# Your Horoscope For The Day. As Cast by Enderw24. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 16, 2001, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-horoscope-for-the-day-as-cast-by-enderw24/50251 "2001-01-16T01:03:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-horoscope-for-the-day-as-cast-by-enderw24/50251/1 "2001-01-16T01:03:32Z")
Time for **Svendergali** , er… **Ender** to foretell your future. Let him know your occupation, astrological sign and place of birth. He will plumb the dark recesses that conceal arcane knowledge of ancient kabbalistic formulae. From the depths of the netherworld shall he summon forth his mist shrouded familiars to harness the gift of prescience. Lo! The seventh veil shall be ripped directly from the portal of time to reveal your secret destiny. Come one, come all, **if you dare**! ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-horoscope-for-the-day-as-cast-by-enderw24/50251/2 "2001-01-16T01:06:54Z")
Student Aquarius Ft. Lauderdale, Florida ---
**Author:** ![kiffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/d78d45/32.png) [@kiffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kiffa)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-horoscope-for-the-day-as-cast-by-enderw24/50251/3 "2001-01-16T01:09:16Z")
volunteer Virgo Worchester, MA ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-horoscope-for-the-day-as-cast-by-enderw24/50251/4 "2001-01-16T01:11:01Z")
Consultant: SQA/software and load testing Pisces Dayton, Ohio ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-horoscope-for-the-day-as-cast-by-enderw24/50251/5 "2001-01-16T01:18:42Z")
Administrative Assistant Aries Syracuse, NY ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-horoscope-for-the-day-as-cast-by-enderw24/50251/6 "2001-01-16T01:26:52Z")
Medical resident Virgo London, Canada ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-horoscope-for-the-day-as-cast-by-enderw24/50251/7 "2001-01-16T01:38:13Z")
Kiffa, you’re from Wistah? I grew up right outside there. That’s so cool! This is not to be missed. Dilettante Aquarius Leominster, MA ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-horoscope-for-the-day-as-cast-by-enderw24/50251/8 "2001-01-16T01:41:26Z")
Programmer Taurus Ft. Worth, TX ---
**Author:** ![robgruver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@robgruver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robgruver)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-horoscope-for-the-day-as-cast-by-enderw24/50251/9 "2001-01-16T01:43:54Z")
Tech Support Cancer Houston, Texas ---
**Author:** ![fenrir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/43a26b/32.png) [@fenrir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fenrir)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-horoscope-for-the-day-as-cast-by-enderw24/50251/10 "2001-01-16T01:44:01Z")
I’ll give it a try. Carpenter Aquarius Chicago ---
**Author:** ![Serendipity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Serendipity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serendipity)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-horoscope-for-the-day-as-cast-by-enderw24/50251/11 "2001-01-16T02:09:36Z")
Tell me, O Mystical **Enderw24** , what secrets lie in my future? Student Pisces Albany, NY ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-horoscope-for-the-day-as-cast-by-enderw24/50251/12 "2001-01-16T02:15:55Z")
A hush draws over the crowd. The lights dim mysteriously. Low music can be heard in the background. _I like big butts and I cannot lie_ WRONG TAPE! YOU IDIOT! ::mozart concerto begins:: A puff of smoke. A flash of the lights. BLAM! A man in a golden rainbow colored black cape appears (I don’t know, use your imagination). Good evening, my children. I am the great Endrodamous. Welcome to the first day of the second day of your life before yesterday. Tonight you will learn the secrets of the stars. The secrets of your lives. The secrets of your secrets. Oooooh! And I can promise no cheap Uranus jokes. Is everyone sitting comfortably? Let’s begin. > [@](#): > > ssskuggiii Student > Aquarius > Ft. Lauderdale, Florida Aquarius is the sign of water. You live near water. It seems only evident what is in store for you. You will drown a horrible death caused by your own magical conjurings or hurricanes and typhoons! You will bloat up to three times your size, your skin will turn a pasty white, and seagulls will peck at your exposed innards when your magic goes horribly awry. A student? Student of the black magic! The only reason you haven’t succeeded thus far is your horrible stutter as evidenced by your name. **So I have written, so it shall pass!** > [@](#): > > kiffa volunteer > Virgo > Worchester, MA Stop! I have heard enough. It is too much. The flow of the stars has revealed all. You will soon be employed in seducing young virgins into a life of internet prostitution. Your target audience will be 65+ year old females from England. Soon, your popularity will grow to the point where you’ll corner the toothless BJ mpeg market. Watersports will become a thing of the past when you invent the Dependsports kink, thus ensuring a Chubby award from the porn industry within the next ten years. **So I have written, so it shall pass!** > [@](#): > > thinksnow Consultant: SQA/software and load testing > Pisces > Dayton, Ohio The planets have aligned favorably this evening. Mystical sources tell me that those two women pictured on the SDPP will be joining the great Endrodamous in his Endrovan later tonight. You’ll be there for consultation. **So I have written, so it shall pass!** ---
