# Your recent Food Fails **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 29, 2014, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-recent-food-fails/702919 "2014-10-29T17:04:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2014, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-recent-food-fails/702919/21 "2014-10-29T21:53:44Z")
> [@gallows\_fodder](#): > > I tried making homemade ravioli with wonton noodle wrappers as the dough, as I had heard was possible. I guess you’re supposed to double up on them or something, because those things are not robust enough to withstand being stuffed and boiled. What we ended up eating were bowls of ravioli filling and tomato sauce, with bits of dissolved wonton noodles mixed in. No, you don’t need to double up at all. They should be robust enough. After all, wontons are stuffed and boiled. Sounds like you either over stuffed them or didn’t make a good seal. (You just need to seal the edges with water. ([url"[http://www.homemade-chinese-soups.com/how-to-fold-wontons.html](http://www.homemade-chinese-soups.com/how-to-fold-wontons.html)"]Look at wonton folding style number one here.) You get a very different “ravioli” than standard Italian ravioli (much thinner, different texture. Still pretty good, though, but there’s no mistaking it for the more usual kind.) ---
**Author:** ![cher3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2014, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-recent-food-fails/702919/22 "2014-10-29T21:55:30Z")
Once in a while I buy ready-made parmesan crusted chicken cutlets to bake for dinner. One night I was in a big rush to get someone off to Scout meeting or whatever, and got the bright idea trying to hurry them up by pan frying them instead. Scorched parmesan cheese smells like Dragon farts. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2014, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-recent-food-fails/702919/23 "2014-10-29T21:59:37Z")
[Fixed link](http://www.homemade-chinese-soups.com/how-to-fold-wontons.html). ---
**Author:** ![bobot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobot/32/21622_2.png) [@bobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobot)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2014, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-recent-food-fails/702919/24 "2014-10-29T22:31:26Z")
As lasagna has been mentioned, I’ll share my miserable lasagna fail. I had a pretty good recipe down, and proven, so I thought that I would make variations of it. Meat variations only, the rest of the recipe was the same. This time, I tried ham. No meat in the sauce, just a layer or 2 of sliced ham in the lasagna. Man, that crap sucked ass! The lasagna was pink in color after it was cooked, it was flat and not fluffy, it smelled wrong, and tasted funny. (worse than funny) I have never tried that again. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2014, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-recent-food-fails/702919/25 "2014-10-29T22:41:07Z")
> [@orderfire](#): > > Mine was what coulda shoulda woulda been a lovely hunters-style beef ragout, full of grass fed short ribs, mushrooms and onions, tomatoes and wine. Around the last hour, I adjusted seasonings, and thought “This is coming along great, but some of that Hungarian paprika would seriously max this shit out.” so I opened up the little baggie, spooned in a bunch, and…HOLY CRAP turns out that was some type of incindiery chili napalm that should probably not be introduced by the tablespoon. :eek: If you have a new spice you have not yet used, make a cheap something like chicken paprikash instead of a nice expensive grass fed beef rib ragout to check the flavor and potency … > [@zoid](#): > > I use shirts I’ve never worn I’ve bought when they go on sale and then use them specifically for making stock. And below > [@Chefguy](#): > > Guys, you know that cheesecloth is _really cheap_, right? 😉 I buy [this](http://www.cheesemaking.com/shop/cheesecloth-disposable.html) and use a suitable sized piece until it dies then cut another til the roll is gone. > [@gallows\_fodder](#): > > I tried making homemade ravioli with wonton noodle wrappers as the dough, as I had heard was possible. I guess you’re supposed to double up on them or something, because those things are not robust enough to withstand being stuffed and boiled. What we ended up eating were bowls of ravioli filling and tomato sauce, with bits of dissolved wonton noodles mixed in. I was experimenting with making [manti](http://www.thegutsygourmet.net/armenian-manti.html), but instead of chicken broth, using [shakshuka](http://www.veggiesbycandlelight.com/shakshuka-with-homemade-harissa/) as the base liquidish component. I figured that if they were sitting on top of the shakshuka that was bubbling away nicely, the manti should steam but they turned into shreds of pasta with little meatballs. Tasty, but not what I wanted. Last night we repeated it, but baked the manti like normal and plopped them into the shakshuka for the last couple of minutes it needed to cook ant it turned out fine. Just put them in when you crack the eggs in, and put the lid on to keep the steam in. So, one fail and a repeat to success with a tweak. [URL=“[http://www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/](http://www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/)”] ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2014, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-recent-food-fails/702919/26 "2014-10-29T23:01:02Z")
[QUOTE=Inner Stickler] Just to confirm, you took canned biscuits like pillsbury grands or whatever, and lined a pie pan with them, poured sloppy joe filling on top, sprinkled with cheese and baked? Or did you do a second topping of biscuits? [/QUOTE] Yes, Pillsbury biscuits. We replaced the cheese with a top layer of biscuit. I was actually contemplating blind-baking the crust, and was fine with the normal barbecup format, but I wasn’t doing the cooking. ---
