# Your Instant Deal-Breakers For Dating **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 1, 2010, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-instant-deal-breakers-for-dating/530898 "2010-03-01T18:56:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2010, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-instant-deal-breakers-for-dating/530898/61 "2010-03-02T16:15:23Z")
> [@lezlers](#): > > 1. If he’s not divorced yet (yeah, found that out once on date 4) Geez, here unless there is adultery or abuse involved, to get a no-fault divorce there is a requirement that you be legally separated for one year. So the marriage is over, the guy’s all moved out and living in his own place, and starting a new life, but he isn’t allowed to date for a year or more? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2010, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-instant-deal-breakers-for-dating/530898/62 "2010-03-02T16:18:07Z")
A lot of stuff that is listed here, but I’ll add another one: More than two divorces. I can see you marrying young, and making a mistake, and maybe even rushing into another marriage and making another mistake. At some point, though, you should learn that you don’t have to get married to get laid. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2010, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-instant-deal-breakers-for-dating/530898/63 "2010-03-02T16:22:52Z")
My biggest problem with the guy not living alone is that, since I live alone, he’s going to expect to come over here all the time, eating up all _my_ groceries, watching _my_ tv, feet up on _my_ couch; then, before you know it, he’ll be wanting to spend the night, because it’s quiet and peaceful here and my bed’s comfy, and taking showers, sucking up all my hot water… pretty soon it’ll be like he’s living here, but will he pay me rent, or contribute to the groceries, or the bills?? Oh hell, no- he _has_ a place. I’m just stuck with another mouth to feed, in exchange for mediocre sex and fart jokes. Nope, not doing that again. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2010, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-instant-deal-breakers-for-dating/530898/64 "2010-03-02T16:31:20Z")
Oh, and I absolutely agree about the “no roomies” clause. Sorry. I’m sure there’s plenty of girls around who would be happy with that. I am not. Living with parents is also a dealbreaker. I make exceptions for parents living with you; i.e., taking care of them. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2010, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-instant-deal-breakers-for-dating/530898/65 "2010-03-02T16:44:32Z")
> [@bouv](#): > > I imagine this is going to vary with location. I mean, rents are crazy high where I live. I have a decnt paying job, AND a part time job waiting tables on the side, and yet I still have roommates because to live alone I would have to live a very spartan existance. Where do you live? When I was 23 years old living in Los Angeles, I had my own apartment. It was crappy and on the shady side of town, but I lived in it by myself. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Scud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Tom\_Scud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Scud)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2010, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-instant-deal-breakers-for-dating/530898/66 "2010-03-02T16:52:58Z")
> [@HotSmoke](#): > > In some kind of twisted,karmic justice,I am now married to a guy who thinks fart jokes are the height of hilarity. On the plus side,he likes football and NASCAR. I suspect the disjunct of {likes fart jokes} and {{likes football} AND {likes NASCAR} AND {is male}} is an empty set. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2010, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-instant-deal-breakers-for-dating/530898/67 "2010-03-02T16:57:03Z")
> [@bouv](#): > > I imagine this is going to vary with location. I mean, rents are crazy high where I live. I have a decnt paying job, AND a part time job waiting tables on the side, and yet I still have roommates because to live alone I would have to live a very spartan existance. I live in Boston, so not cheap. I have a kid, so I have to pay for a two-bedroom. By myself. No quarter will be given, here. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![breaking-reality](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a8b319/32.png) [@breaking-reality](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/breaking-reality)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2010, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-instant-deal-breakers-for-dating/530898/68 "2010-03-02T17:06:32Z")
> [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](#): > > Geez, here unless there is adultery or abuse involved, to get a no-fault divorce there is a requirement that you be legally separated for one year. So the marriage is over, the guy’s all moved out and living in his own place, and starting a new life, but he isn’t allowed to date for a year or more? The issue for me would be that they got to date 4 without letting the other person know they were in the middle of a divorce. At what point do you tell someone you’re separated or getting a divorce? For me, I was legally separated and hadn’t even seen my ex in several months, and there was zero chance of us getting back together. However, the few dates I did go on, I let the person know before going out what my situation was. Even being divorced now, I still feel like that’s something I should disclose at least by the time the relationship starts to get physical. And really, I still like to tell people before we even go on a date in case that’s an issue for them. ---
**Author:** ![Ponch8](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponch8/32/9883_2.png) [@Ponch8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponch8)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2010, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-instant-deal-breakers-for-dating/530898/69 "2010-03-02T17:12:52Z")
#1 deal breaker for me: obesity ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2010, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-instant-deal-breakers-for-dating/530898/70 "2010-03-02T17:13:45Z")
> [@Ponch8](#): > > #1 deal breaker for me: obesity But you probably wouldn’t be on a date with an obese person in the first place, right? ---
**Author:** ![Waxwinged](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c2a13f/32.png) [@Waxwinged](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waxwinged)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2010, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-instant-deal-breakers-for-dating/530898/71 "2010-03-02T17:13:57Z")
I’m not in a singles pool either, but have noticed that guys who openly admit that most of their friends are female do not tend to be dependable relationship material. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2010, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-instant-deal-breakers-for-dating/530898/72 "2010-03-02T17:16:55Z")
> [@Waxwinged](#): > > I’m not in a singles pool either, but have noticed that guys who openly admit that most of their friends are female do not tend to be dependable relationship material. I \*have \*noticed this, and my take on it is that men that are insecure are not comfortable with other men. They find other men threatening and they feel like losers around them, never being the alpha male because their insecurities are self-fulfilling prophecies. So they hang out with women, but of course, very few of those women see them as mate material. ---
