# Your friend is on trial for possessing kiddie porn. Do you break off the friendship? Why or why not? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 13, 2010, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382 "2010-03-13T19:29:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2010, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/61 "2010-03-15T03:57:12Z")
Considering the lengths he’s gone to to protect the children he might come into contact with, I’m satisfied that he’s not an immediate danger and that he has a history of making ethical choices. Would I have him supervise a child? Absolutely not. That would be both cruel and foolish. I would still be his friend. I would not indulge his orientation, but I would not punish him for it either. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2010, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/62 "2010-03-15T04:06:57Z")
This guy has saved my life, according to your prompt. He’s been nothing but a loyal and deserving friend. He’s aware of his demons and does everything that he possibly can to protect children from himself. If anything, I’d admire him more so now for having the strength and courage to see a therapist and talk about his problems. He has urges that he knows are wrong and that he can’t explain and rails against them. He’s a classic protagonist that could be taken from any number of works of fiction. Once he comes anywhere CLOSE to crossing that line, or even considering it, he’s officially scum. But he’s fighting it with all he’s got, based on your prompt. I’d remain friends with him. Also: I suspect he’d get acquitted. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2010, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/63 "2010-03-15T04:08:01Z")
> [@Bootis](#): > > In any case, I believe you would say it’s not healthy No I wouldn’t. > [@](#): > > How about this scenario: lets say you have a very attractive, fully developed 16 year old daughter. Now, something tells me you might claim you have never found any girl under 18 sexually attractive in all your adult life, but if so, that would put you in very, very extreme minority. > Now, of course, any adult who acts on this attraction is despicable for numerous obvious reasons. That’s why 99.9% of them don’t. But according to your logic, if an adult found your 16 year old daughter sexually attractive, he therefore wants to rape her. If you have a daughter, I do hope for your sake she grows up ugly, because otherwise by your own rules, you will have to ditch the vast majority of your male friends. That’s not pedophilia. Attraction to sexually developed teenagers is normal. We’re not talking about that. We’re talking about pedophilia, which is defined as attractiion to prepubescent children. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2010, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/64 "2010-03-15T04:16:11Z")
> [@VarlosZ](#): > > But that’s an entirely different question. There are perfectly good practical reasons for not leaving your children in the care of a pedophile – the obvious ones, as well as the awkwardness and frustration on his part even if you did trust his ability to restrain himself – but there aren’t any good reasons to hate them or to cut them off from your sympathy merely because of their unbidden, unrealized thoughts and fantasies. Shouldn’t being able to trust somebody not to rape your children be a first tier criterion for friendship? Sorry, but I’m not capable of feeling sympathy for someone who deribes sexual gratification from the thought harming my children. > [@](#): > > But that’s the thing, they DON’T want it _in real life_ I don’t believe that for a second. They may not want to suffer the consequences, but that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t really want to do it if they could get away with it. > [@](#): > > but they can still fantasize about this thing they don’t actually want to happen, just as you can fantasize about other women without actually wanting to cheat on your wife There again, that’s about not wanting to suffer the consequences, and not wanting to hurt my family. If circumstances were different, I would have no qualms about hitting that for real. There may be some pedophiles who really wouldn’t do anything for real, even if thy could be guarantee no consequences, but I’m not going to take their word for it. Just like you assume that all guns are loaded, you have to assume that all confessed pedophiles are dangerous to children. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2010, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/65 "2010-03-15T04:18:03Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Women also fantasize about the role of the rapist. For example, written pornography on this subject, even that written by women, nearly always comes from the POV of the rapist. In my experience, some of the most out-there material is written by women. > > Sexuality is a strange thing. Any woman who derives sexual pleasure from the thought of harming other people is just as messed up as any man who does it. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2010, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/66 "2010-03-15T04:18:58Z")
Are people here advocating the prosecution of, as the OP put it, thoughtcrime? The punishment of people based on what they’re thinking? There’s a reason the system was flawed in Minority Report! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2010, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/67 "2010-03-15T04:19:04Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > This guy has saved my life, according to your prompt. He’s been nothing but a loyal and deserving friend. > > He’s aware of his demons and does everything that he possibly can to protect children from himself. > > If anything, I’d admire him more so now for having the strength and courage to see a therapist and talk about his problems. He has urges that he knows are wrong and that he can’t explain and rails against them. He’s a classic protagonist that could be taken from any number of works of fiction. > > Once he comes anywhere CLOSE to crossing that line, or even considering it, he’s officially scum. But he’s fighting it with all he’s got, based on your prompt. I’d remain friends with him. > > Also: I suspect he’d get acquitted. Would you trust him ith your kids? ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2010, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/68 "2010-03-15T04:20:49Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Would you trust him ith your kids? From the OP, he wouldn’t want to be trusted with my kids, which is precisely the reason I’d still be friends with him. Also: I do rape roleplay with the girl I’m currently with. Guess we’re super messed up, huh? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2010, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/69 "2010-03-15T04:20:54Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Are people here advocating the prosecution of, as the OP put it, thoughtcrime? Nope. I don’t believe anybody in this thread has advocated that this hypothetical person should be prosecuted for anything. Not even me. I just wouldn’t be his friend anymore, that’s all. