# Your not getting into hell till you finish your still twitching baby arms. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 26, 2003, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-not-getting-into-hell-till-you-finish-your-still-twitching-baby-arms/203971 "2003-09-26T13:58:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![smam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/46a35a/32.png) [@smam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smam)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-not-getting-into-hell-till-you-finish-your-still-twitching-baby-arms/203971/1 "2003-09-26T13:58:08Z")
" I did something really wicked last night. Do you know want to know what I did? " Um yeah, I guess, it sound like you did something worth talking about please tell me. " Well. I ate a whole chocolate eclair to myself and drunk not one but **two** glasses of red wine, aren’t I really bad? " WHAT? No, get the fuck outta here you boring asshole. You had a fucking meal, you are not the prince/of fucking darkness. Next time you come in here and presume to tell me an exciting hedonistic story about partaking of a meal you had better of eaten a baby’s arm or something. Now FUCK OFF! I am about to eat a mint and I don’t want you to see it in case you have a heart attack or something due to the excitement. I hate this. Ladies are the main culprits but men can be guilty of it too. Sometimes a guy will give you a nudge or whatever and a sneaky wink when talking about having a fucking beer. They get all conspiratorial and say stuff like - " Yeah, so the wife was shopping and I nipped out and had a quick beer, just the one mind, I am not an alcholoic or anything. " Hmmmn, yeah! your a fucking geezer mate, always duckin-an-a-divin you are. I better watch myself around you or you’ll whisk me off to a pub to have an evil brew whilst all the time talking about how bad it is to be doing this. Fuck off man, it’s just lager, men have been drinking it for a long ass time. Can’t we just drink it and speak about something topical without you shifting in your chair all shady geezer like and analysing what we are doing as we are doing it? Do you always speak about drinking beer when drinking beer? I have a mate who does this, people will be having a good time and he will throw into the conversation such gems as " Hey! we’re having a great time are’n’t we?" ??? Ah yes lets, instead of having a good time by doing whatever we are doing just STOP! and analyse the fact that we are doing something fun and having fun doing it. Won’t that kill the spirit of the whole thing? Ok so now I have branched off a little and I am now pitting - 1. People who analyse situations as they are happening and report their findings to the group. People who instead of having a good time by doing the thing that is good, analyse everything about it till they ruin it for themselves and others. When people are in the moment and enjoying themselves they don’t want the action to freeze frame while an ‘expert’ comes in with the 1/2 time report to discuss why it is that we are having a good time. These people basically get nostalgic about something as it is fucking happening in the present time. 2)Men and women who add bells and whistles to the most normal functions of daily life. Women who giggle devilishly to each other because they ate some fucking ice-cream ( I mean it’s not as if that’s what it’s supposed to be used for is it?). There is nothing I repeat nothing deliciously decadent and delightfully evil about eating a fucking bar of chocolate. And most of the time the amounts of food consumed are piddly amounts. If you have two glasses why don’t you finish the fucking bottle, I do and you don’t hear me bragging about it like I am a fucking stunt-man risk taking evil double hard bastard do you? Idiots, fucking conversation stocking-filler spouting twats. Get the fuck over it, the pair of you. I apologise for extra long sentences and poor punctuation/spelling etc. so don’t arse me about with that shit. ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-not-getting-into-hell-till-you-finish-your-still-twitching-baby-arms/203971/2 "2003-09-26T14:29:21Z")
Goodness, all that foul language! It’s so titillating, so… _deliciously wicked!!!_ Tee hee hee… ---
**Author:** ![Martiju](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@Martiju](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martiju)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-not-getting-into-hell-till-you-finish-your-still-twitching-baby-arms/203971/3 "2003-09-26T14:44:15Z")
So, we’re having a good rant here aren’t we? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![smam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/46a35a/32.png) [@smam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smam)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-not-getting-into-hell-till-you-finish-your-still-twitching-baby-arms/203971/4 "2003-09-26T15:13:54Z")
