# Your perfect burger **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 9, 2012, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-perfect-burger/612281 "2012-02-09T05:33:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2012, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-perfect-burger/612281/21 "2012-02-09T12:50:46Z")
> [@amanset](#): > > I also don’t like fresh tomato (it is a texture thing, I love tomato in stuff and can eat purée from the tube). Me too! Heh–I thought it was just me. A super-awesome compromise though, is to slice the tomato fairly thick, put it on an oiled baking pan, drizzle a tiny, tiny drop of olive oil (or some other kind) on top, a tiny sprinkle of salt and broil for 3-5 minutes on each side–it stays “fresh” tasting, but it fixes the texture completely. And it’s wonderful on a burger. ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2012, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-perfect-burger/612281/22 "2012-02-09T13:55:58Z")
Homemade [onion poppy seed bun](http://iowasue.blogspot.com/2010/04/onion-poppy-seed-hamburger-buns.html), toasted lightly on the inside 1/3lb ground chuck patty, liberally sprinkled with garlic salt and Worcester sauce while frying Pittsburgh-style in an iron skillet. A dollop each of ketchup and horseradish mayonnaise 3/16” slice of melted Boars Head American Cheese ¼” sagittal-plane sliced Bread & Butter pickle 3/8” slice of Vidalia onion (When I feel vegetarian-y, I’ll switch out the beef for a portabella mushroom cap sautéed in butter and balsamic vinaigrette, replace the American cheese with baby Swiss, and lose the pickle, of course). ---
**Author:** ![Terraplane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@Terraplane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terraplane)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2012, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-perfect-burger/612281/23 "2012-02-09T14:12:19Z")
Bun Tomato Lettuce Pickles Swiss cheese, melted Smashburger style patty (charcoal grilled is an acceptable substitute) Swiss cheese, melted Smashburger style patty Mustard Bun. Sometimes I like to fancy it up, grilled onions, bleu cheese, maybe avacado or sauteed mushrooms, but usually I just want the standard diner-style burger toppings. ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2012, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-perfect-burger/612281/24 "2012-02-09T17:57:08Z")
Last night I made a pretty good one. No bun (I don’t eat wheat) although you could certainly include one. Patty, with Montreal steak seasoning, cooked med-rare but seared on the outside. Topped with French onion dip from Whole Foods, caramelized onions, and bacon. I’ve been getting a good one from a local restaurant–don’t knock it 'til you try it. Bison burger, topped with bacon, cheddar cheese, minced jalapenos, an over-easy egg, and blackberry jam. Sounds disgusting but the combination is incredible. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2012, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-perfect-burger/612281/25 "2012-02-09T18:10:54Z")
Burger, cheese, bun, nothing else. Onions optional. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2012, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-perfect-burger/612281/26 "2012-02-09T18:16:50Z")
Toasted bun. Patty, medium rare, not too thick. Mayo and raw onion ONLY. mmmmmmmm ---
**Author:** ![Push\_You\_Down](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/push_you_down/32/9095_2.png) [@Push\_You\_Down](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Push_You_Down)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2012, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-perfect-burger/612281/27 "2012-02-09T18:19:10Z")
The “Ramp” burger from Burger Master (RIP) in Great Falls MT. Big soft white bun Medium thick burger patty slathered in a cream of mushroom soup and cheese sauce ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2012, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-perfect-burger/612281/28 "2012-02-09T18:21:11Z")
Bun, burger (thick, rare to medium), cheese, ketchup, pickle. ---
**Author:** ![Harvey\_Ferguson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/97f17d/32.png) [@Harvey\_Ferguson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harvey_Ferguson)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2012, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-perfect-burger/612281/29 "2012-02-09T18:51:49Z")
Jimmy Buffet’s got it figured out. Cheeseburger in paradise Medium rare with mustard 'be nice Heaven on earth with an onion slice I’m just a cheeseburger in paradise I like mine with lettuce and tomato Heinz 57 and french fried potatoes Big kosher pickle and a cold draft beer Well good God almighty which way do I steer for my Cheeseburger in paradise ---
**Author:** ![amanset](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8dc957/32.png) [@amanset](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amanset)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2012, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-perfect-burger/612281/30 "2012-02-10T01:31:55Z")
> [@Fenris](#): > > Me too! Heh–I thought it was just me. > > A super-awesome compromise though, is to slice the tomato fairly thick, put it on an oiled baking pan, drizzle a tiny, tiny drop of olive oil (or some other kind) on top, a tiny sprinkle of salt and broil for 3-5 minutes on each side–it stays “fresh” tasting, but it fixes the texture completely. And it’s wonderful on a burger. I may have to try that, tomato buddy. ---
