# your favourite one liner **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 11, 2001, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-one-liner/72114 "2001-07-11T17:37:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![mothman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c57346/32.png) [@mothman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mothman)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2001, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-one-liner/72114/1 "2001-07-11T17:37:38Z")
The other day I was complaining about work to a friend and she told me to “Fart fire and save the matches.” “WTF?!” - was my reply. “Whatever. That makes no sense. STFU” Suddenly everyone at the table we were sharing started to look at me as if Big Bird just relieved himself on my shoulder. No one could believe I had never heard that one-liner before. I’m still convinced that she made it up just to shut me up but after asking around it seems that everyone has heard that one before but me. To give everyone the short of the long I just wanted to know what are other little one-liners out there that might be your personal fav or others that just confuse the heck out of you. Right now I think that my favourite is “If wishes were horses we would be knee deep in crap.” What’s yours? ---
**Author:** ![TexasSpur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a6a055/32.png) [@TexasSpur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TexasSpur)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2001, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-one-liner/72114/2 "2001-07-11T17:54:20Z")
It might be helpful if people also explain what their one liners mean. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2001, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-one-liner/72114/3 "2001-07-11T17:54:30Z")
I have a few, most I heard from my father: [ul] I’m finer than a frog hair split three ways If I were any better, I’d be two people It rained like a cow pissing on a flat rock [/ul] For the record, I’d always heard the expression you referred to as “_Shit_ fire and save matches.” ---
**Author:** ![Iguana\_Boy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ed655f/32.png) [@Iguana\_Boy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iguana_Boy)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2001, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-one-liner/72114/4 "2001-07-11T18:29:55Z")
When ever someone makes a particularly obtuse comment, I like to throw out the line - **"You know, it is an interesting fact that there are more horses’ asses in this world than there are horses"** Most people get it, but usually not the recipient of the line! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Big\_Cheese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8baadc/32.png) [@The\_Big\_Cheese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Big_Cheese)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2001, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-one-liner/72114/5 "2001-07-11T18:47:05Z")
I got most of mine from my grandmother, of all people. If someone is stuck up: Oh that insert\_name\_here thinks her shit don’t stink. If someone is fibbing/nuts: Oh he’s full of canal water. Stuck up again: Oh look at insert\_name\_here up on his high horse. I always try to picture the last one. You have a bunch of people on regular horses, then some guy riding around on a horse that stands about 20 feet tall, his high horse. ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2001, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-one-liner/72114/6 "2001-07-11T18:52:05Z")
One I can never figure out: “I can’t win for losing.” Mrs. Amp says this all the time. Is she saying it wrong or am I just stupid? ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2001, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-one-liner/72114/7 "2001-07-11T18:53:23Z")
When someone is spewing bullshit or likewise blowing smoke up my ass I like to say, “spread it on thin, it’s a big farm” ---
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2001, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-one-liner/72114/8 "2001-07-11T18:59:54Z")
Mr. Bobkitty is fond of the “It’s like a monkey f—ing a football” line for the clueless, inept people out there. He usually shortens it to “Monkey and a football” for polite company. He also likes the “Wish in one hand, shit in the other and see which one fills up faster.” Again, shortened to “Wish in one hand…” for company and those who already know what he’s about to say. I, on the other hand, after having seen 'Survivor: Australia" am personally fond of the ‘If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, we’d all have a Merry Christmas’ line. 🙂 Both Mr. Bobkitty and I are therapists (well, he is… I’m in training) and love to teach people one-liners to break irrational habits. “And this is my problem how?” is an excellent conversation-stopper. Just keep saying it, over and over, til the other person gets the hint. “And what bizarre alternate universe are we living in this week?” is another, but not appropriate for schizophrenics. 😉 I’m sure I’ll think of more later… -BK ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2001, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-one-liner/72114/9 "2001-07-11T19:11:45Z")
