# Your SO has a routine Dr. appt. Do you go with him/her? Vice versa? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 29, 2010, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-has-a-routine-dr-appt-do-you-go-with-him-her-vice-versa/555413 "2010-09-29T00:23:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2010, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-has-a-routine-dr-appt-do-you-go-with-him-her-vice-versa/555413/41 "2010-09-29T14:20:54Z")
> [@dangermom](#): > > Not unless it’s needed. That would be kinda weird. Yeah, it would be weird. Emergency drives to the ER, or if someone had a procedure that makes them unable to drive or otherwise impaired, sure, I asked someone to come with me after my unexpected otoplasty because I couldn’t hear the doctor very well with bandages over my one ear. But not for something like a sinus infection. Actually, I think I’d be a little pissed off if my wife started to treat me like a six-year-old. > [@The Flying Dutchman](#): > > I take my wife because she can remember the details of what to bring up and what to do afterwards much better than I. I’d probably bring a pad and paper to take notes rather than ask my wife to take time off work. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2010, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-has-a-routine-dr-appt-do-you-go-with-him-her-vice-versa/555413/42 "2010-09-29T14:31:56Z")
I once had a co-worker who’d have his wife call in to report his absences. I often wondered if his wife held his dick when he peed, too. Unless I’m on my deathbed, I’m calling in myself. I’m an adult and it’s my job, my life, my responsibility to call in and speak to my supervisor when I’m too sick to come to work. Hell, now that my children can drive, I rarely go to the doctor with them even though the one is still a minor. If they’re really sick, I’ll take them, but for routine physicals and shots, they’re on their own. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2010, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-has-a-routine-dr-appt-do-you-go-with-him-her-vice-versa/555413/43 "2010-09-29T14:38:01Z")
When I was younger I went alone, hubby hardly ever went, at all. But we’re older now, things change. It’s no fun getting older. That transition, to taking a daily medication - _forever more_, even though you feel just fine, (high blood pressure), is difficult for a lot of people. You’ll see when you get there, is all I can say. He **is** a minimizer and editor, forgets to ask, or forgets what he’s told, as it’s convenient to his denial/stoicism. He returned from a follow up visit, she’d switched his starter hypertension meds, wanted to check it was a better fit, etc. I’m certain he’ll come back with dietary restriction, so I press him about what she said. All he’ll tell me, (cynically, humorously, but still), is, “I’m not allowed to eat anything, I’m not supposed to drink anything. I guess I’m just supposed to wait for the sweet release of death!” Wouldn’t elaborate much on that either! Since then, I have gone with him into the examination room. When I related this story to our Dr, on his next visit, she found it pretty amusing. He also tried to tell her I was a carrier, causing those around me to have high blood pressure, and that coming to the Dr gave him high blood pressure! He doesn’t like going to the Dr, as he did it so rarely, as a younger man, so it’s hard for him to hear what he doesn’t want to hear, to remember what he’d rather ignore, etc. I was with him, one time, and after addressing whatever we’d come in for, possibly meds renewal, she routinely asked, “Anything else you’re concerned about?”, while she was writing in his chart. He responded, “No, no, everything is good!” very casually and sincerely. In the pause that followed, having not said anything, more than a hello, during the consultation, in a whisper, I said, “He thinks he’s getting a hernia.” Which, of coursed caused her to ask several pointed questions, ending with, ‘show me.’ It was decided he was likely ‘prehernia’, but as yet there was nothing to see or really do. We did, however get informed what symptoms to watch for, when to consult a doctor/go to a hospital. This helps me a lot. Beyond being more informed. On the day he lifts something too heavy, around the house, and tries to downplay the importance of the symptoms, I will be able to refer him to what his Dr said. Men hate that women can remember this kind of shit, but I’m using my power for good not evil, I figure. If I need some sort of medical procedure, (very rarely indeed), he stays in the hospital every minute until I am released, even if it takes all day. I make him do this because I am afraid of being in hospital. I am quite a bold/brave person generally, so he consents quite willingly. My hubby is a definite candidate for not telling me if he