**Author:** ![put\_down\_the\_sabre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/da6949/32.png) [@put\_down\_the\_sabre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/put_down_the_sabre)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2010, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-instant-deal-breakers-for-dating/530898/73 "2010-03-02T17:19:22Z")
> [@Tom\_Scud](#): > > I suspect the disjunct of {likes fart jokes} and {{likes football} AND {likes NASCAR} AND {is male}} is an empty set. Actually wouldn’t the disjunct consist of everyone who likes fart jokes, together with three sets: {likes football}, {likes NASCAR} and {is male}? pdts ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2010, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-instant-deal-breakers-for-dating/530898/74 "2010-03-02T17:20:44Z")
I’ve recently started seeing someone who lives with both her disabled father and her teenage daughter. I’m more than happy to let her come over to my place. The downside is that it will force me to clean. The upside is that it will force me to clean. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2010, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-instant-deal-breakers-for-dating/530898/75 "2010-03-02T17:23:52Z")
It’s been 20 years since I was in the dating pool, but here are some of the things that were insatnt kill switches for me: [ul][li]Lack of intelligence. I need someone at least as smart as me. I can’t hang with dumb chicks.[/li] [li]Alcoholism/addiction[/li] [li]Kids. Way too much work there. At the time I was youngand stupid, but I knew enough to know that I had no business trying to be anyone’s stepdad, and I knew there was no reason to start seeing a woman with kids unless I was willing to _be_ a stepdad.[/li]Poltical conservative. No thanks. [li]Excessive or stupid religiosity. As it happens, my wife is a practicing Catholic, but she’s not fanatical or intolerant or stupid about it, and she doesn’t try to convert me. I leave her alone and she leaves me alone. What I would not have been able to deal with was a Sarah Palin type of Christian. Going to mass, I can deal with. Things like creationism, gay-bashing or prosyletization I cannot.[/li] By that same token, I also find stuff like Wicca, or neo-paganism or other “new-Agey” stuff too ridiculous to take seriously. A girl who talked about healing crystals, or though she could remember past lives was going to cause me to lose interest pretty quickly. [li][/ul]In general, any sort of propensity to meanness, cruelty or bigotry.[/li]As a caveat, all of the above would be obstacles to wanting a relationship, but would not necessarily stop me from wanting to just bang a chick. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2010, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-instant-deal-breakers-for-dating/530898/76 "2010-03-02T17:25:19Z")
> [@HotSmoke](#): > > It’s been a long time for me since I was single,but I remember I had laundry list of deal breakers, Among them were: > > -Guys who think fart jokes are the height of hilarity Your dating pool is _tiny_. 😃 > [@](#): > > Poltical conservative. No thanks. I have found that conservative chicks tend to work out some of their anger in bed. Quite entertaining. 'Course, it’d never work long term… ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2010, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-instant-deal-breakers-for-dating/530898/77 "2010-03-02T17:30:27Z")
[QUOTE=Nava] 3. Higher fat % than me (sorry). [/QUOTE] Do you bring calipers along on your dates? ---
**Author:** ![sparky\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/77aa72/32.png) [@sparky\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sparky_1)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2010, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-instant-deal-breakers-for-dating/530898/78 "2010-03-02T17:43:12Z")
For deal breakers: Lack of intelligence/ some knowledge of current events. Becomes _waaay_ too open on the first date (this includes too much talk of past relationship). Shows up at first date and the back window of their car is full of stuffed animals or stickers. Otherwise, I’m pretty easy. ---
**Author:** ![joemama24\_98](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ce7236/32.png) [@joemama24\_98](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joemama24_98)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2010, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-instant-deal-breakers-for-dating/530898/79 "2010-03-02T17:45:15Z")
Complaining. I once went on a date with a girl who complained, after I passed up a parking spot too close to the theater (it was too narrow) about having to walk the 100 yards from where I ended up getting a spot. Repeatedly. The whole walk. And before the movie started it was all about how bad her day was. What a downer. ---
**Author:** ![Grapefruit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/73ab20/32.png) [@Grapefruit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grapefruit)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2010, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-instant-deal-breakers-for-dating/530898/80 "2010-03-02T17:58:42Z")
I have a bunch of little things that might build up into a deal breaker, but they’re mostly small annoyances that might not be such a big deal if we _click_. The one true deal breaker I have though, is when a guy announces that he’s a “nice guy”. Those two little phrases send me running in the other direction anytime I hear it. When a guy describes himself (not by his friends) as a nice guy, it’s either one of two things: He’s an asshole who is lying through his teeth so you’ll let your guard down. He usually starts out being all sweet, trying to pay for dinner, getting flowers or little gifts, but there are usually signs that he’s not as “nice” as he leads on. It’s usually something like “I’m a nice guy, but that waitress is a stupid bitch who can’t get my order right.” It’s a front. He knows he’s an asshole, but instead of admitting it, he justifies it as something that’s not what he _usually_ does. Or, he’s a pushover. I’m an independent person who likes doing my own thing and especially love to share my opinions with other people who have their own opinions too. The “nice guy” pushover will often agree with whatever I say to “be nice” even if he disagrees. Then, when enough time has passed of him being “nice”, he gets passive aggressively annoyed with me because we never do what _he_ wants to do. In the end, it doesn’t really matter which one he is. Anytime he self-proclaims to be a nice guy, my reaction is “Of all the personality and character traits you can use to describe yourself, why is “nice” the first one you use? If you were really a good person, it would show through your actions, so proclaiming it would be redundant. So anyone who is secure with himself wouldn’t use that as a first description of himself.” And then I run. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-instant-deal-breakers-for-dating/530898.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-instant-deal-breakers-for-dating/530898.md?page=5)