“I can’t win for losing.” I can’t win, for I am continually losing. Hope that helps. My favorite: “Its like separating poop from peanut butter.” Said when trying a seemingly impossible task. ---
**Author:** ![Cerowyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/82dd89/32.png) [@Cerowyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cerowyn)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2001, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-one-liner/72114/10 "2001-07-11T19:20:16Z")
Two wrongs don’t make a right. But three lefts do. ---
**Author:** ![Tygr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df788c/32.png) [@Tygr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tygr)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2001, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-one-liner/72114/11 "2001-07-11T20:07:36Z")
College roommate enjoyed saying: “He’s queer as a football bat.” ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2001, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-one-liner/72114/12 "2001-07-11T22:05:04Z")
In the “wishing” vein: “If wishes were fishes we’d walk on the sea.” Similar to Iguana Boy’s: “Fascinating, captain. The ratio of assholes to people here is approaching 2:1.” Describing a klutz (usually myself): “He/I can trip over smoke.” RPG geekery that confuses people: “He/I failed his/my Dex check.” (someone demonstrated his klutziness) “I need a natural 20 about now.” (when attempting something difficult) “Did he just pick up more dice?” (when expecting bad news) ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2001, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-one-liner/72114/13 "2001-07-11T23:13:24Z")
‘I’ll be back’ (love that film) ‘I think you’re confusing me with someone who gives a sh\*t’ And in D+D - ‘Make a save v death’ ---
**Author:** ![bughunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@bughunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bughunter)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-one-liner/72114/14 "2001-07-12T00:09:41Z")
I like to use the line from Jaws, when I recognize someone is using an inadequate resource on a tough job: ``` "You're gonna need a bigger boat." ``` And (this will give me away if any cow-orkers lurk here) we have a rather abrasive manager here, who is of Greek nationality, and who loves to use the phrase ``` "What, do I look like a Turk to you?" ``` when he thinks someone is trying to bullshit him. ---
**Author:** ![Kaitlyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/73ab20/32.png) [@Kaitlyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaitlyn)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-one-liner/72114/15 "2001-07-12T00:16:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by plnnr \* > \*\*“I can’t win for losing.” > I can’t win, for I am continually losing. Hope that helps. > > \*\* Depending on the context, it could mean “I can’t win, and if I tried to lose, I would fail at that, too.” or “No matter what happens, I’m going be the loser.” Used when all possible outcomes are bad for the speaker. ---
**Author:** ![SpoilerVirgin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@SpoilerVirgin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpoilerVirgin)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-one-liner/72114/16 "2001-07-12T00:20:30Z")
“and disappeared.” It’s what my sister and I always say (often simultaneously) whenever someone says, “I think not.” It’s the punchline to an old joke about philosopher Rene Descartes. He was on an airplane and the flight attendant asked him if he wanted coffee or tea. He said, “I think not,” and disappeared. Gets me every time. ---
**Author:** ![Purd\_Werfect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47c2d/32.png) [@Purd\_Werfect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Purd_Werfect)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-one-liner/72114/17 "2001-07-12T00:25:12Z")
“There’s nowt so queer as folk.” or in more americanized parlance - “People are weird.” ---
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-one-liner/72114/18 "2001-07-12T01:16:29Z")
“Ain’t nothin’ short on me showing.” and, the related: “Got (him, her, me) by the short hairs.” I like “Pull the other one” for the whole BS-ing thing, especially in mixed company. 😉 Hmmm… looks like I’ll be picking up some new catch phrases! 🙂 -BK ---
**Author:** ![Eo\_Echo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ebca7d/32.png) [@Eo\_Echo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eo_Echo)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-one-liner/72114/19 "2001-07-12T03:22:52Z")
Some of my favorites rhyme: “I was tore up from the floor up.” “She needs a checkup from the neck up.” The one I use most: “You sure miss a lot when you don’t pay attention.” ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-one-liner/72114/20 "2001-07-12T03:28:55Z")
My fave is actually a two-liner… Opinions are like assholes. _Everybody’s_ got one. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-favourite-one-liner/72114.md?page=2)