got a bad diagnosis, so I go every time now. Though he claims it bugs him, I know for a fact, he finds it reassuring, as well. I didn’t know his nature as well 25+ yrs ago. He began to accompany me after a dodgy mammo, (all well in the end!). He now always comes with me, but not always into the examination room. Things change in life. We started out where most of you are but have shifted, years later, into a totally different place. It felt like a natural transition and we are both very active and healthy. He has beginners hypertension, and I have beginners bone density loss. We’re pretty lucky in this regard, we are old enough now, (he’s over 60, I’m over 50), that we attend a lot of funerals. I’m doing all I can to make sure that luck holds! ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2010, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-has-a-routine-dr-appt-do-you-go-with-him-her-vice-versa/555413/44 "2010-09-29T14:46:49Z")
That seems kind of odd to go to a routine doctor’s appointment or stay home because your husband has a sinus infection. I can think of two times I’ve been to the doctor with my husband - once when he was having heart palpitations in the ER and last week when he had a cyst removed from his butt. I’ve stayed home with him once when he had the flu and I wanted to be on standby in case he needed to get to the doctor, since he was in no shape to get there himself. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2010, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-has-a-routine-dr-appt-do-you-go-with-him-her-vice-versa/555413/45 "2010-09-29T14:55:13Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > It’s a matter of degree. For a routine appointment or a common ailment, hell no. But if there’s a chance that he might actually need me for something or if there’s an actual problem, then he is my top priority. Dude nailed it for me on the first post, although the OP’s last graf about possible chronic conditions that the co-worker doesn’t want to discuss are certainly a distinct possibility. That said, a giant :rolleyes: at “He can go, but since I’m his wife, he feels like it’s my job to take him and to stay with him when he’s sick.” ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2010, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-has-a-routine-dr-appt-do-you-go-with-him-her-vice-versa/555413/46 "2010-09-29T15:08:43Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > Dude nailed it for me on the first post, although the OP’s last graf about possible chronic conditions that the co-worker doesn’t want to discuss are certainly a distinct possibility. Of course chronic or major problems or as **elbows** said, age, is a very different. I used to accompany my ex’s aged step-dad because he couldn’t hear worth beans, but he would _pretend_ he could. So the doctor would give him really important instructions, look him in the eye and ask: “Did you understand everything I just told you?” and ex’s step-dad would smile and say “Oh, yes.” Meanwhile, all he’d heard was “mmf mneh mumblemumble oy oy just told you?” You would ask ex’s step-dad, “So what did the doctor say about your acute near-death condition?” and he the would say: “Oh, not much really.” :dubious: He was too embarrassed to go see a doctor with my ex (she’s a girl and he may have “man issues”) which is why she asked me to tag along. But he was 75, really hard of hearing, and too stubborn for hearing aids. ---
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2010, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-has-a-routine-dr-appt-do-you-go-with-him-her-vice-versa/555413/47 "2010-09-29T15:14:17Z")
To the OP, I only get my husband to come with me if it is unsafe (or impossible) for me to drive myself. For routine things, I go myself. (For example, when I sliced my finger open and had to keep pressure on the wound with my opposite hand. I tried to drive and keep the pressure on at the same time but it just wasn’t happening.) However, to those of you who are saying that she shouldn’t take him if he ‘just’ has a sinus infection, I call you out. Have you ever had a terrible sinus infection? Your head feels like it is going to explode. Driving like that is super dangerous. Your head is not clear. Fevers are not uncommon. Please stay off the road. ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2010, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-has-a-routine-dr-appt-do-you-go-with-him-her-vice-versa/555413/48 "2010-09-29T15:20:40Z")