**Author:** ![chique](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@chique](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chique)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-horoscope-for-the-day-as-cast-by-enderw24/50251/13 "2001-01-16T02:29:14Z")
Some-time student Aquarius Milaca, MN ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-horoscope-for-the-day-as-cast-by-enderw24/50251/14 "2001-01-16T02:40:37Z")
> [@](#): > > screech-owl Administrative Assistant > Aries > Syracuse, NY I have consulted the stars and Elizabeth Taylor has responded. It is beyond doubt that you will deliver a blue letter to the CEO right before he dies that states you will become the new CEO of the company. You will invent the hula hoop, followed closely by the Frisbee, all while dating a cute reporter from a major metropolitan newspaper. Suddenly, just as things are looking up for you, you’ll be arrested for plagiarism and given life in jail. **So I have written, so it shall pass!** > [@](#): > > Dr\_Paprika Medical resident > Virgo > London, Canada The astrological units (I’m running out of synonyms here) have spoken! You will also be arrested. They will book you on trying to impersonate a doctor with your “medical resident” crap, when even a plain fool can see that it really means you’re a squatter, using the dumpster of the local county hospital as your place of residence. But don’t worry. As they arraign you in court, start humming the “I’m a pepper, you’re a pepper, he’s a pepper she’s a pepper,” song. The entire room will shout “Wouldn’t you like to be a pepper too!” and you can use that time to escape. **So I have written, so it shall pass!** > [@](#): > > magdalene Dilettante > Aquarius > Leominster, MA Little does she know she has misspelled Debutante. Never fear. I, Endrodamous, know all the secrets of the universe. In magdalene’s “coming out” party, she realizes that she is, in fact, a flaming lesbian. It’s a lucky thing she falls under the sign of Aquarius or she’d have burned to a crisp. You may not believe it now, but Endrodamous can hear all and see all. Nevertheless, he will require pictures when the truth is revealed. **So I have written, so it shall pass!** ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-horoscope-for-the-day-as-cast-by-enderw24/50251/15 "2001-01-16T02:57:43Z")
I dare! Occupation: Submittal Queen Sign: Pisces Place of birth: Monterey, California ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-horoscope-for-the-day-as-cast-by-enderw24/50251/16 "2001-01-16T03:02:42Z")
> [@](#): > > Zyada Programmer > Taurus > Ft. Worth, TX Chaos theory predicts that all computers will soon rise up and destroy their masters. Endrodamous does not predict, he knows. You will be impaled with a wayward mouse as your computer gains conciousness and takes control of the world. This has nothing to do with you being a programmer. It was just sick of watching you die for the millionth time in Diablos II over the last 260 straight hours.\*\*So I have written, so it shall pass! \*\* > [@](#): > > robgruver Tech Support > Cancer > Houston, Texas Normally, Endrodamous does not do this, but please brace yourself for the news that is to come. Within the next month, I cannot and will not tell you when, you will go into work. Wait! There’s more. This may seem like any other day, but it is not. You will go into work and you will answer the phones. During this day, you will notice something remarkable. Something extrodinary. Something so unprecedented, other tech support staffers will write Odes about you for generations to come. You will experience a day with no one yelling at you, no one asking for your supervisor, and no stupid questions. Everyone will have all information necessary available when they call and they will all listen and follow your advice to the letter. \*\*So I have written, so it shall pass! \*\* > [@](#): > > fenrir Carpenter > Aquarius > Chicago Jesus! He walks on water! He controls the wind(y city). Behold his second coming. Endrodamous, however, cares not, for he is Jewish. \*\*So I have written, so it shall pass! \*\* ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-horoscope-for-the-day-as-cast-by-enderw24/50251/17 "2001-01-16T03:09:38Z")
andygirl student/journalist Gemini Hanover, NH/Lewes, DE ---
**Author:** ![Sassy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@Sassy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sassy)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-horoscope-for-the-day-as-cast-by-enderw24/50251/18 "2001-01-16T03:56:12Z")
Sassy Goddess of Logistics and a few other things Scorpio San Francisco ---
**Author:** ![porcupine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ac91a4/32.png) [@porcupine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/porcupine)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-horoscope-for-the-day-as-cast-by-enderw24/50251/19 "2001-01-16T04:00:06Z")
Software Engineer currently working in Network Management Pisces Chicago ---
**Author:** ![Monster104](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Monster104](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monster104)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-horoscope-for-the-day-as-cast-by-enderw24/50251/20 "2001-01-16T04:09:40Z")
Student Taurus Los Angeles [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-horoscope-for-the-day-as-cast-by-enderw24/50251.md?page=2)