**Author:** ![Precambrianmollusc](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/precambrianmollusc/32/63_2.png) [@Precambrianmollusc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Precambrianmollusc)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2014, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-recent-food-fails/702919/27 "2014-10-29T23:10:25Z")
I once found a recipe for Tom Yam soup, making the broth from scratch ( boiling lemon grass and stuff) it was so awesome. I made it again, less good. Last weekend I made it form memory, the broth was utterly inedible so I ditched it, then tried again. Same deal and I have given up until I can find the recipe again ---
**Author:** ![Dag\_Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@Dag\_Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dag_Otto)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2014, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-recent-food-fails/702919/28 "2014-10-30T06:14:03Z")
> [@cher3](#): > > Scorched parmesan cheese smells like Dragon farts. Not really a fail so far - how did it taste? ---
**Author:** ![Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/face_intentionally_left_blank/32/288_2.png) [@Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Face_Intentionally_Left_Blank)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2014, 10:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-recent-food-fails/702919/29 "2014-10-30T10:31:24Z")
I’ve been obsessing over poutine for awhile, but both living in the south and not knowing a good source of cheese curds has been a barrier to my ability to satisfy my curiosity. I finally snapped and committed poutine heresy, if such a thing is possible. 1. Ore-Ida crinkle-cut fries, as cooked in an oven. 2. Lacking a source of cheese curds, I instead chopped up slices of mozzarella cheese. For added flavor, I sprinkled a shredded ‘Italian’ cheese blend over it as well - mozzarella, provolone, asiago, etc etc. 3. I read where a good poutine gravy is a blend of both beef and chicken gravy, so I used one envelope each of the MacCormick gluten-free variety, as I have to eat gluten-free. I did manage to crisp up the fries a bit and serve everything hot and melty, but it was every bit the culinary version of sadness that you would imagine. Patton Oswalt’s famous KFC Sadness Bowls looked downright chipper by comparison. ---
**Author:** ![Cees-R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9a140/32.png) [@Cees-R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cees-R)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2014, 11:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-recent-food-fails/702919/30 "2014-10-30T11:07:41Z")
I tried making spaghetti. It was the first time in my entire life that I ever made spaghetti and I had no idea what I was doing but I somehow managed to make spaghetti. :U ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2014, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-recent-food-fails/702919/31 "2014-10-30T13:59:56Z")
So how did the spaghetti turn out? Mr. Sally Barry is taking an interest in cooking after 30 years of no interest in cooking, just eating. He wanted to make meatballs, and I supervised, gathering all the ingredients. He was surprised. “What’s all this for? Bread crumbs? Garlic? an egg?” He had no idea in the world that meatballs were not just wads of raw hamburger flung into a pot of boiling spaghetti sauce. So it was not a cooking ‘fail’, but a near miss! I can cook almost anything on the grill, but every attempt at chicken has been a huge failure. Charred on the outside, raw inside, every single time, despite my hovering over it with tongs and a thermometer. Too much work! (and probably the wrong grill). Now I pre-cook it, douse it in sauce and spices, and just finish it off on the grill, and it’s OK, but nothing to get excited about. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2014, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-recent-food-fails/702919/32 "2014-10-30T14:04:11Z")
Ugh, I have a major cooking fail from last night. I attempted making caramel candies and everything was going great. The recipe said to heat the sugar mixture to 350 F and then let it cool for 2 minutes. So I stuck my little probe thermometer in the pot and set the timer for 350. It beeped and I took it off the heat, checked the time, looked at email for 2 minutes, looked at the pot and the caramel was black. No idea what happened. I guess I’ll try again and stop at 340 or 335. The pot must have held too much residual heat, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![Aspenglow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspenglow/32/76_2.png) [@Aspenglow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspenglow)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2014, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-recent-food-fails/702919/33 "2014-10-30T15:20:18Z")
I’ll just go ahead and say it, I’m a hell of a good cook. After growing up on food that was nearly inedible, I made it my business to be a good cook. I haven’t had any recent cooking fails. However, there is one that was epic. My late husband and I were camping with family. I’ve always loved doing more extreme cooking on a camping trip, not unusual for me to serve creme brulee for dessert or some such. I decided to make Osso Buco over the campfire. Didn’t set it up high enough and it burned. Only ‘burned’ in an inadequate descriptor for what happened to that food. I didn’t know that a luscious mixture of veal shanks, tomatoes, wine and herbs could be turned into such an unholy, inedible mess. The stench baked into the Dutch oven to the point that even burning the cast iron in the campfire overnight didn’t do much to abate it. Only piece of cast iron cookware I’ve ever given up on. We had hot dogs and were grateful for them. ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2014, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-recent-food-fails/702919/34 "2014-10-30T15:26:54Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > Ugh, I have a major cooking fail from last night. I attempted making caramel candies and everything was going great. The recipe said to heat the sugar mixture to 350 F and then let it cool for 2 minutes. So I stuck my little probe thermometer in the pot and set the timer for 350. It beeped and I took it off the heat, checked the time, looked at email for 2 minutes, looked at the pot and the caramel was black. No idea what happened. I guess I’ll try again and stop at 340 or 335. The pot must have held too much residual heat, I guess. I hate making candy. It’s not just very temperature sensitive, but humidity sensitive and time sensitive - a batch can go bad just sitting there. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2014, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-recent-food-fails/702919/35 "2014-10-30T15:36:18Z")