Yes, I particularly liked the bit where I posted then the other guy posted and then you posted. Lets just dwell on that for a moment shall we and consider what we have done so far? **AAAAARGH!** btw I have just eaten two slices of carrot cake. I better go I think I hear the cops coming. ---
**Author:** ![Greathouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/greathouse/32/2992_2.png) [@Greathouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greathouse)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-not-getting-into-hell-till-you-finish-your-still-twitching-baby-arms/203971/5 "2003-09-26T17:53:35Z")
I was going to say how much I enjoyed the OP, but I wouldn’t want to be someone who points out what a good time I was having while still having it. Oh fuck it! Nice OP. I laughed my ass off. ---
**Author:** ![Kaspar\_Hauser](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b3f665/32.png) [@Kaspar\_Hauser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaspar_Hauser)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-not-getting-into-hell-till-you-finish-your-still-twitching-baby-arms/203971/6 "2003-09-26T18:37:30Z")
Who the hell feels guilty about drinking a beer? Next time say, “Oh, I know what you mean! Yesterday at lunch I snuck off into the broom closet and shot up some heroin, followed by a goat sacrifice in the men’s room. Shh, don’t tell!” ---
**Author:** ![Strainger](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/strainger/32/244_2.png) [@Strainger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Strainger)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-not-getting-into-hell-till-you-finish-your-still-twitching-baby-arms/203971/7 "2003-09-26T18:39:47Z")
Co-worker: I needed to install my can opener. So guess what I did. Me: ::grunt:: Co-worker: I just went out got [my husband’s] tools (hee hee, I’m so evil; I borrowed my husband’s tools), and installed it myself. Me: YOU CALLED AND INTERRUPTED MY WORK TO TELL ME THIS SHIT?!?! (OK, so I was a little more diplomatic than that, but not much) ---
**Author:** ![Jpeg\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/4bbf92/32.png) [@Jpeg\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jpeg_Jones)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-not-getting-into-hell-till-you-finish-your-still-twitching-baby-arms/203971/8 "2003-09-26T18:41:29Z")
But what does this have to do with twitching baby arms? ---
**Author:** ![pencilpusher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d6d6ee/32.png) [@pencilpusher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pencilpusher)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-not-getting-into-hell-till-you-finish-your-still-twitching-baby-arms/203971/9 "2003-09-26T18:44:30Z")
yeah ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-not-getting-into-hell-till-you-finish-your-still-twitching-baby-arms/203971/10 "2003-09-26T18:49:01Z")
I think it has to do with this part: > [@](#): > > Next time you come in here and presume to tell me an exciting hedonistic story about partaking of a meal you had better of eaten a baby’s arm or something. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-not-getting-into-hell-till-you-finish-your-still-twitching-baby-arms/203971/11 "2003-09-26T22:59:30Z")
Yep. Are we really so morally confused that we think having a fucking bite of chocolate is a fucking sin? Idiots. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-not-getting-into-hell-till-you-finish-your-still-twitching-baby-arms/203971/12 "2003-09-26T23:30:26Z")
So, why do you hang out with such boring wankers, anyway? No one I know does this. It must be your fault, somehow. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-not-getting-into-hell-till-you-finish-your-still-twitching-baby-arms/203971/13 "2003-09-26T23:39:01Z")
My favourite is when this happens with regard to sex. “Well, ONE night, _conspiratorial tone_ we just went CRAZY and brought the Haagen-Dazs into the bedroom! Aren’t we naughty?” Oo, congratulations, you just discovered food sex. I figured that one out when I was 16. If you’re going to confess how devilishly kinky you are in a tone of voice like that, I expect it to include, at minimum, a head of livestock or some kind of industrial equipment. ---
**Author:** ![buttonjockey308](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@buttonjockey308](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buttonjockey308)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-not-getting-into-hell-till-you-finish-your-still-twitching-baby-arms/203971/14 "2003-09-26T23:46:51Z")
Damn it, I thought we were gonna talk recipes… Nice Rant. ---
