# Your smart-ass response when the doctor’s assistant asks how much you drink **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 25, 2022, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-smart-ass-response-when-the-doctor-s-assistant-asks-how-much-you-drink/970258 "2022-08-25T00:06:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2022, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-smart-ass-response-when-the-doctor-s-assistant-asks-how-much-you-drink/970258/21 "2022-08-25T15:57:35Z")
Thanks. I should have added that these are merely jokes, and I always follow-up with the right answer. This was the doctor’s assistant asking me, so I made a little joke, which made her laugh. “Moderate” is always my final and truthful answer. ---
**Author:** ![teelabrown](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/teelabrown/32/8412_2.png) [@teelabrown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teelabrown)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2022, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-smart-ass-response-when-the-doctor-s-assistant-asks-how-much-you-drink/970258/22 "2022-08-25T16:05:31Z")
I saw this on some gourmet cooking show or other I watched years ago: the host was displaying one of those absurdly large wine goblets, and said “This is what you use when you tell your doctor you only drink one glass of wine a day.” ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2022, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-smart-ass-response-when-the-doctor-s-assistant-asks-how-much-you-drink/970258/23 "2022-08-25T16:22:30Z")
> [@pullin](#): > > “Do you have guns in the house?” I just say no and move on. My Dad gets hostile and says: “None of your goddamned business!”, which I keep telling him is definitely answering their question. “Okay, so… multiple unlocked guns, some of which are loaded AR-15’s.” ---
**Author:** ![pjd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pjd/32/3009_2.png) [@pjd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pjd)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2022, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-smart-ass-response-when-the-doctor-s-assistant-asks-how-much-you-drink/970258/24 "2022-08-25T16:41:13Z")
> [@JaneDoe42](#): > > I smoke a whole bunch of top shelf weed. You really should get a [dry herb vaporizer.](https://herbalizestore.com/products/pax-2) ---
**Author:** ![JaneDoe42](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/janedoe42/32/14104_2.png) [@JaneDoe42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JaneDoe42)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2022, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-smart-ass-response-when-the-doctor-s-assistant-asks-how-much-you-drink/970258/25 "2022-08-25T16:52:35Z")
I don’t like vaping, I like smoking. > [@psychobunny](#): > > ETA: I definitely ask about marijuana use. Yes it’s legal but so are cigarettes and smoking anything is toxic to the lungs. I always bring it up because I agree that sucking hot smoke deep into my lungs isn’t the best thing in the world. I’m smoking less weed than when I smoke tobacco, but I assume the pot smoke is harder on my lungs because it’s unfiltered. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2022, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-smart-ass-response-when-the-doctor-s-assistant-asks-how-much-you-drink/970258/26 "2022-08-25T16:53:54Z")
> [@pjd](#): > > You really should get a [dry herb vaporizer.](https://herbalizestore.com/products/pax-2) There are people like me who love the old ways. I’ve used many different vaporizers (Volcano, Puffco, Pax, Firefly) and they all work fine. I’ve also played around with a rig doing dabs. Again, wonderful. But my go-to everyday tool is a pipe. Be it glass, clay, or silicone with a glass bowl insert (my current favorite). Of course, when out and about I vape live liquid resin oil. Mmmmm. ETA, yeah, what JaneDoe42 said. ---
**Author:** ![kitap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b9e5f3/32.png) [@kitap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kitap)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2022, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-smart-ass-response-when-the-doctor-s-assistant-asks-how-much-you-drink/970258/27 "2022-08-25T18:39:43Z")
I get asked if I drink at doctors, chemo and radiology appointments. I always answer truthfully that I don’t and get a hard “we all know you’re lying” look in response. I’m not. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2022, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-smart-ass-response-when-the-doctor-s-assistant-asks-how-much-you-drink/970258/28 "2022-08-25T19:19:21Z")
“Doctor”? ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2022, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-smart-ass-response-when-the-doctor-s-assistant-asks-how-much-you-drink/970258/29 "2022-08-25T19:23:22Z")
“I can’t remember.” Which is completely true – I drink so rarely that I honestly can’t remember the last time I had one. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2022, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-smart-ass-response-when-the-doctor-s-assistant-asks-how-much-you-drink/970258/30 "2022-08-25T19:30:19Z")