> [@salinqmind](#): > > I can cook almost anything on the grill, but every attempt at chicken has been a huge failure. Charred on the outside, raw inside, every single time, despite my hovering over it with tongs and a thermometer. Too much work! (and probably the wrong grill). Now I pre-cook it, douse it in sauce and spices, and just finish it off on the grill, and it’s OK, but nothing to get excited about. Pre-cooking is pretty much the answer, unless you use low grill heat and not cook it directly over the coals. Since the surface is the only part that gets the grilled flavor, what’s the point of trying to do otherwise? I never trust grilled chicken, as most people end up with your result. ---
**Author:** ![swampspruce](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampspruce/32/261_2.png) [@swampspruce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampspruce)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2014, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-recent-food-fails/702919/36 "2014-10-30T15:45:00Z")
Not recent, and normally I’m pretty good at swapping ingredients when I’m short on something (Thai Basil Mohitos rock, BTW) and making something decent but never, never, NEVER substitute canned tomatoes with tomato soup. What was becoming a really nice Bolognese sauce turned into what I can only describe as unnaturally pink, sickeningly sweet, vomitous, and nasty. FWIW, if you can put a rotisserie on your BBQ , chicken can turn out really, really nice. You may also want to try beer can chicken as well. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2014, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-recent-food-fails/702919/37 "2014-10-30T15:52:37Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Pre-cooking is pretty much the answer, unless you use low grill heat and not cook it directly over the coals. Since the surface is the only part that gets the grilled flavor, what’s the point of trying to do otherwise? I never trust grilled chicken, as most people end up with your result. Yeah, absolutely nothing wrong with parcooking it inside and finishing it on the grill. I will occasionally do that with other foods if I’m trying to serve up a lot of food at the same time, as my oven can hold more meat than my grill can. Otherwise, the technique is two-step for chicken for me if I’m doing it all on the grill. I typically go low heat then high heat finish. So cook it up on the indirect side of your grill until it comes to temp, and then finish it hot over coals. If I’m doing grilled chicken directly over the fire, I use a WSM bullet smoker which keeps the chicken about two feet over the flames. Then you can do it all in one stage without much of a fuss. (If you’re really good with fire control, you can do it in one stage on a normal grill, but it requires fairly regular attention and flipping. It’s just easier to do it with a two-zone grill set-up.) ---
**Author:** ![cher3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2014, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-recent-food-fails/702919/38 "2014-10-30T16:11:18Z")
> [@Dag\_Otto](#): > > Not really a fail so far - how did it taste? Pungently scorched, yet soggy. ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2014, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-recent-food-fails/702919/39 "2014-10-30T16:28:09Z")
[QUOTE=Inner Stickler] Ugh, I have a major cooking fail from last night. I attempted making caramel candies and everything was going great. The recipe said to heat the sugar mixture to 350 F and then let it cool for 2 minutes. So I stuck my little probe thermometer in the pot and set the timer for 350. It beeped and I took it off the heat, checked the time, looked at email for 2 minutes, looked at the pot and the caramel was black. No idea what happened. I guess I’ll try again and stop at 340 or 335. The pot must have held too much residual heat, I guess. [/QUOTE] You turned your back on hot sugar? :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: ---
**Author:** ![orderfire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/orderfire/32/10908_2.png) [@orderfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/orderfire)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2014, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-recent-food-fails/702919/40 "2014-10-30T16:45:42Z")
> [@Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](#): > > I’ve been obsessing over poutine for awhile, but both living in the south and not knowing a good source of cheese curds has been a barrier to my ability to satisfy my curiosity. I finally snapped and committed poutine heresy, if such a thing is possible. > > 1. Ore-Ida crinkle-cut fries, as cooked in an oven. > 2. Lacking a source of cheese curds, I instead chopped up slices of mozzarella cheese. For added flavor, I sprinkled a shredded ‘Italian’ cheese blend over it as well - mozzarella, provolone, asiago, etc etc. > 3. I read where a good poutine gravy is a blend of both beef and chicken gravy, so I used one envelope each of the MacCormick gluten-free variety, as I have to eat gluten-free. > > I did manage to crisp up the fries a bit and serve everything hot and melty, but it was every bit the culinary version of sadness that you would imagine. Patton Oswalt’s famous KFC Sadness Bowls looked downright chipper by comparison. So…Poo-tine, amirite? 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-recent-food-fails/702919.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-recent-food-fails/702919.md?page=3)