**Author:** ![Liz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/liz/32/17737_2.png) [@Liz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liz)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-not-getting-into-hell-till-you-finish-your-still-twitching-baby-arms/203971/15 "2003-09-26T23:50:30Z")
> [@](#): > > Oo, congratulations, you just discovered food sex. I figured that one out when I was 16. If you’re going to confess how devilishly kinky you are in a tone of voice like that, I expect it to include, at minimum, a head of livestock or some kind of industrial equipment. _snorts with laughter_ In a semi-related note, I also hate the stupid fucks who call at two in the morning and shriek ‘I’M SO FUCKING DRUNK RIGHT NOW OMG!’ Or just as bad, the morning reporters. You know, the ones who get disgustingly smashed and then feel obliged to tell you like it’s the FUNNIEST THING EVER! ‘Oh my god, I got so fucking drunk last night that I PUKED ALL OVER MYSELF!’ Oh, I’m sorry. I’m supposed to give you a fucking medal for being an asshole. One moment, please. Please accept this plaque with my deepest affection. In case you can’t see it, the engraving says Just. Fucking. Die. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Wrong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@Mr.Wrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Wrong)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2003, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-not-getting-into-hell-till-you-finish-your-still-twitching-baby-arms/203971/16 "2003-09-27T04:37:25Z")
I dig the rant. On a similar note, I fucking hate it when people relate to me a story that they were involved in, and then tell me how fucking hard they laughed when it happened. You know: “it was so fucking funny, we were all just _literally_ rolling around on the floor, laughing our asses off!” Really? Literally? You must have looked pretty goddamn stupid, huh? Listen, if I’m not laughing by the time you get to the end of your lame story, telling me how hard you all were laughing ain’t gonna do the trick. I guess I had to be there. ---
**Author:** ![umop\_ap\_sdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/dbc845/32.png) [@umop\_ap\_sdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umop_ap_sdn)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2003, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-not-getting-into-hell-till-you-finish-your-still-twitching-baby-arms/203971/17 "2003-09-27T05:54:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kaspar Hauser \* > \*\*Who the hell feels guilty about drinking a beer? Next time say, “Oh, I know what you mean! Yesterday at lunch I snuck off into the broom closet and shot up some heroin, followed by a goat sacrifice in the men’s room. Shh, don’t tell!” \*\* I can _so_ see the other person standing there with a face that says “:eek:”. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2003, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-not-getting-into-hell-till-you-finish-your-still-twitching-baby-arms/203971/18 "2003-09-27T06:08:30Z")
My related peeve: "Are you going to eat that? I could never eat that. My God, do you know how much fat is _in_ that? If I ate that, it would travel directly to my _ass_! Plus, I licked the filling out of a single oreo last night, so there’s my sugar for the _week_. Besides which, that just makes me break out, one serving and I am _covered_ in zits! But not everyone values their complexion as highly as I do . . . . Are you going to eat the whole thing? Because that’s like four servings’ worth of fat calories, you know. As they say, a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips! But you look good a little, y’know, _round_. I would never look that good, because one bite of that and I just _blow up_! Just like a _balloon_! Which is why I would never – " _:: BANG!! ::_ “Bang!” – That’s the sign of a justifiable homicide. ---
**Author:** ![Sofa\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@Sofa\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofa_King)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2003, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-not-getting-into-hell-till-you-finish-your-still-twitching-baby-arms/203971/19 "2003-09-27T06:16:44Z")
“You are” is contracted as “you’re.” When you fail to properly make that fine grammatical distinction, Jesus selects a puppy in a random animal shelter for immediate termination. [Taste the pain](http://pages.zdnet.com/mdmossburg/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/cutepuppy.jpg). ---
**Author:** ![bloodytoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f9ae1b/32.png) [@bloodytoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bloodytoe)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2003, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-not-getting-into-hell-till-you-finish-your-still-twitching-baby-arms/203971/20 "2003-09-27T13:47:39Z")
They’re to many puppys and kittens anyways. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-not-getting-into-hell-till-you-finish-your-still-twitching-baby-arms/203971.md?page=2)