# Your "Prison Plan?" **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 29, 2015, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-prison-plan/711177 "2015-01-29T01:19:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2015, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-prison-plan/711177/41 "2015-01-30T17:12:14Z")
I can think of, oh, 50,000 disasters more likely to befall me than going to prison. I’ll make a Prison Plan right after I get around to my alien invasion plan. ---
**Author:** ![Razncain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9d8465/32.png) [@Razncain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Razncain)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2015, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-prison-plan/711177/42 "2015-01-30T17:18:42Z")
Don’t forget the Zombies too, they are as big a threat as the alien invasions. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2015, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-prison-plan/711177/43 "2015-01-30T20:47:14Z")
Is curling up like a pillbug a viable strategy? ---
**Author:** ![casdave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c6cbf5/32.png) [@casdave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/casdave)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2015, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-prison-plan/711177/44 "2015-01-31T12:12:10Z")
Well does it work for the pillbug? Not if you are going to squash it, just makes an easier target, running might be a better choice. ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2015, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-prison-plan/711177/45 "2015-01-31T15:04:12Z")
Considering the only “crime” I routinely commit would likely involve minimum security, I’d do the _opposite_ of what Piper Chapman does. I’d keep my eyes open, my mouth shut, try as hard as I could to stay invisible, and have my nose in a book as often as I possibly could. ---
**Author:** ![Marion\_Wormer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d07c76/32.png) [@Marion\_Wormer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marion_Wormer)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2015, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-prison-plan/711177/46 "2015-02-02T00:05:49Z")
I’m a tiny, elderly woman. I’d volunteer to lead weight watchers meetings, Jazzercise classes, and lead daily rosaries. ---
**Author:** ![vontsira](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/51bf81/32.png) [@vontsira](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vontsira)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2015, 8:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-prison-plan/711177/47 "2015-02-02T08:56:10Z")
> [@razncain](#): > > There is one truly disturbed person who was leader of the Mongols at one time, whose name escapes me in the book at the moment (read years ago), written by [William Queen.](http://www.amazon.com/Under-Alone-Undercover-Infiltrated-Motorcycle/dp/0345487524/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top) Going my memory now, but he tells of a story circulating about him, told by others, where he is asking around the day he got to prison, wanting to know who the leader was, which if I recall, also happened to be the toughest dude in prison too, or close to it. Anyway, as soon as he meets him, he proceeds to beating him senseless, and to which he replies, “now I am the leader.” After having witnessed what just happened, there were no other takers. > [@razncain](#): > > ^^^ > I’d have suspected that is the most insane thing somebody could do too. And he was close to that, extremely bi-polar, always souped up on some kind of drugs, but even crazy can’t have you taking on the whole prison. Unless your gang was already fairly established inside the pen, which I imagined the Mongols probably already were. **razncain** , on initial reading of the first of your two posts, above: I thought that the anecdote given, was supposed to be a historical one about real Mongols – concerning Genghis Khan or Tamerlane or someone of that stripe. Was having a bit of difficulty fitting things in, within the post and in the thread as a whole. At last, the realisation struck, that – duh ! – the Mongols to which you refer, are a present-day US criminal gang. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2015, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-prison-plan/711177/48 "2015-02-02T16:19:51Z")
> [@stillownedbysetters](#): > > From what I understand, you’d want to be cordial and accommodating more than beligerent and tough, unless, of course, you could really back it up and had a network of compadres waiting inside for you. Spend a little time talking to people and find something they want that you could help them out with. I’m not talking about drugs or illegal cell phones, but maybe they’d like to learn a craft, or how to play poker, or how to whistle, or whatever. Could be something very simple or something complex. Just become valuable in some way to as many people as possible. I would avoid taking sides on any issue unless you couldn’t avoid it. Today’s ‘ins’ could be tomorrow’s ‘outs’ and as the newbie, you’d be sacrificed first. This sounds like any other government job. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2015, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-prison-plan/711177/49 "2015-02-02T19:02:24Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > I’d be an _actual_ jailhouse lawyer (assuming whatever got me in prison did not also get my license suspended.) But I’m not representing anyone in a custody proceeding. I know what happens then that goes badly. Prison implies felony. Felony, even felony drunk driving, gets your license suspended in California, and recidivist drunk driving is about the only thing that allows it to be suspended, not revoked all the way to disbarment. The “bar” committee is somewhat sympathetic to repeat drunkenness. Nonetheless, I’d make myself valuable as proof-reader/legal assistant to those doing appeals and such. I wouldn’t act as a jailhouse lawyer, because in California, they actually do prosecute non-licensed lawyers for giving legal advice. But not legal assistants. ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2015, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-prison-plan/711177/50 "2015-02-02T19:53:19Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > Same thing with trying to act like you’re crazy. You’re not going to be able to fake it as well as the people around you who genuinely are crazy. I would fully emulate Dick Van Dyke chimney sweep, no one in the prison yard would mess with that. Even the toughest con wouldn’t get any cred beating up a wobbly-kneed guy piping out “cheerio guvnor!”. Once you get the rhythm it becomes second nature, I could keep it up for a 5-7 year stint easy. "Never was there a more happier crew, than them what sings Chim Chim Chiree Chim Chiroo! Chim Chim Chiminy Chim Chim Chiree Chim Chiroo… " ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2015, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-prison-plan/711177/51 "2015-02-03T01:25:58Z")
My prison plan is to never go to prison. My alternate prison plan is to act crazy (not violent, just extremely weird) so people just want to stay away. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2015, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-prison-plan/711177/52 "2015-02-03T12:49:08Z")
> [@TBG](#): > > My alternate prison plan is to act crazy (not violent, just extremely weird) so people just want to stay away. Just as in life on the outside, some guys don’t know any better than to put their dick in the crazy. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-prison-plan/711177.md?page=2)