# Your friend is on trial for possessing kiddie porn. Do you break off the friendship? Why or why not? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 13, 2010, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382 "2010-03-13T19:29:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2010, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/41 "2010-03-14T16:45:00Z")
Would you trust a recovering alcoholic to tend bar? Of course not. But that’s not a moral judgment, it’s a practical one. Besides, if he was my friend there’s no way he would agree to be alone with my kids, anyway. As far as my kids were concerned, he’d be that one friend of Dad’s who they hardly ever met. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2010, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/42 "2010-03-14T16:53:29Z")
Addiction is a physiological disease. Pedophilia is psychological pathology. They are not comparable. I just don’t understand why anyone would _want_ to be friends with someone you admittedly can’t trust not to rape your kids. What the hell? ---
**Author:** ![Bootis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e8c25b/32.png) [@Bootis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bootis)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2010, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/43 "2010-03-14T17:01:24Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I don’t trust the little slimeballs. It’s that simple. Of course there are no “healthy opedophiles.” What an inane question. Somebody who wants to rape children is, by definition, not healthy. Extending this, you are saying anybody who has ever has a fantasy involving non consensual sex with X therefore “wants to rape X”, and by definition unhealthy, and should never be trusted, and is a slimeball. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2010, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/44 "2010-03-14T17:03:06Z")
That is correct. I want nothing to do with slimeballs who fantasize about raping people. That’s not healthy. It’s not ok. It’s not somebody who can be trusted. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2010, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/45 "2010-03-14T17:06:30Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Somebody who wants to rape children is, by definition, not healthy. But, imagine for a moment, the possibility that he does not want to do that act. It is entirely possible that he is repelled by the idea of that act in real life, much like women who enjoy rape fantasy are repelled by the idea of rape in real life, despite finding it quite compelling in fantasy. Now, maybe this is a risk you are not willing to take. Indeed, the way he avoids kids does kind of point to the idea that his fantasies do extend to real life children. But I think it’s reasonable to say that there are some- maybe it’s a small percentage- of people who enjoy underage fantasy and have no interest at all in real-life children. ---
**Author:** ![VarlosZ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d78d45/32.png) [@VarlosZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VarlosZ)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2010, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/46 "2010-03-14T17:06:51Z")
I wonder, **Dio** , does it give you pause at all to be making such a brazenly emotive, anti-logical argument? Had you even realized it? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2010, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/47 "2010-03-14T17:10:35Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > But, imagine for a moment, the possibility that he does not want to do that act. It is entirely possible that he is repelled by the idea of that act in real life, much like women who enjoy rape fantasy are repelled by the idea of rape in real life, despite finding it quite compelling in fantasy. > > Now, maybe this is a risk you are not willing to take. Indeed, the way he avoids kids does kind of point to the idea that his fantasies do extend to real life children. But I think it’s reasonable to say that there are some- maybe it’s a small percentage- of people who enjoy underage fantasy and have no interest at all in real-life children. Would you trust anyone who admits to having fantasies about raping children to be alone with your own children? ---
**Author:** ![Bootis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e8c25b/32.png) [@Bootis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bootis)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2010, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/48 "2010-03-14T17:12:32Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > That is correct. I want nothing to do with slimeballs who fantasize about raping people. That’s not healthy. It’s not ok. It’s not somebody who can be trusted. Fantasies about rape, from both men and women, are shockingly common. Unless you live alone in a cabin somewhere, I guarantee you have plenty to do with slimeballs who fantasize about rape. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2010, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/49 "2010-03-14T17:12:50Z")
> [@VarlosZ](#): > > I wonder, **Dio** , does it give you pause at all to be making such a brazenly emotive, anti-logical argument? Had you even realized it? What’s “anti-logical” about it. People who fantasize about raping people want to rape people. It’s the same thing. 2=2. What’s the flaw? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2010, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/50 "2010-03-14T17:15:35Z")
> [@Bootis](#): > > Fantasies about rape, from both men and women, are shockingly common. Unless you live alone in a cabin somewhere, I guarantee you have plenty to do with slimeballs who fantasize about rape. Women fantasize about raping people? Cite? I know that an uncomfortable number of males do, but all my life, I have always immediately severed any personal connection to any male who has confessed such desires or fantasies to me or in my presence. The Navy was particularly rife with these guys, for whatever reason. ---
**Author:** ![VarlosZ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d78d45/32.png) [@VarlosZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VarlosZ)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2010, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/51 "2010-03-14T17:35:50Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > What’s “anti-logical” about it. People who fantasize about raping people want to rape people. It’s the same thing. 2=2. What’s the flaw? There are logical flaws with your position, but the point is that they’re irrelevant because you’re making an emotive appeal, not a logical one. Quite obviously, your position is based on a gut hatred for pedophiles, and your attempts at persuasion consist almost entirely of appeals to our sense of fear and repulsion. This is valid, as far as it goes, but it’s a kind of thought process which tends to have bad consequences, in m opinion. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2010, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/52 "2010-03-14T17:46:03Z")
I admit to a gut repulsion to pedophiles, but it’s also completely rational to conclude that they are a danger to my children. That’s not crazy or illogical. It would be irresponsible not to operate on that assumption. I’m guessing that you would never leave a confessed pedophile alone with your own kids either, no matter how much they assured they’d never do it for real. ---