> [@Antigen](#): > > We’d only go to medical appointments with each other if there was a need for a drive home or if it was something big with a potential for **Very Bad News**. I also hope he comes with me to prenatal appointments once that time eventually comes, because I want him to share the experience (he agrees). Same here. I’m also in the situation where English isn’t my wife’s first language, so sometimes she misinterprets some of the technical language that doctor’s use, so if it’s a serious issue (a visit can be both serious and routine, can’t it?) I go with her as well. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2010, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-has-a-routine-dr-appt-do-you-go-with-him-her-vice-versa/555413/49 "2010-09-29T15:23:15Z")
I can’t imagine doing so unless one of us was incapacitated, unable to walk, or bleeding so profusely that driving is impossible. In fact, recently I injured myself at the dance studio where I work out. My instructor, appropriately concerned, asked me if I wanted her to go with me to the doc-in-a-box for an x-ray. (I rolled my ankle and wanted to make sure it was just a minor sprain with contusions, which is all it was.) I looked at her like she was crazy. Why on earth would I expect a friend/dance instructor to accompany me to a doctor’s office, when she couldn’t even go in? What would be more boring than sitting in a waiting room, waiting for your student to get x-rays. I politely declined and promised to stop by the studio when I was finished to report the prognosis. Even when I got my IUD, which was excruciating, I still drove myself back to work. Didn’t even speak to the SO until hours later that day. I felt horrible and wanted to curl up in a ball with a handful of Xanax, but I went back to work and still had to do all the “woman chores” (making dinner for the hands-are-broken now exSO). Usually I end up with the type of asshole who doesn’t really care how I’m feeling as long as his supper is ready when he demands it. I’m with a much kinder man now, but I don’t need him holding my hand at the doc’s and I wouldn’t understand why he’d want me there (I wouldn’t think he would). ---
**Author:** ![otternell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecc23a/32.png) [@otternell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/otternell)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2010, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-has-a-routine-dr-appt-do-you-go-with-him-her-vice-versa/555413/50 "2010-09-29T15:35:10Z")
For us its only if the other person won’t be able to drive. Wisdom tooth extractions, surgeries, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2010, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-has-a-routine-dr-appt-do-you-go-with-him-her-vice-versa/555413/51 "2010-09-29T16:30:54Z")
A few years back I had an ugly cellulitis that was beginning to affect me systemically. I drove myself to the doctor even though I felt like shit. He examined me, then told me to go to the hospital and get myself admitted. I called Mrs. Mustard from my hospital bed to tell her I was in the hospital. She said, “Oh, OK.” So, no, we don’t accompany each other to routine visits. 🙂 mmm ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2010, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-has-a-routine-dr-appt-do-you-go-with-him-her-vice-versa/555413/52 "2010-09-29T16:39:49Z")
> [@perfectparanoia](#): > > However, to those of you who are saying that she shouldn’t take him if he ‘just’ has a sinus infection, I call you out. Have you ever had a terrible sinus infection? Your head feels like it is going to explode. Driving like that is super dangerous. Your head is not clear. Fevers are not uncommon. Please stay off the road. But we’re talking specifically about the OP’s co-worker who stays home _every time_ he is sick, and drove him around when she said he _could_ go on his own. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2010, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-has-a-routine-dr-appt-do-you-go-with-him-her-vice-versa/555413/53 "2010-09-29T17:33:56Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > I looked at her like she was crazy. Why on earth would I expect a friend/dance instructor to accompany me to a doctor’s office, when she couldn’t even go in? As a wild guess, I’d say because you really shouldn’t be walking on and driving with a sprained ankle. I got The Look\* for getting myself back into the building and putting a dog back in its kennel when I sprained mine at work last year, much less trying to get to the doctor on my own. If I’d been in your friend’s shoes, saying I’d take you to the doctor would not have been an offer, it would have been a statement of how things are going to be. It’s not that a sprained ankle is such a huge deal, it’s that you can further the injury walking and driving on it, as well as having your responses dulled due to pain and distraction, which potentially endangers you and everybody else on the road with you. Even a non-serious illness or injury can make you not fit to drive. \*The “I cannot _believe_ what a fucking mule you are. You are going to permanently damage yourself one of these days, but goddamn if you’ll listen to anything I have to say about it” look. I tend to get The Look fairly often, partly because he’s a worrier, and partly because I kind of am a fucking mule. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2010, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-has-a-routine-dr-appt-do-you-go-with-him-her-vice-versa/555413/54 "2010-09-29T18:04:25Z")
