your finest restaurant meal in excruciating detail, please

In My Humble Opinion
21

Actually, I have another one. I had been reading this book, called “The Soul of a Chef” which followed several people trying to get their Certifiedd Master Chef certification frfom the CIA, and then it also profiled several other chef, including the guy from the French Laundry (Thomas… ?) and this guy Michael Symon who has a small restaurant in Cleveland. Well, I deecided that for my birthday, me and my (ex)boyfriend would drive down to Cleveland (3 hours), stay in a B&B, and eat at this restaurant. I tried not to get too excited due to the inevitable letdown. We had to make reservations 2 weeks in advance which is pretty amazing for Cleveland.

So, we get there, the place is small and narrow and has the most miniscule kitchen right next to the bar (entirely open to the restaurant). There’s a pressed tin ceiling and the walls are painted in warm tone, textured paint. Everywhere you look there are neat textures to look at. We’re a bit early, I get a gin & tonic at the bar, which is served in a LARGE water tumbler. <happy>.

So, we’re seated, and I start with an appetizer of chopped sushi tuna and avacado relish. mmmmmm. I wanted to get the Bloody Mary Oysters too (raw oysters with vodka and tomato) but my BF wasn’t feeling that great and I didn’t want to eat too much up front.

Then I had a house “signature” dish, which was grouper with jerk seasoning with “crab tater tots.” I guess some places would call them “crab and potato croquettes” but here they were “crab tater tots,” right on the menu. I quite admire that. My BF ordered this pasta served with cream, goat cheese, rosemary, tomatoes, and grilled chicken. I can tell you this was the most sublime pasta I have ever eaten. The cream smoothed out the flavor of the goat cheese and the tomatoes gave it a slight bite of acidity. I ate all of my fish, plus half of BF’s pasta. Then for dessert I had banana pierogies with caramel sauce. Which sounds odd but was in fact delightful.

Also, in the bathrooms, there was a bracket inside each stall holding a water glass and 1 fresh daisy. Bill was only about $25 each.

As we left I saw the chef speaking to some people at the bar. I went up to the bar and said “excuse me, are you the chef, Michael Symon?” And he said “yup” and I said “well I had a really nice meal and I wanted to say thanks.” and he said “wow, thanks!” and looked really amazed and shook my hand.

22

Tokyo, December 1999.

We had been in two full day negotiations with a client. It was excruciating, but after the two days we came out with a multi-million dollar contract. On our way back to the office, we were talking about dinner and I mentioned I hadn’t had shabu shabu for a long time. Well that was all it took. We drove straight to the Akasaka-Mitsuke district of Tokyo and went into a basement restaurant, which I’m sorry to say I can’t remember the name of.
It was a traditional Japanese style decor and the hostess was wearing a beautiful Japanese silk kimono. There was no menu, instead they brought out a chop block with beef.
There were several choice cuts, but there was one in particular that was beautifully marbled. It was perfect. All my colleagues were looking at this choice cut of meat too and there was no question which one we wanted. I was informed that this was a very special Kobe beef from Kansai in East Japan.
Kobe cattle are raised specifically for the meat. The cows are massaged every day and they are fed a crate of beer every day to produce the finest meat. I had thought that I had tried Kobe beef before, which I suppose I had, the difference is that just because it’s from Kobe, does not mean that the cow received that special treatment when it was alive. This meat I was about to consume had.

After a few tasty appetizers, the central cooking pot was brought in and brought to a boil on the center of the table. Then the thinly sliced beef on wide wooden platters was brought out.
You delicately pick up a slice with your chopsticks and dip briefly in the boiling water. When I say briefly, I mean a second tops. This meat is so fine it could be eaten raw.
Then you dip this in a dipping sauce consisting of some kind of soy vinegar mix and put it in your mouth. Heavenly! The meat is so tender it almost melts in your mouth. It was unbelievable and by far the best beef I have ever tasted. I still dream of it. Unfortunately, eating shabu shabu since then has become a disappointment as I can’t forget that wonderful Kobe beef. The price for this meal? 800,000 yen for four people, that is about $1,700 bucks a head. Not a meal you go out for every weekend.

That was one of the most memorable meals in terms of taste.
In terms of presentation, it has got to be that one time I was invited to an exclusive sushi dinner party also in Tokyo. The sushi was served on two beautiful naked Japanese women. Although the sushi itself wasn’t anything spectacular, it was the first time I ever had a strange erotic sensation while eating my meal. Can’t really describe it.

Jack

23

That’s Lola. It’s a really nice place. One of the best restaurants in Cleveland.

24

A meal that I remember very well, although it was not particularly inspiring, has ties of memory to my (much-missed) dad.

About six months before he died (cancer), we took a trip to northern Indiana, visiting car museums, car museums, and nothing but car museums. We had a great time.

One afternoon we were cruising down a back road in Amish country. We hadn’t eaten since breakfast and were getting pretty darned hungry. Looking down a side road at a crossroads in the middle of nowhere, we spotted a forlorn-looking little combination gas station/cafe. We opened the door and stepped into the cafe. Simple decor, red-and-white checked vinyl tablecloths, wooden stools. A gal came out from the back. “Sorry, the kitchen’s closed,” she said. After surveying our hungry faces, she added, “All we have is Sloppy Joes.”

Dad looked at me, I looked at Dad. “Then, by god, I guess we’ll have Sloppy Joes.” Grinned at the gal, she grinned back, and we had Sloppy Joes.

25

thanks to jane d’oh, wolfman, deepbluesea, niceguyjack, rocketeer. cmon, the rest of you. wheres chef troy, zenster, and some of my fellow fat men. get in here!