> [@kitap](#): > > I get asked if I drink at doctors, chemo and radiology appointments. It’s considered rude to do so, unless you offer the bottle to the doc. ---
**Author:** ![pjd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pjd/32/3009_2.png) [@pjd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pjd)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2022, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-smart-ass-response-when-the-doctor-s-assistant-asks-how-much-you-drink/970258/31 "2022-08-25T20:26:28Z")
> [@JaneDoe42](#): > > I don’t like vaping, I like smoking. I get it. > [@kayaker](#): > > There are people like me who love the old ways. Yes, i know several of them! I guess i was lucky. Tobacco started to make me sick, which made the switch easier. ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2022, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-smart-ass-response-when-the-doctor-s-assistant-asks-how-much-you-drink/970258/32 "2022-08-25T20:33:01Z")
Due to a liver condition I’m not supposed to drink at all, so I’m honest about my non-drinking. In fact, just yesterday I had an appointment with my liver doctor and checked with her on my options since I’m going to be going on a trip soon which will include my attending a number of parties. She confirmed what I had feared: absolutely no alcohol, except maybe a sip of champagne if I’m expected to toast something. ---
**Author:** ![JaneDoe42](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/janedoe42/32/14104_2.png) [@JaneDoe42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JaneDoe42)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2022, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-smart-ass-response-when-the-doctor-s-assistant-asks-how-much-you-drink/970258/33 "2022-08-25T20:34:58Z")
> [@pjd](#): > > I get it. Your way is probably smarter and better for me though. I’m thinking that because I was a life long tobacco smoker before quitting a couple of years ago…I’m self conditioned to want the mouth feel of the smoke. ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2022, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-smart-ass-response-when-the-doctor-s-assistant-asks-how-much-you-drink/970258/34 "2022-08-25T20:48:31Z")
When I entered the military, the entrance processing guy asked when was the last time I had any drugs or alcohol. I responded “what time is it now?” Guy was not amused. ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2022, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-smart-ass-response-when-the-doctor-s-assistant-asks-how-much-you-drink/970258/35 "2022-08-25T20:57:45Z")
I neither drink, nor smoke, nor do drugs. When asked about it, I occasionally say, “My vices are caffeine and cholesterol.” ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Sam\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Stone)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2022, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-smart-ass-response-when-the-doctor-s-assistant-asks-how-much-you-drink/970258/36 "2022-08-25T21:04:03Z")
“I’ll let you know when I’m finished.” “I have no idea. I’m usually stoned when I drink.” “You mean in general, or just when I have to see you?” “The same as most people. I try to stay hydrated.” “It depends how long the drive is.” “I haven’t stopped long enough to really count.” ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2022, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-smart-ass-response-when-the-doctor-s-assistant-asks-how-much-you-drink/970258/37 "2022-08-25T21:57:24Z")
How about don’t be a smart-ass to someone who is just doing their job? mmm ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2022, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-smart-ass-response-when-the-doctor-s-assistant-asks-how-much-you-drink/970258/38 "2022-08-26T22:38:34Z")
Nah. That’s no fun. (Sorry, Doc. But I’m using one of **Sam** ’s lines next time you ask. Just a head’s up.) ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2022, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-smart-ass-response-when-the-doctor-s-assistant-asks-how-much-you-drink/970258/39 "2022-08-27T06:32:43Z")
I can honestly say that it’s been so long I don’t remember what it feels like. Having said that, yeah, the only wrong answer is the one that misleads us. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2022, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-smart-ass-response-when-the-doctor-s-assistant-asks-how-much-you-drink/970258/40 "2022-08-27T14:24:28Z")
> [@Sam\_Stone](#): > > “You mean in general, or just when I have to see you?” Prefaced by putting on a Groucho Marx mustache and pulling out a cartoonishly large cigar. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-smart-ass-response-when-the-doctor-s-assistant-asks-how-much-you-drink/970258.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-smart-ass-response-when-the-doctor-s-assistant-asks-how-much-you-drink/970258.md?page=3)