**Author:** ![MostlyClueless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@MostlyClueless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MostlyClueless)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2010, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/53 "2010-03-14T17:52:24Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Women fantasize about raping people? Cite? > **[Rape fantasy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_fantasy#Female_fantasy)** > > A rape fantasy (sometimes referred to as rapeplay) or a ravishment is a sexual fantasy involving imagining or pretending being coerced or forcefully coercing another into sexual activity. In sexual roleplay, it involves acting out roles of coercive sex. Rape pornography is literature, images or video associated with rape (and sometimes Stockholm syndrome) as a means of sex. > Studies have found rape fantasy among both men and women. One study found that over half of their female respondents have h... ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2010, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/54 "2010-03-14T18:08:24Z")
> [@MostlyClueless](#): > > [Rape fantasy - Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_fantasy#Female_fantasy) These are fantasies about _being_ raped, not _committing_ rape. There’s a pretty huge distinction there. I would contend that these kinds of fantasies aren’t even really about being raped since, by definition, if they want it then it isn’t non-consensual. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2010, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/55 "2010-03-14T18:19:40Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > I’d stay his friend, if only to keep him part of society. Having all his friends abandon him might send him off the reservation, so to speak. I can’t let that happen for his sake and more importantly, for the sake of his potential victims. > > I wouldn’t let him babysit my kid, though. I’m sure he’d understand. Since Al already refuses to babysit, or even give car rides to, his own nieces & nephews, there’s no doubt about that. ---
**Author:** ![fuzzypickles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9d8465/32.png) [@fuzzypickles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fuzzypickles)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2010, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/56 "2010-03-14T18:31:28Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > There are no photographs, and the pictures are all stylized–like, say, this picture of Batgirl and Supergirl, but of younger girls. No photos at all? Or merely no pornographic photos? Because it’s highly unlikely that a Net-dwelling pedophile would not maintain some kind of photo collection, even if they’re all of the modeling variety. Absent that evidence, I’d likely conclude that Al’s interest in lolicon and Nifty Stories was merely for the “squick” factor, and his pedo confession was coerced. ---
**Author:** ![Bootis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e8c25b/32.png) [@Bootis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bootis)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2010, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/57 "2010-03-14T19:12:23Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > These are fantasies about _being_ raped, not _committing_ rape. There’s a pretty huge distinction there. I would contend that these kinds of fantasies aren’t even really about being raped since, by definition, if they want it then it isn’t non-consensual. In any case, I believe you would say it’s not healthy, and as such, according to many polls, 30% of women are sick for this alone. How about this scenario: lets say you have a very attractive, fully developed 16 year old daughter. Now, something tells me you might claim you have never found any girl under 18 sexually attractive in all your adult life, but if so, that would put you in very, very extreme minority. Now, of course, any adult who acts on this attraction is despicable for numerous obvious reasons. That’s why 99.9% of them don’t. But according to your logic, if an adult found your 16 year old daughter sexually attractive, he therefore wants to rape her. If you have a daughter, I do hope for your sake she grows up ugly, because otherwise by your own rules, you will have to ditch the vast majority of your male friends. ---
**Author:** ![foolscap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e9a140/32.png) [@foolscap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolscap)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2010, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/58 "2010-03-14T21:00:59Z")
I would remain his friend, but, our friendship would change because I would be watching him. ---
**Author:** ![VarlosZ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d78d45/32.png) [@VarlosZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VarlosZ)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2010, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/59 "2010-03-14T23:10:17Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I admit to a gut repulsion to pedophiles, but it’s also completely rational to conclude that they are a danger to my children. That’s not crazy or illogical. It would be irresponsible not to operate on that assumption. I’m guessing that you would never leave a confessed pedophile alone with your own kids either, no matter how much they assured they’d never do it for real. But that’s an entirely different question. There are perfectly good practical reasons for not leaving your children in the care of a pedophile – the obvious ones, as well as the awkwardness and frustration on his part even if you did trust his ability to restrain himself – but there aren’t any good reasons to hate them or to cut them off from your sympathy merely because of their unbidden, unrealized thoughts and fantasies. > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I would contend that these kinds of fantasies aren’t even really about being raped since, by definition, if they want it then it isn’t non-consensual. But that’s the thing, they DON’T want it _in real life_, but they can still fantasize about this thing they don’t actually want to happen, just as you can fantasize about other women without actually wanting to cheat on your wife, just as a pedophile can fantasize about children without actually wanting to have sex with them in real life. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2010, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/60 "2010-03-14T23:43:46Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > These are fantasies about _being_ raped, not _committing_ rape. There’s a pretty huge distinction there. I would contend that these kinds of fantasies aren’t even really about being raped since, by definition, if they want it then it isn’t non-consensual. Women also fantasize about the role of the rapist. For example, written pornography on this subject, even that written by women, nearly always comes from the POV of the rapist. In my experience, some of the most out-there material is written by women. Sexuality is a strange thing. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382.md?page=4)