# your miserably failed "sexperiments" **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 20, 2001, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-miserably-failed-sexperiments/88555 "2001-10-20T04:42:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![MagicalSilverKey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@MagicalSilverKey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MagicalSilverKey)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2001, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-miserably-failed-sexperiments/88555/1 "2001-10-20T04:42:19Z")
Name your most embarrassing or funny failed sexual experiment and what was involved. Years ago, me and one of my previous girlfriends tried to fill the bathtub with jello, once. We bought like 100 boxes of jello, measured and boiled all the water for it and everything, but the jello never set up. We didn’t have enough ice. We laughed about it though. It was pretty funny. It still cracks me up. ---
**Author:** ![vex77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c4cdca/32.png) [@vex77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vex77)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2001, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-miserably-failed-sexperiments/88555/2 "2001-10-20T05:38:49Z")
Maple Syrup. Nuff said. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Yumanite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/b487fb/32.png) [@Yumanite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yumanite)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2001, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-miserably-failed-sexperiments/88555/3 "2001-10-20T05:52:08Z")
Example A: Sex in the shower. For some reason, this has never worked for me. Example B: Sex in a hot spring. It was a failure, but it was fun trying! Example C: Hi Opal! ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2001, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-miserably-failed-sexperiments/88555/4 "2001-10-20T06:15:44Z")
I once had sex with a lesbian friend who was still toying with the idea that she might be bisexual. It was awkward, but we persevered and did the deed. It just felt pretty weird for both of us. We slept together and cuddled many times after that, but we kept our genitals to ourselves. It was a similar deal with my best friend (hetero male). We were both pretty drunk. Afterwards, it was like, “well, glad we got _that_ out of the way!” Continued to be best friends (and confirmed heteros) ever since…he was best man at my wedding…ten years after the divorce, he ended up marrying my ex-wife! Life’s a trip, ain’t it? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Sweet\_Sota\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@Sweet\_Sota\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sweet_Sota_Girl)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2001, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-miserably-failed-sexperiments/88555/5 "2001-10-20T06:16:10Z")
I saw something in a porn flick once and I wanted to try it out… it wasn’t anything super kinky, just a new technique. So I’m with my guy and I’m trying to do this _thing_ and it just didn’t work… All it ended up doing was giving him a major case of whiplash, lol. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2001, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-miserably-failed-sexperiments/88555/6 "2001-10-20T06:21:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Yumanite \* > Example C: Hi Opal! \*\* I want to know about this one! ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2001, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-miserably-failed-sexperiments/88555/7 "2001-10-20T06:49:14Z")
Unfortunately, the one thing that I can think of that was a truly spectacular failure is one I don’t care to post about. ---
**Author:** ![Kayeby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9de0a6/32.png) [@Kayeby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kayeby)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2001, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-miserably-failed-sexperiments/88555/8 "2001-10-20T07:48:20Z")
Sex up against the wall. I don’t understand why it didn’t work - I’m lighter than average, he’s stronger than average … _sigh_ Halfway through, his legs started to hurt so we went back to the bed and did it in the good old missionary position. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2001, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-miserably-failed-sexperiments/88555/9 "2001-10-20T08:23:26Z")
He had a sofa he called “the passion pit” :rolleyes: This was a sectional sofa covered in fake fur. He wanted to make love on this couch. I’m not sure why he hadn’t before - probably he had a couple of times, but his previous lovers had refused a time or two. We made love on it together once or twice missionary style, and it was horribly uncomfortable. The edges of the sections ended up digging in somewhere that was painful. IIRC, I would get us to move to the bedroom before we finished. Finally I made love to him with _him_ on bottom. That finished off his “passion pit” fantasies. ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2001, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-miserably-failed-sexperiments/88555/10 "2001-10-20T08:26:26Z")
I bought this “thang” at a sex shop. The best way to describe it is as follows: A little bullet-shaped chrome thing with batteries inside it. It wraps around the shaft of the penis where the penis meets the body, and when you switch it on, it vibrates, and your partner is supposed to achieve a stupendous orgasm from your throbbing cock. That’s how it’s _ **supposed** _ to work, but my SO decided she also wanted me to put on one of those ribbed condoms which also happened to be lubricated. By the time I got hard, put the condom on, switched on the machinery and started penetration, the damn thing kept slipping down the end of my shaft and kept geting in the way. It was so funny that we both collapsed in laughter, I went soft and we decided that the old way is the best way. **But** I scored major points for trying, so it wasn’t a total loss. Do I win anything? 🙂 Quasi ---
**Author:** ![Monkey\_Chews](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/65b543/32.png) [@Monkey\_Chews](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monkey_Chews)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2001, 10:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-miserably-failed-sexperiments/88555/11 "2001-10-20T10:05:26Z")
Not so much an experiment, but a miserable failure none-the-less: Having sex on the living room floor with “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire” playing loudly in the background. Boyfriend: (Suck, suck, suck) “Switzerland!” ---
