . RIGHT?!? Pretty please?!?!? Otherwise, it isn’t very nice :mad: ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2004, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-jokes/241196/43 "2004-04-22T01:26:09Z")
The one about the female East German swimmers. ---
**Author:** ![Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilvert_s_Pagan)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2004, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-jokes/241196/44 "2004-04-22T01:33:32Z")
The one about the Polish guy who wanted a vasectomy. The one about the guy whose doctor put him on the “up your ass” diet. The one about the sex act calld “the penguin”. or the grossest one of all, the one about how a hillbilly boy can tell when his sister’s having her period. ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2004, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-jokes/241196/45 "2004-04-22T01:33:45Z")
Well there’s the one that this thread reminds me of… (Guy, bar, punchlines as numbers) But my two favorite jokes… “Do YOU know how to drive this thing?” or “Go home, Dad, you’re drunk.” ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2004, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-jokes/241196/46 "2004-04-22T01:48:03Z")
The one about the monkey and the pool balls. ---
**Author:** ![RindaRinda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/dfb087/32.png) [@RindaRinda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RindaRinda)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2004, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-jokes/241196/47 "2004-04-22T02:35:09Z")
This might be mangled, but… A physicist, a chemist, and an economist are shipwrecked on a desert island. The only thing they have to eat is a crate of pork and beans in cans from the ship. Unfortunately, they have no can opener, or any other tools. The physicist says, “We can use this stone as a projectile to knock the top off the can. I shall make my calculations for angle and velocity.” The economist scoffs, “No, no, no, the beans will spill all over the sand.” The chemist then says, “Well, perhaps seawater will corrode the metal so we can open the cans easily.” The economist snorts, “That will only contaminate the beans.” Annoyed, the other two demand a solution from the economist. “Easy,” he says, picking up a stick. “Assume this is a can opener…” ---
**Author:** ![MoodIndigo1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@MoodIndigo1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MoodIndigo1)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2004, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-jokes/241196/48 "2004-04-22T03:44:19Z")
I like the one about the beautiful woman going to lecture at the Nymphomaniac convention. ---
**Author:** ![clayton\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c57346/32.png) [@clayton\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clayton_e)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2004, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-jokes/241196/49 "2004-04-22T04:36:44Z")
That one about the lady that names her dog Stay is funny. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2004, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-jokes/241196/50 "2004-04-22T04:43:28Z")
That one where the psychiatrist tells the guy “I can clearly see you’re nuts!” ---
**Author:** ![Tir\_Tinuviel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@Tir\_Tinuviel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tir_Tinuviel)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2004, 11:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-jokes/241196/51 "2004-04-22T11:02:01Z")
It’s a bit gross, but I like the one about the guy who can’t stop drinking the contents of the spittoon… ---
**Author:** ![nocturnal\_tick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3d9bf3/32.png) [@nocturnal\_tick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nocturnal_tick)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2004, 11:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-jokes/241196/52 "2004-04-22T11:40:28Z")
> [@tpayne](#): > > The one about the sex act calld “the penguin”. Have you heard of the rodeo position? ---
**Author:** ![Sami41](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c57346/32.png) [@Sami41](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sami41)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2004, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-jokes/241196/53 "2004-04-22T12:53:56Z")
“The Cubs Win the Series” “I’m Fuckin’ Freezing” and “The Empire State Carrot” And, this thread is a tease. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2004, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-jokes/241196/54 "2004-04-22T13:09:04Z")
That it is, **Sami** , but there is a small thrill to be had by “getting” one of these. > [@Loopydude](#): > > “I’m positive!” Hehehe…I love that one. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2004, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-jokes/241196/55 "2004-04-22T16:22:25Z")
The one where the guy suggests to the waitress she rub toilet paper between her breasts. _Harsh_, but I admit, it made me chuckle. ---
**Author:** ![KidCharlemagne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed8c4c/32.png) [@KidCharlemagne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KidCharlemagne)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2004, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-jokes/241196/56 "2004-04-22T20:19:06Z")
We can do our own version of Joke Jeopardy. Answer: Time to get a new clock. ---
**Author:** ![F.U.Shakespeare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aca169/32.png) [@F.U.Shakespeare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/F.U.Shakespeare)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2004, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-jokes/241196/57 "2004-04-22T20:57:37Z")
This thread reminds me of the gag writer who takes his wife to a professional convention. Every so often, one of the writers stands up and calls out a number, and the other writers all laugh politely. The wife asks her husband what’s going on, and he tells her: “We’re gag writers – we have all the jokes memorized and numbered. So we can tell a joke just by reciting its number.” Just then, another writer calls out a number. Everyone laughs politely, but one writer keeps laughing, after everyone has stopped. “Why’s that guy laughing so hard?” asks the wife. Her husband shrugs. “I guess he hadn’t heard that one before”. ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2004, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-jokes/241196/58 "2004-04-22T21:57:59Z")
> [@F. U. Shakespeare](#): > > This thread reminds me of the gag writer who takes his wife to a professional convention. > > Every so often, one of the writers stands up and calls out a number, and the other writers all laugh politely. > > The wife asks her husband what’s going on, and he tells her: “We’re gag writers – we have all the jokes memorized and numbered. So we can tell a joke just by reciting its number.” > > Just then, another writer calls out a number. Everyone laughs politely, but one writer keeps laughing, after everyone has stopped. > > “Why’s that guy laughing so hard?” asks the wife. > > Her husband shrugs. “I guess he hadn’t heard that one before”. Then another guy stands up and yells out a number. Non one laughts at all. “What happened?” asks the wife? “He didn’t tell it right” My contributions: “Zees time, no more meester nice guy!” “Because they taste funny” “That’s OK, I’ll eat it here” ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2004, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-jokes/241196/59 "2004-04-22T23:33:52Z")
“Catch it, and paint it green!” ---
**Author:** ![pervert](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbe5ce/32.png) [@pervert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pervert)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2004, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-jokes/241196/60 "2004-04-22T23:36:27Z")
Into a bar walk 3 blind nuns and an epilectic dick with sticky feet… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-jokes/241196.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-jokes/241196.md?page=4)