I’ve gone to the Dr with my SO a couple of times after his cancer diagnoses. But the only reason I can think of for behavious like katie1341’s coworker is that the husband has a serious condition, memory problems or a learning disability that pevents him from filling out paperwork. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2010, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-has-a-routine-dr-appt-do-you-go-with-him-her-vice-versa/555413/55 "2010-09-29T18:16:32Z")
@ OP - does this employee expect to use her own “sick days/time” to go with her husband to the doctor? If not, and she’s using vacation time, then she can do whatever she wants. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2010, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-has-a-routine-dr-appt-do-you-go-with-him-her-vice-versa/555413/56 "2010-09-29T18:18:59Z")
> [@Wilbo523](#): > > @ OP - does this employee expect to use her own “sick days/time” to go with her husband to the doctor? If not, and she’s using vacation time, then she can do whatever she wants. She _can_ do whatever she wants if that’s the case, but we can still think it’s weird. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Scud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Tom\_Scud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Scud)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2010, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-has-a-routine-dr-appt-do-you-go-with-him-her-vice-versa/555413/57 "2010-09-29T18:26:48Z")
We have the same doctor, and for our last routine checkup scheduled our appointments back-to-back and went in together, but we don’t do it like that on a regular basis & certainly wouldn’t take time out of work for each others’ doctor’s appointments. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2010, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-has-a-routine-dr-appt-do-you-go-with-him-her-vice-versa/555413/58 "2010-09-29T23:13:31Z")
Well, I went with my wife when our kids were being born. 😃 Otherwise, as others have said - only if it is a medical requirement, or she can’t drive, like when her retina detached. I don’t stay home with her, except when she was recuperating from surgery and wasn’t supposed to move much. When I get sick enough to stay home (once per decade or so) she stays home - but then she works from home, so she does that even when I’m not sick. In 20 years or so it might be different. ---
**Author:** ![akennett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee59a6/32.png) [@akennett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/akennett)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2010, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-has-a-routine-dr-appt-do-you-go-with-him-her-vice-versa/555413/59 "2010-09-30T00:42:09Z")
Until a couple of months ago, I would have said only for the usual surgery/anesthesia/can’t drive type of visits. However, I’ve recently started working as a medical assistant for sleep doctors. There are some cases, like going in for a sleep consultation, where the experience of the spouse/partner can tell the doctor as much or more than that of the patient. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2010, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-has-a-routine-dr-appt-do-you-go-with-him-her-vice-versa/555413/60 "2010-09-30T01:36:20Z")
> [@perfectparanoia](#): > > However, to those of you who are saying that she shouldn’t take him if he ‘just’ has a sinus infection, I call you out. Have you ever had a terrible sinus infection? Your head feels like it is going to explode. Driving like that is super dangerous. Your head is not clear. Fevers are not uncommon. Please stay off the road. I don’t see a doc for sinus infections any longer, unless it hasn’t reduced in severity in a few days. If they’re viral, a prescription won’t help. I forgot, I brought my husband to the doctor when he had a severe eye infection, but that involved telling him to get on the train with me so I could bring him to see the doctors that I work with. Then they encouraged me to just bring him home (as he was in a lot of pain and having trouble in general) so I did. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-has-a-routine-dr-appt-do-you-go-with-him-her-vice-versa/555413.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-so-has-a-routine-dr-appt-do-you-go-with-him-her-vice-versa/555413.md?page=4)