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2010, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/70 "2010-03-15T04:21:54Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > From the OP, he wouldn’t want to be trusted with my kids, which is precisely the reason I’d still be friends with him. That’s avoiding the question. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2010, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/71 "2010-03-15T04:22:22Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Nope. I don’t believe anybody in this thread has advocated that this hypothetical person should be prosecuted for anything. Not even me. I just wouldn’t be his friend anymore, that’s all. OK. Cool. =) ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2010, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/72 "2010-03-15T04:24:14Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Any woman who derives sexual pleasure from the thought of harming other people is just as messed up as any man who does it. I agree. They are equally messed up. Which is to say, not that messed up at all as long as they don’t act on it. We can’t help what turns us on. But if we keep it in the realm of fantasy or role playing and don’t go around creating sex zombies, then why is that messed up? ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2010, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/73 "2010-03-15T04:24:58Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > That’s avoiding the question. No, I wouldn’t let him be alone with my children. But again, he wouldn’t want to be alone with my children, as said in the OP, and that directly goes to why I would be willing to be friends with him. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2010, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/74 "2010-03-15T04:31:44Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > I agree. They are equally messed up. Which is to say, not that messed up at all as long as they don’t act on it. We can’t help what turns us on. But if we keep it in the realm of fantasy or role playing and don’t go around creating sex zombies, then why is that messed up? How is it NOT messed up? They derive sexual pleasure from the idea of hurting other people. Whether they do it ir not, that shows a disordered and dangerous psychology. There’s nothing sexy about hurting people. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2010, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/75 "2010-03-15T04:33:06Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > How is it NOT messed up? They derive sexual pleasure from the idea of hurting other people. Whether they do it ir not, that shows a disordered and dangerous psychology. There’s nothing sexy about hurting people. In that case there are more messed up people out there than you realize. BDSM culture is HUGE. Every time a guy likes spanking a girl, or a girl likes being spanked, they’re toeing the line of pain-play. They’re clearly messed up. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2010, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/76 "2010-03-15T04:34:26Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > No, I wouldn’t let him be alone with my children. But again, he wouldn’t want to be alone with my children, as said in the OP, and that directly goes to why I would be willing to be friends with him. Once again, I would say that the ability to trust a person not to rape your children should be a fairly essential criterion for friendship. If it’s not to you, then it’s not to you. It is to me, and this thread was soliciting opinions. I’m not telling anybody else how they would have to react, but I’ve got three young daughters. I’m not going to hang out with any pedophiles. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2010, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/77 "2010-03-15T04:35:36Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > How is it NOT messed up? They derive sexual pleasure from the idea of hurting other people. Whether they do it ir not, that shows a disordered and dangerous psychology. There’s nothing sexy about hurting people. Because in most cases they don’t actually want to hurt a person–it’s more the idea of it. It’s like a game. We don’t think that someone’s dangerous for enjoying the idea of murdering their Sims or killing hookers in Grand Theft Auto or liking Hostel. It’s just like playing. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2010, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/78 "2010-03-15T04:38:07Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > In that case there are more messed up people out there than you realize. BDSM culture is HUGE. > > Every time a guy likes spanking a girl, or a girl likes being spanked, they’re toeing the line of pain-play. They’re clearly messed up. That’s consensual. We’re not talking about consensual acts. Simulated violence, rough sex, B&D – I don’t have an issue with any of that. I don’t care what consenting adults do, but both of those criteria have to be operative. They have to be adults, and they have to be _consenting_. My issue is with people wanting to do things to people against their will. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2010, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/79 "2010-03-15T04:39:02Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Once again, I would say that the ability to trust a person not to rape your children should be a fairly essential criterion for friendship. If it’s not to you, then it’s not to you. It is to me, and this thread was soliciting opinions. I’m not telling anybody else how they would have to react, but I’ve got three young daughters. I’m not going to hang out with any pedophiles. In most cases I’d agree with you. If it was just a buddy I had who turned out to be a pedo, I’d likely, if not almost certainly phase him out. But according to the prompt, this guy has literally, at direct physical risk to himself, saved my life. That combined with his unwillingness to be alone with children tips it over for me. I might not ever look at him the same way again, but I couldn’t just drop him like that. And I’m not telling you how you’ve got to react, either. My “OK, cool” earlier wasn’t sarcastic. I’m perfectly satisfied with you not wanting to have any more contact with him, ever, as long as you weren’t advocating the persecution of thoughtcrime, which I discovered you weren’t after you clarified. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2010, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382/80 "2010-03-15T04:39:25Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Because in most cases they don’t actually want to hurt a person–it’s more the idea of it. I don’t understand this at all. How could the idea of physically hurting somebody against their will be erotic? What does that say about how an individual views other people? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-friend-is-on-trial-for-possessing-kiddie-porn-do-you-break-off-the-friendship-why-or-why-not/532382.md?page=5)