**Author:** ![Pessor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/439d5e/32.png) [@Pessor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pessor)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2001, 10:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-miserably-failed-sexperiments/88555/12 "2001-10-20T10:34:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Nicko \* > \*\*Not so much an experiment, but a miserable failure none-the-less: Having sex on the living room floor with “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire” playing loudly in the background. > > Boyfriend: (Suck, suck, suck) “Switzerland!” \*\* Tumbling around on the floor doin’ the thang and the wife hears a commercial for a car that she wants on TV. Stops all together because she wanted me to see the new product on the screen. It’s like… “what color did you want to paint the ceiling?!” ---
**Author:** ![LorieSmurf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a587f6/32.png) [@LorieSmurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LorieSmurf)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2001, 11:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-miserably-failed-sexperiments/88555/13 "2001-10-20T11:26:09Z")
Sex with any flavored type of sexual lubricant. Because the only purpose of that stuff is to lick it off, right? Well, you need a big ol’ glass of water by the bed, ‘cause it’s like “lick lickety lick lick…\…lick lickety \” because the stuff makes you so thirstly and your mouth so sticky, you can friggin’ choke! Sex in the shower or the pool is bad…it washes away the natural lubricant, and is way uncomfortable for me. Sex on carpet with me on the bottom. Can you say rugburn on your back and ass? Lorie ---
**Author:** ![Angelnside](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b3f665/32.png) [@Angelnside](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angelnside)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2001, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-miserably-failed-sexperiments/88555/14 "2001-10-20T13:18:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SuperLorie \* > **Sex with any flavored type of sexual lubricant. Because the only purpose of that stuff is to lick it off, right? Well, you need a big ol’ glass of water by the bed, ‘cause it’s like “lick lickety lick lick…\…lick lickety \” because the stuff makes you so thirstly and your mouth so sticky, you can friggin’ choke!** I was going to add here…it’s not just lubricants…we once tried those “fruit flavored, wrap around thingys”, they are **not** what they claim! I had thought they would be _fun_ and _tastey_…but, yeeechhhh! I couldn’t wait to get those things off of him, so that I could feast on something much more delectable. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![TruePisces](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/truepisces/32/13628_2.png) [@TruePisces](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruePisces)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2001, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-miserably-failed-sexperiments/88555/15 "2001-10-20T13:42:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Pessor \* > \*\*Tumbling around on the floor doin’ the thang and the wife hears a commercial for a car that she wants on TV. Stops all together because she wanted me to see the new product on the screen. > > It’s like… “what color did you want to paint the ceiling?!” \*\* Adding another one of these… Staying at a friend’s house and my ex and I were going at it in the bedroom I was staying in. The window was open. He had his bike downstairs with the alarm on it. He hears the “chirp” of someone getting near it, and decides it would be more fun to screw with someone’s head than it would be to continue screwing with me. For about 20 minutes he sat in the window turning the alarm on and off to mess with the guy who’d been near his bike. Then, he decided we could go back to having sex. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2001, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-miserably-failed-sexperiments/88555/16 "2001-10-20T14:16:29Z")
I once tried to have sex. ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2001, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-miserably-failed-sexperiments/88555/17 "2001-10-20T16:02:05Z")
An ex-girlfriend once decided that she wanted to try anal sex on, like, the third (or so) day of a camping trip. I gave it the old college try, but the thought that not only had neither of us bathed in three days, and we were not going to have a chance to bathe for a few more days, made Mr. Happy unhappy…☹ Ironically, a week or so later when she and I were all showered and happy (and with a shower handy for a post-anal cleansing), she wasn’t interested… looking back, it seems she had a kink or two that I missed!😉 ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2001, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-miserably-failed-sexperiments/88555/18 "2001-10-20T18:02:01Z")
To add to another cliche of having sex in a car… Only he didn’t have a car, he had a little truck. A super-tiny, horribly uncomfortable just to _sit in_ kind of truck. And we tried to have sex in it. First, he hit his head on the low ceiling. Screamed in pain and fell on me. I was like, “No! Don’t stop!” So he didn’t, and in our squirming around got his foot stuck… …in the steering wheel. We were in the middle of a huge wooded park, and the horn starts blaring. I jump up and scream, “Stop moving!” and wiggle my way over to the driver’s side of the truck. I’m instructing him, “move your foot to the left. No, my left. No, your other left. Now bend your knee,(ow! That hurts!) it’s okay, it’ll be out in a second…” Eventually we got unstuck. The mood was gone, however, and he was embarassed, and we finally decided to just go home. We still laugh about that to this day. ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2001, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-miserably-failed-sexperiments/88555/19 "2001-10-20T18:03:21Z")
I suddenly realize just how ironic the second part of my sig is to this thread… ---
**Author:** ![Nacho4Sara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Nacho4Sara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nacho4Sara)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2001, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-miserably-failed-sexperiments/88555/20 "2001-10-20T19:35:25Z")
I had this ongoing fantasy about having sex in the woods. I hike a lot, so I thought it would be romantic and all that jazz. But the ex and I didn’t really think it through - it was more along the lines of “Hey, let’s do it in the woods!” “Alright, sure!” So we didn’t have anything to lie on, and our clothes were all wrong. It was a disaster because we were both terrified of something walking up. Having put lots of thought into it, planning it out really well, and wearing easy-access clothes, we had much better luck the second time around. Without getting too detailed, don’t plan on missionary in the grass. Shorts make the situation easier too. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-miserably-failed-sexperiments/88555.md?page=2)