**Author:** ![RetroVertigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b38774/32.png) [@RetroVertigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RetroVertigo)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2012, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-perfect-burger/612281/31 "2012-02-10T01:53:36Z")
Chuck cooked to medium American cheese Onion Pickles Cherry peppers Lettuce Spicy mustard A little ketchup Sesame seed bun. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2012, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-perfect-burger/612281/32 "2012-02-10T15:39:31Z")
From top to bottom: Sesame seed bun Cheese More cheese Burger patty What the hell, another slice of cheese Bottom bun If I’m making my own patties, I use 80/20 ground chuck, seasoned with onion salt and black pepper, nothing more. Pat to make the spices adhere, let them rest to hold together well, then grill outside. Anything more than onion salt and black pepper is needless frippery: a burger should taste like a burger. ---
**Author:** ![Kiros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/439d5e/32.png) [@Kiros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiros)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2012, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-perfect-burger/612281/33 "2012-02-10T15:55:48Z")
Ground Sirloin, about 1/3rd of a pound, seasoned with salt and black pepper; on the rare side of medium rare Bakery style roll, something with a little crisp to the outside, lightly toasted Cheddar cheese, two slices A few strips of bacon, thin and crispy Barbecue sauce, home-made if possible, but Sweet Baby Ray’s Sweet and Spicy will do in a pinch The seasoned burger should be the dominant flavor, but everything else should complement it and round it into Burger Perfection. ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2012, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-perfect-burger/612281/34 "2012-02-10T16:40:19Z")
Mine varies a bit, but this is the most elaborate version: bottom bun, lightly grilled, with prepared horseradish (not horseradish sauce or mayo) patty (well-seasoned) cheese (generally cheddar or provolone) grilled bacon purple onion tomato basil leaves top bun, lightly grilled, with ranch dressing I much prefer to make the patties from scratch, so that I can get them properly seasoned with my favored blend of black pepper, red pepper, salt, garlic, and savory. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2012, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-perfect-burger/612281/35 "2012-02-10T17:11:10Z")
Start with a Fuddrucker one-pounder, no cheese. Add the jalapeno cheese over by the topping bar, a shot of mustard, then load it up with toppings and chow down! That’s almost perfect. If the Fudd store happens to have chili available, perfection is attained. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2012, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-perfect-burger/612281/36 "2012-02-10T17:12:10Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > I’m more of a burger minimalist. Not compared to me, you’re not: bun burger mustard (salt & pepper) That’s it, no lettuce or ketchup or onions or tomato of any of that falderol, and \*certainly \*not _mayo_. Of course, I also like my burgers burnt to a crisp–so much so that you have to bring in the dental records to ID it–which drives people _mad_. Not that I have had a burger in years . . . cursed diet . . . ---
**Author:** ![Lukeinva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lukeinva/32/17872_2.png) [@Lukeinva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lukeinva)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2012, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-perfect-burger/612281/37 "2012-02-10T17:17:20Z")
Loosely formed patty, seasoned and grilled in pan until crust, flip, add thick slice of velveeta and cover pan to let cheese melt. Regular bun toasted, mayo on bottom ketchup on top. Add patty and a thick slice of white onion. Damn… I am making that sometime this weekend. ps- sometimes making my own ground beef with skirt steak and season with Montreal. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2012, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-perfect-burger/612281/38 "2012-02-10T17:27:18Z")
To be clear, I don’t have a single “perfect” burger. I like different toppings at different times. But if I had to go with a consistent favorite, it would be a cheeseburger with raw onion and mustard. ---
**Author:** ![brainstall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@brainstall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brainstall)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2012, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-perfect-burger/612281/39 "2012-02-10T17:35:31Z")
Maybe not technically a burger as there’s no meat… Bun Stack on it from the barbecue - Portobello mushroom slab of red pepper slab of eggplant slice of zucchini onion, thick cut slice from the across the middle Add Goat cheese Tomato slice Really doesn’t need much else, but ketchup, mustard and relish are ok to add. ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2012, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-perfect-burger/612281/40 "2012-02-10T17:40:17Z")
Warren? Hamilton? Hard to choose. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-perfect-burger/612281.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-perfect-burger/612281.md?page=3)